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[[Restaurant]] / Mike: Guys! Look at this! / Dave: What? / Mike: An octopus with an arm instead of a tentacle! / Mike: It was here just a second ago! / Dave: Have you been handling the blue mushrooms again? / Roger: I see a blond fish with glasses. / {{Part of the "Aquarium" storyline}} |
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[[Restaurant]] / Mike: I KNOW what I saw. It was an octopus with a human left arm, instead of a tentacle. / Dave: UH-HUH. / Mike: We've seen some pretty strange things since our Misery Journey, so why don't you believe this? / Dave: Okay, how did an octopus get an arm instead of a tentacle? Was it by by a mutant fisherman? / Roger: ALIENS!!! / {{Part of the "Aquarium" storyline}} |
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[[Restaurant]] / Dave, Mike: WHAT??? / Roger: Aliens! It makes PERFECT SENSE! / Roger: "When we fell asleep on the Misery Journey, aliens beamed Mike up to their ship along with an octopus and performed a dual transplant..." / Mike: Did they also pluck an eyeball from a nearsighted man and implant it in your hand? / Roger: EEEEEEEEK!!! / {{Part of the "Aquarium" storyline}} |
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[[Restaurant]] / Roger: What do I say if I ever meet the one-eyed man? / Dave: So why would aliens transplant Mike's arm with an octopus tentacle and put a nearsighted man's eye in your hand? / Roger: Lots of reasons: Medical Experimentation; Playing God; Messing with our Geen Pool... / Dave: Nothing Good on TV that Night... / Mike: Or maybe they were drunk alien college kids playing a prank? / Roger: All plausible reasons! / Dave: Pffft! / {{Part of the "Aquarium" storyline}} |
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[[Restaurant]] / Mike: So how did the aliens give Dave laser-vision? / Roger: A killer-robot. / Dave: Huh? / Roger: Well, it makes sense. If something happened the aliens would want to destroy any evidence of their work so they implant a laser in his head along with a control unit to take over if that happens. / Dave: You know too much! Crush! Kill! Destroy! / Roger: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! / {{Part of the "Aquarium" storyline}} |
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[[Restaurant]] / Mike: Hah hah! You don't fool me. I really saw an octopus with a left arm. / Dave: Well, have fun communing with the calamari. / Mike: Yeah, fine, leave. I won't share the test answers with you then. / Dave: So was it much trouble putting that plastic arm on the octopus? / Custodian: Nah. Sometimes we stick all sorts of things on them and have shows after hours. / {{Part of the "Aquarium" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Roger: You look strange. Something's missing. / Dave: The bad luck? Yessss my friend, seems like the tables are turning for me. And tonight I'm asking Margaret out on a date.... / Dave: It's gonna be perfect! She's gonna wear a silky red dress, and I'm gonna take her to a nice restaurant, with violins and wine and lobster and.... / Roger: I think you misheard that... she likes VIOLENCE, not violins. / Dave: Roger, I'm serious. For the first time I feel like I ACTUALLY have a chance with her.. . .. ... ..... / Roger: I think the tables are turning, indeed... 360more or less. / {{Part of the "The Adversary" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Dave: Roger? Roger, just... just who the hell is THAT? / Roger: Some squared-jaw macho yuppie with a convertible against whom you don't have a chance? / Dave: I can SEE that, man! Those are the obvious FACTS! What I mean is, is that her boyfriend or what??? / Roger: Gee, what a NUT! How am I supposed to know? / Dave: You don't fool me. You know EVERYTHING else, you must know this! Tell me, coyote! / Roger: Everything??? That's not me, that's Fluffy... now if you're nice and give it a hump massage.... / {{Part of the "The Adversary" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Joe: Don't look know, but there's a brown-haired guy standing there watching you... / Margaret: Mmh. I know. He follows me everywhere. / Joe: Sounds like a stalker. Want me to beat him up a little? / Margaret: Naah. He's my friend. He's just a little obsessive... / Joe: Oh. Well, that's actually good. A frail girl like you can always use someone watching over her permanently, right? / Margaret: Oh, good one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! / Dave: Do.... do you HEAR THAT??? She's laughing! I've NEVER heard her laugh that way before... she has NEVER laughed that way with me! / Roger: Sure she has, the other day you fell down the stairs, but you were unconscious... gAACK! / {{Part of the "The Adversary" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Dave: What are they saying? I can't hear a thing... / Roger: Mmh... let me engage my lip reading hability... / Roger: He's telling her he has a really big gun and he's asking her if she wants to see it. / Dave: WHAT? Oh, no! Don't go, Margaret... / Roger: Don't freak out... maybe they're actually talking about weapons... / Dave: Uh? What are you talking about? / Roger: I mean, maybe that "gun" thing wasn't an euphemism... / Dave: Euphemism... Uh... OHMYGOD. I didn't think about it that way... OHMYGOD... / {{Part of the "The Adversary" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Dave: It has finally happened, Roger. I waited for too long to win Margaret's heart, and now someone has just beat me to it. / Roger: Well, what did you expect? She's a major babe, after all. The moment she gets nicer you get a lot of competition. / Dave: Well, I've been here always, nicer or not! What does that guy have to offer? / Roger: Two words about transportation: leather-covered. / Dave: Well, MY transportation is leather covered too and I don't see anyone going "oooh" and "aaah" over it! / Roger: Your last statement qualifies you as a winner for the nonsense contest and a loser everywhere else. / {{Part of the "The Adversary" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: But we knew it all the time, didn't we, Chester? We knew she was nothing but a sweet, sweet dream... *sigh* / Roger: Don't be so negative... she still owes you a date. / Dave: No. I promised myself if she started loving someone else, I'd step out of the way. / Roger: WHAT? Man, what a crappy attitude! / Roger: You don't even know who that guy is! Do I need to whack you over the head with the book to make you understand? / Dave: I'd better find out, right? / Roger: That's the spirit! Say, can I whack you over the head with the book anyway? Seems like a "too fun to waste" idea.. / Dave: Hmm. No. / {{Part of the "The Adversary" storyline}} |
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[[Hall, Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: Hi Marsha... Margaret isn't home, is she? / Marsha: Nope. Want to wait for her inside? / Dave: Say... I want to ask you something. Has Margaret mentioned something about a... boyfriend lately? / Marsha: Noooo! You mean...? / Marsha: EEEEEEEEEEE! Oh I'm so HAPPY for you guys! You make such a cute couple! / Dave: Except I didn't mean me. / Marsha: GHK! Oooh boy... / {{Part of the "The Adversary" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment, Red Green's office]] / Dave: I guess I will have to go through the humiliation of asking her myself, then... / Marsha: What? NO! I'm the jealousy stalking expert here, so listen... / Marsha: Whatever you do, you should not be involved... you need another person to find out for you. Ooh, wait, I know! / Roger: Hey Red, a broad is here to see you... / Red: Is she curvy? I'm kinda busy here... / Roger: I suppose you could call her curvy... but I prefer redheads myself... / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Red Green's Office]] / Marsha: Mr. Green? / Red: Eep! / Red: Must... follow orders... from the curvy silky one... / Marsha: Oh. So you ARE Red Green, Private Eye? / Red: Yes. And I assume you are the one who's been hoarding all the sex appeal in the city? / Marsha: Nice to meet you... wait. Is that a tentacle or are you just happy to see me? / Red: Both, sweetheart. Now how can I do you? I mean, what can I do for you? / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Red Green's Office]] / Red: So, this guy wants to know if is girls cheats on him. Sounds easy enough. / Marsha: Well, it's not that easy. / Red: Look honey, people pay me everyday to follow other people around and get their hearts broken. It IS that easy. / Marsha: If it was THAT simple, I'd do it myself. / Red: Really. Mmh, I could use an assistant... / Marsha: A-ha. Anyway, if you get the job done, you get paid. If you don't... well, I hope I even get to see you again, Mr. Green. / Red: I'm going out. Take all my calls. / Roger: Hardly. / Red: Okay, but don't expect a raise really soon, then. / Roger: You don't pay me at ALL. / Red: Mmh. Well, take my calls and I'll give you a 10% raise. / Roger: Sounds fair enough. / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Outside]] / Red: Mmmh... yeah, that looks like the kind of chick who would carry a gun in her purse... / Red: I already feel sorry for the poor bastard who hired me... and here comes the tricky part of following someone... / Red: Stealing someone's bike and trying to keep up with the car. Ba-psssch. / Someone: HEY! / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Outside Joe's House]] / Red: Never go to a CAR fight with a BICYCLE! / Red: Nice car, nicer house. Since I'm here I should look for some dirt... this guy is a prime candidate for blackmail. / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Outside Joe's House]] / / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Outside Joe's House]] / April: Mr. Green! What are you doing down there? / Red: Hello, Miss April... just taking a little rest from jumping over the wall, being chased by a beast from Hell, jumping over the wall again, and landing face first. / April: This is the terrible beast? What a precious little thing! Who's mama's boy, huh? / Red: Mh, you're right. Say.... could you keep doing that for a couple minutes? I'll be right back... / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Joe's House]] / Red: All right, I'm inside the house... now to look for the dirt, and oh yeah, the lovebirds... / Red: Whoa...! / Red: Pfft. You got me worried for sec there, handsome. / Margaret: Move and assimilate bullets, pal. / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Joe's House]] / Margaret: All right, start talking! Why were you following me? What do you want? / Red: Mmh, isn't that a big gun for a chick like you? / Margaret: WHAT did you say??? / Red: Also, it's unloaded. I can tell looking down the barrel... / Margaret: Looking down the barrel? Yeah right. You can't see a thing down the barrel. / Red: It's easy, see... first you believe a gullible lie, then you have to give me your gun, please. / Margaret: A gullible lie, huh? Like, a friend of mine is behind you with a loaded gun? / Red: Well, I could hardly believe that. After all, it's the oldest trick in the book. / Joe: No, really. / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Joe's House]] / Joe: What's going on here? / Margaret: He was following us! / Red: C'mon. Why would I follow you? If a rich fellow dates a married woman, that's none of my business. / Margaret: What? I'm not marred! And we're not dating! We are just members of the same gun club! / Red: Oops! Looks like I got the wrong couple as usual... my mistake! It happens all the time! Now if you'll excuse me I will exit to the right side of the stage.... / Margaret: Oh well... bye bye and good luck! You're gonna need it! Heehehehe! / Joe: Wait, wiat.. what's the hurry? Maybe you would like to take a closer look at my collection. / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Red Green's Office]] / Dave: This... this is outrageously RIDICULOUS! / Red: Yeah, I know it went up a bit. I had to charge an extra fee because of the dog. / Dave: But it almost DOUBLED! I'm NOT paying this! / Red: Look, pal, I did my job and I want my money. When my tentacle gets persuasive on people, people gets blue too, and it's not a pretty sight... / Dave: IGH... AACK! / Red: So, dolly, wanna go waste some dough tonight? How about all of it? / Marsha: Let me think about it.... mmh, okay! / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Red Green Noir" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Dave: DAMMIT! / Dave: OOOW! OWWWWW!!! OW! / Roger: Contrarily to popular belief, walls don't behave better if you hit them, Dave. / Dave: Shut up! Don't you see I'm happy? / Roger: It's quite obvious. / Dave: Yeah, I'm happy because Margaret is not dating that yuppie! And I'm bummed because Mike took all the money I was saving for my date with her! / Dave: And so, I'm so confused I can't handle it. Therefore, I'm very angry. / Roger: No offense, but I'm gonna use my contacts to get you locked up in an asylum. / Dave: If you have contacts how come you're still a five-eyes? / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Call of the Wild" storyline}} |
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[[Outside, Boys' Bathroom]] / Chester: sniff sniff / Vanilla: Meow. / Chester: Sniff sinnf / Chester: Arrerer / Vanilla's Owner: Vanilla! Stop fooling around and come here already! / Dave: Eeh. Get out. I, umh, need a cold shower... / Roger: Grrr... why do I have to suffer you not having a life? / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Call of the Wild" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: What's with the Depressotron 4000? / Roger: Oh, he's just bummed because a certain sonofapickle bastard took all the money he was saving for his date with Margaret. / Dave: Okay, I said that, but the adjectives are Roger's. / Roger: Gee, sue me for being creative.... / Mike: So you wanted to impress her with you money, even when your pockets are empy most of the time? Sad. Really sad. / Dave: I guess you do have a point there, which makes me feel a lot worse. Thanks. / Mike: Well, I'm off. I used the money to bet in a poker game and some guy lost his car to me. Good bye, pedestrians! / Roger: Is it too late to claim a blook link with you? / Dave: RGGGRR... / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Call of the Wild" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: So why don't you ask her out right away? / Dave: Oh, I dunno... maybe if I wait a little, I... / Roger: ACK! Face it! You're a poor moneyless pathetic guy! This is who you are and she's gonna have to take it or leave it! Now go get her before someone else does first!!!! / Dave: *Urk* Next time you push me into action, please verify the door is open first... / Roger: I think for you and you want me to handle all those little details too??? / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Call of the Wild" storyline}} |
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[[Girls' Apartment]] / Dave: Hi! Saaay Margaret, I was thinking about our date, and if you're not very busy... eh, if I'm interrupting something I can come back later... / Margaret: No, go ahead. / Dave: As I was saying... uh, maybe we could, if you're not, and this friday, stretch, and ohmygodfun, if you don't mind, you know what I'm saying, aha yeah, that... / Margaret: What? I didn't get a thing you said. / Dave: You know, I think I'll come back later when you're less brain-warping... / Margaret: You shouldn't let Mike strangle you... lack of oxygen can really affect your brain. / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Call of the Wild" storyline}} |
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[[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: So? / Dave: It's official. Saturday is the big night. / Roger: All right! See? That wasn't so hard after all, was it? / Dave: Well... / Dave: Actually, that was the EASY part. Now here comes the really hard part. / Roger: Uh? / Dave: I need to ask Mike a favor. / Roger: Wow, you must really be nuts about her... / Dave: I am. / Dave: ... / Mike: Hell no! / {{Part of the "The Adversary - Call of the Wild" storyline}} |
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