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| [[Discount Pet Store]] / Mike: WHAT?? / Mike: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE AAA BATTERIES? THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH! / Clerk: BUT SIR... / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} | |
| [[Girls' Apartment]] / Margaret: Hypothetically speaking, April, what would you do if you.. oh, say.. lost a friend's cat? / April: You LOST CHESTER? / Margaret: Whatever gave you that idea..? / April: Margaret, tell me you didn't lose Chester. / Margaret: I didn't lose Chester, alright? The little bugger ran off during target practice, but don't worry. If he's lost, I got Dave a new pet. / Margaret: He'll never know the difference. / MilesFoxx: erf..? / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} | |
| [[Boys' Apartment]] / Roger: zzzz / Mr. Hand: muhahaha!! with everyone asleep, i can beat this guy into a come and get permanent control of this body!! / Roger: HUH? / Mr. Hand: Crap he woke up! I'm outta here / Roger: Hmmm, somebody's bleeding. I better follow the trail and help that person, before mike hurts him for messing up the carpet / Mike: So why's weirdo here running around in circles through the house? / Dave: Maybe his inner dog is trying to go to sleep? / Roger: Exactly how big is this apartment anyway? / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} | |
| [[Boys' Apartment]] / April: They're fighting over the remote again. / Margaret: Ah, let 'em. Better than what's on TV. / Marsha: But they're fighting in front of the bathroom -- and I gotta gooooo. / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} | |
| [[Wasteland]] / Margaret: Dave... DAVE! / Margaret: Dammit, David! Wake up already! / Dave: Awww... Margaret. / Margaret: He looks OK. Though... / April: I see / Marsha: We found two survivors! / Mike: Behave! / Luis: Caution with the tenta-OW! / Roger: Two? / Roger: I only see one. / Luis: What!? Rosa is alive, for God's sake! / Roger: Oh, so you are here. I thought you were my friend Barney. / Luis: Great. / Rosa: I'm still alive!? IT HURTS!!! / Mike: We must survey every place in the earth and find survivors. / Margaret: Why bother? The world is outs already! / Mike: We need slaves. / April: Mike! / April: Don't even consider making me lose my virginity! / Roger: No way, you're too weird for me. I miss Diana! / Luis: Don't look at us! We're a couple too! / Rosa: Right / Roger: Diana! / Diana: Dad, Paul, everyone... BWAAAAAH! / Roger: Awww... / Margaret: Why this headband? / Arrow: Margaret / April: Awww... / Rosa: Fa quete veai distinta en blanco y negro.* / Margaret: Huh? / Rosa: Nothing. / Subtitle: So you look distinct in B/W / Marsha: Yeah, looks good, Dave. / Rosa, Lunch is ready! / Margaret: Now you can untie Marsha, Mike! / Marsha: *sigh* / Margaret: OK, I'm going! / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} | |
| [[Boys' Apartment]] / Mike: Hey Dave, get rid of these blue shrooms. We've had enough trouble with them already. / Dave: What am I supposed to do with a bag of hallucinogenic blue mushrooms? / Mike: I don't care, just make sure we never see them again. / Dave: *tap*tap*tap*tap* / Computer: Welcome to eBid! Your online auction site! / Dave: *tap*tap*tap*tap / Dave: Okay Mike, they're all gone. / Mike: Really? Good job! / Dave: You'd hate me if you knew how much shrooms sell for online... / Mike: Hmm? / Dave: Nothing! / Roger: That's a great looking tree / Roger: This year the presents are extra special! / Roger's Dad: How were you financially able enough to buy me the top of the line WebMaster 3000? / Roger: My spider sense led me to believe that... / Roger's Dad: Nevermind. I just hope it was by legal means. / Lily: Tell me, bro: what is working at Chippendales like? / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} | |
| [[Boys\' Apartment]] / ke: Hey Dave, get rid of these blue shrooms. We\'ve had enough trouble with them already. / Dave: What am I supposed to do with a bag of hallucinogenic blue mushrooms? / Mike: I don\'t care, just make sure we never see them again. / Dave: *tap*tap*tap*tap* / Computer: Welcome to eBid! Your online auction site! / Dave: *tap*tap*tap*tap / Dave: Okay Mike, they\'re all gone. / Mike: Really? Good job! / Dave: You\'d hate me if you knew how much shrooms sell for online... / Mike: Hmm? / Dave: Nothing! / Roger: That\'s a great looking tree / Roger: This year the presents are extra special! / Roger\'s Dad: How were you financially able enough to buy me the top of the line WebMaster 3000? / Roger: My spider sense led me to believe that... / Roger\'s Dad: Nevermind. I just hope it was by legal means. / Lily: Tell me, bro: what is working at Chippendales lik / {{Part of the "Guest Strips" storyline}} | |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[David and his mother embrace]]
/ David: Mom!
/ David's mom: Davey! We were waiting for you! / D's mom: Well, sit down and tell me everything!
/ David: Heh, not a lot to tell. College is hard and there's not a lot of time to have fun...
/ God, it feels good to be home again! / David: Whoa! What happened to my room?
/ D's mom: We rent it out to students
/ David: Aah. What about my stuff?
/ D's mom: We sold it all. We were out of space.
/ David: I'd be VERY angry if I remembered what they were... http://crfh.net/d/20020102.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: So, where's Dad?
/ Mildred: He's at work.
/ Dave: STILL?
/ Mildred: Busy time of the year.
/ Dave: Oh. / Mildred: He's gonna be a bit late for dinner. I bet you're hungry already, so how about a milkshake?
/ Dave: Vanilla??? Mmmm. Thanks, Mom.
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20020103.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: Iiiigh! Ack! Eughn! WhatwhatWHAT are you doing HERE???
/ Blue: What do you mean? I rented a room here! Didn't you know? / Blue: My grandmother lives just some blocks away, and SOMEONE has to keep her company during the holidays... and I'm allergic to her dogs, and I thought I'd be safer with a family...
/ Dave: Oh DEAR GOD. This a nightmare. The WORST nightmare. Someone pinch me... / Dave: I didn't mean YOU, and I didn't mean my BUTT!
/ Blue: Just being helpful... http://crfh.net/d/20020104.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: That's it! You just stay right here, I'll be back in a minute.
/ Blue: Sure, honey.
/ Dave: And DON'T call me honey.
/ Blue: Sure, I won't call you. Honey. / Dave: Mom, what did you do??? Do you know who's that girl? She's been stalking me since we met!
/ Mildred: Well, it was too good of a deal to reject... she's only gonna stay for two weeks or so and she paid for the whole month!
/ Dave: We have to return the money and back off!
/ Mildred: We already spent that money! On your ticket home... / Dave: Mom, you don't know her. She and her family are PREDATORS.
/ Mildred: Davey... you're overreacting. Everything's gonna be fine.
/ Dave: Mom, I have overreacted every single day of my life, BUT today.
/ Mildred: Yeah... you have said that every single day of your life too... http://crfh.net/d/20020105.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Blue: Dave, why are you so mad at me?
/ Dave: Blue, if you try something like you did last time, I'm going back to the dorms even if I have to WALK there.
/ Blue: Don't be silly. I'm not going to do anything. I know better than to desecrate my future in-laws' house. / Blue: Look, I didn't even know you were gonna be here. I asked Mike and he told me you weren't going home.
/ Dave: HAH! Then why did you come here, mmh?
/ Blue: I was curious. And I thought that since you are nice maybe your folks would be, too!
/ Dave: I'm not THAT innocent anymore... / Blue: All right, all right. Let's make a deal. You promise to be nice to me while I'm here, and I promise I won't touch you, call you sexy names, or make lusty comments about your delicious hot body.
/ Dave: Blue...
/ Blue: Starting now...
/ Dave: Okay, deal. http://crfh.net/d/20020106.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Roger: Lily! How...?
/ Lily: Sh-sh-sh. Not a word. Let me try first... / Lily [[her hand on top of Roger's head]]: All right, here we go! My guess is that you developed an evil foot, got a pet benny, and shot God with a satanic missile! / Roger: Way off. You know? We're only half-identical twins. I don't think we're supposed to have telepathy.
/ Lily: Bah. How about half-telepathy? http://crfh.net/d/20020107.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Roger stands in the yard making a snow-coyote.]] / < http://crfh.net/d/20020109.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Roger: Pfft! You throw like a girl!
/ Lily: And you throw like a lobotomized Sandy Koufax clone! / Roger: Well you throw like a clam that's been in the sun for too long...! Eh... / [[Their father crosses in the background, a half-eaten snowball in his hand.]]
/ Roger: Have you noticed Dad's acting a little weird?
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20020110.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | April: Bah, no snow.
/ Margaret: You should be glad. You don't want to get into a snowball fight with ME...
/ April: Feh, Maybe you throw harder, but it's all in the quick reflexes. / Margaret: Quick reflexes, you??? Heheeeeehehehehehe!
/ April: All right, that does it! We'll see who has quick reflexes around here. / Margaret: A CARD game??? C'mon....
/ April: Do I detect a slight tone of panic in your voice?
/ Margaret: If panic is a synonym for boredom, then yes. http://crfh.net/d/20020111.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Margaret: Ace.
/ April: Two.
/ Margaret: Three.
/ April: Four. / Margaret: Five...eh... / April: Lo! I'm the Queen of Quick Reflexes!
/ Margaret: This game...is just...STARTING...
/ {{part of "Holidays too"}} http://crfh.net/d/20020112.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Margaret: Ten.
/ April: Jack.
/ Margaret: Queen.
/ April: King.
/ Margaret: Ace.
/ April: Two.
/ Margaret: Three... / < http://crfh.net/d/20020113.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Margaret: Queen.
/ April: Rules!
/ Margaret: Ace.
/ April: of Base!
/ Margaret: Stop That! Three!
/ April: Little Pigs!
/ Margaret: fivegrrrr...
/ April: Sex! / Margaret: Well, since you're not taking this seriously ENOUGH, I'm just gonna stop wasting my time with you! Good bye and see you NEVER! / < http://crfh.net/d/20020114.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | April: Boy, did SHE overreact or what?
/ Invisible Floating Wiser April (IFWA): Sure, she overreacted! After all you bugged her until she exploded! That's what you do best, huh?
/ April: I never wanted to upset her! I was just having a little fun!
/ IFWA: Yeah, I know you think it's a hoot to push the right buttons on people. You should apologize. / April: But I didn't do anything!
/ IFWA: Right. Enjoy your life. After all, I'm not the one who lives with her. And should I remind you that YOU wanted to get out to the "Real World" with the "Normal People"? Well, this is it! You...
/ April: Oh, all right, I'll apologize.
/ IFWA: My God, you actually listened to me? I'm gonna faint.
/ {{part of "Holidays too"}} http://crfh.net/d/20020115.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Blue: Dinner's ready!
/ Dave (thinking): And what are YOU so stinking happy about?
/ Dave's mother: Start eating, I'll be there in a minute! / Dave's father: So, have you already started thinking about your major, Blue?
/ Blue: Well, I like psychology quite a bit. Political science is my second choice.
/ Dave (thinking): I don't trust her a BIT...wait a minute! What if she put drugs in my food or something? / Dave: Say Blue, you wouldn't mind exchanging dishes with me, right?
/ Dave's father: David???
/ Dave: Er, it's just that I like the wings better...
/ Blue: Sure! You can have it!
/ Dave's mother: DAVID!!! http://crfh.net/d/20020116.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[at Dave's house]]
/ Dave (thinking): I can't believe this is happening. I'll be trapped two weeks with Blue. What do I need to keep her away, a restraining order??? Now my whole vacation is gonna be ruined! Because I'm sure as HELL she's not keeping her promise...I can only preay she doesn't get me in trouble with my parents... / Dave (thinking): The worst thing is, she knows she's got me trapped here...if she grabbed my leg under the table now, I couldn't even protest because my parents are here. Ugh, now I won't even enjoy my food, knowing she'll grab me when I least expect it... / Blue: That was delicious, Mrs. Jones. Here, I'll help with the dishes...
/ Dave's mother: Aw, you don't have to, Blue!
/ Dave (thinking): (????) Wait, she's leaving? And she didn't grab my leg? / Dave: Mike? Your little sister is driving me CRAZY!!!
/ {{part of "Holidays too"}} http://crfh.net/d/20020117.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Mike: BWAAAHAHAHAH! A day and she's already driving you crazy? But man, I thought you were staying at the dorms for the holidays!
/ Dave: Mike, it's not funny! You gotta tell me what she's up to!
/ Mike: How would *I* know? What's she doing to you? / Dave: She's not doing anything to me, and THAT is the problem! She should, because that's what she does, and if she doesn't, it means she's just trying to make me lower my guard so she can do something worse later!
/ Mike: HeeHEEEheheh...So THAT is why you're freaking out??? Heeeh...
/ Dave: Mike!
/ Mike: Ok, I dunno. Maybe she's just behaving. Or maybe she's trying the "Opposite Ends Meet" strategy...
/ Dave: Uuh??? / Dave: What's the "Opposite Ends Meet" strategy?
/ Thadeus: Sir, Madame wishes to speak to you.
/ Mike: Uuh...gotta go...
/ Dave: Wait! Tell me about the strategy first!
/ Mike: I'll tell you another day. I literally have to RUN now... / {{part of Holidays too}} http://crfh.net/d/20020118.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Mike: Eeeh, tell her you didn't find me. I'm not home.
/ Thadeus: I'm sorry, Sir, but my paycheck doesn't cover moral dilemmas caused by lying.
/ Mike: Geez, Thadeus, you don't have to lie! Only thing you need is to walk VERY slowly. By the time you tell her that it'll be true! / Thadeus: Madame? He's running away... / Hazel: He never learns, does he? Well, you're famliar with the procedure, Thadeus. Let the HUNT begin. http://crfh.net/d/20020119.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike is running toward the camera, chased by a group of thugs.]]
/ Thug: Wait! Stop right there! / [[Mike runs into two more thugs in front of a large picture window.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20020120.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike lands in a bush, head first.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20020121.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Marsha: What a nice dress! But it would be nicer if it was strapless...
/ Tina: I like it just the way it is. So are you gonna tell me about this "Mike" or what? / Marsha: Take a look.
/ Tina: Not bad. Blue eyes, sexy smile. Is he a nice guy?
/ Marsha: A lot of people don't like him, but he's very sweet.
/ Tina: Good. You need someone who...uh, wait a minute, is that...? / Tina: Well, we've wasted enough time looking at this ugly dress! Let's go!
/ Marsha: But you said you liked it!
/ Tina: Yeah? Well, I have TERRIBLE taste! I'm a fashion criminal!
/ {{part of "Holidays too"}} http://crfh.net/d/20020122.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Marsha: HEY!!! Is that Tom over there??? And with that SLUT!
/ Tina: No! Marsha, remember the restraining order!
/ Marsha: SCREW the restraining order, I'm gonna kill them!
/ Tina: What do you care anyway? What about this Mike? I thought he was your boyfriend! / Marsha: He IS my boyfriend, Tina...
/ Tina: Isn't it gonna hurt him when he finds out you still care about your ex-boyfriend?
/ Marsha: Yeah, I suppose. No, I don't want to hurt him, but...He's KISSING her... / Marsha: KILL! KIIIIIILL!
/ Tina: MARSHA! http://crfh.net/d/20020123.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: I'm on to you, you know. I know everything. Mike told me.
/ Blue: I don't know what you're talking about.
/ Dave: HAH! / Dave: I just talked to Mike over the phone, and he told me about how the lacy black ends meet, and stuff.
/ Blue: Of course they meet. How would it stay put, if they didn't? / Dave: You're doing that on purpose to distract me because you know I'm on to you.
/ Blue: Since when is unpacking a crime?
/ {{part of "Holidays too"}} http://crfh.net/d/20020124.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: Oh no. No more distractions. I DEMAND to know what this "Opposite Ends Meet" strategy is and that you stop using it on me.
/ Blue: Pffft! If you don't even know what it is, why are you so sure I'm using it?
/ Dave: Because Mike thinks you're using it.
/ Blue: So why didn't you ask HIM? / Dave: That's not lacy. Um, because just when I asked him, someone called Adam called him.
/ Blue: Adam? You don't mean Madame, do you?
/ Dave: Pretty deep voice for a lady...
/ Blue: Oh no. She sent the butler. Mike's DEEP in it.
/ Dave: You guys have a BUTLER??? / < http://crfh.net/d/20020126.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | < http://crfh.net/d/20020127.html |
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