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| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives 10.13.2004 | [[Margaret lies in a dark pit, clutching at her leg which she obviously fell on]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] What the HELL is this about? Some sort of hole? I am lucky I didn't break anything!
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] And how am I going to get out of here? It is too deep...
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] I don't like this I am getting seriously freaked out. First the bones, now this. / [[Margaret regains her feet. Two circles in the background glow redly.]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] If I was to channel Dave right now, I'd think this is some sort of hunter's trap for people.
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] But I'm not that paran- / < http://crfh.net/d/20041013.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, October 14, 2004 | [[A black canine figure, red eyes and white teeth flashing in the darkness, pounces.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20041014.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, October 15, 2004 | [[Margaret, her knife behind her back, backs carefully from the slavering creature...]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] Huh. It's trying to corner me. Might as well play its game.
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] I... I wonder if it can read my thoughts. If it can, I'm toast. / [[Margaret turns and flees, the creature in hot pursuit]] / [[Margaret runs up the wall of the cavern, and backflips over the creature's head...]] / [[...landing on it, she plunges her knife into its throat]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] I see you CAN'T!
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20041015.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Saturday, October 16, 2004 | [[Margaret is still in a pit, continuing to fight the creature. It aims a wicked disembowelling slash at her, but she dodges]]
/ Margaret: UGH! / [[The creature buries its many pointed teeth into the fleshy part of her thigh]]
/ Margaret: < http://crfh.net/d/20041016.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Sunday, October 17, 2004 | [[Margaret gathers her wits, and her pointed stick]] / [[Margaret, tears streaming down her face, hurls herself at the dazed creature]] / [[The creature realises its fate...]] / [[Margaret steps on the creature's head and sticks the spear into the ground to rise herself out of the pit]]
/ Margaret: < http://crfh.net/d/20041017.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives 10.18.2004 | [[The creature regains its wits in the darkness of the pit, puffing steam]]
/ Creature: < http://crfh.net/d/20041018.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives 10.19.2004 | [[Meanwhile, back in the apartment...]]
/ Marsha: My GOD, this is AWFUL! Mike can't be gay! Because if he IS, you know...it means...
/ April: ... / Marsha: Either our love was a lie, or my horrible cooking just...made him SWITCH to the other white meat!
/ April: Goddammit, this means I REALLY don't have a chance with him now! / [[Marsha glares.]]
/ April: [[embarrassed]] Heheh, well...in case you died, or...something.
/ April: Uh...I mean, found someone else? http://crfh.net/d/20041019.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives 10.20.2004 | Blue: Okay, we will talk about Jay if you want. But not here. Let me take you to one of the guest rooms.
/ Dave: Why not your room?
/ Blue: Because of the green pill, why else?
/ Dave: What's that green pill business?
/ Blue: What, Mike didn't tell you?
/ Dave: NO ONE ever explains me ANYTHING! / Blue: ALL RIGHT, Dave. I will explain it to you, but you have to promise me you won't freak out.
/ Dave: I can almost guarantee that I'll freak out big time. I can, however, promise to keep the foaming to a minimum.
/ Blue: Good enough.
/ Blue: Now, Mom gave you a green pill, right?
/ Dave: I think. / Blue: Well, you see, that...green pill? It's probably still inside you.
/ Dave: Uh?
/ Blue: It's a chip. A tracking device.
/ Dave: HUH?
/ Blue: Also, it might...uh, explode at any given second...
/ Dave: WHAT???!!! http://crfh.net/d/20041020.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives 10.21.2004 | Blue: Dave, Calm down. Although she COULD make you die, there's no reason to think she would...
/ Dave: CALM DOWN??? Blue, your mother is CRAZY! She might decide to off me next time she breaks a nail or something!!!
/ Blue: See, you're mistaking her for Mike. She rarely acts on a whim, Dave. She's a planner...
/ Dave: Well, THAT really makes me feel a WHOLE LOT better!!! / Blue: We're not even sure it's inside you, Dave. Some people's bodies reject the thing...
/ Dave: Good GOD, I'm toast.
/ Blue: Mike told me he'd help you. What did he say to you? Where is he?
/ Dave: How am I supposed to know? I haven't seen him since he left.
/ Blue: [[on her cell phone]] But...he should be here already. He left before me. Unless... / Blue: [[checking her cell phone]] He's not answering. Ugh. This is not good.
/ Dave: What, you're realizing that now?
/ Blue: I mean, this is worse. I think...I think Mom got him.
/ Dave: Got him? Why?
/ Blue: Because he's acting like a stupid idiot, that's why. http://crfh.net/d/20041021.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, October 22, 2004 | Blue: Stay here. I'm gonna have a quick look at the dungeons.
/ Dave: At the what??? You're not serious.
/ Blue: Get some rest. I'll try not to get caught.
/ Dave: Wait, you're not going alone!
/ Blue: You're not supposed to be up and walking!
/ Dave: I am FINE! It's you who I'm worried about! / Blue: It's my freaking house! I know the dangers, you don't, and I don't want you to get in trouble!
/ Dave: Well, I'm already in trouble! And I'm not going to let you get punished or whatever, because of me!
/ Blue: Dave, for once, listen to me! Stay here and rest! I don't need you to protect me or be my freaking KNIGHT in sh... / [[beat]] / Blue: *sigh* Okay, come along. But we're not taking the scenic route.
/ Dave: Maybe we can take the "small stop at the kitchen" route? http://crfh.net/d/20041022.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, October 25, 2004 | [[Mike and Roger wait by the roadside]]
/ Roger: What was that?
/ Mike: Some thunder, I think. Maybe we should get in the car, it seems like it's gonna rain any minute now...
/ Roger: It sounded like... / Mike: Like what? Well, someone could be hunting...
/ Mike: Uh, Roger!
/ [[Roger peers into the gloom]]
/ Mike: Did you hear what I said?
/ Mike: Roger? / [[Roger runs toward the sound as rain starts to fall]]
/ Mike: What the Hell? No, seriously! What the Hell?
/ Mike: Hey, I can't follow you with this ankle!
/ Mike: Roger, we're almost leaving! There are some perfectly nice bushes there, and... / Mike: [[standing in the rain, to himself]] Who ever UNDERSTANDS these losers??? http://crfh.net/d/20041025.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, October 26, 2004 | [[Roger runs through the rain, in the woods, without his glasses]] / [[Roger runs into a tree]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20041026.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, October 27, 2004 | [[A blond werecoyote clutching a shirt steps into a clearing...]] / [[...where there is a shocked Margaret kneeling beside something]] http://crfh.net/d/20041027.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, October 28, 2004 | [[Roger, a werecoyote, kneels beside his badly injured mother, a human]]
/ Roger's Mother: Rrrr. Roger?
/ Roger: I'm here, Mom, everything's gonna be fine! I'll get you to a doctor! I only n-n-need you to put your hand here! Put pressure on the wound!
/ Roger's Mother: What... Why...?
/ Roger: Don't talk! Keep on breathing, keep awake! G-god, you're losing a lot... / [[Roger picks her up]]
/ Roger's Mother: Nnng. No. Puppy, wait. Put me down.
/ Roger: No! Don't give up! I can run fast! REALLY fast! You'll be okay in no...
/ Roger's Mother: Sshh. No. This is it. I even turned back. No time. I want to tell you something while I still can.
/ Roger: But, Mom...!
/ Roger's Mother: Please, Roger. Do as I say, for once.
/ Roger: *SOB* Uh, okay. / [[Roger's mother cradles Roger's furry cheek]]
/ Roger's Mother: Puppy? You're a man now. I won't tell you to take care of your dad, and Lily. I know you will.
/ Roger's Mother: But promise me you'll take care of... yourself. Promise me that you will be... proud... of who you are...
/ Roger's Mother: Prmse... you'll finddd a way... to be happp... / [[Roger, tears and rain mingling down his face, hugs the limp body of his mother]] http://crfh.net/d/20041028.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, October 29, 2004 | [[A blond werecoyote lowers his mother's body to the rainsoaked ground.]] / [[He spies something lying nearby]] / [[He picks up the shotgun in blood-soaked paws and speculatively eyes...]] / [[Margaret, kneeling in the woods in the rain]]
/ Margaret: You know, Rog...
/ Margaret: I w-wouldn't hold it against you.
/ Margaret: I wouldn't hold it against you at ALL... http://crfh.net/d/20041029.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, November 1, 2004 | [[Blue and Dave explore the dungeons]]
/ Dave: When you said dungeons, I was expecting... dunno, something more...
/ Blue: Medieval?
/ Dave: I thought your mother had a taste for drama...
/ Blue: They don't look like cells so she can disguise them as storage rooms... / [[They peer through a slot in a cell door]]
/ Dave: It's just an empty room. At least there are no shackles or spiky stuff.
/ Blue: No, but you see those metal streaks on the floor?
/ Dave: Huh?
/ Blue: They can be programmed to deliver an electric shock at totally random times.
/ Dave: Well, you can avoid that if you stand up. / Blue: Exactly. Diabolical, don't you think.
/ Dave: You're not serious.
/ Blue: Does it look like I'm not?
/ Dave: My God, you are. And she would do something like that to Mike?
/ Blue: No, something WORSE. http://crfh.net/d/20041101.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, November 2, 2004 | Dave: Why is the security so tight around this place?
/ Blue: Because this is the infamous Maximum Fun Chamber.
/ Dave: Here? This is just another empty room, like the others...
/ Blue: [[pointing]] No. Actually, THERE. / [[A faintly greenish glow surrounds a glass sarcophagus-like device]]
/ Dave: THIS??? I have heard so much about it, and this is IT?
/ Blue: Well, if it was bigger, you could actually move in there, which would be better...
/ Dave: Why don't you open it so we can take a look inside?
/ Blue: I can't open it.
/ Dave: So how do we know if Mike's inside? Can you hear him in there?
/ Blue: [[ear pressed to the Chamber]] No, it's sound-proof. But if there's someone inside, you can hear the machinery work- / [[Total darkness envelops the room]]
/ Dave: ACK!
/ Blue: Ugh. Well, it's raining outside. Probably a normal power outage.
/ Dave: Am I supposed to be alarmed?
/ Blue: No, no. I mean, I'm sure there's plenty of air in this room. Enough, I hope, for both of us, at least until the electronic locks are operational again.
/ Dave: Good! Then I can start hyperventilating right now... http://crfh.net/d/20041102.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, November 3, 2004 | [[Blue and Dave are in the room containing the Maximum Fun Chamber. The lights are back on. Dave is holding Blue as a shield.]]
/ Blue: Heh. You get pretty nervous in the darkness, don't you, Dave?
/ Dave: Pfft! You don't get it. Even in an empty room, disaster awaits for me. I walk around and civilization collapses. Empires crumble. Milk curdles.
/ Blue: Dave...
/ Dave: Small dogs explode...
/ Blue: Who says I'm complaining? Now let's get out of here. / [[Blue types in an exit code.]]
/ Blue: Oh crap.
/ Dave: What is it now?
/ Blue: It... seems like the power outtage reset the system. My code doesn't work...
/ Dave: See? SEE? Now, let's just sit and wait for the piano to fall on me! http://crfh.net/d/20041103.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike arrives in the Green house, dripping wet]]
/ Mike: Thad, pay for the cab, will ya?
/ Thadeus: Sir, what happened to you?
/ Mike: Dad got a heart attack, I was in a car wreck, Roger ran away howling like a lunatic...
/ Thadeus: And you cried yourself a river over your boring life?
/ Mike: Witty, Thad. Where are Dave and Blue?
/ Thadeus: I have not seen them. They were not there when Jay was put in your room by Madame, and I wasn't sure if you wanted her to know you came home, sir. / Mike: *SIGH* The fun never stops, huh? Anyway, I don't need them. But Dave's been bugged and I need the password for Mom's laptop.
/ Thadeus: If I might inquire, what for?
/ Mike: Deleting Dave's data. Dundun damages, duh?
/ Thadeus: Beautiful alliteration, sir. What else do you need? My corneas? My liver? You sound like you could use a spare brain. http://crfh.net/d/20041104.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Mike: What? Thad, you're in this. If I don't delete Dave's location data, Mom's gonna know EVERYTHING. You just HAVE to cooperate.
/ Thad: I am sorry, sir. But everything I have done so far could be explained or at least forgiven.
/ Mike: But THAD...!
/ Thad: If I give you Madam's password and we get caught, I am going to get killed and then fired, in whichever order. No go. / Mike: RIGHT. So, since I'm getting tossed in the Maximum Fun Chamber anyway, I think I'll just go and roll myself dry on the Aubusson Carpet.
/ Thad: NOT the AUBUSSON carpet!!! http://crfh.net/d/20041105.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Blue: Battery's dead. It won't even turn ON. We only can wait for someone to find us.
/ Dave: Who, Mommy dearest???
/ Blue: Or Mike. Anyway, even the Maximum Fun Chamber is better than death. Eventually...
/ Dave: She's gonna put me in the Maximum Fun Chamber. No way. OOOh no.
/ Dave: I wish! / Dave: When she finds out I'm here alone with her teenage daughter, she's going to...cut off my balls. With a CARROT STICK.
/ Blue: Nnno. Dave, no matter what, I"m not gonna let her hurt you. I pr...
/ Dave: You know, and I KNOW...that you just can't stop her. You just can't. / Blue: Maybe...maybe I can't. But I can TRY.
/ Blue: I DO have a wildcard. I'm pretty sure that I can negotiate your safety, if I promise...
/ Blue: If I promise to never see you again.
/ Blue: Probably for the best anyway...you won't be safe as long as we're friends. And... / Dave: No. Don't say that.
/ Dave: Don't you ever,
/ Dave: EVER!
/ Dave: say that. http://crfh.net/d/20041108.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, November 9, 2004 | [[Dave and Blue are trapped in the room containing the Maximum Fun Chamber, and had no reason for being there in the first place. Blue wipes away tears while Dave tries to comfort her.]]
/ Dave: C'mon. Maybe we can think of a really good excuse to be down here...
/ Blue: It's not that, Dave. It's just... everything's going awful. I mean, look at you, and Mike, he's acting all strange... and Dad...
/ Dave: Uh. Mmmh.
/ Blue: I'm frightened. I don't know what the Hell is going on anymore.
/ Dave: Well, I don't understand a lot of things either. And other things... I'm not sure I'm actually the right person to tell you... / Blue: What have you guys been doing??? How could you get shot? Are you in even MORE trouble than I know?
/ Dave: Mike should explain it all to you. There is some heavy stuff there, but we didn't look for trouble, it was merely our bad luck.
/ Blue: Luck? C'mon. Luck and Santa Claus, it's all the same.
/ Dave: You're right, every day of my life feels like getting crushed by a big fat guy in a red suit. http://crfh.net/d/20041109.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Dave: It's freezing in here.
/ Blue: Yes, probably the rain... and we're underground...
/ Dave: And there is no furniture at all. What if we hug?
/ Blue: What about your ribs? / [[Dave and Blue hug]]
/ Dave: Aw, my ribs are fine. Unless I can get some sympathy sex...
/ Blue: Heh! You're a pervert. But seriously, doesn't it hurt?
/ Dave: A little bit. But don't worry, no funny stuff.
/ Blue: All right. This time I agree. / [[Awkward silence]] / [[Dave and Blue kiss]] http://crfh.net/d/20041110.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | {{Flashback}}
/ Roger: There's still one thing I don't understand... how could I shoot Satan? Isn't he supposed to be immortal and immaterial?
/ Margaret: [[off-panel]] What I want to know is... where did you learn to load a shotgun so fast?
/ Roger: I didn't load it. I never touched a shotgun in my life before that. You mean it was NOT loaded???
/ {{End flashback.}} / Margaret: [[thinking]] How could he do it?
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] Why him and not me? / [[Margaret notices that she is lying, naked except for some rags, on the forest floor]]
/ Margaret: [[thinking]] ???!!! http://crfh.net/d/20041111.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, November 12, 2004 | [[Margaret is lying, naked except for some rags, on the ground of a cave]]
/ Margaret: R...? Roger.
/ Margaret: What... what happened to my clothes?
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] I dunno.
/ Margaret: What do you mean, you don't know?
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] I... don't remember what I did with them.
/ Margaret: Uh? / Margaret: [[off-panel]] What about this thing? Is this your shirt?
/ Roger: [[in werecoyote form, his back toward Margaret]] No.
/ Margaret: [[off-panel]] Well, then who...?
/ Roger: Who knows? It was around. Dead people, I guess.
/ Margaret: [[off-panel]] This... um. What DO you remember, then? / Roger: [[off-panel]] Not a lot. I think I buried Mom...
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Also, I remember someone screaming, or something.
/ Roger: [[off-panel]] Maybe it was me. I get confused a lot sometimes... / Margaret: [[off-panel]] Where are we?
/ Roger: I don't know about you...
/ Roger: But *I* am HOME. http://crfh.net/d/20041112.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, November 22, 2004 | [[Mike is seated at the tracking computer. Thaddeus stands nearby]]
/ Thaddeus: Do I HAVE to be here with you, sir? I can't help but feeling like I'm holding a TNT barrel while juggling tiny rusty knives covered in bees.
/ Mike: Yes you do. You're a pretty eficient Mom-detector.
/ Thaddeus: Curse my loud and fluttery heartbeat.
/ Mike: Well, you should see a doctor about it, Thad. A HEAD doctor. / Mike: What the HELL??? There's tracking data about me as well!!! When did THAT happen?
/ Thaddeus: Well, sir, you sure remember when Madame told you not to accept candy from strangers...
/ Mike: Well, nobody EVER said anything about fried chicken! http://crfh.net/d/20041122.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, November 23, 2004 | [[Mike is seated at the tracking computer]]
/ Mike: Well, I guess I'll make a quick substitution of my own data as well. Just the same on Dave, only slightly different. That way, if...
/ Thaddeus: I don't want to know what you're doing, sir. In fact, I am going away. I have not seen you at all today.
/ Mike: You could have mentioned I was being tracked. You're a horrible butler.
/ Thaddeus: I serve a higher power, sir. One with very long eyelashes. You just can't compete with that. / Mike: Hold it right there and slap it silly. Thad? Blue is being tracked as well.
/ Thaddeus: Will my poor soul ever be allowed to rest in comfortable ignorance some day?
/ Mike: And their coordinates... ugh.
/ Thaddeus: Sir, information is the enemy. Please, can I just leave?
/ Mike: Oh yeah. You leave. And while you're at it, RUN to the Maximum Fun Chamber.
/ Mike: And uh, make some loud noises before you barge in, okay? http://crfh.net/d/20041123.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, November 24, 2004 | [[Blue and Dave lie on top of the Maximum Fun Chamber]]
/ Dave: Huff. I'm gonna faint.
/ Blue: Hopefully not because we probably used all the oxygen in here.
/ Dave: It was... well spent. Hold me closer.
/ Blue: Not a good idea, dear, if we move we'll roll off the Maximum (HEH!) Fun Chamber. / Dave: Blue, can I tell you something?
/ Blue: It's not another of your space monkey jokes, is it, Green Eyes?
/ Dave: Y... yes. You see, a tough guy and a space monkey walk into a bar, and...
/ Dave: And... I think, I think I l- / < http://crfh.net/d/20041124.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Thursday, November 25, 2004 | Blue: What? If you're only meeting with Mike, why can't I go along?
/ Thaddeus: You're both being tracked. It's for your own safety.
/ Blue: HUM. Okay, okay. I'll go elsewhere. But if something happens to him, I'll hold you responsible. / Thaddeus: [[leaving]] Now I get to babysit college kids? Joy and bliss.
/ Dave: [[waves goodbye]] Hey, don't worry, I can take care of myself. I'll see you later, I hope?
/ Blue: Uh, yeah. See you...
/ Thaddeus: I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you. Also, I'd glue all my hair to my head. http://crfh.net/d/20041125.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, November 26, 2004 | [[Mike and Dave walk through the halls of Green Manor]]
/ Mike: Okay, man. It seems that Blue just can't think when it's about you. She seems blind to the fact that you're just horny and you don't care.
/ Dave: Sheesh. Why are you so sure I'm not taking it seriously?
/ Mike: Because you simply have no idea what you're getting yourself into. You risk a lot more than just ol' me kicking you ass.
/ Dave: Well, the few hours I've been here have been EXTREMELY educational... / [[Mike's mom blocks their exit]]
/ Mike's Mom: Aw, Mike, no one told me you were home! And you brought dinner, too! http://crfh.net/d/20041126.html |
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