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| Have We Got A Video? | Wayne: I'm really excited about this new full band video from the gig in November. / Chicken: What full band? The drummer is always away on tour... / Chicken: ... the bassist would rather play bebop and the guy on accordion lives in France. / Wayne: It's a start.
/ Chicken: Lucky they videoed it. / [Click... http://conniptions.org/index.shtml?20070103 |
| To Be Exact | H: So, you've been doing this comic for a year now. / H: How do you feel? / Wayne [stares at ground] / Wayne: Older. http://conniptions.org/index.shtml?20070106 |
| Once Upon A Time | H: Wayne has gone to the pub in search of inspiration. I think that's what he said. / H: He said if he wasn't back to tell you a story. / H [looks to right] / H: So... http://conniptions.org/index.shtml?20070108 |
| Ragging The Classics | H: New York, 1918. / H: A piano player named George Cobb bets his friend he can turn anything into ragtime. / H: "Alright," says his friend. / H: "Give us a bit of Rachmaninoff. Prelude in C# minor. In ragtime." http://conniptions.org/index.shtml?20070110 |
| Russian Rag | H: So, Cobb went over to the piano, sat down, and played a ragtime version of Rachmaninoff's Prelude. / H: What he played was later published as 'The Russian Rag', a favourite of novelty pianists to this day. / H: As he walked back to his friend, Cobb paled, as at once he recognised none other than... http://conniptions.org/?20070112 |
| You'll Need A Flyer | [H looks to right] / [H looks to left]: Wayne's still not back from the pub, and there's a gig tomorrow night at Gramaphone. / [H looks at you] / [H looks to left again]: Maybe I should say something... http://conniptions.org/?20070115 |
| It Was A Good Gig | Wayne: I'd like to thank both the people who came to see me at the Gramaphone last night. / Chicken: You already did a 'both people' gag. / Chicken: Maybe more people would come to your gigs if you actually publicised them in a timely manner. / Wayne: So you're saying that sending a few texts on the... http://conniptions.org/?20070117 |
| DJ Drama Is Innocent | Wayne: The RIAA have had hip-hop artist DJ Drama arrested for making mixtapes. / Wayne [glares at ground] / Wayne: Soon they'll arrest some guitarist for using a pentatonic scale over a blues progression. / Wayne: Fuck. http://conniptions.org/?20070119 |
| Tom Is My Friend | Wayne: I got my two thousandth myspace friend this weekend. Yay! / Chicken: That's great, Wayne. / Chicken: But how many of those 'friends' are other bands, or soft porn models, or fashion design houses, or studios... / Chicken: ... or joke accounts for famous dead people, or fictional characters,... http://conniptions.org/?20070122 |
| I Am Not Stressed | H: It's possible that Wayne is a bit on the stressed side at the moment, for some reason. / [H looks to his right] / [H looks up in the air] / H [looking to his left]: I didn't know you could tune a guitar that way. http://conniptions.org/?20070124 |
| I'm Sorry | H: Wayne would like to apologise for not being able to draw a new comic today. / H: And for having already done this gag. / [H looks to his right] / H: And for thinking there's such a thing as an 'I've already done this gag' gag. http://conniptions.org/?20070126 |
| No Joke | [H looks to the left] / [H looks to the right] / [H looks up] / [H looks straight ahead] http://conniptions.org/?20070129 |
| She's Nuts | H: I think Wayne is trying to cheer himself up by making himself a nice meal. / H: But I don't think the cooking is going very well. / [H looks to the right] / H: Unless he means something else by "that fucking bunny boiler." http://conniptions.org/?20070131 |
| Real Soon | [H looks to the right] / H: I'm sure he'll be back soon. / [H looks to the right] / [H looks straight ahead] http://conniptions.org/?20070202 |
| Time Is On My Side | Wayne: I'm really looking forward to the gig at The Perseverance this coming Friday. / H: Is that why you've been practising piano so much? / Chicken: No, he'll be playing the guitar on Friday... / Chicken: Which he hasn't actually touched since the last gig. http://conniptions.org/?20070205 |
| One I Tossed Off Earlier | Wayne: It's time to ask the age-old question: does sex before a gig affect your performance? / Chicken: What does that have to do with you, Wayne? You've been single for five years now... / [Wayne looks down sheepishly] / Chicken: Oh. http://conniptions.org/?20070207 |
| Pianist Envy | Chicken: So, you're talking about masturbation rather than sex, then. Ok. / Chicken: I don't know whether it affects your performance at gigs. / Chicken: But it might explain one thing about your piano playing... / Chicken: After all, your right hand is much stronger than your left... http://conniptions.org/?20070209 |
| It Was A Different Two Each Time | Wayne: Thanks to both of you who came to see me play on Friday night. / Chicken: Isn't that the third time in a row you've only brought two to a gig... / Wayne: Yeah, but this time was worse. / Chicken: How so?
/ Wayne: There were three of us on stage... http://conniptions.org/?20070212 |
| At Least I'm Not An Abstract Expressionist | H: So what are you doing for Saint Valentine's day, Wayne? / Wayne: I'll probably just drink until I can't remember what day it is. / H: But you do that every day... / Chicken: He's a romantic. Every day is like Valentine's day to him. http://conniptions.org/?20070214 |
| Free Rootkit With Every CD | Wayne: The BBC is reporting that a majority of music industry execs think DRM is bad for business. / Wayne: They also say they'll keep using it, though. / Wayne: In other news, a majority of motor trade execs voted to keep the wheel, / Wayne: And a majority of cheese-makers voted against putting little... http://conniptions.org/?20070216 |
| A Lesson Is Learned | Wayne: Bhu... whu... / H: Wayne? What's up?
/ Wayne: Gnn... / Chicken: He just found out that Tom Waits is in fact teetotal... / H: Also more successful...
/ Chicken: No shit. http://conniptions.org/?20070219 |
| Club, Member, Etc... | H: Wayne can't make it again today, as he has to rush and meet some girl... / H: I hope she isn't as mad as the last one. / [H looks to his left] / H: Mind you, she has agreed to meet him... http://conniptions.org/?20070221 |
| You Couldn't Make It Up | Wayne: Morrissey will have 'no involvement' in this year's Eurovision Song Contest, the BBC says... / [Wayne looks down] / Wayne: Also, Robbie Williams will not be presenting Newsnight this year... / Wayne: ... and Slayer are 'unlikely' to be commissioned to write music for the next series of Teletubbies. / [Comic... http://conniptions.org/?20070223 |
| Longer, Actually | Wayne: God, but I'm hungover... / Chicken: I'm not surprised. You've been totally shitfaced every night for the past six months or so.
/ Wayne: God. / Wayne: Did I do anything stupid? / Chicken: Duh... http://conniptions.org/?20070226 |
| Not An Actual Photo | Great Gigs I Have Been To #1: The Bishops, The 100 Club, 27th Feb 2007
/ Wayne: I will never drink again. I swear I was seeing double.
/ Chicken: You do know they're twins, right? http://conniptions.org/?20070228 |
| Fancy Sitting In? | H: Wayne has left me in the lurch again as he is busy trying to track down an emergency bassist and horn player for tonight's gig. / H: It's probably a bit late now. / [H looks to his left] / H: By the way, you don't really need the flyer. Just say you've come to see him. That counts too... http://conniptions.org/?20070302 |
| Those Who Can, Do | Wayne: I've just had the most scary musical experience of my life... / Chicken: What happened? Did you have to sight-read jazz?* / Chicken: Improvise solo bass guitar in front of two thousand people?* / Wayne: No. I had to give a guitar lesson to a nine year old.
/ Chicken: Ah. Tough audience. / [Bottom... http://conniptions.org/?20070305 |
| Out Soon... | H: Looks like Wayne has left me in the lurch once again... / H: He says he's busy trying to get the CD finished. / H: They do say you should take a break between recording and the final mix. / H: Six months ought to be enough... http://conniptions.org/?20070307 |
| Joke's On Me | H: Wayne would like to remind everyone coming on Sunday that he will only be playing a very short set. / H: However, all the acts were great last time he went so it should be worth going to... / H: Er, now put joke in? / Wayne [off]: You were not supposed to read that out.
/ H [looking to his left]:... http://conniptions.org/?20070309 |
| The Curve Goes Up | H: The mathematics of Wayne's gigs are a bit strange. / H: Normally, it's three or four pounds to get in, he plays a full set, and a few people turn up. / H: Last night, it was free to get in, he only played four songs, and fifteen people showed up. / H: Maybe at the next gig he should pay people... http://conniptions.org/?20070312 |
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