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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Hey, stop stealing my chips! Are you sure you're me? Geez... / Phone: RIING! / Dave: Hey. / Mr. Dover: Hi Dave, it's Mr. Dover. / Dave: Mr. WHO??? / Mr. Dover: Mr. Dover, you're calculus teacher. Listen, I wanted to ask you... / Dave: PTUAJJ!!! / Dave: WHAT? I can't hear a thing! The line is too noisy! Could you call later, like, next semester? / Mr. Dover: I'd rather drop by your place, then... / Bag: CRINKLE CRINKLE / Dave: Nononono you don't need to! I think the line is clear now... / Mr. Dover: I just wanted to ask if Friday at 7:00 is okay with you. I'll pick you up. / Dave: Yeahyeahyeah whatever! See ya then! / Dave: Just great! First I get a date with a guy, and now I'm suddenly starting to understand girls. What's next??? / Roger: If you're interested, the man with the hot dog stand performs cheap and effective sex change surgery. / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Tsk, tsk. Isn't that kinda casual for such a big date? / Dave: Shut up, Mike! I really really REALLY don't need any of this. / Mike: But Dave, what if he wants to take you to a fancy french restaurant? / Mike: You should bring your pearls with you, just in case... / Dave: GRRRR! Once this is over, I'm gonna fight you to the death! / Mike: As long as you kill him first, Matador...! / Mr. Dover: I have a reservation! How's the lobster? / Maitre d': Tasty, sir. As always. / Dave: Okay, maybe I SHOULD have brought my pearls. But I'm gonna kill Mike anyway! / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: I wonder how's Dave's date going. / Mike: Yeah, me too. We should have followed 'em, you know... / Roger: AND videotaped the whole thing. / Mike: Too bad we don't have a car. / Roger: Neither a camcorder. / Mike: Hey, what's with Dave's cat? / Roger: It's cathatonic. / Mike: "Cat-hatonic"??? Now THAT's a STUPID name for a cat! / Roger: Unlike "Cat-daver". / Mike: That's even more stupid! / Roger: Oh, but you don't know what I know... / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[French Restaurant]] / Mr. Dover: You look tense, Dave. Relax! Do I scare you or something? / Dave: Um, sorry, Mr. Dover. Eeeeh, it's just that I don't go out a lot to places like this... / Mr. Dover: Oh, please. Don't call me Mr. Dover. Call me Ben. / Dave: Ben? Ben Dover??? / Mr. Dover: Yeah, but I only let some very few selected friends call me that... / Dave: Some very...uh... / Mr. Dover: Geez! Are you okay? Because I don't remember that CPR thing... / Dave: Noooo! I'm FINE! / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[French Restaurant]] / Mr. Dover: Are you sure you're okay, Dave? We can cancel the date and come some other day, if you want... / Dave: FORGET IT! I mean, I'm fine. I just... hyperventilate a lot. / Mr. Dover: So I've noticed. You should consider doing something about it, because I've seen SO many kids like you... good students who put too much pressure on themselves to get good grades. The ironic thing is they fail because of that... / Dave: Um, really? I guess I just never saw it that way... / Mr. Dover: Yeah, but none of them was as cute as YOU... / Dave: MGGGGGGNH! / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Car]] / Dave: Mh, I think you took the wrong turn... / Mr. Dover: Why? We're going to my house. I want to show you something that's gonna make you feel good. / Dave: GOD FORBID IT! I mean, I can't, I gotta study for my Algebra test! / Mr. Dover: As I said, you have to learn to relax about your tests. Besides, it won't take that long... hey, look who's in the radio!!! / Mr. Dover: Weeee'll staaaay foreeeeever this way... / Dave: twitch! / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[House]] / Dave: Erm, my God, look at the time! I really can't go in... don't worry, I'll walk... / Mr. Dover: Aw, it will only take a minute... I just want you to meet my LITTLE DICK! / Dave: Your little... uh... / Mr. Dover: Well, "little" is not very descriptive... with a little time, he will be as big as ME! / Dave: As big as... uh... / Mr. Dover: Honey, Dickie, this is Dave. He's one of my best students... / Mr. Dover's Wife: Who? The one convulsing on the floor? / Dick: Cool! He's FOAMING! / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Car]] / Dave: Okay, NOW I'm offically confused... / Mr. Dover: What, you're wondering what is a married straight guy doing dating another straight guy? / Dave: Oversimplified, but yes... / Mr. Dover: Well, it's like this. / Mr. Dover: When I told Marsha I'd change the test for a date with you, it was just a joke! I never thought she'd take it seriously... I mean, I thought everybody knew I'm married. / Mr. Dover: And when Marsha told me you were actually gonna do it, I was surprised to see how far you'd go for a second chance, and I obviously had to stand to my own challenge. / Mr. Dover: But when I called you, I realized you thought I was gay, and I couldn't resist playing along, knowing you're Mr. Anxiety Attack. / Dave: Wait, did you spend a fortune taking me to a fancy restaurant just to play a MIND GAME on ME??? / Mr. Dover: Aw, I won a lobster dinner for two in a contest over the radio... and my wife hates lobster... / Dave: And I suppose you said I was cute just to freak me out... / Mr. Dover: Yeah, and my name is not Ben Dover, either. / Dave: You... you incredibly sadistic BASTARD!!! / Mr. Dover: Hey, if I got the reputation anyway... / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Car]] / Dave: Wow, you must REALLY hate me to do something so evil, sick and twisted to me! / Mr. Dover: Naah, I don't hate you. You see, this is a perfect practical demonstration of how you let anxiety override your knowledge... / Mr. Dover: You see, you knew all the time my name was not Ben Dover, because I wrote it on the blackboard the first day... but you were so nervous, you forgot about it. / Dave: Mmh. James Dover, right? / Mr. Dover: Right. It's the same thing you do in your tests... hey, look who's on the radio AGAIN!!! / Mr. Dover: ...forEEEEEver this way... / Mr. Dover: Dave? / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Wow! Was that WILD date or what??? / Dave: No, I just jumped out of a running car. Hey, you. / Mike: Why? Did he tried to smooch you? / Dave: I don't wanna talk about it. EVER. / Mike: That's okay. I suppose I will find a way to make you give me that information later... but now, let's fight to the death! / Dave: WHAT? Are you insane? Okay, stupid question. Forget it, I'm going to bed. / Mike: Well, that's so increadibly selfish! And to think I polished and greased up my favorite weapon... / Dave: Great! That way it will be easier to put it up your digestive tract... / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: Say, would you girls mind a refugee studying with you? / April: Of course not! Welcome aboard... / Dave: Thank you. Sorry to bother you but Mike just won't leave me alone. / April: Still trying to find out about your date with the teacher? Wouldn't it be easier just telling him? / Dave: I supposed it would, but I won't be his puppet. Not this time. / Marsha: So you don't want Mike to know! But I suppose you wouldn't mind telling US, huh? / Margaret: We promise not to tell anybody! At least, not the creepy details! / April: Girls, remember that little chat we had about SUBTLETY...? / Dave: YOU WILL GET NOTHING! / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Mike! You pharisaic tax collector! / Dave: Why in the name of Cthulhu are you telling everybody I had sex with the calculus teacher??? / Mike: You mean you didn't? Well, it was a wild speculation, since you don't want to talk about it... / Dave: Mike, do you... do you realize how I really REALLY HATE YOU, and how you're pushing me to my VERY LIMITS? Huh? / Mike: Aaw, if you ever pass that limit, you know I'll be there for you! To fight you to the death, of course... / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: You're studying calculus??? / Dave: I just got tired over the Algebra, so I'm going over Calculus for a while... / Mike: No, I mean, why do you study Calculus at all? C'mon, you had sex with the teacher! There's no way you can flunk! / Dave: And next time I'm aiming to the kidneys. / Mike: Oh, but there won't be a next time. Because you see, tonight, when you're sleeping... / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Classroom]] / Board: REPENT YOU SINNERS! / Mr. Dover: Well, you all have your tests. Any questions? / Margaret: I have one. / Margaret: I was just gonna ask if we can already start panicking over the fact that this testis just TOO easy to be true, and more likely, these are all trick questions with horribly twisted solutions. / Mr. Dover: If you studied enough, Margaret, you should get a good grade. Anyone else? / Marsha: I have one! / Mr. Dover: If you're gonna ask me again why I'm such an incredibly sadistic bastard, forget it, Marsha. / Marsha: Aaw. / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Margaret: I still can't believe I got a perfect score! / Marsha: Yeah, it was almost too easy. Maybe Mike was telling the truth... / Margaret: Truth? What are you talking about? / Margaret: Dave, is it true? Did you sleep with the Calculus teacher to get us a ridiculously easy test??? / Dave: WHAT? NO! I... / Margaret: That's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me! Thank you! I'll never forget this! *smooooch* / Dave: But I... / Margaret: YAAAY!!! / Dave: ...didn't... / Dave: I love you, Mike... / Mike: ??! / Roger: A-HA!!! So THAT'S why I sleep in the bathtub! / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: You know, my mom never let me have any pets. I never thought having a pet could be so cool... / Roger: Yeah, pets rule. They cheer you up when you're donw, they're always there when you feel lonely... / Roger: Of course, if you ask me, my pets are a lot better than your pet, mainly because MY pets don't go around crapping and coughing hairballs everywhere. / Dave: Incidentally, now that you got Pepe back, who do you love more? Pepe or Fluffy? Mmmmh??? / Chester: KS! / Roger: SHHHH, man! What are you trying to do, get me in some kind of trouble? NEVER ask me that in front of them! / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: So, do you have a name for it already? / Dave: Yep, I decided to name it Chester... / Roger: You shoulda named it Soul-omon. Or maybe Stripes. / Dave: Yeah, like I don't get enough weird looks... / Roger: Weird? Imagine Mike having a pet. / Dave: That'd be one terrified pet. / Roger: Yeah! Put Mike next to a hamster in a little wheel, and you got the perpetual motion machine! HAHAHAHA! / Roger: Yeah, um... / Mike: Aaaw! Why would I want any pets, when I have YOU guys to kick around? C'mon tell me, who loves ya? / Dave: Hey! Hey! This is a direct violation of our personal space agreement! / Roger: Gnaarf!! Why do I ALWAYS have to get the tentacle? / {{Part of the "Test Date" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: Gaaah! I should've returned this book to the library three days ago! / April: Well, I need to return these too... Wanna tag along? / Margaret: Okay, but just wait a sec... I remembered I had some more books to return... / April: AHA! So you're the one who's been HOARDING all the calculus and algebra books! / Margaret: Hey, don't think of it as "hoarding" - think of it as "preventing knowledge from reaching other people". / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Allright, already! I'm on my way! / Door: knock knock knock knock knock knock / Mike: Mmh, who are you? / Mike's Dad: Sanitary Inspector. The people of the building reported this place smells like you have a pile of rotting corpses here. / Mike's Dad: My God... I'm gonna hafta stay in quarantine after this... / Mike: Quarantine? Sounds familiar. Didn't he direct "Pulp Fiction"? / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike's Dad: There's something I don't understand. / Mike: What? / Mike's Dad: This place is completely empty! So where does the smell come from? / Mike: Empty? Geez. Do I have to explain everything? It's not empty! You just make the fog go away and you can take a quick look at the furniture... / Mike's Dad: Fog, huh? Okay, explain this... how come you're breathing THAT and you're still alive? / Mike: Look, man! We're perfectly fine as we are! / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike's Dad: Garbage almost up to the knees... Dirty socks on the ceiling fan... / Mike: Hey, I threw those in the basket, and I swear I don't know how they landed there! / Mike's Dad: Suppose I open the fridge... / Mike: I wouldn't recommend it.We got a causalty last week that way. / Mike's Dad: You better start cleaning this mess right away, young man! / Mike: Geez! Who do you think you are, my MOM? / Mike's Dad: Actually, Mike, I AM your FATHER... / Mike: Whoa! Deja VU! Um, really? I always suspected the milkman, but never the sanitary inspector... / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: DAD???? / Mike's Dad: Who else? Geez, I hope I don't die or something for taking off the mask... / Mike: Wait. You drove all the way to here just to complain about my mess? / Mike's Dad: Of course not! Your mom sent me! Blue is coming next week or so, and she's staying with you... / Mike: BLUE is coming??? Dad, this is no place for her! I can't be watching over her all the time! / Mike's Dad: Of course it's no place for her! In fact, it's no place for human beings! You're gonna clean it up or ELSE! / Mike: Incidentally, how's your wife? / Mike's Dad: Which one? / Mike: That last one. / Mike's Dad: Ex-wife, you mean... What's that got to do with anything? / Mike: I figure if we're talking about MY mess... / Mike's Dad: Oh sure! Change the subject! After all, I'm not the one who's gonna face the wrath of your mom... / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Hey dad, just curious... where did you get that gas mask? / Mike's Dad: I got the wrong door and met the girls who live there... they told me about the smell and were so kinds" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Okay guys, listen up. My little sister is gonna stay here for a few days... and this place looks and smells like Europe after the bubonic plague. / Roger: Your little sister? PLEASE tell me she doesn't look like you... / Dave: Clean up? Why don't we just move out? / Mike: Well I suppose we were gonna hafta clean up SOMEDAY, right? If we start right now, we might even finish before we graduate... / Roger: Because if she does, I might be forced to crush my glasses with a steamroller and get a seeing-eye bat... / Dave: I still say it's easier to burn down the apartment and build it again. / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: I suppose we could start dividing the workload into equal parts, and... / Roger: OOOOH NO! I DISAGREE! / Dave: And I agree on the disagreement! / Dave: It's not fair! You're A LOT messier than us! And after all YOU are the one who wants to clean! We're not your slave monkeys! / Roger: Yeah, get your own damn slave monkeys! / Mike: OH YEAH? Maybe I WILL!!! / Mike: Psst, you! Yeah, YOU, the little guy! / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: Oh, cool! You got a pet monkey! / Mike: It's not my pet. It's my employee! I need an assistant to clean up this filthy mess... I kinda stole it from an organ grinder... / Roger: Hahah. Nice trick. Funny, it doesn't look like a capuchin monkey. / Mike: Maybe it's a spider monkey. It was obviously overqualified for the job. / Roger: Oh, wait a second! Spider monkey? So THAT's where Spider Man evolved from! / Mike: Brilliant as always, Roger. Too bad the monkey's little uniform doesn't fit you. / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: Mike, I can't believe it. You actually went and got a slave monkey! / Mike: It's not my slave! It's my employee! / Dave: Slave monkey it is, then... / Dave: But you know nothing about monkeys! And where did you get so many bananas? / Mike: I got them really cheap from a colombian drug dealer. He doesn't care about the bananas, he's just using them to smuggle cocaine. / Dave: You know Mike, it never ceases to amaze me the quantity and quality of TROUBLE you can get into, in a very short time. / Mike: You're always so negative, Dave... hey, does your cat have a flea problem? / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: How's it going with the monkey? / Mike: Terrible! I think it doesn't understand a word I say... I just get that confused look. / Dave: Maybe you should try speaking to him in "monkey" / Mike: Yeah, too bad I'm not Tarzan... / Dave: Mmmh... Chester? / Chester: Mrowww. / Monkey: OOH-A? / Chester: Meoo-ow. / Mike: Wow, now THAT's an impressive trick! How did you do that? / Mike: Oh, that? Practice, practice, practice... / Monkey: [Whistling] / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: GAAAAH! Mike, what happened to this place??? / Mike: Um, it's clean? / Dave: Where's the fog? Where's the mountain of dirty clothes? And where's your monkey? / Mike: The fog is gone, the mountain crawled into the bathroom by unknown means, and the monkey is enjoying a very deserving lunch break. / Dave: Too... too many universal laws broken! This place is CLEAN??? One of you crazy schemes actually WORKED??? C'mon! It's like a Twilight Zone episode! / Mike: HAHAH! Well, in you face, Mr. Sceptic! / Dave: Oh, but it's still not over. In fact, it probably means this time is gonna be even worse. / Mike: You and your paranoia are SOOOO boring, Dave... / Monkey: ? / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Monkey: sniff sniff / Monkey: POIT! / Roger: Hey Mike, I didn't know your monkey was SUCH a rock star! / Mike: Well, I didn't know either... What, is it playing a tune? / Roger: Yeah, and it's called "Trashing the Place" / {{Part of the "Damn this mess" storyline}} |
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