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show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ] [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: I'm sorry, Mike. Carrying around my pet rock has done something to me. / Mr. Hand: What do you think? I beat you SINGLE-HANDED! HAH-HA-HA! Get it, Mikey? / Mike: Don't you MIKEY me! OOOOOUCH! Stop twistingmy arm! And if you stick to bad puns, you're not gonna need to kill me! I'll... [[Boys' Apartment]] / April, Margaret, Dave, Mike: OH MY GOD! I'm gonna die... / April: and receive a Darwin award! / Margaret: Like a nerd and surrounded by idiots! / Mike: and I'M GONNA DIE!! / Dave: virgin... / Mr. Hand: Okay... Which one of you kiddos wants to go first? / April, Margaret: HIM!!! / Mike: Hey! / Dave:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Margaret: I usually hate it when Marsha brings people into submission by being cute, but this time we really needed it i guess. However this wouldn't have happened if we had some molotov cocktails around... / Roger: But I like her method better... / Dave: I wonder if she's naked under... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: I'm gonna cook something today... After I saved your little bottoms the least you can do is eat it! / Margaret: Why save us? To bring us death in a most horrible way? / April: NOT on you LIFE! Remember what happened last time you cooked??? / April: YEAARGH! / Marsha: OOOPS! I think... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Marsha: AARRGH!!! / Marsha: Mmmh... and now it's SOAKED! I'll better get the water out before... / Marsha: OUUCH!!! HOT! / April: I smell catastrophe upon the wind... / Margaret: That's it! If it's not flamb i'm not eating it! / {{Part of the "Fabric Eating Bugs" storyline}} [[Boys' Apartment]] / Marsha: Mike? I need your help... My cooking experiment went terribly wrong! But my friends are gonna laugh at me if they find out! I just GOTTA cheat! / Mike: 'Terre Neuve'... yes, I know where it is... bring you what? How do you spell that? Oh lah lah! French cuisine, i see. / Mike:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Isn't the world UGLY enough just the way it is? Put some clothes on, Roger, for God's sake. / Roger: Why Mike, I don't wander around naked just for the aesthetical value of it. It happens that I don't have any clothes. / Mike: Why am I not surprised a bit? / Roger: Well, you should... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Roger? / Roger: Yes? / Dave: Maybe i'll hate myself forever, but why are you wearing NEWSPAPER??? / Dave: Whoa! What...? / Dave: Oh, i see. Hand me the editorial page, please. / Roger: Why isn't the world sad enough? Are you sure you don't want the funnies instead? / Caption: Censored! / {{Part... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: I can't believe it! those bugs ate every piece of fabric in the whole house! No sheets, no towels, no curtains and no clothes! / Roger: Relax. It may be the best time to use your kinky leather underwear... / Dave: I have no leather underwear, you moron! Our only hope is Mike...... [[Outside]] / Mike: I'm telling you, I'm naked! I got the food you wanted, but I can't take a stop out because a plague of bugs ate my clothes. / Marsha: That's ridiculous! But I believe it because it's so, like, TOTALLY YOU... Let me think... oh, I think I got it. We will use windows! / Marsha: Put the container... [[Girls' Apartment]] / April: Mm-mhh! This thing you cooked is really good! And the little pieces of ceiling make it even more tasty... now, as the only person with leather clothes, you're gonna be kind enough to buy some for us, RIGHT? / Marsha: Of course! Buy why the hurry? You still have to eat dessert... / Margaret:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Well, the whole city is in panic and buying leather. I suppose we could do the same, but we just don't have that kind of money. / Dave: Y'know, I HAD that kind of money, until someone SHOOK IT OUTTA ME! / Mike: Aaaw, stop whining! You woulda done the same thing in my place. / Roger:... [[Costume Shop]] / Roger: Are these horrendous and ridiculous costumes the only ones you've got left? / Earl: Nope. / Roger: But these are the cheapest, right? / Earl: right. / Roger: okay, I'll take them... Incidentally, how come you're not wearing a costume? / Earl: And why the hell should I wear... OH MY GOD!!!!!... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: "Continued on page 6"??? This is lousy! Where's page 6? / Dave: Mike, do you have page 6? I've looked everywhere! / Mike: Maybe you're WEARING it, pal! / Dave: Damn! I can't see it! Is it there? Is it??? / Mike: When you stop chasing your own butt, could you play dead, too? / {{Part of... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: For God's sake, Mike... the guy did us a favor, after all!!!! / Mike: GNNNNAAAAARRRFFF! JUST LET ME AT 'IM! / Roger: Nice little doggie... nice little doggie... have you got all your shots? / {{Part of the "Fabric Eating Bugs" storyline}} [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: I've finished the food inventory and this is what we have. An air molecule. / Mike: Yum. / Roger: You don't know how to look for things, Dave. Let me handle this. / Dave: We're gonna starve to death and it's all your fault, you THIEF! / Mike: Right! I'm "Mike the Bandit", and you know... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: 7.6 / Mike: Take note, Roger. Waist: 7.6 / Dave: Excuse me. A radish doesn't have a "waist" / Dave: Geez! Then whatever: 7.6. / Roger: Mmmh. That makes our temptative slices 2.5' more or less. / Dave: Not fair! The one who gets the waist gets the best slice! / Mike: "Objection, your honor!... [[Library]] / Dave: Hi Margaret! / Margaret: Oh, hi, Dave. / Margaret: !! / Mike: You've been using WHAT? / Dave: Subliminal messages! / {{Part of the "Sub-love-me-nal" storyline}} [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: You say you're using subliminal messages to get into Margaret's mind, but i don't understand HOW. / Dave: You can't tell? Then it works! It's the shirt, of course... / Dave: This shirt pattern is so complex you can hide any message in I printed out "LOVE ME" on a transfer... [[Outside]] / Dave: Hello there, Margaret! / Margaret: Hi... Dave. / Margaret: GNNNRFF!!! What's happening to me? / Dave: Mmmh... I think someone's gonna get a date soon! / Jock: Say, cutie. What are you doing saturday night? / Dave: Waxing my legs, washing my hair and joining a nunnery??? / {{Part of the "Sub-love-me-nal"... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave's Conscience: YOU! You have turned to the dark side! Using subliminal messages to make Margaret love you is just as low as you can get! Whatever happened to good ol' fashioned FLOWERS and CANDY?? / Dave: Who are you? / Dave's Conscience: I am your conscience, of course! / Dave: Aren't... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave's Conscience: You should be glad I'm big. That means you're a good guy almost always. / Dave: What'd happen if I was bad? / Dave's Conscience: Well, Santa'd bring you nothing, you'd have more fun, and you would go to hell. And your conscience would be small, almost nonexistant. / Dave:... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave's Conscience: Promise me you're gonna throw away that subliminal shirt, and... / Dave: THROW it AWAY? Are you nuts??? This shirt is brand-new! I have enough money problems already! / Dave's Conscience: Well, avoid Margaret when you're wearing it! Just like you do with football players! / Dave:... [[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: And what are YOU STARIN' at?? / April: YOU'RE IN LOVE! YOU'RE IN LOVE! / Marsha: Yessss!! The girl has a heart! And Mike owes me 20 bucks! / Margaret: God, I need HELP. / {{Part of the "Sub-love-me-nal" storyline}} [[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: I'm NOT in LOVE! / April: Aaaw c'mon! What's so wrong with being emotionally vulnerable once in a while? / Marsha: But you have all the symptoms! Vacant stare... food sculpture... denial... / Margaret: It's something else, something WEIRD. I've never felt so stupid before, so... [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Geez. Who needs love, anyway, Dave? Isn't love a fragile delusion, the blind leading the blind, and the road to hell...? / Dave: Even though I'd take you a lot more seriously if you weren't carrying Fluffy around, you're probably right... / Roger: Then why ask for it, "Love me"... [[Apartment Building]] / Dave: I never thought this subliminal shirt would bring me so much trouble! Now, if I can avoid Margaret and red lights today, everything will be fine. / Margaret: Hi! Going down? / Dave: No! I mean, yes! But i'm taking the stairs! More healthy, you know! / Sign: WARNING Slippery wet... [[Elevator]] / Dave: It's only three flights down... what could go wrong? And here we go. Three... two... / Dave: one... / {{Part of the "Sub-love-me-nal" storyline}} [[Elevator]] / Margaret: What's that? / Margaret: I think you're pushing the emergency button with your back... / Margaret: you back, and... / Dave: pushing.. the what with the what? / Margaret: "LOVE ME" / Dave: Aaaw, baby. You know you don't need to ask! .... / {{Part of the "Sub-love-me-nal" storyline}} [[Elevator]] / Margaret: Uh, Dave... your shirt says "LOVE ME" and... / Dave: It's NOT what you're thinking! It's NOT a subliminal message! / Margaret: SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE??? Well, that explains a whole lot! / Dave: No! I mean, I never thought it would work, really!! You gotta believe me! / Margaret: Ooooh, I just...

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