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|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||Mike: So yeah, on the count of three. Free-style. The first one to touch the buoy wins. / Dave: Yeah, yeah. Let's get this done. / Mike: Just so it's clear, we mean the FIRST buoy, not the one that's a bit farther away. / Dave: What-EVER. / Mike: I'm just setting the rules so there's no cheating. You should be glad. / Dave: Are we EVER gonna race or are you...? / Mike: SureonetwothreeGO! / Dave: HEY!!! / [[As Mike swims, he thinks...]] / Mike: [[thinking]] Haha! Poor Dave. This is gonna be so easy it's not even fun. / Mike: [[thinking]] Perhaps we should go double-or-nothing on something else. Something he actually has a shot at. Make it interesting. / [[Mike approaches the buoy. Dave is there already, cheerfully waiting for Mike to arrive]] / Mike: [[thinking]] AFTER the shopping, of course.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||Mike: [[clutching his head]] OOOOW! WhuwhutWHAT? What the Hell are you doing here?
/ Dave: Well, it was taking you too long to reach the buoy, so I thought I'd be helpful? Looks like we have a win-nnnnneeeeerrrr!
/ Mikke: NO WAY. There's NO way you could have gotten there so fast. There's something... / Mike: WAAAIT a minute, I KNOW! You CHEATER! You *teleported* here, you're a dirty cheating cheater!
/ Dave: Pfft! Teleporting??? I thought rich people could afford better weed!
/ Mike: You teleported! Just like you did before! CHEATER!
/ Dave: I did not teleport, you dork... I was in the swim team in high school. We were third in the interschool championship! And it looks like I still HAVE IT! / [[Dave gets pulled underwater]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||[[Dave has been pulled underwater by Blue, in a bikini and snorkel. She kisses Dave, who looks rather surprised]]|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - July 23, 2006||[[Ta-dah!! It's a little red X on a big white nothing! Actually I don't think there was a comic this day.]]|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||[[On the water's surface]]
/ Blue: <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||Mike: [[thinking]] GREAT. Just when I was about to crush him with my flawless logic, deus-ex-machina strikes.
/ Mike: [[thinking]] Oh well. He's just too unstable today. Better go for a more predictable victim. / [[Roger leaps in the air, catching a frisbee in his teeth]]
/ Mike: Say, Roger, want to see a hot babe try on a million bikinis?
|College Roomies from Hell!!! Archives||[[Blue and Dave wade onto the beach, hand in hand]]
/ Blue: Ready to take a break? Boy, once you're into something, they have to pry it from your cold, dead, wrinkly fingers.
/ Dave: No kidding. I've never had this much fun snorkeling. What a view!
/ Blue: Yeah, that was some beautiful echinoderma, wasn't it?
/ Dave: Echinowhat? / [[Margaret is playing frisbee further up the beach; distracted, she hurls the frisbee]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 1, 2006||[[At the resort's beach. Dave and Blue are having fun in the surf.]] / Diana: [[off-panel]] Hey, who's that? / Roger: [[off-panel]] That would be Mike's little sister, Blue. SCHW...!!! Ahem. / Diana: [[off-panel]] Hehe, really? And she's DAVE'S girlfriend??? BURN!!! / [[Roger, Margaret and Diana watch from up the beach. Roger still has a frisbee in his mouth]] / Roger: Is she? Huh, Mike's gonna foam. I'll take pictures. And make posters. / Margaret: [[handing a deformed frisbee to Diana]] I think I'll hit the gym, guys. Here, keep on playing frisbee. / Diana: [[rubbing her nose]] Uh, maybe boomerang.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 3, 2006||[[At the resort. Mike is heading back to the pool.]] / Mike: [[[thinking]] All RIGHT! Problem solved. Marsha will get a new bikini and forget what she said about the salt and the lemon and the potato peeler. / Mike: [[thinking]] Or not, but what the hell, I've got a chopper! / [[Mike lies beside the pool.]] / Mike: [[thinking]] I SO deserve a break. From my roomies, from my girlfriend, from Dover and Satan and my Dad and Ma. / Mike: [[thinking]] Aaah, this is the life. And now, brain shutdown. / April: [[off-panel]] Wha, WAIT. Wait! What do you think you're doing? / Mike: [[thinking]] What's that? Ah, the seagulls. / April: [[off-panel]] No. Nuh-huh. No. / Mike: [[thinking]] Waves crashing. / April: [[off-panel]] N-O. No. Hey. HEY! I said No! Get off ME! / Mike: [[thinking]] LALALALALALALA....|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||[[Mike approaches April, who is being harassed by a Hunk. Mike has his tentacle in his pocket, and has turned the visible portion of it flesh-colored]]
/ Mike: Oookay. Hold it right there. You know, it's probably none of my business, but I don't think I can allow this to happen.
/ April: You're RIGHT, it's none of your business. I'll handle this, Mike.
/ Hunk: Yeah, what are you? Her boyfriend? Her brother? Get lost.
/ Mike: Nope, but I still have a sense of ethics. Leave her alone.
/ Hunk: What are you, stupid? You're going to get all your teeth launched into orbit, for someone you don't even know? / [[Mike opens his trunks so the Hunk may look down inside them]]
/ Mike: Who said I'm defending HER? I used to be one of her so-called "friends"... and look what happened to me! I suggest you go and scrub yourself with chlorine as soon as possible.
/ Hunk: !!!!!???? / [[The Hunk has left. Mike releases his trunks and the elastic pulls them back into place. His tentacle is once more free; he relaxes and it starts to resume its normal blue color]]
/ Mike: Hey, no need to thank me. But if you feel inclined to sew my pocket, I won't complain.
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 9, 2006||[[Poolside]] / April: How dare you???? / Mike: Right, you told me not to get involved... but if I didn't, Marsha would have smacked me a good one. / April: WHAT? / Mike: And since you're already pissed at me, I gotta tell you that maybe you should get a bikini with more fabric? / April: [[clenched teeth]] How / April: DARE / April: YOU???!!! / Mike: I mean, the view's really nice and all, but some guys just get the wrong idea, and... / April: How DARE YOU??? You let a random guy take a look into your pants, just like THAT??? Everyone in the Universe and their neighbor has seen your stuff but ME! / Mike: ... / April: Well, not anymore, mister! You're going to let your pants down right NOW!!! / Mike: ???!!!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||[[Poolside. Mike's Dad covers his eyes]] / Harry: [[thinking]] I did NOT just see that. / Harry: [[thinking]] I did NOT... just see... my only male son... expose himself to another guy. / Harry: [[thinking]] I just didn't. I did not. / [[April chases Mike]] / Mike: Have you gone totally crazy, woman??? Leave my pants alone! / April: Off with them! Off with them RIGHT NOW!!! / Mike: No! You're a nymphomaniac with disturbingly large boobs! Get away from me! / [[Mike's Dad reaches for his cellphone]] / Harry: [[thinking]] All right. That's IT. / Harry: [[thinking]] I'm calling the CAVALRY.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 14, 2006||[[On the beach at the resort. Mike is running away from April.]] / Mike: Go away! What do I need to do, perform an EXORCISM??? / April: [[off-panel]] Aw, stop being such a baby! Just a little peek! And perhaps a little poke! / Mike: Vade RETRO, succubus! I'm not gonna fall for your extra bouncyness! / [[Mike is suddenly dropping]] / [[Roger crouches by the side of an enormous hole in the sand]] / Mike: [[in the hole]] You know what movie got great reviews? / Roger: "My superawesome friend was building a great sand castle and I stepped on it?" / Mike: [[in the hole]] This isn't a sand castle, Roger. This is a freaking deep HOLE in the ground. / Roger: It's the moat! How am I supposed to fit howling monkeys in two inches of water, GENIUS?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 16, 2006||[[At the beach, at the resort. April and Roger crouch by the side of an enormous hole in the sand]] / April: Stop being so ridiculous, Mike! This is a vacation, it's supposed to be FUN! / Mike: [[in the hole]] I'm in a hole in the ground, April. Who SAYS I'm not having fun? / Roger: Who started the nonsense contest, and what's the score? / April: It's not a nonsense contest! It's just Mike being his selfish usual self! / Mike: [[in the hole]] I'm not selfish! She just wants to sex me up! Help me, Rog! / Roger: Aw, all right. But only if you say I'm awesome. / Mike: [[in the hole]] You're goddamned awesome. Now HELP! / [[Roger, in werecoyote form, has pulled Mike out of the hole and pinned him out. April sits on him]] / Mike: When I said HELP, I didn't MEAN "Get me out of the hole and position me", Roger!!! / Roger: Psch! I may be superawesome, but providing further assistance would be just AWKWARD! / April: SCOOOOORRRE!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||[[The beach. Roger has returned to human form]] / April: Grumble! / Roger: I'm sorry, April, but he's right. I mean, you're totally out of control. What's with you? / April: HaRUMPH! / Roger: I don't see what you're trying to accomplish here. Besides getting a fire extinguisher embedded into your skull, I mean. / April: Sure, everyone has the right to have senseless fun but me. Isn't that RIGHT, Roger? / Roger: Uuuh, I have no idea what you're talking about, and I'm not sure I want to. / April: Yeah, don't go all holier-than-thou on me, MISTER. If I remember correctly, you weren't exactly thinking of Dave when you shagged Margaret in the woods! / Roger: IXNAY on the AGGINGSHAY! / Diana: You AGGSHAYED MARGARET???|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 21, 2006||[[Mike's Mom is on the phone]] / Hazel: Yeeeeeeeeeesssss? / Hazel: Really, Harry, you always have to call when I'm trying on WEDDING dresses. / Harry: [[through the phone]] Pssch. Do like me, marry naked. ANYWAY, are you using the Maximum Fun Chamber? / Hazel: It depends entirely on why you're asking the question. / Harry: [[through the phone]] Sheesh, Hazel, why else? I want to borrow it, of course! / Hazel: [[through the phone]] Borrow it? Mmmh. May I ask who's the one who'll have the fun? / Harry: Your son, who ELSE? He's driving me crazy with his "alternative" lifestyle! He needs reprogramming, pronto! / Hazel: [[through the phone]] I thought you were against reprogramming. / Harry: Yeah, but when he turns down a scantily clad blonde lesbian, THAT is when I draw down the line! / Hazel: Blonde, huh? All riiiight. You can use it. But can I ask you, how do you think you're going to get Mike in there? / Harry: [[through the phone]] Huummm. Trail of porn? / Hazel: GAY porn? / Harry: [[through the phone]] ARGH. Fried chicken? / Hazel: NOW you're talking!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||[[Blue and Dave lie on the beach]] / Blue: This is nice, isn't it? / Dave: REALLY nice. / Blue: I don't know how Mike did it, but he managed to convince Mom to let him off the hook. He was supposed to go home for the break, you know? / Dave: Mmmh? / Blue: And somehow, he also convinced her to let me go too! / Dave: [[still smiling inanely and completely relaxed]] Wait. Mike knew you were coming. / Blue: Of course, my horse. / Dave: And he didn't tell me anything. / Blue: Apparently not. / Dave: Is there any... reason... he didn't? / Blue: Oh, I asked him. / Dave: And WHY would you do that? / Blue: In the western hemisphere, this is known as a "surprise." / Dave: [[still smiling inanely and completely relaxed]] I'm going to disintegrate your brother next time I see him. / Blue: Oh, yeah? / Dave: Yes. Will it take you a long time to forgive me? / Blue: Why forgive when it's a lot more fun just to punish?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the daily online comic strip||[[Marsha and Paul have just returned from shopping for a bikini for Marsha]] / Marsha: I swear, Paul, you should do this for a living. You're so damn GOOD at it. / Paul: I'm damn good at everything, darling. Also, it's hard to find something that doesn't look good on you. / Marsha: You shameless laudator. Anyway, thanks for helping me pick a bikini, and for making me feel like a million dollars. / Paul: As a token of your appreciation, maybe you could share some pics of naked Mike? I need them for... reference. / Marsha: Haha! Get in line, sister! / [[Mike clings to Marsha like a dying man]] / Mike: I'm so glad you're back. It... was horrible! *whimper* / Marsha: Aaaw. Mike, I'm not mad at you. You don't have to pretend you're sorry and stuff. / Mike: Me, sorry? YOU should be sorry! Why did you have to go away and abandon me like that??? / Paul: If this is the line for cuddling, I'm next.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the online comic strip||[[On the beach]] / Diana: Let me go, Roger. I don't want to talk to you. / Roger: This is unfair! Aren't you even gonna let me try to explain? / Diana: All right, do it quickly. WHY did you shag Margaret? / Roger: I... I don't know! It, it just happened, and I wish it didn't! / Diana: You don't KNOW??? Oh, let me guess, you tripped and fell into her, was it that? / Roger: Di, don't be mean. I was out of it. I told you sometimes I *can't* remember stuff. / Diana: Con-VE-nient. / Roger: And, aren't you the one who's always cheering for the orgies and junk? / Diana: One on one is different, Roger. You KNOW IT. / Roger: Besides, you're hardly in any position to judge, seeing as you are a hhhhh.... Uh... / Diana: ... / [[Roger is alone on the beach]] / Roger: I was TOTALLY gonna say HARPY, I SWEAR!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the online comic strip||[[Mike's Mom in on the phone. She's still trying on wedding dresses]] / Hazel: Thadeus? Wow, it didn't even ring twice. Were you waiting by the phone, perhaps? / Thadeus: [[through the phone]] Oh, no, Madame. I was just cleaning the phone. / Hazel: For the last 4 hours? / Thadeus: [[through the phone]] Six. What can I do for you, Madame? / Hazel: [[through the phone]] I need you to prepare the Maximum Fun Chamber. Someone is paying a visit soon. / Thadeus: Delightful. I'll set it on Extreme Fiancee Brain Fry. / Hazel: [[through the phone]] Aaaw, Thadeus, it's not for Vernon, silly! / Thadeus: Don't break the beautiful, beautiful delusion. / Mrs. Green: Hehehe. Anyway, I need it to be ready. And Thadeus? / Thadeus: [[through the phone]] Yes, Madame? / Mrs. Green: I don't think it will happen, but if Harry arrives with Mike, call me immediately.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! the online comic strip||[[Blue and Dave sit arm-in-arm on the beach, watching the sun set. Chester sits nearby]] / Blue: Wow. Perfection. / Dave: I'd say. Although my eyes hurt. / Blue: Uh? Why? / Dave: I'm afraid to blink and discover it's all over, or worse, that it never happened. / Blue: It would still be the best fake memory ever. / [[Satan lies back, enjoying a cigar]] / Satan: Mmhhh, air conditioning...|
|[[The guys' room at the resort]] / Mike: Hey Roger, where are you going so early? Can we talk for a minute? / Roger: Really, Mike, how many times do I have to tell you? I don't have the time to program your robot hand to follow Asimov's laws. / Mike: I'd settle for a deblouser! But it's not about my robot hand. I actually need a little advice. / Roger: Bury yourself in the sand and maybe it'll go away. / Mike: I did that yesterday? Didn't work? / Roger: Whatever. / [[Mike enters Dave's room; Dave is in bed]] / Dave: [[rapidly covering himself with his bedsheet]] JesusLORDALMIGHTY MIKE, why don't you EVER knock on the freaking DOOR???!!! / Mike: ...|
|[[Dave is in bed. He's blushing furiously and trying to cover himself with the sheets]] / Mike: WHAT. Is going ON. HERE. / Dave: Uuuuuh. N-nothing. / Mike: What. Are you Hiding. Under. The sheets. / Dave: None of your business. / Mike: If it's what I think it is. It is. So. My. BUSINESS. / Dave: Look, you're invading my private space. Go away. / [[Mike lifts the sheet and rummages underneath it]] / Mike: Pschh! THIS is invading your private space! / Mike: A-HA!!! / [[Mike holds up a half-coconut shell, with straws]] / Mike: So you were the one who stole my coconut! That was NOT nice! / Dave: Heh-heh-heh! Uh, finders keepers...?|
|[[Mike joins Dave in Dave's bed]] / Dave: How did you get in my room anyway? / Mike: Master key, bitch. / Dave: Ugh, dude. This is AWKWARD. / Mike: You know what's awkward? When your friends steal your coconut and then refuse to listen to your problems based on idiotic grounds. / Dave: But I'm naked, and I'm SURE your dad's going to show up and see us in bed, and think... / Mike: Whatever! Listen. I'm reaching my boiling point with this April problem. / Dave: What April problem? / Mike: My PROBLEM, man, is that she won't leave me alone. / Dave: Yeah, and? / Mike: She's also hotter than ever and all over the place. / Dave: What, now you're actually starting to like her??? / Mike: No, she freaks me out. But I'm not made of stone. / Dave: So, you're saying your little slip with the robot arm was not a malfunction? / Mike: I'm starting to wonder. / Dave: Why do you care, anyway? You're a scruplesless jerk. / Mike: Because I love Marsha, and I SO don't want to be like my dad, Dave. It'd be really disappointing.|
|[[Mike and a naked Dave are sitting up in Dave's large bed.]] / Mike: What can I DO? I've been nice... as nice as I can be. / Dave: Which is, not very nice at all? / Mike: Well, you can't expect miracles! And I also have tried being a jerk... / Dave: TRY??? / Mike: I know! And I have also tried being indifferent... nothing works! / Dave: Wait a minute... you said you didn't want to be like your dad. Why? Aside from him being a despicable bigot. / Mike: Isn't it obvious? He's WEAK! Some boobs and BAM! He can't control himself and ends up ruining everything! / Dave: Isn't that judging him for his choices? Just like you being gay? / Mikle: I hate you SO GODDAMN MUCH! / [[Harry walks in.]] / Harry: Hey, love birds! Am I interrupting something? No need to hurry, I'll wait outside. / Dave: Yep! I called it. / Mike: Nooo, Dad, you're not interrupting. After all, we're only naked in a bed. / Harry: Psch! Sorry! I just need to talk to you. Besides, now we're even for that time you walked in on me and that nurse. / Mike: I didn't walk in on you... you guys were making out in MY bed! / Harry: Well, your fault for waking up from the anesthesia so soon!|
|Harry: Listen up, Mike. We're gonna have a party tonight. It's gonna be really fancy, with lots of celebrities and stuff. / Mike: AAAW, Pa! You know I hate fancy parties! / Harry: Bah, it'll be fun! And get some nice clothes for you and your friends. This is your chance to impress them! / Mike: And you know I also HATE impressing my friends! Besides, won't YOUR friends make fun of you for having an awesomely gay son? / Harry: Whatever! The more excentric you are, the more RICH people will believe you to be! So I don't really care if you're weird! / [[Dave pokes his head under his bed, where Blue is hiding]] / Dave: They're finally gone! I can't believe we got away with that. / Blue: I told you the coconut thing would distract him. / Dave: You are wise and evil, mistress. Teach me the ways of the dark side. / Blue: Maybe later. Right now, there are some dust bunnies here that need to be vaccumed. / Dave: OOOh, can't wait. / Blue: No, really.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, September 18, 2006||Mike: Hey Marsha, are you ready to hit the beach? Honey? / [[Mike is thinking while blonde hair dangles behind him from the ceiling]] / Mike: Mmh, shower's running. I wonder if she's still in there? One would think there's no dilemma between being a gentleman and getting an eyeful. Unfortunately, there's a chance in five she's not in the shower, but waxing her legs or doing something equally terrifying and/or scarring. But what if she's doing something awesome, like lotion-rubbing or having a pillow fight with herself or...? / [[April appears behind Mike]] / April: Well. Hello there, BAD boy. / Mike: Oh NO! The ubiquitous yet sexy evil!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Tuesday, September 19, 2006||Mike: I'm not even gonna look at you, April. Go away. / April: Pssch! And WHY is that??? / Mike: Because you're wearing practically nothing. / April: You and your imagination, Mike. What, do you think I'm naked under this shirt? / Mike: Wwwwwhatever. I am... not interested. / April: Aaaw. Do you actually think I'm trying to jump your bones? / Mike: You tried to do that yesterday? / April: Hahah! Milke, I can't believe you fell for that! I was just playing you! / Mike: Yeah, RIGHT. Look, can't you just go away? Is it a lot to ask? / April: Bah, disappointing. I thought you'd enjoy playing. It seems you like mind games only if you're the one behind them. YAAWN! Boring! / Mike: Uh-HUH. You're... crazy. You know? You have a loose... screw. Or two. And, you should tight, tttttight- / Marsha: Hey guys! What do you think?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, September 20, 2006||Marsha: Well? Is it cool? It's the only way I could get my hair to behave. Also, I think my last bikini shrunk or something, because I'm actually thinner than I thought! / Mike: Wow. You look great. I mean, I'm not just saying it. / Marsha: Thanks, Mike. It means a lot to me. / Mike:And your braids looks awesome. Really, I can't take my eyes off them. / Marsha: Aww, honey, you don't have to pretend you're looking at my braids. / Mike: No, I'm serious. Can I touch them? / Marsha: Haha! Maybe later. Hey April, are you coming or what? / April: Not RIGHT now, thanks to you, Predator-wanna-be! / Marsha: Pfft! You're so funny, girl!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, September 25, 2006||[[The pool. Diana is sunning on a lilo. Roger's head projects from the pool.]]
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