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|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, April 20, 2007||????!!! / April! / No.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, April 23, 2007||[[Mike blocks April's approach to Marsha. He holds out his hand, palm outward, in the universal "stop" sign]]
/ Mike: Just... calm down, okay??? This disaster is our fault, and what / [[Mike's eyes suddenly widen. A trace of blood appears at the corner of his mouth]]
/ Mike: we have? / [[Mike's eyes roll downward, noticing the knife planted firmly in his stomach. Blood trickles from his mouth. April and Marsha both stare at the knife, shocked.]]
/ Mike: to do... Uhhh. Oh S<
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, April 25, 2007||Marsha: Help! Somebody please help! / Mike: Huh. Ouch? / April: Don't … don't move, Mike. You're, you're gonna be okay! / Mike: NnnUhUh, I don't. Think so. Nope / April: I… it was an accident. I never wanted to, I mean, I just was um…! / Mike: Shhhut up. Just … run… / April: Run? / Mike: My Mom, she. Ugh. Go now. And April. / April: But… / Mike: Connnnngratlashns. / April: Wwwhat? / Mike: The Devil. H-he won.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, April 27, 2007||Priest: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear or dread no evil: for Thou art with me…|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, April 30, 2007||[[Margaret and Roger walk through a cemetery]] / Margaret: Well, THAT sucked. / Roger: Well, yeah. I don't know why they call them FUNerals, they are really not fun at ALL. / Margaret: I'm sure your amusement should always be a priority. / Roger: I'm just sayin'. They should have mini-golf courses. All that fake grass just goes to waste. / Margaret: So, where's Diana? / Roger: She's with Marsha. / Margaret: Hrm. How IS she, anyway? / Roger: I honestly have NO idea. / Margaret: But how does she look like to you? I'm really bad when it comes to reading people. And NO Braille jokes, please. / Roger: Awww. Uhm, well, at least she's not crying. / Margaret: And that's... good, right? Am I right? / Roger: It's good. For the hills that are lonely and want people running for them.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, May 2, 2007||Margaret: Let's see if the others want to share a cab.
/ Roger: Good. No offense, but I don't really want to be around you too much, Margaret. Even if you managed to make Diana forgive me.
/ Margaret: That was Mike, not me. It was his idea, remember?
/ Roger: Yeah, I know... still, Diana gets a little nervous about you.
/ Margaret: No prob. Hey, before you leave...
/ Margaret: Have you heard anything about April? / [[Flashback: Roger is pulling on a pullover]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, May 4, 2007||[[The flashback continues. April is on the phone]] / Roger: [[through the phone]] What do you mean, how's Mike? / April: Is he gonna leave the hospital soon? / Roger: [[through the phone]] ... / April: Am I... did he press charges? / Roger: [[through the phone]] Uh... no. / April: Oh. God. Look, I need you to tell him I'm really sorry, and I will stay away from... / Roger: [[through the phone]] April? / April: Roger, don't...! / Roger: [[through the phone]] Mike's dead. / Roger: [[through the phone]] April? Are you still there? / Roger: [[through the phone]] April? / [[April hangs up]] / <<*CLICK*>> / [[Flashback ends. Margaret and Roger walk through a cemetery.]] / Roger: No.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, May 7, 2007||[[The funeral. Blue is crying into Dave's shoulder]] / Hazel: Blue, dear... I know you probably won't like it, but there's people waiting to give you their condolences. / Blue: *sniff* O... okay, Ma. / [[Blue trots off obediently...]] / Hazel: I have to say, Mr. Jones... I'm surprised. I might have misjudged you after all. / Dave: Really? Well, I'm glad to hear that. At least for Blue's sake. / Hazel: Yeah, I completely underestimated you if you managed to kill the two people standing in your way to Blue's inheritence. In the same freaking day, even.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, May 9, 2007||Dave: Oh, AWESOME. I just... KNEW you'd say something like that. Well, sorry to shoot down your beautiful theory, but I wasn't even PRESENT when Mike died. / Hazel: Yeah, funny that. You were the only person who knew where the chopper was. Had it been called back, maybe Mike would have arrived in time to the hospital. / Hazel: I'll see you later. Enjoy yourself. / [[Dave glimpses Vernon glaring at him over Hazel's shoulder]] / Dave: [[thinking]] That guy. / Dave: [[thinking]] Where have I seen THAT guy before? / Blue: Dave? / Blue: I want you to leave.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, May 11, 2007||Dave: What? Why do you want me to leave? Don't tell me you BELIEVE what your mother just said!
/ Blue: I'm not exactly pissed at you, Dave. I would just REALLY like to know what you were doing while Mike was bleeding to death.
/ Blue: You were supposed to be looking for him to tell him about Dad. Where WERE you? / [[Flashback: Dave, having been ejected from the chopper, returns to his room, fuming]] / [[Dave starts to have a bath, still fuming]] / [[Dave drops off]]
/ Dave: <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, May 14, 2007||[[Flashback: Dave sits bolt upright in the tub]]
/ Dave: <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, May 16, 2007||[[Roger is sitting on the couch, playing with the remote control. Dave stands behind the couch, his face buried in the top cushion]] / Roger: Cheer up, Dave. Mike's not really dead. / Dave: *groan* / Roger: After all, he'll live forever in our hearts. And in our... nightmares, no doubt. / Dave: Roger, Blue hates me. I don't CARE about Mike. / Roger: Oh, that's what you say. / Dave: No, she REALLY hates me. And I can't blame her. / Roger: I mean about Mike. Sure you care about Mike. He was your friend, so it's only natural you... / Dave: Mike? My friend? That's a laugh. With friends like that, who needs a dent in the middle of the skull? / Roger: That's a very unheathy attitude, Dave. You should face your grief, instead of pretending you don't miss Mike. / Dave: You know, you're right. I really wish Mike was alive. So I could kill him again for managing to RUIN my life even when he's dead. / Roger: That's the spirit! Twenty points for paradox. Also, if you *really* miss him, I can give you Paul's phone number. / Dave: You, on the other hand, are like a dent in the middle of the ass.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, May 18, 2007||Roger: Well, if you're really glad Mike's dead, I'm not surprised Blue is pissed at you.
/ Dave: Are you nuts? Do you really think I'd tell her something like this? She hates me for entirely different reasons.
/ Roger: Like what, being a huge hypocrite? Besides, I wouldn't bad-mouth the dead if I were you. They tend to come back as ghosts and haunt your underwear.
/ Dave: Your brain is made of styrofoam and non-sequiturs. I'm going to bed. / [[Dave, in his room, rummages through his sock drawer]]
/ Dave: [[thinking]] Stupid Roger... what does he care?
/ Dave: [[thinking]] But what if he's right? What if Blue thinks I hated Mike? What if she thinks I had actually something to do with his... / [[In the loungeroom, Roger is startled by...]]
/ Dave: [[off-panel]] <
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, May 21, 2007||[[Dave is holding his sock drawer in his arms and peering into it]] / Dave: Chester!!! What the GENTLY CARESS, seriously??? / Roger: Dude, kittens! You really should wash your undies if you're spontaneously generating stuff now. / Dave: They didn't spawn, dork, they're Chester's! Bad cat! Bad cat! HORNY cat! / [[Chester leers shamelessly at Dave]] / Roger: Well, it's your fault for not buying him a chastity belt. / Dave: Man, what am I gonna DO with these kittens? I can barely afford food for MYSELF! / Roger: Table scraps? / Dave: Uh... Roger, *I* eat table scraps. / Roger: Point! But I think they still don't eat. Isn't the mom supposed to feed them milk? / Dave: Maybe? God, I really don't know anything about kittens. / Roger: Luckily for you, I am a vast source of random knowledge. / Dave: So, when are they supposed to eat? / Roger: I suppose their larval stage ends when their tails fall off.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, May 25, 2007||Margaret: Uh...Marsha? I know you probably don't feel like it, but we're having a NOES meeting at the guys'. In case you want to join us. Or something? I think you should. It would be good for everybody. / Margaret:I mean...I think Mike probably wouldn't have liked it if you just gave up on everything. Especially something he worked so hard for. And...I dunno...uh... / Margaret: Listen, would it absolutely kill you to at least acknowledge I'm talking to you? / [[Marsha sits, head down, like she has the past three panels. Margaret looks annoyed.]] / [[Margaret shakes Roger.]] / Remember how I used to complain she talked TOO MUCH??? Well, right now she's DRIVING me CRAZY!!!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, May 28, 2007||Margaret: Gentlemen, move your butts, we're having a NOES meeting! / Dave: WHAT, right NOW??? / Margaret: Yeah, why not? It's Saturday night, don't tell me you have plans that are not nerdy! / Roger: Excuse me, but this meeting was not scheduled, and I have a girlfriend, and I COULD have plans... / Margaret: Schedules are for bureaucrats, now move it! / Dave: Margaret, I don't think we're ready to - / Margaret: Do I need to drag you by your nostrils, or WHAT? / Dave: oooKAAAY, someone had boss for lunch... / Roger: Yeah, who died and made you the leader, anyway? / [[Dave and Margaret look disapproving at Roger.]] / Roger: What?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, May 30, 2007||Margaret: So yeah, to sum it up...our numbers have been reduced. We also need a new leader for the group. I can take over, but of course, if anyone opposes, I can remind you that our former leader is now as dead as a...really dead person. Any contestants? / Dave or Roger (off-screen): Pass. / Dave or Roger (off-screen): Pass them. / Margaret: Innuendo aside, here's my first idea: let all the meetings be at my place. Cuz you know, yours stinks like a dinosaur's corpse. / Dave or Roger (off-screen): Sure, why not? / Dave or Roger (off-screen): As long as you bring lollies. / Margaret: Excellent. Now, you'll probably find my approach a bit aggresive. This is normal and soon you'll be the kicking-ass machines I intend you to become, instead of the wet-noodle planaria normal you. / Roger: Can we make like a planaria and SPLIT? / Margaret: Nonsense. So, I'm going to need some data from you guys, like pain treshold, and stuff. / Dave: I think I'll just quit NOES and go for a less dangerous hobby, like 18-wheeler surfing.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, June 1, 2007||Dave: What, we're going to Joe's house, for serious? Why? / Roger: Wait, isn't Joe the guy with like a zillion guns and a tendency for possession? / Margaret: Yep, he's the one. And we're going to ask him a few questions about it. / Dave: That's INSANE! The guy's a PSYCHO! / Margaret: He's not. Or at lesat not all of the time. But anyway, you shouldn't worry, because you're not going. Just Roger and I. / Dave: Uh? Not that I really wanted to, but why not? / Margaret: You have a history with the guy, Dave. You'll be the backup. We'll call you if we run into trouble, okay? / Dave: You're not protecting me again, are you? I'm perfectly capable of defending myself... / Roger: Truth is, Dave, she's just saving you for the most dangerous jobs. Like washing your hands with PRISSY soap, and stuff. / Dave: Roger, we now live in the same bedroom. So don't get me started. / Roger: Hey, I'm a manly man, and I will indulge in wearing footy pajamas if I want to! / Margaret: Yeah...speaking of prissy pajamas...Let's start talking about your PHYSICAL training schedule.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, June 4, 2007||Dave or Roger (off-screen): See you tomorrow then. / Margaret: Yeah. We're going to get up really early, remember. / Dave or Roger (off-screen): Slave driver. / Dave or Roger (off-screen): Sexyshoulders. / Dave or Roger (off-screen): That too. / Margaret: Flattery won't get you mercy. / Dave or Roger (off-screen): Aaaaaw. / Margaret: AAARGH! Marsha, don't scare me like that! Why didn't you join us, instead of appearing just right now? / FLASHBACK: / Marsha: Mike! Mike, baby, help is on the way, just just st-tand still, okay? / Mike: Kay. Hhh, Mmmarsha. / Marsha: Mike, don't try to talk, you're only... / Mike: Nno, Marsh. T-this. It's imppport...hhn. / Marsha: But... / Mike: LISTEN.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, June 6, 2007||[[Flashback. Mike puts something in Marsha's hand]] / Mike: G...give thissh...to...to Margaret. / Marsha: Uh? What...? / Mike: Don't, look inside. P-promise. / Marsha: *sniff* Okay. / [[Marsha walks off. Margaret looks at what she put on the table. It looks like something wrapped in a bloody handkerchief.]] / Margaret: ... / [[Margaret looks inside the wrapping. She is startled, horrified, and possibly disgusted.]]|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, June 11, 2007||Holy H4XXOR! She changed the password! / Now what? / Mmmh... kitty has claws I see... hahaha!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, June 13, 2007||Blue: Oh. It's YOU. What...are you doing sitting here in the darkness? / Jay (Off-panel): I like to bring everyone down to my level. What are YOU doing on Mom's computer? / Blue: Nnnothing? / Jay: If I had to guess, I'd think you're looking for info on what your little Petunia is hiding. / Blue: Psch... what could he be hiding? / Jay: Petunia hides lots of things. / Blue (off panel): Like what? / Jay: Did he tell you he joined a nunnery in Mexico? / Blue: Hahah! Yeah right. / Jay: I'm serious. Do you want the pictures? I have pictures. / Blue: Oooookayyyyyy. Nunnery, huh? So, what? / Jay (off-panel): I'm only saying, Blue. He hides lots of things. Did he tell you, for example, that he lasered my eyes? / Blue: WHAT? / Jay: Just like he did to you, Blue. And now I'm BLIND.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, June 15, 2007||Blue: Ooh my God. Do I look that dumb? Seriously. Do I have a DUMB face? / Jay: What? Why? / Blue:I don't know, maybe because the same weekend you went blind, he appeared with TWO bullet wounds. And I learned to put two and two together in GRADE school. / Jay: But you weren't there, were you? And did he tell you about it, or not? / Blue:No, he didn't. Still, stop trying to imply he's up to no good. / Jay: I'm not implying. I'm WONDERING. Doesn't it worry you? / Blue:Worried? Pfft. / Blue:I'm not afraid of Dave. / Blue:But Dave is afraid of me. / Blue:And maybe he SHOULD. / Blue:After all, who am I? What am I made of? / Blue:Isn't THAT an interesting question? / Jay: mmmh. / Jay: Evil lilac...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, June 18, 2007||[[Blurry view of Blue leaning over someone. Black and white.]] / Blue: Feel better? / Dave: BLARGH. Nnno. / Blue: Deep breaths, remember. Do you want me to call a doctor anyway? / Dave: Nuhuh, I... I'll be ffine. I need... a minute... / [[Black and white, no longer blurry. Dave is on his back, staring up at Blue leaning over him.]] / Blue: I'm very sorry, Dave. This is all my fault. I should have stopped this gay nonsense a long time ago. / Dave: Eeeh. Don't think he'd... believd you... hhhanyway. / Dave: How ya find me? / Blue: Chester was freaking out. I followed him here. / Dave: Huh. Did I... MENTION your whole f-f-family ish crazy. / Blue: Like a hundred zillion times, but you're totally... uh... / Blue: Is that LIPSTICK?|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, June 20, 2007||Ugh. Yeah? Look ... / I'm not saying anything. Are you guys together, now? Just so I know. / No. God, No. We're just ... friends. It was ... uh, complicated? Can... can we talk about this ... later? / Hey you don't have to give me any explanations. We're just friends too. / RRRRISE AND SHINER, DORKS!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, June 22, 2007||Dave: *groan* The sun isn't even up yet! UNFAIR!! / Roger: Why do *I* need to train, anyway? I can turn into a huge mass of sexy beast muscle in a split second. / Margaret: I've TOLD you, you guys rely too much on your superpowers. I told this to Mike over and over, but he was a lazy slug too. / Dave: I hope I have regeneration superpowers, because I'm about to fall on my teeth. / Margaret: Call a waaaahmbulance. Now, pay attention. These are nunchakus. / Roger: I thought you said we'd go jogging. / Margaret: No, no. The nunchakus are for me. And this little sticker here? It's for one of you guys. / Margaret: Who's gonna wear it, and where... that's up to you! / Margaret: You can jog if you want. But I'm thinking you might prefer to RUN!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, June 25, 2007||Roger: Wait... time *GASP* out! / Margaret: Haha! Wow, you guys are in a really bad shape. / Dave: *pant, pant* screaming... igg, lots of WORK... / Margaret: Wanna be in charge of the nunchucks? You gotta run twice as much. / Roger: Ennnuff. No...hff, running. Just... NO. / Margaret: Hooo-KAY. I guess it's enough running. / Margaret: Now it's time to work the ABS! / Margaret: Hey, where ya going? I thought you said you couldn't run anymore!|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, June 27, 2007||Dave: I'm sorry I was late for class today, Mr. Dover. Here's my homework.
/ Mr. Dover: It's okay. Did Mike tell you we talked about your test?
/ Dave: Ah, yeah. Thanks, by the way...
/ Mr. Dover: Don't mention it. You guys do enough as it is.
/ Dave: I... guess we try? / Mr. Dover: One last thing... if you guys need anything at all, you know who to ask. Okay?
/ [[Mr. Dover squeezes Dave's shoulder]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Wednesday, July 4, 2007||[[Roger and Dave stand together in a hallway]] / Roger: Finally, a chance to talk! Listen, man, Margaret is gonna kill us if we don't do SOMETHING. We have to mutiny, pronto! / Dave: Yeah, I agree. But Roger, last time we had a conversation like this one, we ended up shanghaied because YOU couldn't keep your part of the deal. / Roger: I can't do that this time! If we go alone against her, she's going to overkill us and feed us to the HYENAS! / Margaret: Hey Roger, remember I'm going to your place tonight to sort out the details of the Joe thing... / [[Roger salutes]] / Roger: Sir! Yes, sir! / Margaret: Hahah! See ya! / Roger: Did... you hear the one about the space monkey, the stoned nurse, and the slippery zucchini? Heh! Heh! / Dave: No, but I heard the one about your balls going to court and asking for emancipation.|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! for Friday, July 6, 2007||Margaret: So this is a rough map of the house, based on the times I've been inside, plus what Dave could see on his way out. Mike managed to get in there too, but, alas... / Dave: There's a dog in the back yard. Keep THAT in mind. / Margaret: Well, we're going through the front door. Roger, if you see my signal and there's a chance, you do some snooping of your own. / Dave: I still don't see why I can't go with you guys. / Margaret: I told you, you're the backup. Also, we can't bring weapons. Unconcealed ones, at least. / Roger: That's a bit... too suicidal for my tastes. / Margaret: Like I said before, this guy has more guns than me. We'll have to be diplomatic. Uhhhh... yeah, you're right, it DOES sound suicidal... / Roger: Mmmh. / Dave: Look, guys. Do you want information? You really don't need to go through all this trouble. / Margaret: No? Do you have a better idea? / Dave: Just get me inside and give me 10 minutes with him. He'll be singing like a *Pavarotti*. / Margaret and Roger: ... / Margaret and Roger: BWAAAHAHAHahHAHHahHAAAAHAAAAHA Ooh, man! *snort* / [[Margaret and Roger laugh, while Dave looks displeased]]|
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