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|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, February 1, 2003||[[Blue hugs Dave]] / Dave: [[thinking]] No! I'm not doing this again. I shouldn't get angry at her... it's not her fault if her family is full of bastards... / Dave: [[thinking]] It's not her fault if she's not Margaret, either. / Dave: Eeeh... well, I... I guess I owe you one, Blue. Thanks. / Mike: <??!!!>> / Blue: Aaw! You don't owe me anything... green eyes.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, February 2, 2003||Mike: We need to talk, Blue. / Blue: Aaaw Mike, talk about bad timing! He... / Mike: So that's what you did? You sold me to Mom so she'd let him go? / Blue: I didn't want to do it, Mike. But I just couldn't stand the thought... / Mike: I'm not saying I don't understand why you did it. But you should have come to me first. I'd have figured a way out for both of us. / Blue: I know. I panicked. I'm sorry. / Mike: Besides, I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I actually believe Mom's got Dave's hard drive DEFRAGGED. / Blue: [[rolling her eyes]] He doesn't hate me, therefore he is brainwashed? Gimme a little credit.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, February 3, 2003||Roger: [[in pajamas]] What was all that screaming about? / Dave: [[rubbing his eyes]] Nothing. I woke up and Blue was hugging me. She startled me. / Roger: Blue again? How come you're not packing and migrating South? / Dave: What for? / Roger: Because you know, it's BLUE. / Dave: So? / Roger: Dave is SO brainwashed, I expect to see foam coming out of his ears any minute now. / Mike: See, Blue? Another vote for the brainwash theory. / Blue: I vote for you two to go to HELL.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||Blue: So... I'm glad to see you're okay and all that, but I guess I'll be on my way.
/ Dave: Already? Why?
/ Blue: Uh, I don't know. Maybe it's better if I don't hang around a lot around here.
/ Blue: But I'll give you a call soon. Ok?
/ Dave: Ah. Okay. I'll be seeing you. / [[Dave stirs his coffee]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[The library]] / Diana: Hi! / Margaret: Oh! Hey. / Diana: How are you? I've never seen you studying here before! / Margaret: Yeah, I usually like studying at home. But lately it's just too unnerving... / Diana: Is Marsha still trying to kill April? / Margaret: No. But now it's like rooming with Lex Luthor and Superman, you know? / Diana: Except they don't have superpowers. / Margaret: Believe me, hate like that is worse than a superpower.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[April is in the bathroom, trying to do something with her hair, which is blonde again]]
/ April: <<*sigh*>> / [[She walks into the door]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, February 7, 2003||[[April is in the bathroom]] / April: Marsha, I know you're there. Stop being an immature little girl and open the door. / Marsha: [[off-panel]] No. You're staying in the bathroom until you tell me everything I want to know. / Marsha: [[off-panel]] Unless you decide to scream your head off. / April: This is ridiculous. I refuse to make a fool of myself. / April: [[off-panel]] After all, if you don't open the door, Margaret will. Sooner or later. / Marsha: Well, she's at the library. Good luck. / April: [[shouting as she pounds on the door]] Just open the friggin' door before I drop your toothbrush into the toilet! / Marsha: [[off-panel]] I'm so worried.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, February 8, 2003||Dave: Roger, have you seen my notebooks? This place is just as messy as ever! / Roger: Nope. Maybe one of the girls borrowed them? / Dave: Aw. Well, can I borrow yours for the weekend? / Roger: It's strange you're not asking Margaret. / Dave: Well, I'd like to wait until she gets my letter before talking to her. / Roger: What letter? / Dave: I wrote her a letter from Mexico. I explained everything there. That I had to stay there because of Chester, and... / Roger: Wait a minute. Does this mean that Margaret KNOWS about your soul-link with Chester? / Dave: Uh... she... / Roger: One of these days, your throat is gonna get stuck while making that noise. / Dave: IIIIIIIGGGGGHNN!!!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, February 9, 2003||Dave: [[drilling fingers into his own temples]] NOPANIC! Nopanicnopanic nopanicnopanic... / Roger: Maybe this is a stupid question, but WHY should you panic? You'd have to tell her sooner or later... / Dave: But not NOW! I'm not on good terms with her! And Chester likes to get inside her shirt. If she finds out I can feel that too, she's gonna think I'm some kind of PERV! / Roger: She's gonna... THINK... you're SOME kind of perv. / Dave: Exactly. / Roger: BWAAAHAHAHAHA! "THINK" you're... SOME KIND! of... HAHAHAHAHAHAH! / Dave: What? What's so funny?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, February 10, 2003||[[Marsha is keeping April locked in the bathroom]] / Marsha: You must think I'm STUPID. Mike lies to everybody, but I can always tell when he's hiding something. And this time he's not. So it's gotta be YOU. / Marsha: You KNEW perfectly well what I'd do when you told me Mike kissed you. / Marsha: [[off-panel]] Not only that, I did my own little private investigation... and I found out you sent away Margaret and Roger so they wouldn't stop me. / Marsha: [[off-panel]] What was it that you wanted, April? Did you want him dead, and me in jail for the rest of my life? Mmh? Would that make you happy? / April: Sure, Marsha, blame ME! Blame me for YOU being a nut, for Mike kissing me, blame me for giving a DAMN! / April: Well, SCREW you! Screw you BOTH! / April: I don't have to stand around and listen to all this crap!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, February 11, 2003||[[April climbs out the window, onto the ledge outside the bathroom. Her clothing consists entirely of a towel.]]
/ April: [[thinking]] I'm doing something VERY dangerous.
/ April: [[thinking]] Well, are you not gonna stop me?
/ April: [[thinking]] Show your face, c'mon.
/ April: [[thinking]] Bah. / [[She edges along the ledge, toward the guys' apartment. She is deliberately not looking down. Chester watches her.]]
/ April: [[thinking]] I only hope the guys' window is open, and that they are NOT around.
/ April: [[thinking]] Not in the mood for explanations.
/ April: [[thinking]] Keep it going... just like that... don't look down... / [[She steps on Chester]]
/ Chester: MEEOOW!
/ April: AAAAAAH! / [[She falls]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, February 12, 2003||[[April falls]]
/ April: <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, February 13, 2003||[[Mike, wearing a bungee harness, has grabbed April. The background rushes past. April still wears only her towel]]
/ Mike: Uuuh. We're still alive.
/ April: AAAAAH! What happened???
/ Mike: I was testing my bungee full-body harness, and I saw you were heading straight into Chester... / Mike: That was a dangerous and stupid thing to do, April. What were you thinking? We could have died! The cord could have stretched long enough under our combined weight to make us hit the ground!
/ April: Hum! Dangerous and stupid? Who's jumping from tall buildings in the first place?
/ Mike: Yeah, but I do it in case I want to run away from my mother, and at least *I* have enough common sense to wear UNDIES while doing so!
/ April: [[blushing]] ... / [[April pushes Mike downward]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[Dave is carrying a bundle of papers in his hands and a pencil in his mouth]] / Dave: [[thinking]] I'm just NEVER gonna catch up with everything! And how can I concentrate when... / [[April, wearing only a towel, pushes past him]] / Dave: [[gaping]] UH...! / April: Not a comment, don't stare, and get out of my way! / Roger: Heheheh. Don't you just LOOOOOOVE college? / Dave: Geez, what a towel. And I wasn't even gonna towel about the towel. / Roger: Hey man, you dropped your pencil. / Dave: Nah...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||Mike: Hey, I need to talk to you. / Dave: Now??? C'mon, man, I need to catch up... / Mike: Yes, now. Don't complain, you're gonna like it. / Dave: You're... scaring me... / Mike: Aaaaanyway, I was just gonna say you're released from your slave duties. For some days. / Dave: YESSS!!! / Mike: On one condition. You have to stay away from me and my stuff. OK? / Dave: Do pigs HONK? / Mike: See? SEE??? He's acting suspicious? / Roger: Why? That's totally Daveish. / Mike: Yeah. But pigs DON'T honk! / Roger: Sure they do, if you cut them off in traffic.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[A golf course. Mike's Dad is on his cell phone.]] / Mike's Dad: HAZEL! / Mike's Mom: [[from the phone]] Whaaaaat. / Mike's Dad: Blue just called me! Is it true that you brainwashed her boyfriend? / Mike's Mom: [[from the phone]] Hahah! No. Not yet. / Mike's Dad: Then why did you tell her such a thing? / [[The Green house. Mike's Mom is on the phone]] / Mike's Mom: Because if she thinks I brainwashed him into liking her, she'll voluntarily leave him alone for a while. Then she can concentrate on her last year of high school. / Mike's Mom: All for her own good. / [[Back to the golf course]] / Mike's Dad: Oh. Well, do you HAVE to traumatize our children in order to educate them? / Mike's Mom: [[from the phone]] Do you think you can do it better, Harry? Maybe you want the custody so they can interfere with your fun. / Mike's Dad: We'll discuss this later. I'm in the middle of a meeting here. / Mike's Mom: [[from the phone]] Right. Say hello to Mr. 8 Iron for me.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, February 17, 2003||Roger: Why do I have to be your slave now? Dave is back! He's the one who owes you money! / Mike: Yes, but I can't trust him! How do you expect me to put all my shady business deals in his hands, when he's a brainwashed zombie spy? / Roger: He is NOT brainwashed, Mike! He's only avoiding Margaret because of that stupid letter! / Mike: Sorry, I don't buy it. You're it. / Roger: Well, when I get my hands on that nonexistant letter, you'll HAVE to let me go! The flag of freedom will raise again! The sword of justice will cut through the chains of oppression! The... / Mike: [[off-panel]] Shut up and wash my underwear.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, February 18, 2003||[[Roger encounters April, who is carrying a suitcase]] / Roger: Hey, April, do you mind if I ask you a question? / April: YES. / Roger: Do you know if Margaret has received a letter lately? From Dave, maybe? / April: I don't KNOW. / Roger: Aaaw. / Roger: You're going somewhere, or you're compensating for your lack of clothes lately by carrying a suitcase around? / April: Yes, you bet I'm going AWAY! AWAY from Marsha, AWAY from Mike and AWAY from all the nuts who enjoy driving me CRAZY all the xlemfrogomming' TIME! / Roger: A vacation, huh? So, when are you coming back? / April: [[off-panel]] NEVER!!! I'm A-NEVER coming BACK! / Roger: Taking the good ol' Bermuda Triangle route, I see...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, February 19, 2003||Margaret: [[holding a cereal box]]Marsha, have you seen April? It's her turn to fix dinner! / Marsha: She's not here. She ain't coming back. / Margaret: What the heck are you talking about? / Marsha: [[looking lost]] I locked her in the bathroom because I was pissed at her, and she got so mad she decided to move out. / Margaret: [[looking bewildered and angry, although not furious]] WHAT? That's STUPID. After all that has happened here, that's just plain stupid. / Marsha: I didn't want her to leave. I only wanted her to talk to me. . . . I . . . / Marsha: [[blubbering on Margaret's shoulder, teardrops going everywhere]] She is my friend, and I made her leave! I *sob* miss her a lot, and she was mad at me, and it's all my *sob* fault! It's . . . / Margaret: [[uncertainly patting Marsha on the back]] There, there . . . / Margaret: [[in a thought bubble]] Guess who'll have to deal with all the mushy stuff now that April's gone . . .|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, February 20, 2003||Mike: Saay Margaret. Did you receive some letter from Dave lately? / Margaret: Dave? No, why? / Mike: Well, he said he sent you a letter, and since he's acting so strange, I thought... / Margaret: Wait a minute... you have seen him? / Mike: He came back some days ago. Uh... you didn't know? / Margaret: [[getting angry]] NO! Why did no one tell me? Especially you, who was SUPPOSED to be looking for him! / Mike: All right, so maybe he doesn't want you to know he's back. Anyway, if you receive that letter, could you let me know? / Margaret: Hell no! What are you gonna do, try to convince me you'll look for April now? Mmh? / Mike: Well, I could do THAT... / Margaret: Uh-HUH.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, February 21, 2003||Roger: I don't see you getting ready to go to class. / Dave: Eeeh... no. I think I should better stay here. I have a lot to study. / Roger: Ah. Well, for a moment I thought you were staying to see if you could steal Margaret's letter as soon as it arrived. / Dave: [[guilty]] What? NO! / Roger: Nooo? Then you won't mind if I decide to stay too... / Dave: YES! / Roger: Oh! Let's hope Mike doesn't want me to stay, then. After all, I'm his slave. / Dave: You're gonna make me pay for that for the rest of my life, right? / Roger: Freedom is expensive, boy. Freedom is SO expensive.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[Dave skulks around the mailroom]] / Dave: [[thinking]] No one over here... / Dave: [[thinking]] And no one over th- / Dave and Mike: Weren't you supposed to be / Dave: in class? / Mike: upstairs?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, February 25, 2003||[[Dave confronts Mike in the mailroom]] / Dave: What are you doing here, Mike? / Mike: Geez, Dave, I don't know. What does it look like? / Dave: Driving me crazy? / Mike: I have a broken leg. I can't drive anywhere. What are YOU doing here? / Dave: Trying to study. / Mike: Here, of all places... / Roger: Weren't you guys supposed to be elsewhere? / Mike: No, YOU were. Take a hike, Roger. This is a private tango. / Roger: Why don't you guys take your alternative lifestyle somewhere cozier and preferably sound-proofed? / Mike: All right, THAT one is just too easy to reply to. / Dave: Why me? Why?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, February 26, 2003||Mike: Okay, first I'll get rid of Roger. Roger, do my laundry! / Roger: I did that already! / Mike: Then clean my toilet! / Roger: Done. / Mike: Make my bed? Feed my caterpillars? Polish the remote? / Roger: Done done DONE! / Mike: Oh! In that case, I want you to get me a pumpkin. Largest pumpkin you can find! / Roger: PUMPKIN? At this time of year??? You must have frootloops inside your skull! / Mike: CHT! No complaints! Just go get it! / Mike: Now, Dave. Why don't you save us the time, and start walking towards the door? / Dave: Well, if you think it's gonna be easy to get rid of me, think again. After all, I'm not your slave. / Mike: No? Aaaw. How about my bitch? / Dave: Is it your plan to annoy me into leaving? Keep trying. / Mike: Sounds like fun!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, February 27, 2003||[[The mailroom]] / Mike: Well, you HAVE to go away, Dave... remember? My only condition to release you from slavery was that. / Dave: Let's suppose I don't! / Mike: So if you break your part of the deal, you're automatically my slave again, and THEN I can order you to bring me a pumpkin! / Dave: You can't have two slaves at the same time! Sorry, you have to release Roger first! / Mike: Sez who? / [[The mail is delivered]] / Mike: And as I have always said... talk enough about a problem and it'll eventually solve itself.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, February 28, 2003||[[Mike dangles some keys]]
/ Mike: Well, it's time to get out that letter and READ it.
/ Dave: Uh??? You have a KEY?
/ Mike: It's Marsha's mailbox as well! DUH!
/ Dave: But... / [[Mike dangles a letter]]
/ Dave: Give it to me. It's intimate stuff.
/ Mike: But I gotta know if the nunnery story is true! Ooh. Mexico. Good! And I see you signed it "D. Jones" so they wouldn't know you're a guy! / Mike: And I see that... eh...
/ [[Dave snatches Mike's crutches]] / Mike: HEY!!! What are you doing?
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, March 3, 2003||[[The mailroom. Dave is carrying Mike's crutches. Mike is holding himself up on the mailboxes. Roger enters, carrying a rotten-looking pumpkin.]]
/ Roger: Um, it's a bit rotten, but after my exhaustive search through our closet it was the only one I could find.
/ Dave: [[snatching the letter from Mike]] Well Roger, you're in time to witness Mike's defeat, brought to you by yours truly and my sidekick, Gravity!
/ Mike: How mean. This ranks right up there with kicking puppies and stealing old ladies' pantyhose.
/ Dave: Heh! All right, Mike, I'll return the crutches. You only have to beg a little... / Mike: You know? Evil exposition always makes me hungry... what about you, Dave?
/ [[Mike plucks the pumpkin from Roger's hands and hurls it at Dave's head]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, March 4, 2003||Margaret: What's happening? I heard a scream.
/ Mike: I fell... and, we were... talking about puppies.
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Yeah, about kicking puppies...
/ Margaret: Oh! Wait... / [[Margaret draws a pistol on Dave, who is wearing a Jack o'Lantern. Its eyes glow bluely.]]
/ Margaret: UNDEAD PUMPKINHEADED ENEMY AT SIX O'CLOCK!
/ Dave: GRRMBLBLBLH? / <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[Margaret has just shot Dave's pumpkin, exploding orange and brown gunk all over him.]] / Margaret: Hey! It's you? What were you doing inside that pumpkin? / Mike: Exit, stage right, Roger. / Roger: Shut up and move, you're in the way. / Margaret: Is this some kind of joke? / Margaret: Dave? / [[Dave drops the balled-up letter and wanders away, stunned]]|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, March 6, 2003||[[Dave is taking a bath]] / Roger: [[off-panel]] Hey, Dave. / Dave: Great. More invasion of privacy. / Roger: [[off-panel]] I just wanted to say I found your notebooks. / Dave: Oh, thanks. / Roger: Are you OK? / Dave: No. Roger, why am I so stupid? Why do I always act like she cared? / Roger: Well, we DO have zombie antecedents... / Dave: I'm just kidding myself. She's never gonna change. / Dave: And if I want her to change... maybe I don't love her in the first place. / Roger: [[off-panel]] I'm gone, then. And Dave, stop staring at your thing. / Dave: I'm not. Are you? / Roger: [[off-panel]] Unfortunately. Your bath needs more foam. / Dave: Ba-pssch. Like I was the first naked guy in your bed. / Roger: [[off-panel]] Nothing like the smell of mind scars in the morning...|
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