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| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike checks his father over]]
/ Mike: Uuugh! Oh God, I killed my father, I KNEW it would happen sooner or later...
/ Roger: Man, this doesn't look good at ALL. I think we should call and ambulance.
/ Mike: SCREW the ambulance! It's gonna take forever! Let's get him to the hospital ourselves!
/ Roger: What about your ankle?
/ Mike: I'll manage! Just help me carry him to the car! / Mike: Hey, we're gone to get some help! You're not supposed to move around a lot, so...
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Pssh. Okay, get going already, I'm not a baby...
/ Mike: Just stay out of sight and out of trouble! / Dave: Heh. Funny how he tells me to stay out of trouble, seeing how I'm stuck here in this bed. / [[Blue enters the room, fresh from school]]
/ Blue: Hiiiiii! http://crfh.net/d/20040824.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives 08.25.2004 | [[Blue chats with Dave. She's just gotten home from school]]
/ Blue: Hey, you look better today! And you're even awake!
/ Dave: BL?
/ Blue: How are you feeling?
/ Dave:...ooohh.
/ Blue: And where's Mike? I told him to keep an eye on you or suffer my wrath! / Blue: I was so worried! I didn't want to go to school but Mike said it would be suspicious, so I had to.
/ Dave: Nih?
/ Blue: Yeah, the day seemed to go on forever...
/ Dave: Zztch.
/ Blue: Because you know, all I wanted to do was to come here and snuggle you to death, and... / Blue: Okay, I'm taking off my stupid uniform now so we can have a coherent conversation.
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] YESSS!!!! I mean, NOOOOO! http://crfh.net/d/20040825.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Margaret, bathing in a pool, cracks one eye open]] / [[A hunter comes across a pile of clothes near the pool]] / [[Margaret slowly lowers herself under the pool's surface]] / [[The hunter holds aloft a bra, smirking]] / [[Margaret, holding herself under the surface of the pool, glares up at him]] http://crfh.net/d/20040826.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | {{Solitude of the Warrior}} / [[Woods]] / MARGARET: < http://crfh.net/d/20040827.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Blue: Uh...I don't know. We promised, remember? And shtoinking can't be good for you. You know how the spirit is willing but the flesh wounds are weak.
/ Dave: Don't be silly. I just want you to come here with me for a while.
/ Blue: Yeah, just as I was saying...
/ Dave: In a nice, innocent way. Nothing's gonna happen. C'mon, hop in. < http://crfh.net/d/20040830.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Blue: Well, we can't talk a lot with me on your bad hearing side. I think I better go. You should be sleeping anyway...
/ Dave: Actually, I think I'd sleep better with you here. But if you have stuff to do...
/ Blue: No, I'd love to. I'm a bit tired too. Didn't get any sleep last night... / [[Two hours later...]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040831.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Dave and Blue are in bed]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Good God, what the hell is wrong with me??? How could I forget telling her about her dad?
/ Dave: [[thinking]] I gotta tell her! No, wait! I have to think of a very good excuse before I tell her! / Dave: [[thinking]] Of course, I could pretend I never knew anything, and just...wait for her to find out on her own. / Dave: [[thinking]] No, that would be HORRIBLE. What if the guy dies while she's here with me? But what if the guy ALREADY died? Then she'd hate me...
/ Blue's Cell Phone: < http://crfh.net/d/20040901.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: Uh...Blue, wake up. Um, I don't think it's a good idea to turn your cell phone off.
/ Blue: Znnn. Don't want it to sound while you're sleeping.
/ Dave: But what if it's an emergency? You should... check who called, and call back. Definitely.
/ Blue: Bah. No emergency. It was Mike. I'm sure he's just checking if I'm... shtoinking you.
/ Dave: But... what if someone got hurt?
/ Blue: You worry too much. Go back to sleep. / Dave: Well, you should check. Just in case. Suppose someone got hurt. Anything could happen to anybody... spontaneous combustion... anaconda chomp... heart attack...
/ Dave: Suppose Mike took this... hypothetical father... to the hospital.
/ [[Blue's grip tightens on the cell phone]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040902.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Blue: [[off-panel]] What? Oh. OH my God. How...?
/ Blue: [[off-panel]] Ugh. Right. You wouldn't lie to me about this, would you? No. No, of course not. Yeah. Sure, I'll think of something.
/ Blue: [[off-panel]] Well, he didn't tell me before. What? Because he was asleep of course... okay. See you there.
/ Blue: [[off-panel]] Of course not. I'm going as fast as I can. / Dave: Please tell me he's okay.
/ Blue: Actually, he got a minor heart attack. His second warning, I believe.
/ Dave: Forgive me.
/ Blue: Not so FAST. Why didn't you tell me?
/ Dave: Why else? Because I'm a moron...
/ Blue: Is THAT your excuse?
/ Dave: It's no excuse. I just forgot. So uh, punch me in the gut and let's get done with it...
/ Blue: Try again. / Dave: I, uh, I... don't know, it's just one catastrophe after another, and I'm having a hard time even keeping TRACK of it all.
/ Blue: Well, see, that works for me.
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040903.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Nurse: You can see the patient now. But remember, do not upset him.
/ Mike: Right.
/ Roger: Heh. Good luck with THAT.
/ Mike: Shut up, three-eyes. I know it's not in my nature, but I sure will be trying. / [[Mike sees his father]]
/ Mike: Uuh. Hi, Pa. Um, doctor said you'll be fine...
/ Mike: Eep. You're angry. Eh, I WAS going to tell you, but it's so complicated...
/ Mike: But I just wanted you to know that I'm okay. Really. And...
/ Mike: And well...aside from the obvious...I'm just the same. No REAL change. See? / Mike's Dad: Go away...Mike. I don't want to see you...EVER...
/ Mike: WHAT???
/ Mike's Dad: I expected...so much of you. You are my...BIGGEST...disappointment.
/ Mike: But, Pa...
/ Mike's Dad: Don't call me Pa...and Go AWAY...you failure... http://crfh.net/d/20040906.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike is visiting his dad in hospital]]
/ Mike: Ooookay. Pa, I didn't expect you to...
/ Mike's Dad: Don't...call me Pa. No son of mine...would EVER...be gay.
/ Mike: GAY??? Where did you get that idea? Pa, I'm NOT gay.
/ Mike's Dad: Gay, or whatever. You screw guys...transvestites...cats...who knows what else? You...make me sick...
/ Mike: Are you delirious or something? Who have you been talking to? / Mike's Dad: Just...walked and saw you...in bed...with those other...HHN. Doing...uugh. My heart. You're killing me. I hope you're...happy.
/ Mike: This is STUPID!!! Besides, I guess your dumb cigars and your skirt-chasing habits have NOTHING to do at ALL, huh, Pa?
/ Mike's Dad: Hnn. If I wasn't...half-dead, I would kick your ass GOOD...
/ Mike: [[Rolling up his sleeve to reveal his tentacle]] Oh. Is THAT right? Fine, then. You asked for it, Dad. Let's see how THIS breaks your heart. http://crfh.net/d/20040907.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Mike: [[His sleeve rolled up to reveal his tentacle, but his back to his father, so the tentacle is still hidden]] *sigh* / Mike: [[HIdes his tentacle again and turns back to his dad]] Yes, I am gay. And it is...NICE...to know all that talk about Mom letting me live my life as I choose was nothing but BULL.
/ Mike's Dad: There are limits...to everything.
/ Mike: You're going to play Mr. Morals now? Heh. I am dissappointed as well, Pa. / Mike's Dad: Don't call me Pa. I have...no son.
/ Mike: Really?
/ Mike: How is THAT news? http://crfh.net/d/20040908.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Margaret, in only underwear, explores the woods]]
/ Margaret: [[Thinking]] Whatever got that guy, he never even saw it coming.
/ Margaret: [[Thinking]] No fight, so I guess it was the neck
/ Margaret: [[Thinking]] Extremely quick and silent. / Margaret: [[Thinking]] Funny, tho, it doesn't look like the guy was dragged.
/ Margaret: [[Thinking]] And what about this? His hat is here. It doesn't make any sense. / Margaret: [[Thinking]] I shouldn't do this in my underwear. I feel like I'm in a...
/ Margaret: [[Spots a gun on the ground. Thinking]] OOoooooooh.
/ Margaret: [[Thinking]] No, I really, REALLY shouldn't... http://crfh.net/d/20040909.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Margaret, dressed only in underwear, explores the woods]]
/ Margaret: [[Thinking]] Surely it would be a sin to let such a beautiful gun siting here in the weather to rust.
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040910.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike walks out from his dad's hospital room, clenching his fist. Roger stares at him.]] / [[Mike collapses onto a seat, groaning, and clutching himself. Roger watches.]]
/ Mike: *GROAN* / Roger: So anyway, I was wondering if you have some change for the candy machine? I used to have some money at some point, and then my pants exploded... http://crfh.net/d/20040913.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike and Blue meet in the hospital]]
/ Blue: How is he? Did you see him?
/ Mike: Meh, he will live. The bastard.
/ Blue: Uh? What happened?
/ Mike: He disowned me. Just like that!
/ Blue: Disowned you??? Why in the world?
/ Mike: He thinks I'm gay.
/ Blue: YOU? Gay? Where did he get that idea?
/ Mike: No clue. Anyway, he pissed me off, so I told him I'm gay. / [[Roger wanders into panel, eating a sandwich.]]
/ Blue: WHAT? I don't get it... why?
/ Mike: Well, what if I was gay? I will be gay if I want to! How DARE he judge me!
/ Blue: But you're not gay!
/ Mike: You keep missing the point, Blue.
/ Blue: THERE IS NO POINT!
/ Roger: What do you mean, you're NOT gay??? http://crfh.net/d/20040914.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike is silencing Roger by shoving the Roger's sandwich into his mouth, while arguing with Blue.]]
/ Mike: You wouldn't BELIEVE the things he said. I'm... UGH. To Hell with him.
/ Blue: GAH! Mike, you're SMARTER than this! Since when do you listen to Dad, anyway?
/ Mike: This is between Dad and me, Blue. I don't expect you to understand.
/ Roger: < http://crfh.net/d/20040915.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Blue is visiting her dad Harry in the hospital.]]
/ Harry: And I know YOU are already in the acceptance stage, so why are you acting as if you didn't know?
/ Blue: WHAT? Uh... OH. CRAP. Mh, I don't... think we should be talking about this right now...
/ Harry: You should have spoken earlier. Maybe we could have stopped him...
/ Blue: Huh! Because... we have to let Mike sort this on his own? / Harry: Do you expect me to just stand around and do nothing?
/ Blue: Well, Pa, you KNOW Mike. The fact that you or Mom don't approve of something is, in fact, an incentive for him.
/ Harry: Oh, I get you. So, I agree with this gay stuff, and he's back to straight?
/ Blue: Uh... something like that...
/ Harry: And if it doesn't work, I kick his boyfriends' ass.
/ Blue: ... right. / [[Blue, outside the hospital, shouting into a phone]]
/ Blue: Michael Redford Green, either you get your stupid crap together or I'm gonna make you taste OBLIVION!
/ Mike: [[through phone]] Do you mind? I'm trying to concentrate on steering while Roger controls the gas.
/ Roger: [[through phone]] He's MAD! Mad I say! http://crfh.net/d/20040917.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Roger drives a car, with Mike in the passenger seat. Mike is steering. A cell phone rings]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040918.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, September 20, 2004 | Marsha: So, what now? Where could they be?
/ April: If I had to place a bet I'd say they were arrested for indecent exposure or something equally embarrassing.
/ Marsha: Yeah, I agree. Still, we should check the hospitals, or report them missing. Might do that for Margaret as well, while we're there.
/ [[The phone rings]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040920.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, September 21, 2004 | Marsha: That's just stupid. Mike's not gay... heh, *I* should know.
/ April: Well, what if it was... you know, a FRONT? Maybe the Blue thing was just an excuse to break up with you...
/ Marsha: Let's not get paranoid. Mike left his cell phone here, but maybe I can reach him on his old one...
/ April: It would be ironic as Hell, tho.
/ Marsha: Shh... / [[Roger drives while Mike steers]]
/ Mike: Ew! Why does my phone smell of mayonnaise?
/ Roger: The price to pay for crushing my sandwich, foo'... Aw, now it's "Beat on the Brat"...
/ Mike: That's our apartment! Maybe it's Marsha!
/ Roger: All right, but *I* will talk, not y... / [[Marsha and April listen, horrified, at the conversation they overhear through the phone...]]
/ Roger: [[through phone]] Whoops.
/ Mike: [[through phone]] ACK! Try to focus, Roger.
/ Roger: [[through phone]] Not my fault if it's slippery. Uuh...
/ Mike: [[through phone]] What now?
/ Roger: [[through phone]] Eh. It's between your legs...
/ Mike: [[through phone]] Just grab it already! Or should I do it myself?
/ Roger: [[through phone]] NO! Aw, man, can't we just stop???
/ Mike: [[through phone]] We can't stop now, we're almost there!!!
/ Roger: [[through phone]] *whimper* http://crfh.net/d/20040921.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, September 28, 2004 | [[Roger drives, Mike steers]]
/ Roger [[examining Mike's cell phone]]: They hung up.
/ Mike: Dammit! Okay, dial again.
/ Roger: No. WAY. Pay attention to the fricking road, Mike, I'm developing an ULCER here.
/ Mike: C'mon. I AM paying attention to the road. Jesus, why are you acting as if you were my granny? / Roger: [[turning toward Mike, the better to argue with him]]: WHY? Because I can't see a THING! And we're gonna end up smeared on the asphalt because you...
/ Mike: [[spotting something out the windshield]] Uh, small whatever alert!
/ Roger: Uh?
/ Mike: On the road! Small uh... mammal? Who the heck cares just HIT THE BRAKES! / < http://crfh.net/d/20040928.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, September 29, 2004 | [[The car sits off the road, smoke billowing from the hood. Mike and Roger sit on the verge beside it.]] / Mike: Why are you mad at me? I wasn't even talking on the phone!
/ Mike: And I think it was a weasel. Okay, so I forgot the name. Sue me for not being a zoopholologist.
/ Mike: Well, help should be here soon. See? Cell phones rule. / [[Roger removes Mike's cell phone from his hand]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20040929.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, September 30, 2004 | [[A heavily-bandaged Dave sits alone in Mike's bed]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Huh. Man, I'm kind of hungry right now...
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Where is everybody? I hope this doesn't mean something bad about Mike's dad. / Dave: [[thinking]] Also, I better start... Uh? Wait, that sounds like...
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Damn!
/ Dave: [[thinking]] DAMN! / [[He dives under the covers]] / [[Outside Mike's bedroom, Mike's mom and Vernon stroll past]]
/ Mike's mom [[laughing]]: And then he gave me a speech about the Geneva Convention!
/ Vernon: You're kidding! He did actually bring up the Geneva Convention???
/ Mike's mom: Will you believe that? Anyway, I laughed so hard I ended up voiceless for three whole days! / [[Back in Mike's bed, Dave cowers]]
/ Vernon: {{off-panel}} Wait, here?
/ Mike's mom: {{off-panel}} Yeah, it's my son Mike's bedroom.
/ Vernon: {{off-panel}} Won't he mind?
/ Mike's mom: {{off-panel}} Naw, he's away. Besides, he has the best hi-fi system!
/ Mike's mom: {{off-panel}} And a really COMFY bed! http://crfh.net/d/20040930.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, October 1, 2004 | [[Dave hides beneath the covers of Mike's bed]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Just what the HELL are they doing??? Did they come here to sleep, or what? I can hear someone snoring...
/ Dave: [[thinking]] God, why won't they go away? I can't stay here forever...
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Also, ugh, I need to pee... Dammit! Why didn't I go to the bathroom sooner? I would have been there when they came in... / Dave: [[thinking]] This is ridiculous. Why do I have to be hiding here? I haven't done anything wrong! In fact, I didn't even want to come to this house!
/ Dave: [[thinking]] SCREW it. I'm going out.
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Mike invited me. I was asleep. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. / [[Dave tentatively peeks from the covers]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] ??? / [[Beside Dave, fast asleep and with his eyes bandaged, is Jay.]]
/ Jay: < http://crfh.net/d/20041001.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, October 4, 2004 | [[Dave backs away from Mike's bed (containing Jay). He collides with the wall.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20041004.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, October 5, 2004 | [[Jay, his eyes bandaged, confronts Blue. Dave hovers uncertainly, afraid to move in case he makes a sound to alert Jay to his presence.]]
/ Jay: Are you alone?
/ Blue: ... Yes. Why?
/ Jay: Just checking. So, uh... have you thought about it?
/ Blue: Uh?
/ Jay: About... what we talked the other day.
/ Blue: OH. Um. Yes. Uh, Jay, it's just not gonna happen...
/ Jay: Why not? We were great together, Blue. We were happy.
/ Blue: I have moved on. And... you should do the same... / Jay: It's because of that guy, isn't it?
/ Blue: Jay, I don't think we should talk about this right now...
/ Jay: He's never going to love you like I do. And he's gonna hurt you. I just KNOW he will.
/ Blue: [[holding Dave back, who is clenching fists and trying to move toward Jay]] NO! You don't know that! And hmph, I'll take the risk!
/ Jay: He doesn't have what it takes to face Mom. She's going to chew him up and spit him out.
/ Blue: We...! Uh, I have to go now... I'll drop by later! http://crfh.net/d/20041005.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, October 6, 2004 | Blue: Well, what did you think you were doing? You're not supposed to be walking around, and now you want to get in a fight? With a BLIND guy???
/ Dave: Oh, now you're worried about him too?
/ Blue: Why not? Did I miss a memo? Are you my boyfriend now?
/ Dave: How can you act like nothing has happened between us???
/ Blue: Me??? What am I supposed to do?
/ Dave: I don't know! You should have told him to hit the road and go to Hell, maybe? / Blue: Wow, you're acting like a caveman.
/ Dave: Maybe I am! So what? You'd think it was ABOUT TIME!
/ Blue: So what are you going to do, Davealopithecus Erectus? Whack me upside the head with your big lumpy CLUB?
/ Dave: ... / Dave: [[blushing, pressing his temples]] Gah, now I forgot what I was talking about. Why do you always have to say things like that?
/ Blue: [[evil grin]] Maybe because it always makes you forget what you're talking about. http://crfh.net/d/20041006.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, October 7, 2004 | [[In the forest, a cute little bunny runs]] / [[Margaret hurls a pointed stick at it.]] / [[Margaret retrieves her stick]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] Damn! I've just wounded the poor thing.
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] I should find it and end its... / [[A human skull in the foreground catches her attention and derails her train of thought]] http://crfh.net/d/20041007.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, October 8, 2004 | [[Margaret is confronted by a mountain of human skulls and bones. However, her attention is directed beyond it.]]
/ Thing Beyond the Mountain of Bones: {{off-panel}} < http://crfh.net/d/20041008.html |
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