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| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: Whoa! Ack! / Dave: Uugh! Oohmygod. Don't... don't look down!
/ Dave: Just... get up there... You can do it! You... / Dave: Aw, f... / Chester: Mroow!! http://crfh.net/d/20021120.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Caption: A few days back...
/ [[Dave falls]]
/ Dave: < http://crfh.net/d/20021121.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike visits Marsha. A sign on the wall reads "All your imaginary floating bases are belong to us"]]
/ Mike: I'm trying to get you out of here, but they won't let me bail you out. Because, um...
/ Marsha: Because I'm a menace to society and a public danger?
/ Mike: In a nutshell, that's what they said.
/ Marsha: Don't say "nutshell".
/ Mike: Sorry.
/ Marsha: I'm kidding. I'm glad to see you. And I'm sorry I tried to kill you, too.
/ Mike: Really? / Marsha: Yeah. Everything is so clear now.
/ Mike: Everything?
/ Marsha: Yeah, you know. Reality. That little thing you ignore when you're crazy.
/ Mike: Marsh, you're not crazy. Why are you saying that?
/ Marsha: Oh, I know you're just being sweet to me, Mike. But like they say, the first thing you need to do is to admit you have a problem. http://crfh.net/d/20021122.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Marsha: Anyway, I'm glad you and April are finally together. I'm sorry if it was a little difficult for me to let you go... but I realize, it's not like you're my pet chimp or something.
/ Mike: We're not together. She's not even my type. And I bet she hates me because I'm not nice enough!
/ Marsha: Heheheh. Yeah right. You don't have to lie about it anymore.
/ Marsha: But maybe you're right. Maybe I imagined it all. You know. About the way she looks at you when you're not looking, and all that... / Mike: Listen, Marsh. I don't know what kind of medication they're giving to you, but...
/ Marsha: Calm down, Mike. It's GOOD medication. I can tell fantasy from reality now. Take your tentacle, for example. I know it's a real hand, I just see it differently, because the chemicals in my brain...
/ Mike: Goldfishpoop! It IS a tentacle! Here, touch it!
/ Marsha: What's the difference? The input might be right, but my brain is upside down. / [[Mike hobbles away on his crutches]]
/ Mike: All right, whoever the hell's in charge here, I wanna have a little chat about the nonexistence of my tentacle! http://crfh.net/d/20021123.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[A dark room. Chester is perched on the edge of a large wodden crate, looking inside.]]
/ Chester: Mew! / [[Chester is inside the crate, which is filled with white packing material and the inert body of Dave.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021124.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | April: How is she? Still trying to murder you?
/ Mike: No. I'm so WORRIED. I have to get her out of here before it's... oh CRAP! / [[A woman walks into the asylum. Mike hides his face from her by kissing April. April obviously wasn't expecting this.]] / Mike: [[looking after the woman]] Sorry about that, but that was Marsha's mom, and I can't let her see me, because I pretended to be a stranger so I could visit her when she was grounded...
/ April: [[smiling dreamily]] Yeah, I love you too... http://crfh.net/d/20021125.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, November 26, 2002 | Mike: WHA..?
/ April: [[blushing]] I MEAN! I love my hair! I was... talking to my hair! / April: You... you have to talk to your hair, because if you don't, well, you...
/ Mike: Ah! All right! Let's go home, I need to think this over. / [[A woman watches April and Mike head homeward, suspicion all over her face. She's one of Marsha's girlfriends, Tina. (we saw them shopping together earlier)...]]
/ Tina: [[thinking]] I see a fire extinguisher in your near future, "Mike". http://crfh.net/d/20021126.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Narrator: A few days back...
/ [[A dark room. The side of a packing crate splinters outward in a burst of blue light.]] / [[Dave stumbles from the packing crate in a shower of packing peanuts]]
/ Chester: Mew
/ Dave: Ow! Headache...
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021127.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Dave stumbles out of the building]]
/ Dave: How long was I out? The sun is setting already. That was one... / Dave: [[checking out the local architecture]] violent / Dave: effort...
/ Dave: Uh, where did the buildings go? / [[A wall reads "IMPORTACIONES Santa Clara"]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Import... a-what? http://crfh.net/d/20021128.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, November 29, 2002 | Mike: Uuuugh. My girl needs me, but I'm such a useless, good-for-nothing, pathetic loser...
/ Roger: Maybe it's for the best, Mike. She was not joking about killing you. Maybe she can USE the psychiatric help. / Mike: SURE. She's better in that place, stuck in a padded room, drugged out of her mind.
/ Roger: Remember when you told me Diana was a hooker? I didn't want to believe it either. But in the end, you did me a favor. So, I'm returning it. Mike, your girlfriend's a NUT.
/ Mike: I'm giving you a head start of one millisecond, and... / Mike: OOOOOOOOOooooooooh. That's it! You're absolutely right! She really IS where she belongs!
/ Roger: That's what you get for trying to help these people, Pepe. Sarcasm.
/ Mike: No sarcasm! I really mean it!
/ Roger: And on top of it, a second big helping of sarcasm. http://crfh.net/d/20021129.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, November 30, 2002 | Margaret: How's Marsha?
/ April: I didn't see her. But Mike's face said it all.
/ Margaret: I see that you solved your hair crisis, at least.
/ April: "Solved". What a niiiiice word.
/ Margaret: What do you... / Margaret: mm... / Margaret: But when you compare it to being missing or in a nuthouse, flat slippery awful hair is not really THAT much of a crisis.
/ April: What's what I keep telling myself. http://crfh.net/d/20021130.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, December 1, 2002 | [[Dave is exploring his new world, Chester on his shoulder. The wall behind him reads "...ESQ..." and "SE VENDE HIELO"]]
/ Dave: Where ARE we? Everything's in Spanish! I think.
/ Dave: You don't think we got shipped away, right? Because that would be just TOO dumb. / Dave: Don't worry. We'll find a way to get out of here. As soon as I can find someone to ask. / Dave: Excuse me...
/ Woman: ¿Eh?
/ Dave: I'm lost. Um, the bus station...?
/ Woman: [[pointing]] Pues, por allá.
/ Translation: Well, that way.
/ Boy: ¿Qué dice?
/ Translation: What is he saying?
/ Woman: No sé, nada más le estoy siguiendo la corriente...
/ Translation: I don't know, I'm just playing along. http://crfh.net/d/20021201.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, December 2, 2002 | [[An orange is flung from off-panel, striking Dave on the head]]
/ ?: [[off-panel]] ¡Ése de la bolsa rosa!
/ Translation: You with the pink purse!
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021202.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, December 3, 2002 | Margaret: [[bored]] Oh! All right. I thought we had a deal. I was your bodyguard, but I will have to look for Dave myself after all.
/ Mike: No, you won't. Just give a couple days. I don't know what else I can do to pay you. / Mike: [[handing her a helmet]] UNLESS you would settle for an original WWII helmet!
/ Margaret: [[bored no longer]] WOW! Where did you get it?
/ Mike: Oh, just lying around. Want it?
/ Margaret: Do pigs honk? / Mike: HEEEY, I've got an idea... wanna play war?
/ Margaret: [[clapping the helmet onto her head]] You BET! Your place or mine?
/ Mike: Yours! I'll catch up with you in a minute!
/ Margaret: See you on the battlefield, private! / Roger: I gotta admit, you always come up with the most suicidal ideas.
/ Mike: Bah, you obviously don't know anything about having fun.
/ Roger: Well, when I was a kid, I was known as "Sargeant DOA."
/ Mike: All right, softy. You can play Steven Spielberg... http://crfh.net/d/20021203.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, December 4, 2002 | Mike: Hey, April. Blue gave me the second part of the oil recipe. She says that everything should be back to normal now.
/ April: Oh! Thank... you.
/ Mike: What's the matter?
/ April: Your shorts.
/ Mike: What about them?
/ April: They are REALLY tiny. / Mike: Mmh, not that tiny.
/ April: You shouldn't go out on the streets like that. Someone could pinch you. Or bite you.
/ Mike: Erm... April, you're starting to scare me...
/ April: Could you leave? I'm about to have a giggles attack. http://crfh.net/d/20021204.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, December 5, 2002 | Roger: You're being nice to Margaret and April. You must be up to something.
/ Mike: Actually, yeah. I have a plan to get Marsha out, and I might need the cooperation of everybody.
/ Roger: Oh? So how come you're not nice to me?
/ Mike: Mmh. You have a point. / [[Mike holds Roger down with his tentacle, while digging around in Roger's mouth with a coffee spoon]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021205.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, December 6, 2002 | [[Dave sits on the edge of a fountain, rifling the purse which Mike gave him to return to Marsha.]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Lipstick... eye shadow... funny strange thingie I don't wanna know about... mirror... c'mon, c'mon... SOMETHING... / [[Dave triumphantly holds up a cell phone]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] HEY! Cell phone! And the battery is still charged!
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Maybe I'm not doomed after all! / [[Dave uses the phone, and is dismayed to be surrounded by...]]
/ Telephone Announcement: Gracias por usar el servicio de Red Unifone ...ro que marcó es ...ncor...le verificar la ...lav... de pais, área y ...presione uno si ...sultar su saldo. ...ea hacer llamada ... tres para teléfono ... cuatro si está ... prepagada ...agar con ... crédito. ...operadora... / [[Dave's cry scares off the pigeons which Chester is stalking]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021206.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, December 7, 2002 | [[Chester looks at Dave expectantly.]]
/ Dave: Don't look at me like that. I'm hungry too, but we don't have any money. Go catch a mouse or something while I try to think... / [[Chester stalks off while Dave tries to think]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] All right, it looks pretty bad. No one knows I'm here. The only thing I can do is try to find a police station or someone who can help me use the darn cell phone.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I wonder if I could do something to get deported? Mmh... no.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Or maybe I could faint into another crate to see where I end up this time. / Dave: [[thinking]] Or maybe I can click my rubber heels together and repeat: "There's no place like Hell..."
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021207.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, December 8, 2002 | [[A dog is blasted by a laser bolt]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021208.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Mike: [[on the phone]] Nope, we're still on it. As soon as I know something I'll call you.
/ Mike: [[on the phone]] Look, I'm doing everything I can. In the meantime, are you gonna help me or not? / Mike: [[on the phone]] No, you don't have to tell her. It'll be only for a little while.
/ Mike: [[on the phone]] Well, skip your last class, or something! / [[April appears behind Mike. She appears vexed. Her hair is green. She has a battle axe.]]
/ Mike: [[on the phone]] Uh, I'll talk to you later.
/ Mike: [[on the phone]] No, I really gotta run...I mean jump out of the window... http://crfh.net/d/20021209.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: Aw, c'mon! Chester, don't DO this to me right now! Calm down, please! I...
/ Dave: All right! No panic! I say, I'll try not to panic if you do the same! / Dave: [[shoving Chester up his shirt]] Look, we'll just take a walk and relax, okay? I'll put you inside my shirt. You like that, don't you. I'm not Margaret, but still... / Dave: Hey... if you want to complain about the booby shortage, go stand in line with the rest of the world population.
/ Chester: < http://crfh.net/d/20021210.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, December 11, 2002 | {{A few days back...}}
/ [[Dave is sitting, Chester inside his shirt, on some stone steps. There's a wooden door behind him. His head is on his knees.]]
/ Dave: <<*whimper*>> / [[A hand is gently laid on his head. He looks up at his benefactor]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] ??? / [[Dave faces a nun, wearing very thick spectacles.]]
/ Dave: ...
/ Nun: SHHH! / [[The nun guides Dave through the wooden door]] http://crfh.net/d/20021211.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, December 12, 2002 | [[Mike is visiting Marsha. The sign in the background reads "There is no conspiracy"]]
/ Marsha: And then the instructor said it was the best basket he'd ever seen!
/ Mike: Love, don't you see it? They're turning you into a robot!
/ Marsha: Blip-blop! Hehe, just kidding!
/ Mike: My God... / Mike: Marsha, I'm getting you out of here TOMORROW. I hope I can do it the legal way, but if I can't, then it will be the bloody, messy way.
/ Marsha: Mike, don't get in trouble for me. Besides, I still need to get help.
/ Mike: No, you DON'T.
/ Marsha: Really. I'm still hallucinating things. / Marsha: Yesterday I hallucinated that Tina, my best friend from high school, told me she saw you kissing April out in the hall.
/ Marsha: Honey? Why are you so pale? http://crfh.net/d/20021212.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, December 13, 2002 | [[April has just stepped from the shower. Margaret is brushing her teeth.]]
/ April: [[drying her hair]] I HATE this. Now my hair is perfect, but green.
/ Margaret: So why don't you just dye it?
/ April: Dye damages hair. I bet if I do, I'll be a blonde with horrible hair again.
/ Margaret: So it's just kind of a Catch 22, isn't it?
/ April: I wish I was a guy so I didn't give a damn. / Roger: [[in his pajamas in the bathtub]] It's ladies night at the hot dog stand. If you run fast you might save up to 40% on sex change surgery.
/ April: AAAAAAAH! What are you doing here???
/ Roger: I'm a refugee. Mike's in a really bad mood.
/ April: Get out of our bathroom, you PERV!
/ Roger: See, Pepe? I'm the one who's fully dressed, and I'm STILL called a perv. http://crfh.net/d/20021213.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Steve: Did you get the human skull?
/ Waldo: Well, I got this skeleton.
/ Steve: Yes, Waldo. I'm sure Baal will fix my wrist if we make the invocation with Halloween decoration.
/ Waldo: All right, Mr. Picky. Then you can use it to stick it up your... / [[Both are distracted by a sound]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021214.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Steve: Wow.
/ Waldo: I think I've found religion. Again.
/ Steve: But we didn't summon...
/ Demoness: SILENCE, you worthless MINIONS! / Steve: Hey, isn't that Satan's staff?
/ Demoness: You bet your sorry ass it IS! And now I'll set it to "emasculate" and unleash his unholy wrath upon you.
/ Waldo: [[pointing to Steve]] O Evil Horned Babe! Whatever we did, it was his fault.
/ Steve: Wrath? But we did what he told us to! At least that's what I thought.
/ Demoness: Hey, you're not staring at the Cleavage of DOOM, are you???
/ Waldo: Aboobsolutely not... http://crfh.net/d/20021215.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, December 16, 2002 | Steve: We DID keep Marsha and Roger busy, and...
/ Demoness: Not THAT! I'm saying that you guys are not evil enough for the Avocado! Name one evil thing that you have done lately!
/ Steve: Oh yeah? Just to name one, I got back at that bastard Mike by landing his girlfriend in jail! Neat, huh? / Demoness: Hah! Hah! Everybody in Hell were laughing their asses off at THAT. I mean, the wholesomeness of it!
/ Demoness: Telling the truth to get revenge is nothing but JUSTICE!
/ Demoness: How can you call that EVIL? / Steve: Butbutbut, it was not the truth! It was just a bunch of lies!
/ Waldo: Big, fat LIES.
/ Steve: After all, Marsha didn't kick our ass... the squirrels did!
/ Waldo: Big, fat squirrels... http://crfh.net/d/20021216.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, December 17, 2002 | Demoness: And THAT is lying??? You fools! Don't you know that Marsha controls the squirrels? It's technically the TRUTH!
/ Waldo: WHAT? Wait, how were we supposed to know that???
/ Demoness: It doesn't matter! The Council of Evil will be here by midnight. Then your names will be written in the Book of the Unworthy FOREVER!
/ Waldo: Hey, now...
/ Steve: There must be something we can do!
/ Waldo: Anything but THAT! / Demoness: [[proffering a fork]] Really? Well, then...
/ Demoness: Repeat the Ritual. But this time... do it willingly.
/ Demoness: Make me proud, boys. http://crfh.net/d/20021217.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike is hugging Blue... who is wearing horns and a Hadesish bikini, and carrying Satan's staff]]
/ Mike: Blue, you're amazing!!!
/ Blue: Got what you need?
/ Mike: Definitely! Thank you.
/ Blue: Good. Remember it, because I might need a favor from you soon. / Mike: You need a favor? Why didn't you say so before? Just ask for it!
/ Blue: Are you sure?
/ Mike: Yeah! Heck, in this moment, I'd give you my KIDNEYS! Ask away!
/ Blue: Fine, then. I need you to go home for spring break. / Mike: WHAT? Hell, no.
/ Blue: You said anything.
/ Mike: I think I mentioned my kidneys. Pick one.
/ Blue: All right, I'd like to borrow BOTH your kidneys for spring break.
/ Mike: That's a dirty, dirty little trick.
/ Blue: I learn from the masters. http://crfh.net/d/20021218.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, December 19, 2002 | [[Blue approaches Margaret, who is exercising her right hand with a spring-loaded hand strengthener]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20021219.html |
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