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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Okay, so styling gel causes baldness. You could still sell it. People buy useless junk all the time... / Roger: Don't sell it, you doofus. You could use it to fake ectoplasm, or throw it at the wall to hear a nifty splatting sound, or you could it eat it. It looks kinda yummy, like blue jell-o. / Mike: Gee, seems like you have a lot of stupid...er, wonderful ideas for this stuff! Just because you're my friend, it's yours for only ten bucks. / Roger: $9.99 or I'll take my business elsewhere! / {{Part of the "Styling Gel Nirvana" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: I wish we never went through that misery journey. Now we're SO behind on everything! We're flunking! / Mike: Oh yeah, it's terrible. Not to mention I'm now a tentacle mutant freak. / Dave: Lots and lots of overdue papers, assignments, tests, lectures... / Mike: Return to college is gonna be murder. Riots, panic, laughing, stupid fraternity pranks... / Dave: By the way, why is Roger throwing styling gel at the wall? / Mike: Relaxation method. I knew I shoulda kept some of that stuff... / Roger: Too late, sucker! MUHAHAHAHAH! / {{Part of the "Styling Gel Nirvana" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: I don't believe you're so relaxed just from throwin' styling gel at the wall... / Roger: I'm not just relaxed. I've reached Nirvana. I'm a free soul, at peace with myself, and with no bonds to this mundane world. / Mike: You'll still have to clean up this mess, tho. / Roger: Make me. / Gel: SPLAT / Mike: Wow. You're not only relaxed. You're a suicidal idiot, too! / Dave: Say, can I borrow some of that stuff? / Roger: 'Course not. Get your own damn nirvana. / Gel: SPLAT / {{Part of the "Styling Gel Nirvana" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Gimme back my gel! / Roger: YOUR gel? I paid for it, buddy! / Mike: Relaxation shall be MINE! / Roger: NEVER!!! / Dave: Well, well, well. Look at yourselves, fighting over useless crap. Inner peace is only reached with hard work and patience. And now you're a million light years from it. / Mike: I've never flet so overwhelmingly happy in my whole life! I... I think I've found Nirvana! / Roger: You think YOU're relaxed? Well, if I was more relaxed, I'd be dead... / {{Part of the "Styling Gel Nirvana" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: I've decided to stop worrying. Who cares how stupid people will react to my stupid tentacle? I have FAR more important things to worry about. / Dave: Yeah, like overdue assignments, tests and stuff. / Mike: I was thinking of something more along the lines of "I can't remember what my major is anymore". / Dave: At least you can't sink any lower than that. / Roger: Whath a mahor? / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Classroom]] / Caption: SO YOU ARE A TENTACLE FREAK Survival GUIDE / Caption: 1. Walk with an unexpressive, bored look on your face. Blend with the crowd. Keep tentacle in pocket. / Caption: 2. Respond all questions with a generic answer. Socializing is a no-no. / Girl: What time is it? / Mike: Whatever. / Caption: 3. Don't draw any attention, even if it's the good kind. Let others have the glory. / Teacher: Now if we cut off all the corners of an icosahedron with planar cuts such that the center third of each edge is left intact, and the rest is removed, what's left? / Maritza: Zero! One! Sphere! / Guy: Truncated icosahedron! / Mike: Aw, hell. I knew that one, too! / Caption: Never, under any circumstances, let your guard down. / Mike: OoooooH! Check 'em out miniskirts! / Caption: 5. Tentacles tend to stick to flat surfaces. Windows are mortal traps, avoid them. / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Mike: Psst! Roger, c'mere! I need your help! / Roger: Wait a minute... you're stuck to the window like one of those Garfield dolls! / Roger: UAH-HA-HA-HA-HAR HAR!!! / Roger: But I appreciate the seriousness of the situation here... uh... why are you smiling? You're starting to scare me, Mike... / Mike: Oh no, please, keep laughing! I'm SO happy when YOU are happy! / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Roger: Why don't you pull it off? / Mike: It's too stuck! I'm gonna break the glass if I do! I need something flat and thin to seperate the suction cups... go get it! / Roger: All right, already! geez! / Cheerleader: Hey, you! Do you have a strong back? / Roger: Strongest back this side of the hall, mademoiselle... / Cheerleader: Do you think you can handle the weight of six cheerleaders? / Roger: I was born for that job, actually. / Cheerleader: Sorry to bother you, but we're making a human pyramid and one of us is missing... / Roger: Thin but not flat... Well, Mike, I guess one of two isn't bad... / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Hall]] / Mike: Shoot! I'm really beginning to run out of patience here... and people are starting to notice! Now where the hell is Roger? / Mike: WHA? / Mike: GNAAAARF!!! / Glass: CRASH! / Cheerleader: Uh? What was that? / Roger: Could you hold me tighter? I suddenly feel very afraid... / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Well, what happened to you? / Mike: Long story. I just broke a window over my head. / Dave: Oh. But that's not a long story. / Mike: You don't know the half of it. / Mike: YOU! / Roger: Itwassofreakin'INCREDIBLEmikethehumanpyramidandthecheerleadersandtheeyeinmyhandandthepyramidcollapsedonmeandtherewereL-L-LEGSeverywhereand... / Dave: OOOh boy. I think he just DIED... / Mike: WHAT? He can't do this to me! He can't die before I kill him!!! / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Hey, he's not dead! He's breathing! / Dave: *ahem* sorry, small diagnostic error. But he once told me he had such a bad luck, the day something good happened to him he was just going to drop dead. / Dave: It's certainly strange something so good ever happened to him... / Mike: Wait a minute! Don't you see the connection? He's getting lucky, and I'm getting unlucky! / Dave: Mike, don't tell me you believe you sorta exchanged lucks. That doesn't make any sense. / Mike: NOTHING ever makes sense around here! See, it fits perfectly! / Roger: Cool! That means I don't have to drop dead! / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Um, tell me, Roger... what's it like to be a really unlucky person? / Roger: I won't lie to you, Mike. It's pretty tough. But you get accustomed to live in a catastrophic mess of bad things happening to you for no reason. Don't waste your time worrying about it. They will happen anyway. / Mike: Bad things? What kind of bad things? / Roger: Oh, everything. Murphy's law. Nothing ever turns out your way. Anvils falling from nowhere. And you end up living with the roommates from hell. / Mike: No! I won't accept it! Gimme back my luck, dammit!!! / Roger: And you always, always, always fall on your keys. / Mike: ouch. / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Oooouch! Again??? The worst thing about being so unlucky is that you can't blame anybody... / Dave: How about yourself? Maybe luck is something you have to *earn*. Maybe your unluckiness is a sign of something... / Mike: What are you babbling about now, Dave? / Dave: I made some experiments with my laser beam vision, and now I can control it at my will. I don't know why these powers were given to us, but what if we're supposed to use them to defeat awesome villains? / Mike: Superheroes? With MY luck? Feh. I can see me now stomped by Godzilla... / Dave: Don't knock it, Mike. I believe all this has a higher purpose... / Margaret: Um, Dave? / Dave: Yeeeeeessss, sweetie pie? / Margaret: Would you mind? / Mike: So, you were telling me about how "Sixth Sense" scared the crap outta you... / Dave: Was I? Oh yeah, well, I mean, them freakin' ghosts were just EVERYWHERE! / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Oooh, if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all... / Roger: That's it! I've had it with your SINGING! I've had bad luck every day of my life, and did you see me whimpering like a cry-baby??? / Roger: You're SPOILED! You've had it really easy, pal! And you know what? Unless I train you, you WON'T survive! Being a loser is a tough job, Mike! / Mike: Training, uh? How do I know this will not be your revenge for all those times I've victimized you? / Roger: Of course not, man. Who do you think I am? Now drop and give me twenty... / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / April: OOOOOH, popcorn, huh? / Margaret: Yep! / April: Courtesy of Microwave guy, huh? / Margaret: Yep! / April: You know it's great you are in good shape. You don't have to worry about all that awful bunch of calories... / April: Heeeh-hee hee-HEEH! / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Mike: Well, if you know you're gonna lose no matter what, what's the point of even trying? Why bother? / Roger: Because you can't let life be bigger than you. / Roger: The greatest hero is not the one who wins battles, but the one who fails a million times... and then steps onto the pitcher's mound one more time. / Mike: That sounds just like Charlie Brown... / Roger: Hey, everything I need to know I learned from "Peanuts". / Caption: Dedicated to the greatest cartoonist: Charles "Sparky" Shultz / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Roger: Now, suppose you want to buy a magazine. What do you do? / Mike: I suppose I'd go to the newsstand, and... / Roger: Wrong! That way, someone always gets the last copy before you. / Roger: You have to fool luck first. So you keep the money in your pocket for some days. One day you take a casual stroll by the newsstand, and if you see the magazine, you run, snatch it, leave the money and run like hell again! / Mike: So in order to be smarter than luck, I have to look like a total idiot. / Roger: Well, do you want your damn magazine or not? / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Today I discovered I have my own fan club. / Mike: Today I was taking a stroll and a bag of dirty diapers landed on my head. / Dave: Today a very cute girl mistook me for Leonardo Dicaprio. / Roger: Then I went to the club and signed body parts. / Mike: After that, someone spotted my tentacle and an angry, torch-carrying lynch mob chased me for ten blocks. / Dave: Then she turned out to be a transvestite stalker. / Roger: Eee-yep. Life's good. / Mike: Life sucks. / Dave: A little from column A, a little from column B. / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Wow. I never though fooling luck could be such an exact science... / Roger: It's more than a science... it's an art. / Dave: Well, well. The medieval village idiots meeting. / Dave: Mike, remember all the bad stuff that happened before. You never were that lucky anyway. And, for that matter, how can you believe all this ridiculous stuff about luck? There's no such thing! / Mike: Look who's talking... "Mr. Rabbit foot key chain and Lucky clover Tatooed on Left buttock" / Dave: Er... those are merely for decoration purposes... / Roger: What about the shrunken head? It's pretty ugly. / Dave: Oh, crap! / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Gee. What if Dave is right? What if I've been an idiot for believing in bad luck? What if it's only my imagination running wild...? / Brick: Zip! / Mike: And what if it's NOT? / Mike: What if I have to spend the rest of my life watching out for bricks? / Flower pot: flop! / Mike: Aaw, God! What have I done to deserve this? What's NEXT? / Mike: Ee-hehe-heh. Forget I said anything. / Diane: Say! You're Leonardo Dicaprio, right??? / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Don't tell me you're going to class dressed like THAT. / Mike: Well, I can't hide my tentacle for the rest of my life! / Dave: Mike, it's suicide. The jocks are gonna beat you into a pulp. / Mike: Let 'em try. I may give them a surprise or two... / Dave: Back to your ol' combative self again, huh? / Mike: Yes! I don't believe in bad luck anymore! Because you see, I met a gorgeous girl yesterday. She thought I was Leonardo Dicaprio... / Dave: Red Hair? Blue eyes? Mike, she's the transvestite stalker! / Roger: Yes she is. Please believe me, and don't ask me why I'm so sure about it. / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Ray: A tentacle! Extreeeeme, dude! That's like, the ultimate body piercing! / Pokono: Well, well. Who IS that guy? / Roger: I know him! In fact, I sleep in his bathtub! / Mike: Just when I thought my life couldn't get any stranger. / Guy: Cool! Where did you get it? How does it work? / Fooker: Wow. Say, is that thing Y2K compliant? / Steve: Look, Waldo, look! It's the chosen one! Son of Cthulhu! / Waldo: Hail, my master! I'm not wortheeeee!!! / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Mike: Look Diana, I don't know how to say this. There are some rumors about you... / Diana: LIES! Whatever they told you, it's not true! I... uh... / Diana: I'm so sorry, Mike! It's all true! *sob* Don't worry, you'll never have to see me again! / Dave: Whoa Mike! Who was THAT, and why were you so idiotic to make her cry? / Mike: What do you mean, WHO? She's the transvestite stalker! / Dave: No she's not! The transvestite stalker has short hair. / Mike: Uh... excuse me for a moment. Have to bang my head agaist the wall a dozen times, and then I'm afraid I'll have to kill you... / Dave: Heh. Well, there are somethings worth dying for... / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: So, the little red-haired girl vanished... well, that's life! Grin and bear it! Don't worry, be happy! Say, want this lemon popsicle? I've only licked it twice... / Roger: Y 'ere righ'. He usd vant o be adone. / Dave: Gosh. How can you eat that so fast? Don't you get a splitting headache? / {{Part of the "Roger Gets Lucky" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: *sigh* Mike has been in such a homicidal mood lately, I'm even afraid to come home. / Roger: You think you're afraid? The eye in my hand is twitching... / Dave: Please. Tell me the horrid details about your creepy hand. / Roger: Well, yesterday I was watching "ER" and it sorta cried. / Dave: !!! / Roger: !!! / Mike: Hey hey, guys! / Fingers: twiddly twiddly / Dave: Oh... my... God! He's... he's... SMILING!!! / Roger: Well don't you just stand around, you idiot! Start running!!! / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Mike's gone completely INSANE! I think you oughtta smack him a good one, like last time... / Roger: *sigh* I'm tired of being the hero around here. / Roger: Okay, Mike, this is gonna hurt you a lot more than it does me, but you'll thank me later! Uh-(??!!) / Mike: Hey, Roger, my best friend! Want some pink lemonade? It's SO yum-my! / Roger: Why, of COURSE! Because you see I feel so STINKIN' HAPPY! Let's sing a SONG! / Mike, Roger: SUN-shine, lollipops, RAIN-bows and everything that's WON-DER-FUL is... / Dave: Catatonic trance in three... two... one... / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment ]] / Door: knock knock / Dave: Sorry to bother you, but... / Margaret: Bad time, Dave. We've got a cuteness crisis here! / Dave: "Well, my roommates are watching 'The Brady Bunch' reruns and singing like Muppets... you know, leading with the shoulder! If that's not a cuteness crisis, I don't know what it is..." / Mike, Roger: Mahna mahna-ba DEE bedebe! mahna mahna-ba debe dee! / Margaret: This is the apocalypse. April doesn't walk anymore, she just *skips*! / April: Tee-heee!!! / Dave: Wait a sec! What about Marsha! I don't believe she can get any CUTER, can she??? / Margaret: *sigh* / Margaret: I can't even think about that... see for yourself. / Dave: HOLY...!!! / Marsha: Sushi, anyone? / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Building]] / Dave: I don't know what it is, but it seems very contagious. / Margaret: Well I'm not staying around to catch it! Let's split! / Dave: Maybe it's just a temporary thing... like a cold or something. / Margaret: Who cares? It's extremely annoying! Maybe they'll put the whole building in quarantine... / Dave: Uh... how about the whole city? / Margaret: (.....) / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Dave: I think I need a double insulin dose. / Margaret: Aaaw hell! I forgot my cyanide suicide pill upstairs. / Diana: Say, you're Leo Dicaprio, right? / Guy: No, but I sure would want to be! He's so CUUUUTE! / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} |
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[[Apartment Building]] / Margaret: This is scary! The whole city has become CUTE! And who knows, maybe the whole world! / Dave: Yeah, this is too weird. But I've seen lots of weird things, and I'm still here... / Margaret: At least I'm not alone! I know we can beat this together! / Dave: Oh shoot! I'm feeling happy! But, is it a good happiness or a bad happiness? / Margaret: Because you see, with your laser-beam vision and my survivalist skills and weapons, I know we can build an empire in the post-apocalypse world! / Dave: So much for dilemma... / {{Part of the "CRFHeck" storyline}} |
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