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| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[In line at the airport]]
/ Diana: Well, I don't see what's wrong with it! He needed to relax, and I know this indian technique, you know???
/ Margaret: Right.
/ Roger: And it did work! At least for a while. I wonder how that nun got that giant metal ruler past security?
/ Mr. Hand: *sob*
/ Diana: I don't know! But giving that kind of service for free is unfair competition!
/ Paul: Don't mind me and keep on walking! I just want to check... uh, I want to make sure there are no terrorist mice following us!
/ Dave: Yeah, you check that! And check it good, because if I catch you staring at my butt, you get a free sex-change surgery!
/ Paul: Well, that might not be so bad! It all depends on the instruments and methods! http://crfh.net/d/20060222.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[In the airport]]
/ Mike: What? Man, this is getting ridiculous... How was I supposed to know the mice thing would happen? And why is it my fault that YOU were stupid enough to laser your pants into lingerie?
/ Dave: It's your fault, because nothing like this would have happened to me if I was home like I wanted to! / Mike: Ok, Dave. You know what? You are RIGHT. It's all my fault. But can you please not mention it again? For the duration of the trip?
/ Dave: Or else what?
/ Mike: Or I'll f[[obscured]] you so HARD they're gonna have to replace your colon with PVC pipes.
/ Dave: Oh YEAH??? Well then *I* will f[[obscured]] you so hard even your MOMMA will feel it.
/ Mike: Hey, I'm *totally* cool with that.
/ Dave: Well I, uh...? / Mike's Dad: *AHEM* Sorry to interrupt such a tender scene...
/ Mike: Hi, Pa! Didn't NOTICE you standing right there! http://crfh.net/d/20060223.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[At the airport]]
/ Dad: So yeah. I guess you're David? Mike's ... nnn ... boyfriend.
/ Dave: My name IS David, but I'm not his boyfriend, lover, significant other, better half, friend-with-benefits, love lizard, pooh bear or sweet baboon. In fact, I'm not even his friend, and furthermore, I'm straight as an ARROW.
/ Mike: Uh, straight as a CROOKED arrow.
/ Dave: Straight as a straight arrow, and I don't know why Mike wants to think he's gay, and I don't care. Just count me out of your little ego quarrel. / Dad: Whatever rocks your yacht, Pantless Boy. I have to say, Mike, at least he sort of looks like a girl. There might be hope for you yet.
/ Mike: If Hope's a chick, I'm not into them.
/ Dave: [[with a laser-like glint in his eye]] I know a girl named Pain. I'm sure you'll get *acquainted*.
/ Roger: [[wearing Diana's clothes]] You're smart, sir. Don't fall for their lies. I'm the only straight guy around here. http://crfh.net/d/20060227.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[At the airport]]
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Going as far away from the girls as possible.
/ Mike: Big surprise there, pooh bear.
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] Go hump a cactus, Mike.
/ Mike: Only if it [[heart]] has your [[heart]] name on it!
/ Harry: Wait, you brought girls? Are they your age? Are they into filthy rich middle-aged guys? This trip is starting to look up. / [[The girls. Marsha is crying on Diana's shoulder]]
/ Margaret: For crying out loud, Marsha. Stop being SUCH a GIRL.
/ Diana: Um, can someone else hold her? I kinda need these to work.
/ April: Yes, Diana. Because all my life I have longed for Marsha to CRUSH my boobies. YES. / [[Back with Mike and his dad]]
/ Harry: You know, Mike, every time I see potentially hot lesbians in men's clothes, a small part of my liver screams and dies.
/ Mike: What, you like lesbians now? I thought you were against homosexuality per se.
/ Harry: No, you fool. Women should explore their sexuality. And keep detailed records of their experiences in the name of science. http://crfh.net/d/20060228.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[At the airport]]
/ Margaret: That's the way, girl. Breathe in, breathe out. See? Everything's cool now. Nothing to fear.
/ Marsha: <<*pant pant snifff*>>
/ Diana: Right. Now we'll just pick our things, change our clothes, and get out of here. Won't that be nice? Yes. / April: I don't know YOU, but *I* ain't changing my clothes until they are properly washed. I bet the little bastards crapped all over and inside our bags.
/ [[Marsha's hair stands on end]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060301.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip | [[Waiting by the luggage carousel. Dave is covering himself with his carry-on, Paul is holding a camera]]
/ Dave: What are you doing, Paul?
/ Paul: Waiting for my luggage, of course.
/ Dave: With a camera in your hand?
/ Paul: Is there any law against it?
/ Dave: The law that says that if you take a pic of my bum when I turn around to pick my things, I'm going to laser your face?
/ Paul: I prefer spanking. But ANYWAY, you lasered my face the other day for no reason at all. Consider that an advance.
/ Dave: Dammit. Good luck, then. I'll pick my stuff SIDEWAYS! / [[Dave and Paul both watch Chester roll by on the carousel]] / [[Paul walks away as Dave hugs Chester]]
/ Paul: [[grinning as he looks at his camera]] Sweeeet! Sorry, Roger, you will be replaced as my computer wallpaper.
/ Roger: Aw. Now I'll have to cry myself to sleep, I guess.
/ Paul: Don't worry, you're still my cell phone ringtone! http://crfh.net/d/20060302.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Dave is holding Chester to his chest with one hand, and his bag over his crotch with his other hand.]]
/ Dave: April, they're looking for a terrorist cat! Please hide Chester inside your shirt?
/ April: Why don't YOU hide him?
/ Dave: It'd look weird!
/ April: You're in an airport in your underpants.
/ Dave: WEIRDER. Please?
/ April: Sorry, no. I don't have a bra on.
/ Dave: Whu?
/ April: None of us does, except for Margaret. Ask her. / Dave: Well, I, I... I really gotta go, I dunno, maybe just a really thin layer, and perhaps it will rain or we'll run into fortuitous water, um, I...
/ [[Dave is now gesturing with his left hand, leaving the bag visibly unsupported. April notices that it remains in place]] / April: Do the world a favor and use your HAND, Dave.
/ Dave: [[blushing]] I... might.
/ [[Dave resumes holding the bag with his hand]] http://crfh.net/d/20060303.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Panel1: All speakers are unseen]]
/ Unknown Speaker 1 {{Most Likely Masha, Dianne, or Paul}}: Wow, NICE place!
/ Unknown Speaker 2 {{Most Likely Dave}}: What, is THIS where we're staying? How are we supposed to pay for all this, huh?
/ Unknown Speaker 3 {{Most Likely Mike}}: I told you. You don't have to worry about it.
/ Unknown Speaker 2: Whay, because it's all on your Dad?
/ Unknown Speaker 3: YES/ Now shut up. / [[Parrot Cage in Background]]
/ Dave: EXCEPT, isn't that the guy you're trying to piss off? Wow, a bullet-proof plan if I ever heard one.
/ Mike: That... doesn't matter at all.
/ Dave: Give me a good reason to think I'm not going to spend the next thirty years washing dishes here.
/ Mike < http://crfh.net/d/20060320.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[In Mike's beach place]]
/ April: Whoa. Duuuuude! You're LOADED! I feel sexier already!
/ Mike: Ugh, stop it.
/ Mr Green: Heh. You should see his room at his Mom's house. It's like a freaking indoor golf course.
/ Marsha: Honey, why did you never told me you were this rich?
/ Mike: No, seriously. Stop it. It's EMBARRASSING.
/ Diana: I wish I was this kind of embarrassed, sometime!
/ Marsha: But why should you be embarrassed about your money? It doesn't make any sense!
/ Paul: Yeah, unless you're overcompensating for something? Of course, if you wish to prove us wrong... / [[close up on Dave and the cat]]
/ Mike: Because everybody starts treating me differently when they find out I'm loaded??? Drop the subject already, please.
/ ?: Aw.
/ Diana: But I *like* talking about money.
/ Mike: Talk to the tentacle, then. / [[The cat starts struggling and clawing Dave]]
/ ?: Hey, Dave. Don't stay behind. This place is HUGE and you will get lost.
/ Mike: Stop it! I said stop! http://crfh.net/d/20060321.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Marsha: Well, let's get our clothes clean so we can hit the beach without worries!
/ Margaret: It's already dark. I'll settle for the pool...
/ Marsha: Naw, Mike tells me the sea is warm all night!
/ Margaret: Still, I have never seen a man-o-war with a flashlight... Uh, what happened to your hair? / Marsha: I don't know... I already brushed it down and it just gets up again. I hope it settles down when I shampoo it... does it look really bad?
/ Margaret: If I say yes, are you going to weep in my shoulder and snotisize my shirt?
/ Marsha: Probably.
/ Margaret: You look ready for the red carpet.
/ April: ... http://crfh.net/d/20060322.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | April: Huh. I see you're ready to rock and roll again. With the... shirt. And all that.
/ Marsha: Well, as I always say. If I have to look like a hobo, at least I'll be one sexy hobo!
/ Margaret: Again with the hobos??? Man, you're obssessed! What are you, a hobosexual?
/ Marsha: No, because I'm not attracted to you! Heheh, just kidding!
/ April: So... you can't get your hair to unpuff? / Marsha: No. But maybe if I wash it...
/ April: Uh, sure, of course?
/ Marsha: It looks awful, doesn't it?
/ April: No, no. It looks great, really... uuuh, you know, I think I forgot something. I'll catch up with you guys in a minute. Yup.
/ Marsha: Go ahead. Point and laugh. I won't blame you.
/ April: Laughing? No, no. I am... SAD. http://crfh.net/d/20060323.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Imaginary Floating Wiser April: Hey hey hey HEY! I don't like that look on your face, April! What's going on?
/ April: Nothing! It's just like Samuel L. Jackson said in that movie! "Seize the day, mother******s!"
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: He wasn't in that movie, and wait, what? What do you mean?
/ April: Marsha has SEA HAIR! Strategic advantage! / Imaginary Floating Wiser April: Strawho?
/ April: [[brandishing scissors]] She's got lousy hair and will look like a scarecrow the whole break! This is my opportunity to shine!
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: What are you planning to do with those? Put them down before you hurt yourself!
/ April: Bah, I'm not doing anything! Just a little click click here and there, and you'll see who's the megababe now!
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: Yeah, exactly what I meant. http://crfh.net/d/20060324.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Margaret: Well, I don't see what's so bad about being filthy rich. You could get lots of sexy things! Like a tank! Or one of them tripods!
/ Mike: I don't expect any of you to understand, really.
/ Margaret: Psch! So that's why you were hiding it from us? What did you think, that we'd start feeling less than you, or something? / Mike: It varies greatly. All I know is that people never look at me the same way. I hate that.
/ Margaret: That's sort of vague. Maybe it's all in your head?
/ Mike: Nah. And sometimes it's not even that subtle.
/ Roger: Your robot hand, sire. I took the liberty of extending the glove for tropical use.
/ Mike: Uh, thanks?
/ Roger: That'll be $100,000. http://crfh.net/d/20060327.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike and Roger talking alone in a laundry as Mike toys with his newly repaired robotic hand.]]
/ Mike: Good job, Tech-face. I might hire you to design my website when I become ruler of the Universe.
/ Roger: I don't understand your delusional language. Speak in cash, please.
/ Mike: What cash? We had a deal. I got rid of your sister, you fixed my robot hand.
/ Roger: Wait a minute…that's not what we said today!
/ Mike: I was just seeing if you remembered.
/ Roger: Uhbutbutbut that'snot FAIR! / [[April enters wearing a tight, low, midriff bearing shirt and low-riders]]
/ Mike: Look, we had a deal. It's not my fault if you…didn't…re…member…
/ Roger: Dude, I know it's hard, but stop talking about your…uuuuh…
/ April: Hey guys! What did I miss? http://crfh.net/d/20060328.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip | [[Roger and Mike are still brainwarped from April's new-found hotness.]]
/ Mike: Not a lot. There has been... washing. And drying. You know? What...what about you?
/ April: Heh! Well, um, my laundry bag just fell apart and there are clothes all over the hall. I could use a hand.
/ Mike: Sure, why not? / [[Mike's left, robotic, hand squeezes April's breast.]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060329.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Roger: [[leaving]] I like this shirt way too much to get it stained with blood. See you at the ER.
/ Mike: [[blushing and rapidly withdrawing his robotic hand]] Ack! I'msorryI'msorry! I didn't mean to do it!
/ April: MIKE, what the Hell??? Seriously???
/ Marsha: Uh, what happened?
/ Mike: I stepped on her foot! It was an ACCIDENT!
/ April: I can't believe... I oughta... I should... Nnnhhhh.... / April: [[blushing violently as she runs away]] Hhheeeheeheeeheee heeheeheeHEEEhee heeheeheeheeHEEEhee / Marsha: Wow, April is getting crazier by the minute.
/ Mike: [[weak grin]] Yeah, no one that laughs like that is normal. And you should remember it carefully, just in case she wants you to buy some crazy stories!
/ Marsha: Also, did you check out the outfit? Slutastic.
/ Mike: Nnnno, I was always looking in every other directition! http://crfh.net/d/20060330.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Imaginary Floating Wiser April: This is SO NOT FUNNY, April! I hope you're happy!
/ April: [[still giggling]] Happy? Me? No, I'm totally offended that I'm so frigging hot Mike went for the goodies practically in front of Marsha!
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: Stop it! See what you did?
/ April: Aw, lighten up! I didn't really expect it to work!
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: A=Ha! So you are still trying to take Mike away from Marsha! / [[Dave arrives with his dirty laundry in a sack. He overhears]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] ???
/ April: [[off-panel]] Naw, that's a lost case! Or so I thought!
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: [[off-panel]] April!
/ April: [[off-panel]] All right, all right, I'm not gonna do it for him. Hey, maybe I can find another hot guy here!
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: [[off-panel]] Good.
/ April: [[off-panel]] Of course, if it's Mike, who am I to complain?
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: [[off-panel]] APRIL!
/ April: [[off-panel]] Sheesh. Okay, you win! Someone else! Happy? http://crfh.net/d/20060331.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[April is talking to herself.]]
/ Wiser, floating April: This is so not funny, April! I hope you're happy!
/ April: Happy? Me? No, I'm totally offended that I'm so frigging hot Mike went for the goodies practically in front of Marsha!
/ Wiser, floating April: Stop it! See what you did?
/ April: Aw lighten up! I didn't expect it to work!
/ Wiser, floating April: A=HA! So you are still trying to take Mike away from Marsha! / [[Dave looks on, confused.]]
/ April: Naw, that's a lost case! Or so I thought.
/ Dave [[Thinks]]: ???
/ Wiser, floating April: April!
/ April: All right, all right, I'm not gonna do it for him. Hey, maybe I can find another hot guy here!
/ Wiser, floating April: Good.
/ April: Of course, if it's Mike, who am I to complain?
/ Wiser, floating April: April!
/ April: Sheesh. Okay, you win! Someone else! Happy? http://crfh.net/d/20060401.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike catches up with Roger in front of a fishtank]]
/ Mike: Yeah, right! I mean, if I *was* so suicidal as to try to cop a feel, do you think I'd reach with my robot hand???
/ Roger: Well, I dunno. Maybe the robot hand picked a subtle muscle spasm that was reaching deep in your subconcious desire for boobage?
/ Mike: Roger...
/ Roger: [[holding out an empty hand]] All right. Here's your money back.
/ Mike: I'm feeling a subconcious desire for carnage.
/ Roger: Sheesh. Give it to me already and stop crying, you big baby. / [[Chester is standing on the fishtank, conversing with Mike]]
/ Chester: < http://crfh.net/d/20060403.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Dave with no pupils and Chester on his head holding laundry bag. Mike trying to talk to him.]]
/ Mike: All right, Dave, just hand over the cat and maybe you won't have to go home swimming...
/ Mike: Uh, what the Hell happened to your eyes?
/ Chester: < http://crfh.net/d/20060405.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Harry in the hotel hallway holding a beer can, which he is squeezing to the point where it crushes and spills over his hand.]]
/ Harry: Hey, I heard a girl screaming... is every... thing... okay...?
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060406.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[Mike and his dad in the hall. Mike is trying to hide his tentacle behind his back]]
/ < http://crfh.net/d/20060407.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[In the laundromat]]
/ Paul: Is THAT my shirt?
/ April: Uh... no.
/ Paul: It is! What have you done to it?
/ April: I have decided to become a superhero girl, and it was inevitable?
/ Paul: I'm serious. Gimme my shirt.
/ April: Look, I'll buy you a new one. Tomorrow. Okay?
/ Paul: Why would I want a new one??? Also, if I give you all my shirts, could you fix them like that? / [[Meanwhile, in Margaret's hotel room]]
/ Dave: How much do you charge per assassination, and do you take Nookiecard? http://crfh.net/d/20060410.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Margaret: I don't get it. If you really want Mike killed, why don't you just get him offed with your laser vision?
/ Dave: Because Blue's gonna be pissed at me if she finds out I killed her brother?
/ Margaret: Isn't she gonna be pissed as well if she finds out that you sexed me up to get it done?
/ Dave: Well I'm poor. She better get used to me paying in unorthodox ways.
/ Margaret: Look, for you, I'd do it for free.
/ Dave: Really? Thanks. Please hurry, because he's driving me crazy.
/ Margaret: Well, yeah. I will do it right now, and ruin a perfectly good vacation. / Margaret: Or we could get down to the buffet and gorge ourselves on shrimp before everybody gets there.
/ Dave: Isn't it rather sad and pathetic that all the important decisions in my life are taken by my internal organs.
/ Margaret: Your brain is an internal organ, doofus.
/ Dave: That one doesn't count. It never even says "yo!" when I take attendance. http://crfh.net/d/20060411.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip | [[At the buffet]]
/ Marsha: Is there something you're not telling me? You look worried.
/ Mike: Oh, it's nothing.
/ Marsha: Is this about your Dad? Honey, I know you're mad at him, but don't you think you have done enough?
/ Mike: I have done nothing. I just grabbed... the chance when things happened, that's all.
/ Marsha: You really should drop this and tell him the truth.
/ Mike: Not yet. I know he's up to something. I am sure of it. / Mike: What I really want to know is what kind of stupid buffet is this??? Where the Hell's all the shrimp?
/ Dave: [[mouth full, carrying a plate piled high with shrimp]] Mah deory is dat *munch munch* da ownu thucks. http://crfh.net/d/20060412.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | Roger: Here's your stupid robot hand. Now can I eat, please?
/ Mike: Wow, that was fast! Are you sure it's done?
/ Roger: You bet I'm fast when I'm starving. Have it and choke on it.
/ Mike: Okay, let's take her for a ride. / [[Mike's robotic hand pushes his face into his food]]
/ Mike: Nnnneeds wurk.
/ Roger: Why? You're filthy rich, you don't need any manners! http://crfh.net/d/20060417.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives | [[At the buffet]]
/ Dave: Uh oh. My stomach feels funny.
/ Diana: Not surprised. Isn't like your fifth round of food?
/ Dave: Um, yeah.
/ Margaret: Maybe he's just not used to real food. We college students eat a lot of crap.
/ Dave: Wait a minute...
/ Diana: Speak for yourself. I cook lots of things, every day. / Dave: [[eyes wide in astonishment]] Oh my GOD, I think I know what's happening.
/ Marsha: You cook! Can you teach me? Can you be my best friend? I'll be your best friend!!!
/ Dave: I'm FULL!
/ Diana: Whatever you say just please don't hurt me?
/ Dave: Uh oh. Is that happiness? http://crfh.net/d/20060418.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip | [[Margaret and April are in their room, preparing for bed. April is carrying toothbrush and toothpaste]]
/ Margaret: Heh, I saw you killing guys at the buffet. Way to go!
/ April: Unfortunately, most of them were drunk or brain-dead. I had to break a few spines.
/ Margaret: Yeah, that's what I meant! You were a bit unsubtle with the shirt, tho.
/ April: Well, how am I supposed to attract guys if I uglify myself? / [[Marsha enters, with her hair back under control. Toothpaste dribbles down April's hand]]
/ Margaret: [[leaving]] Well, I don't think your normal self is that bad-looking. I think it's just all in your head.
/ April: ...
/ Marsha: Hey grrrrrls! I'm back from BadHairLand! http://crfh.net/d/20060419.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip | April: Oh. Your hair is... back to normal.
/ Marsha: Yeah, I was starting to fear I had sea hair! Uh, is something wrong?
/ April: No, no. It's just that... don't freak out, okay?
/ Marsha: What?
/ April: I didn't use that bath robe because I think I saw it move.
/ Marsha: Gih?
/ April: Are you SURE you checked your bags didn't have any leftover plane mice in them? / [[Margaret's shirt says "Foaming Kitty".]]
/ Margaret: What the Hell's with Marsha?
/ April: Um, she's got sea hair.
/ Margaret: Whoa. That's not sea hair. That's SEA WEED.
/ April: Please, Margaret. We're trying to be sensitive here.
/ Marsha: [[off-panel]] < http://crfh.net/d/20060420.html |
| College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip | [[April is in the bathroom, preparing to brush her teeth]]
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: All right. Exactly what the Hell was that all about???
/ April: As a part of my plan to stop being a lonely loser, I have decided to start being a little more competitive.
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: By what, SABOTAGING your friends' beauty?
/ April: "Sabotage" is such an ugly word. And you know, that mice thing could have happened. / Imaginary Floating Wiser April: Who are you kidding? Seriously, that was uncalled for. And for what? Just so you can look better than her? What's wrong with you?
/ April: Well. She already has Mike, she doesn't need her fetching looks. And I don't need her winking and giggling skills making guys gravitate around her, just to get mauled by Mike.
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: Hum! Still, that's not nice.
/ April: You know what's not nice? Having to pay a transvestite to sex you up.
/ Imaginary Floating Wiser April: Point. http://crfh.net/d/20060424.html |
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