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| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, January 18, 2004 | {{Mr. Friendly, No-Depth, and the Sinister Dr. Spammy}}
/ Mr. Friendly: Spammy, get away from the egg. Otherwise whatever it hatches from it will think you're its MOMMY!
/ Dr. Spammy: Doctor designed & ENDORSED.
/ No-Depth: What? Do you mean you created it? / Mr. Friendly and No-Depth: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
/ Dr. Spammy: Never feel lonely again.
/ Mr. Friendly and No-Depth: [[louder]] AAAAAAAH! / Mr. Friendly: That is it! I'm pushing the Big Red BUTTON!
/ No-Depth: [[off-panel]] *GASP!*
/ Mr. Friendly: I've got your weapon of mass destruction RIGHT HERE! http://crfh.net/d/20040118.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, January 19, 2004 | [[Meanwhile, Diana and Paul have somehow managed to extricate Paul's face from a cat. They now flee from Chester's wrath]]
/ Paul: RUN for your life! Mad kitty attack! Mad kitty attack!
/ Chester: < http://crfh.net/d/20040119.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, January 20, 2004 | [[Meanwhile (!), back at the health spa, Marsha is FUMING]] / [[Marsha trails April]] / [[Marsha notices a fire extinguisher on the wall]] / [[Mental image: Marsha smashes the back of April's head with the fire extinguisher]] / [[Marsha recoils]]
/ Marsha: [[thinking]] No. / [[Marsha walks away from April]] http://crfh.net/d/20040120.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, January 21, 2004 | [[Meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile, back at Dun-Dun Island, Mike is being examined by a cybernetically enhanced doctor]]
/ Dr. Sydney: Say "ah".
/ Mike: [[his mouth full of tongue depressor]] AhmahGADyaraglee. Nah affanse.
/ Dr. Sydney: Hey, I'm SO handsome. For a dead person.
/ Mike: Afyasaysah.
/ Dr. Sydney: I don't have your file here, so I'll do what I can. / [[Doctor Sydney prepares a hypodermic needle]]
/ Mike: What's THAT?
/ Dr. Sydney: Penicillin shot.
/ Mike: This is taking fiction too FAR!
/ Dr. Sydney: Well, you need to be protected from bacteria. It's either this or a surgical mask.
/ Mike: Surgical mask! / [[Mike, wearing a surgical mask, sleeps]]
/ Dr. Sydney: Pfft! How naive. Chloroform is your little friend...
/ Mike: < http://crfh.net/d/20040121.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, January 22, 2004 | [[Back at the health spa]]
/ Marsha: I can't find Margaret anywhere.
/ Marsha: Not that I expect you to be concerned... or help me look for her. / [[She sits, her back to April, who is facing away from her]]
/ Marsha: *sigh*
/ April: Why didn't you do it?
/ Marsha: Do what?
/ April: Why didn't you come after me? I heard your footsteps.
/ April: You were gonna do it, but turned around. Why? / Marsha: Well, my best friend tried to steal my boyfriend yet AGAIN. Last time it happened, I hurt everybody and I landed in the nuthouse, but it STILL didn't make me feel better.
/ Marsha: I decided I don't have to pay for other people's treason.
/ April: That's a lie, you know.
/ Marsha: What's a lie?
/ April: I never actually tried to steal Mike from you. http://crfh.net/d/20040122.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, January 23, 2004 | April: I'm not like you, Marsha. I don't know how to flirt. I don't know how to seduce a guy.
/ April: I can't compete with you, and even if I could, he's already in love with you.
/ April: All I wanted was a little attention, good or bad, it was the same. I just... oh hell, I don't know. / Marsha: You can't force someone to like you, April. Even if you deserve it better than someone else.
/ Marsha: That is a lesson we all learn the hard way, I guess.
/ April: A little late for that, yeah.
/ Marsha: So what are you gonna do now, anyway? The game is over, April. You can't use my friendship to hurt Mike anymore. / April: I don't know yet. Move out, probably. Get away.
/ April: But first, we have to find Margaret.
/ April: [[standing]] I have something to tell her. http://crfh.net/d/20040123.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, January 24, 2004 | {{Mr. Friendly, No-Depth, and the Sinister Dr. Spammy}}
/ Mr. Friendly: All RIGHT. Who was the funny guy?
/ No-Depth: [[off-panel]] Why is the world still here?
/ Mr. Friendly: Because this is a friggin' cardboard cutout! Someone stole your mouth AND my pretty Big Red Button of Destruction.
/ Dr. Spammy: [[off-panel]] Don't get ripped off no more! CHeck THis oUt / Mr. Friendly: You used all those components to make the egg?
/ Dr. Spammy: Wrong name!! right ingredients
/ No-Depth: So YOU stole my mouth? I'm SPEECHLESS.
/ Dr. Spammy: The scientifically formulated product for your johnson.
/ Mr. Friendly: We all must make sacrifices in the name of science. No-Depth, unleash the 3-ton squeaky hammer.
/ No-Depth: Don't worry, Spammy! We'll freeze your corpse so you can be resurrected in the next century. http://crfh.net/d/20040124.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, January 25, 2004 | {{Mr. Friendly, No-Depth, and the Sinister Dr. Spammy}}
/ Mr. Friendly: Well, what are you waiting for? Where's the squeaky hammer?
/ No-Depth: That's what I would like to know!
/ Mr. Friendly: Uh? No? Well, then what about the Deadly Foam Finger?
/ No-Depth: Gone.
/ Mr. Friendly: Then release the Poison Guppy Fish!
/ Dr. Spammy: Hint hint.
/ No-Depth: Nope.
/ Mr. Friendly: Darn it! Do we have ANYTHING left?
/ No-Depth: Don't think so. / Mr. Friendly: How could he use every cool weapon we have and stuff it into a little egg?
/ Dr. Spammy: [[off-panel]] New Year's REsolutiON.
/ No-Depth: Don't forget our body parts.
/ Mr. Friendly: Whatever it hatches from that egg, it better be GOOD. I mean, BAD. http://crfh.net/d/20040125.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, January 26, 2004 | [[Back at the beauty spa... actually, on its roof]]
/ Marsha: I told you she was not on the roof.
/ April: It doesn't hurt to look again.
/ Marsha: Maybe if I knew why the hell she ran away...
/ April: I already told you, it's not my secret. I can't tell you.
/ Marsha: Why doesn't anybody friggin' tell me ANYTHING?
/ April: Because you're gossipy? / Marsha: They're gonna kick us out in a few hours. Maybe she went home.
/ April: Walking? Heh. Not likely.
/ Marsha: Well, where ELSE could she be?
/ April: Well, there's another possibility. I know Margaret, and I'm almost certain... / April: [[pointing]] She went there.
/ Marsha: The WOODS? What for?
/ April: She wants to be alone.
/ Marsha: What's the point? She'll have to come out eventually.
/ April: Nuh-huh. Not Margaret. She's a SURVIVALIST.
/ April: She could easily disappear there for years... or FOREVER. http://crfh.net/d/20040126.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, January 27, 2004 | [[Back on/in Dun-Dun Island... looking out through the walls, we see a mermaid, who is looking in. I'm going to call the Sinister Mastermind "Vernon", because it's faster to type :) ]]
/ Vernon: [[off-panel]] A fine specimen, don't you think? It's a shame we still don't get the singing ones.
/ Guard: [[off-panel]] We already have the Whitney and Mariah sequence, sir.
/ Vernon: [[off-panel]] Not in time, tho. Some scientists are getting thinner paychecks this Christmas. / Vernon: Any good news?
/ Guard: The prisoners were recaptured during the night, sir.
/ Vernon: Good, good. We need to find out how they escaped.
/ Guard: Do you wish to interrogate them yourself?
/ Vernon: No time for fun now. YOU do it. Just don't kill them. / Vernon: But we're not going to give them a medal either. Put them down for the next unpleasant experiment.
/ Vernon: Is everything ready for tonight?
/ Guard: Yes, sir.
/ Vernon: I want everything to be perfect.
/ Guard: It will be, sir.
/ Vernon: Mark this day in your calendar, Derek.
/ Vernon: Because THIS one is going into the history books. http://crfh.net/d/20040127.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, January 28, 2004 | [[Darkness]]
/ He was supposed to be interrogated. Too late for that, I already injected him with amnesia serum. Now WHY did you have to go and do THAT for??? That's the standard procedure with new prisoners. He's not new, you idiot, he escaped. I don't have any files on him, ergo, he's new, ergo, he gets the serum. Ergo you blew it! You don't understand. His sequence is different from anything I have ever seen. This is not a computer bug, I am SURE he doesn't belong here. Look, if anybody asks, he wouldn't talk, do you hear? Put him to sleep and in a while we'll come to take him to the D section. He's already asleep. I don't care, that's the standard procedure. You didn't care about the standard procedure before. Holy #%&@. It's just useless to argue with you, isn't it. / [[Mike is unconscious and handcuffed onto the examining table. His wounds have been bound. Dr. Sydney leans over him, preparing another hypodermic]]
/ Dr. Sydney: Fine. I drug him again. If he dies, we lose a perfectly good specimen. SNAFU.
/ Dr. Sydney: Morons. Why the hell do I bother explaining myself? If Damascus blows a vein over this, it's gonna be THEIR necks, not mine. / [[Mike wraps his tentacle around Dr. Sydney's neck and begins strangling him]]
/ Mike: Damascus, huh? Live for the moment, freak. In case you don't know, my tentacle is strong enough to snap your neck in a single twist.
/ Dr. Sydney: < http://crfh.net/d/20040128.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, January 29, 2004 | Mike: I don't know what you have been doing to me, but there will be time for rock and roll later. Now, I want to know where the hell I am, and how I can escape. Dig?
/ Dr. Sydney: You can't. This is an underwater island.
/ Mike: Fine. Well, if I remember how I got in, I'll be able to get out. So, where's the antidote for that amnesia serum? / Dr. Sydney: No antidote. But with a swift kick to the nuts...
/ Mike: Oh! So does that mean I gotta kick you in the nuts to make you remember another way?
/ Dr. Sydney: Really... ggh, only a big shock... also, kkhhg, eventually...
/ Mike: Nonono, I need my memories NOW, not eventually. Think of something else. I have faith in your, Toasterator... / Dr. Sydney: There is no other way. Also...
/ Guard: [[off-panel]] Dr. Sydney. Is the prisoner ready? Open the door.
/ Mike: Already??? Dammit! Send them away.
/ Dr. Sydney: I'm not their boss. And they never listen to me anyway... / [[Close-up on Dr. Sydney's hand, which is surreptitiously entering his pocket]]
/ Mike: [[off-panel]] Fine. It looks like I'm gonna have to use you as a hostage, then. http://crfh.net/d/20040129.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, January 30, 2004 | [[Dr. Sydney produces a scalpel from his pocket and lunges at Mike with it]]
/ Mike: Now, if you behave and cooperate, I'll... HEY! / [[Mike pulls Dr. Sydney's metal face down to a convenient level and knees him in the nose]]
/ Mike: < http://crfh.net/d/20040130.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, February 2, 2004 | [[The senior guard orders a junior guard. The senior guard is Brazil]]
/ Brazil: Wilson, you take care of the blond one. Seems to me that's the easiest to crack. I'll handle the other. Remember, we can't lose a lot of time with them... there's still a lot to do before everything starts.
/ Junior Guard: Don't worry, sir. I'll have a report ready. / [[The Junior Guard awakens Roger]]
/ Guard: Rise and shine, dweebo. We're going for a walk.
/ Roger: Gnn. Not a morning person. Come back in a couple of hours...
/ Guard: What, do you want your breakfast to get cold?
/ Roger: It depends. What's for breakfast? / [[A handful of guards lead Roger from his cell]]
/ Guard: I believe it's a big helping of pain, with pain topping and everything. Oh, and a side order of pain.
/ Roger: What, no coffee?
/ Guard: No, just a cup of pain. With scream.
/ Roger: I think I'm not hungry anymore... http://crfh.net/d/20040202.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, February 3, 2004 | [[We see Dr. Sydney, lying in a pool of blood on the surgery floor]]
/ Guard 1: [[off-panel]] WHAT? What the hell happened here???
/ Guard 2: [[off-panel]] DAMN.
/ Guard 1: [[off-panel]] Who could have done this?
/ Guard 2: [[off-panel]] I think someone tried very clumsily to cover a mistake.
/ Guard 2: [[off-panel]] Let's check if the other one is dead. / [[Guard 1 approaches Mike. Mike is lying on the gurney, blood everywhere, those nasty scissors buried in his gut]]
/ Guard 1: Why bother? If he's not dead, he's gonna be very soon.
/ Guard 1: And if Damascus finds out, maybe we'll join him in just a little... / [[Mike's tentacle wraps around the guard's wrist, as Mike's right hand grabs the portable intravenous support stand]]
/ Guard 1: Holy...!!!
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040203.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, February 4, 2004 | [[Guard 2 begins unloading his weapon in Mike's direction. Mike clings to the IV stand, kicking the gurney into the guard and disrupting his aim]] / [[Mike strikes the guard with the IV stand, causing shards of pain...]] / [[... before backswinging the stand into the guard's crotch]] http://crfh.net/d/20040204.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, February 5, 2004 | Mike: Don't feel bad, guys. I've spent fourteen years escaping from thugs that are better trained than you.
/ Mike: Who runs this place, anyway??? One mistake after another.
/ Mike: You need smaller guns.
/ Mike: Too much paranoia and not enough crisis management. / [[Mike strips off and discards his shirt and the mass of cotton wadding which held the scissors]]
/ Mike: [[thinking]] Eew. Okay, I'm pretty much done with this shirt. And this probably AIDS-infested cotton...
/ Mike: [[thinking]] Now, I need some concealing clothes.
/ Mike: [[thinking]] And then, I'm getting out of here.
/ Mike: [[thinking]] Or taking over. Opportunity will say. / [[Mike has dressed in surgical greens, with cap and mask]]
/ Mike: [[thinking]] Pay no attention to the tinkling under my coat... http://crfh.net/d/20040205.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, February 6, 2004 | [[Flashback: Dave "insults" Margaret in the woods]]
/ Margaret: Sexyshoulders? Pfft! What kind of a lousy insult is that? Hehehehe! / [[Flashback: Margaret dancing at the club]] / [[Dave lies in his cell, the shadows of guards darkening his walls]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I have to see you again. / [[Dave is led away by the guards]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Everything else matters little.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I just HAVE to see you again. http://crfh.net/d/20040206.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, February 9, 2004 | [[Mike, in surgical greens, wanders the corridors of the complex]]
/ Guard: [[off-panel]] Hey! YOU!
/ Guard: [[off-pane]] Have you seen Dr. Sydney? I have no answer from him! / Mike: [[making 'bottle' gestures]] Dr. Sydney??? Heh. Good luck with THAT. Last time I saw him, he was passed out on the floor. You know, Gluhgluhgluh...
/ Guard: What??? Great. Just when I'm up to my neck in stuff. I'm gonna KILL that old man.
/ Mike: I could cover for Dr. Sydney, but NO ONE tells me anything.
/ Guard: But my orders... / Mike: As you like it. It's gonna be your neck, not mine.
/ Guard: Dang! Okay, you're right.
/ Mike: I always am.
/ Guard: You're needed down in Section B. Support, mostly.
/ Mike: All right. But you owe me one.
/ Guard: I sure do. http://crfh.net/d/20040209.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, February 10, 2004 | [[Dave is being led/pushed down a corridor by three guards]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040210.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, February 11, 2004 | [[Dave lies on the floor, surrounded by guards' boots, which unfortunately for him, contain guards]]
/ Guard C: [[off-panel]] Hey, Sleeping Beauty! Get up already. I didn't punch you that hard!
/ Guard C: [[off-panel]] Unless you want some more tenderizing.
/ Guard B: [[off-panel]] It'd be fun, but there's no time. Remember, Brazil is waiting for us... / [[Dave rolls an eye at Guard C]]
/ Dave: You know, you really should not have done that.
/ Guard C: Hahah! And why is that? / [[Dave's Point-of-View: the three guards lean over him]]
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Because I can see your BRAINS from here... http://crfh.net/d/20040211.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, February 12, 2004 | [[Dave flees down the corridor]]
/ Guard: HEY! / [[Dave glances behind, worried]] / Guard: [[off-panel]] Stop right there! I'm gonna shoot!
/ Dave: [[turns toward the guard, his eyes glowing blue]] REALLY. / [[The guard's gun flies as his hand is struck by a laser bolt]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040212.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, February 13, 2004 | [[The flying gun and spraying bullets have taken out the light fixtures. Dave crouches in the darkened corridor]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Dammit! I can't see a THING!
/ Dave: [[thinking]] He's not making any noises... maybe he passed out.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I should have aimed for the head, but those stupid helmets make things really difficult. / Dave: [[thinking]] I wish I could cut metal... how am I gonna get rid of these handcuffs?
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I can't stay here, anyway. The noise probably attracted more guards.
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040213.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, February 14, 2004 | [[Dave forces himself upright, bracing himself against the wall. Bloodstains smear the wall nearby]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040214.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, February 15, 2004 | [[A guard, in the dark, speaks on a walkie-talkie]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040215.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, February 16, 2004 | [[Mike is wandering through the corridors, dressed in surgical greens, with mask. A guard hails him]]
/ Guard: Hey, where are you going? You're needed here!
/ Mike: Wha?
/ Guard: Medical support?
/ Mike: Uh... sorry, lights went out, and I didn't notice the door... / Guard: Good thing you're finally here. We've been working on this one for a while, and we've got nothing but NONSENSE. I think he's about to crack, but I want to make sure he'll be able to take it. / Mike: Whoa. This is not a casino.
/ Guard: What? What the hell are you on?
/ Mike: Eh... distracted for a moment there. Uh, so, has he eaten anything?
/ Guard: Nope.
/ Mike: I think he SHOULD.
/ Guard: No, we don't want to clean up all the pretty vomit. http://crfh.net/d/20040216.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, February 17, 2004 | [[Mike, in surgical greens and mask, examines Roger, who is strapped to a torture table]]
/ Roger: Uuuh...!!!
/ Mike: Shhh. I'm trying to feel your pulse here.
/ Guard: [[off-panel]] Hey, Wilson? Could you come here for a minute? / Mike: All right, man. On the count of three...
/ Roger: No... n-no, I can't.
/ Mike: They're eight. We're two. We can take 'em.
/ Roger: Hhh... you, you d-d-don't get it.
/ Mike: You're not in that bad of a shape. C'mon.
/ Roger: I'm... way past my breakpoint. If, if I let go...
/ Mike: What? Don't be ridiculous! / [[Close up on Mike's legs]]
/ Mike: [[off-panel]] I don't know what's wrong with you, but I can't take them all by myself. They have guns.
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Please. No. I'd rather die.
/ Mike: [[off-panel]] I can't believe I'm having this conversation... / Guard: A REALLY nice try, "doctor." Except that NO ONE uses jeans and sneakers around here.
/ Mike: F#@%.
/ Roger: I'm so sorry, Mike... http://crfh.net/d/20040217.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, February 18, 2004 | [[Roger is strapped to a torture table. Mike is wearing surgical greens, but his cunning disguise has been rumbled. Guard A holds a gun on him. Guard B holds a cattle prod]]
/ Guard A: Put 'em up where I can see them. Guys, strap this one in too. This job might even get us better names. I think I'm aiming for Madagascar. Maybe even Hawaii!
/ Roger: [[thinking]] ???
/ Mike: [[thinking]] Get distracted for five seconds, that's all I ask. Get distracted for five seconds...
/ Guard B: Hey, who the hell is that? / [[Dave, still handcuffed, stumbles in the door, glaze-eyed]] / [[Dave collapses]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040218.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, February 19, 2004 | [[Roger, having exceeded breaking point, breaks out in werecoyote. BIG werecoyote. We're talking Chewbacca on steroids, folks. The straps on his torture table just aren't up to the strain, and in fact the entire torture table goes the way of Roger's clothing]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040219.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, February 20, 2004 | [[Mike watches, distressed, as fragments of shredded guard fly past]]
/ Mike: [[thinking]] Wow... first he kills my buoy, and now... Uh, guy with gun. / Mike: [[thinking]] Where did that thought come from? The raft... was it a dream?
/ Mike: [[thinking]] Am I dreaming this? Everything is... off. So very strange... / [[A feral werecoyote, gore dripping from its mouth, sniffs tentatively at Dave's unconscious body]]
/ Mike: Roger?
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040220.html |
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