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| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, April 7, 2003 | [[Dave lies on his bed, reading his notes, a pencil in his mouth]]
/ Mike: Dave! Where is the couch, man? Where the spiroratstar is the couch?
/ Dave: Fummo. Fif ou loogh fe-ind d' gouch?
/ Mike: Very funny. Were we robbed again? You were here!
/ Dave: Febbe ou ferivet it. / Mike: I derived it? What...?
/ Dave: Ferivative fuf mh knstant i zero. Sens gouch = 1, fen it dspeer'd. / Mike: I need to move out too! What's the point of playing mind games on people who have misplaced them?
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Ah hrd fat! http://crfh.net/d/20030407.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, April 8, 2003 | Marsha: First April leaves, now Roger!
/ Mike: Yup, too bad. I could use the help, and Dave's depression is driving me crazy. / Marsha: Mike, I've told you. You don't need to blackmail your roomies into helping you. *I* could help you.
/ Mike: Thanks, babe. But I don't want to be a drag.
/ Marsha: But I WANT to! I've been so lonely since April left! Margaret is so quiet... / Mike: Maybe I'll accept your offer. Still, I still have the problem of...
/ Mike: OOh, wait! I have an idea! / Mike: [[to Dave]] Hey, I've got an idea to cheer you up! Let's play superheroes! We'll start by wearing our underwear on the outside...
/ Dave: Off to the library for the rest of the day. http://crfh.net/d/20030408.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Dave stands outside his front door. Mike has opened the door]]
/ Dave: We have to change the lock! My key didn't work...
/ Mike: Ah, yeah. I already did.
/ Dave: So we don't get robbed?
/ Mike: Um, no. It's just that you don't live here anymore / Dave: What?
/ Mike: Marsha's my roomie now.
/ Dave: WHAT???
/ Mike: While you were away, we changed the lock and moved all your stuff to the girls'. / Dave: Go ahead, say it.
/ Mike: Say what?
/ Dave: "Smile, you're on Candid Camera."
/ Mike: "Smile, you have a curvier roomie too." http://crfh.net/d/20030409.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, April 10, 2003 | Dave: Who the hell do you think you are??? You can't kick me out of my own apartment!
/ Mike: Pssch. You make it sound so bad! You're gonna be living with Margaret...
/ Dave: Do you have any idea of how PAINFUL that's gonna be right now?
/ Mike: Eew. Spare me the details... / Dave: Mike, I don't NEED this right now.
/ Mike: See this as an opportunity to find out if you can even stand to live with her, or if you need to MOVE ON.
/ Dave: No. Let me in.
/ Mike: Dave, remember you said you owed me one?
/ Dave: You're bringing that up NOW???
/ Mike: Yep, this is IT! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to deal with stuff way hotter than YOU. / [[Dave trudges off]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] HUM. Well, the philosophers were right. Mike HAPPENS. http://crfh.net/d/20030410.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, April 11, 2003 | April: Well, I'm going to sleep. Night!
/ Roger: Wait a minute... why should YOU get the bed? I got the apartment!
/ April: You also got the couch, didn't you?
/ Roger: So what? It's unfair! / April: I can't believe it! You want to leave a poor defenseless girl sleeping on the couch while you take the bed???
/ Roger: Last time I patronized you for being a girl, you kicked me in the shin and walked away into the gaping maw of danger.
/ Roger: Ain't gonna be the man to stand between you and your grrrl power. / April: All RIGHT. We'll rotate it. I get the bed today, you get the couch tomorrow.
/ Roger: I didn't mean that. What I meant was that I'd rassle you for it.
/ April: Pfft! You wish.
/ Roger: You are NO fun. http://crfh.net/d/20030411.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, April 12, 2003 | [[Dave, carrying Chester, enters the apartment previously known as "the girls'". Margaret is in bed, reading.]]
/ Margaret: Uh... what are you doing here?
/ Dave: I live here.
/ Margaret: Whu???
/ Dave: Mike kicked me out to live with Marsha. I had a long, hard day, and I just want to sleep. / [[Dave watches as Margaret casts aside her last pieces of clothing]]
/ Dave: I had nothing to do with this. They didn't ask me either. We'll... talk about it... tomouurrr...
/ Margaret: Psssch. Okay, whatever. Good night. / [[The darkened room. Margaret sleeps in the background. In the foreground, Dave lies in bed, wide awake]] http://crfh.net/d/20030412.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, April 13, 2003 | April: [[outside the bathroom door]] Roger, get out of the bathroom! Are you dead and decomposing or what?
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Just a minute...
/ April: You said that 120 minutes ago!
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] All right, geez... / [[Roger walks from the bathroom, carrying his pet rock Fluffy]]
/ Roger: What's the hurry? Fluffy was flossing.
/ April: Fluffy has no teeth, Roger!
/ Roger: That of course makes it especially difficult! / Roger: Heey, where's breakfast?
/ April: [[off-panel]] On the table.
/ Roger: I see nothing.
/ April: [[off-panel]] It's invisible. My dead imaginary floating wiser self made it.
/ Roger: Aaw. Your bitter sarcasm makes me feel right at home.
/ April: [[off-panel]] Likewise. http://crfh.net/d/20030413.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, April 14, 2003 | [[Dave has flopped, his head face down on the table. Margaret wanders up, in her dressing gown, with a cup of coffee]]
/ Margaret: Morning. I thought you weren't going to class.
/ Dave: Mrnnn.
/ Margaret: Slept well?
/ Dave: Ffn.
/ Margaret: Yeah, me too. / Margaret: Except for that time around 3a.m., when you woke up screaming "BOOBIES!!!"
/ Dave: [[bolt upright]] I did NOT! I said uh, "NOOKIES"
/ Margaret: Ain't that worse?
/ Dave: Uuh. I meant "NUKEES!!!" / Margaret: That must have been one odd dream.
/ Dave: [[flopping again]] So soft and round. Everywhere.
/ Margaret: You're not a morning person, are you, Dave? http://crfh.net/d/20030414.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, April 15, 2003 | Marsha: Aaw, you're already up! I was gonna make you breakfast.
/ Mike: Well, you looked so cute asleep that I didn't want to disturb you. / Marsha: All right. I'm gonna make some scrambled eggs for myself.
/ Mike: Nooo! Eat the donuts, they're good donuts! They'll go stale if we don't eat them.
/ Marsha: Aw, they won't.
/ Mike: Marsh, under NO circumstance should you ever go near the kitchen! / Marsha: What? Why?
/ Mike: Biohazard.
/ Marsha: Uh?
/ Mike: We'll have to mark all the unsafe areas.
/ Mike: Wait, we better save tape and mark all the safe areas. http://crfh.net/d/20030415.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, April 16, 2003 | [[Margaret and April walk. April is carrying a soft drink and a hot dog]]
/ Margaret: So what's it like living with Roger?
/ April: Surreal.
/ Margaret: Serves you right. Why don't you and Dave just you know, get on with your lives? / April: What's it to you? You dumped him anyway!
/ Margaret: So??? I live with him! It's awkward!
/ April: You what?
/ Margaret: Mike and Marsha moved in together, and... / [[April's eyes are wide in shock. She is still carrying the bun, but her reflexive clenching has caused the wiener to disappear]]
/ Margaret: So THAT is what they meant when they said red meat is bad for your health...
/ Victim: [[off-panel, in direct wiener line-of-fire]] MY EYES!!! http://crfh.net/d/20030416.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, April 17, 2003 | [[Margaret and April sit at a table. There is a banana on the table]]
/ Margaret: Why is it such a big deal now?
/ April: I was in denial.
/ Margaret: So?
/ April: And I have changed, too. / Margaret: I mean, I don't know what good this is doing to you. He's obviously not interested in you. They're your friends. So can't you at least, well, be happy for them? / [[April thumps her fist onto the table, missing it and forcibly emptying the banana skin]]
/ April: NEVER.
/ Victim: [[off-panel, in the line of banana fire]] NOT AGAIN!!!
/ Margaret: You know? We shouldn't discuss these things over lunch anymore. http://crfh.net/d/20030417.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, April 19, 2003 | Mrs. Cerberus: [[off-panel]] O'Light.
/ O'Light: [[off-panel]] Heeeeeeeere.
/ Mrs. Cerberus: [[off-panel]] Pepitone.
/ Roger: Yo. / Mrs. Cerberus: [[off-panel]] "Yo?"
/ Roger: [[grinning]] Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! / [[We see that Mrs. Cerberus has an eye-patch]]
/ Mrs. Cerberus: Do you think, young man, that my recent food-related accidents are funny? Is that so?
/ Roger: Why, Mrs. Cerberus, "eye" would NEVER!
/ Mrs. Cerberus: That's it, you're walking the plank! http://crfh.net/d/20030419.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, April 20, 2003 | [[Roger encounters the sleep-deprived Dave]]
/ Roger: Hey. How's it going? You look like a steaming pile of something.
/ Dave: Didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
/ Roger: Oh! Well, talk about your misery. I just got spanked by the teacher again, and... / Roger: Wait a minute! You just moved in with Margaret, and you're already up ALL NIGHT going at it??? Way to go, man!
/ [[Roger punches Dave three times on the upper arm]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030420.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Marsha: Psst! Margaret, wait up!
/ Margaret: Eh? / Marsha: Are you mad at me for moving in with Mike?
/ Margaret: Heh! Of course not. Dave was upset, I think... but then again, it's Mike who should apologize to him.
/ Marsha: Good. If you need something, I'll be next door, okay? / Margaret: [[off-panel]] All right, but we'll manage without you. In fact, all the kitchen utensils are mysteriously reappearing again. I think they were hiding.
/ Marsha: Always a delightful chat, Margaret. Laters. http://crfh.net/d/20030421.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Roger: Stay away from me, Tentaclesaurus. My lawyer has a letter that's to be opened in the event of my violent, sudden death.
/ Mike: Heh! Why should I kill you, coyote? And you don't even have a lawyer.
/ Roger: Why, because I was smarter than you and moved out before you could enslave me again! And I'm my own lawyer, so there.
/ Mike: Well, Marsha's my roomie now. So I'm actually grateful for you guys removing your ugly faces from my life. How are you gonna read your letter if you're dead? / Roger: She's gonna poison you with her cooking! And I'll be buried with the letter, duuuh.
/ Mike: Maybe, and maybe not. I have a lot of ways to keep her from cooking, you know.
/ Roger: You're suicidal.
/ Mike: Heh! Of all the suicidal sports, Marsha's by far the sexiest. http://crfh.net/d/20030422.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, April 23, 2003 | Diana: So what's it like living with April?
/ Roger: Pffft. Don't remind me.
/ Diana: How come?
/ Roger: She can't relax, and she has a cow over just about everything. / Roger: I fear for my life. What will happen to me next time I leave the toilet seat up, or borrow her makeup, or shed fur all over the couch?
/ Diana: Shed fur? What do you mean? / Roger: Uh, what do I mean? Nothing! I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition! What is this, a witch hunt??? Is the third-degree over already? Stop hounding me!
/ Diana: You're hiding something, aren't you? http://crfh.net/d/20030423.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, April 24, 2003 | [[Mike encounters the sleep-deprived Dave]]
/ Mike: Why, Dave. Roger told me you have already discovered the wonders of brain-failure due to sex overload!
/ Dave: Mike, this is NOT funny.
/ Mike: Without me, you'd still be dating Dover, but the credit is all yours! / Dave: You know what you did? You ruined my life. And for this you'll pay, you stinking, evil, pffff... muh... suh... / Dave: I'll remember. Just give me a minute.
/ Mike: I am SO proud. http://crfh.net/d/20030424.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, April 25, 2003 | Marsha: Hey, Roger! What's up?
/ Roger: I was waiting for you, because, ummmm... what would you think if I told you moving out was a terrible mistake? / Marsha: I'd think that you finally discovered April is a control freak, and that you hope I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness with Mike just so you can live a more comfortable life.
/ Roger: Aha. And what would you SAY to that? / Marsha: [[walking off]] AHAAAAHAHAHAHA! What a doofus! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
/ Roger: [[following her]] Is that a yes? I have a cabbie with all my stuff waiting outside. http://crfh.net/d/20030425.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Mike: Hey, babe. Had a good day?
/ Marsha: Yeah, I didn't kill anyone. But I'm hungry.
/ Mike: Me too. What's it gonna be? Pizza? Chicken? / Marsha: Ehm. I don't mind eating out, of course, but we can't do it everyday, can we? What about bankruptcy?
/ Mike: Heh. Don't worry about that.
/ Marsha: But I do. I'm not gonna allow you to pay for all my meals.
/ Mike: All right, so we'll go dutch sometimes! / Marsha: What about nutrition? We can't eat fast food everyday!
/ Mike: Don't you know? Nutrition is just a ploy from mothers and farmers to force you to eat vegetables.
/ Marsha: But we're gonna get FAT!
/ Mike: Not necessarily! With a little physical activity... / {{storyline: Simultaneousness - Irony Chef}}
/ {{Author's note: A little note about Simultaneousness: This storyline branches into three different substorylines -Irony Chef, Fnord of the Rings and Action and Reaction- that happen simultaneously, that is, at the same time. So you'll notice when you advance to the next branch of substoryline that some events repeat themselves through them. They're not flashbacks or time travel, we're just telling the same story and filling in the blanks.}} http://crfh.net/d/20030428.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike and Marsha are shopping for food]]
/ Marsha: I don't believe it. EVERYTHING in a can!
/ Mike: Hey cool! Canned meatball sandwich! And canned swiss meatball sandwich!
/ Marsha: This is ridiculous! You can eat everything and not lift a finger. Where's the joy and beauty of cooking your own meals?
/ Mike: We can leave that to old people, along with paying taxes and dying! http://crfh.net/d/20030429.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike and Marsha are sitting quietly on the sofa]] / Marsha: <<*twitch*>> / [[Marsha grabs Mike by the shirt]]
/ Marsha: All right, that't IT! I'm gonna cook, and whatever stands in my way shall be CRUSHED!
/ Mike: Ack! That doesn't include me, right?
/ Marsha: It depends! Are YOU in my way?
/ Mike: Uh...not...anymore... http://crfh.net/d/20030430.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, May 1, 2003 | [[Marsha, wearing cleaning gloves, heads toward the kitchen]]
/ Marsha: Off to the kitchen. Wish me luck.
/ Mike: What??? NOOOO!
/ Marsha: Yes. And NOTHING you say can convince me not to do it.
/ Demonic Mike Anti-Conscience: Stop her, stupid! Stop her before she kills us all!
/ Mike: Marsha, why don't you wait a week? I might be off the cast by that time and then I can help! / Mike: It's dangerous. There are all sorts of unknown wild life forms lurking there, waiting to attack...
/ Marsha: I don't care. I killed a horde of demons with a 2x4. I'm going in and killing it all.
/ Mike: But... but...
/ Tiny Angelic Mike Conscience: Mike, whatever you do, don't mention THEM! You know how they terrify her... / Mike: Marsha, are you SURE? There might be something even worse. You know. Little creatures. Like... mice.
/ Marsha: Uuh? M-mice?
/ Mike: Yes. With the little feet and whiskers? And the tails.
/ Marsha: M... / [[Mike stands alone]]
/ Tiny Angelic Mike Conscience: You're the most horrendous, evil gnome on the surface of the Earth.
/ Mike: I really, really am.
/ Demonic Mike Anti-Conscience: Heh! "Chili Wings" always has the best ideas, doesn't he? http://crfh.net/d/20030501.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, May 2, 2003 | [[Chester is curled up on the table, preparing to sleep]]
/ Marsha: [[off-panel, flowery]] Cheeeeeeesteeeeeeer! / Marsha: [[wide eyes, flowery]] Who's the cutest kitty-cat? Come with mama, baby! I have some crunchy, tasty mice for youuuu! / Marsha: [[carrying Chester]] Now let's get the hell out of here before your neurotic owner...
/ Dave: A-HEM! http://crfh.net/d/20030502.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, May 4, 2003 | Marsha: What's the matter with Dave??? He's acting so strange! I thought he was gonna laser me!
/ Margaret: Not only is he paranoid... everybody is out to get him, too!
/ Marsha: What are you talking about?
/ Margaret: I'm not supposed to talk about it today, but when it's over I'll tell you. / Marsha: Listen, Margaret... I require of your services.
/ Margaret: What kind of services? Raid, revolution, trespassing, protection...?
/ Marsha: Termination.
/ Margaret: Heh. A week of living together and you're already plotting Mike's death?
/ Marsha: I don't want to kill Mike. I just want to get rid of some plagues in our kitchen so I can cook.
/ Margaret: Yep, just like I thought. http://crfh.net/d/20030504.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, May 5, 2003 | Margaret: All right. We'll work on your kitchen next week.
/ Marsha: NEXT WEEK? I'll go crazy by then!
/ Margaret: Well, I have this thing today and probably tomorrow. Then on Friday we'll have infiltration, and it's very complicated...
/ Marsha: Come OOOON!!!
/ Margaret: The earliest I can get to it is the day after tomorrow. / Marsha: Fine. Then can I use your kitchen in the meantime?
/ Margaret: Hell, NO!
/ Marsha: Pretty please? Pretty please with a grenade on top? Please? Please? Please?
/ Margaret: Auugh! All right, but stay away from the stove, the oven, the matches, and any appliance that might spontaneously combust! http://crfh.net/d/20030505.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, May 6, 2003 | [[Marsha opens the door, revealing Margaret carrying a package]]
/ Marsha: Heeey! I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow!
/ Margaret: Heh. Well, I brought something that will make tomorrow's work easier.
/ Marsha: Really? Cool! / [[We are treated to a brief glimpse of violent green as Margaret opens the kitchen door briefly and hurls the package inside]]
/ Marsha: [[off-panel]] You're not supposed to open that door...
/ Margaret: [[off-panel]] I know. I'll just toss something inside. It will kill some creatures and maybe blind others.
/ Marsha: [[off-panel]] Ah! Some kind of poison?
/ Margaret: [[off-panel]] WORSE. / Marsha: Wait a minute! That smelled like the tuna salad I made yesterday!
/ Margaret: [[rolling her eyes]] Talk about your huge coincidences. http://crfh.net/d/20030506.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, May 7, 2003 | [[Inside the kitchen. A green glow suffuses all. Margaret and Marsha, gas-masked, carrying flashlights and weapons, warily enter]]
/ Margaret: Watch out. There's a million mice lying dead on the floor.
/ Marsha: At least they're dead. If one of them moves I'm out of here. / [[Margaret spots some orange and purple things hanging from the ceiling]]
/ Margaret: If I survive this, I'll consider myself graduated in biowarfare.
/ Margaret: The biology teacher would have a field day here. What do you suppose those things are? Bats on acid? / [[Some tentacles approach Marsha from behind and slither over her]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030507.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, May 8, 2003 | [[The "bats" attack Margaret, revealing themselves to be flying potatoes]]
/ Margaret: Holy flying mutant potato crap!
/ Marsha: [[off-panel]] Margaret! A little help here! / [[A many-eyed, tentacled beast has seized Marsha and begun to divest her of her garments]]
/ Marsha: I don't know what kind of intentions this thing has, but dinner and a movie are NOT included!
/ Margaret: [[off-panel]] I can't help you! Do the manga eyes thing or something!
/ Marsha: Are you crazy? Manga plus tentacle monster, do the freakin' MATH!!! http://crfh.net/d/20030508.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, May 9, 2003 | [[The tentacle monster is holding Marsha upside-down]]
/ Marsha: My, my, Mr. Monster. You sure have a lot of sneaky tentacles.
/ Monster: < http://crfh.net/d/20030509.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, May 10, 2003 | [[The partially-clad Marsha and the gun-toting Margaret are cleaning the kitchen]]
/ Marsha: Here comes the monster again! Margaret, your turn!
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20030510.html |
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