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| WIGU: A HISTORY LESSON | Class, can anyone tell me which president is on the $2 bill? / Miss Jackson, that is a twick question. Evwybody knows there is no such thing as a two bowuh biwo. / Ms. Jackson, Thomas Jefferson is on the $2 bill. I reccomend that girl be put in special classes. / You're right, Wigu, but you were rude. Now tell the class more about Mr. Jefferson. / Thomas Jefferson was president #3, and he had intimate relations with slaves. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020329.html |
| WIGU: Candy Cigarettes | PANEL 1 / BELL: RRIIINGG! / PANEL 2 / MRS. JACKSON: Lunchtime, class! Don't forget to share!! / PANEL 3 / WIGU: Hey, kid. Wanna have lunch with me?
/ HUGO: You, dog, You wanna fresh candy cigarette? MAD sugar high, G.
/ WIGU: Um... / PANEL 4 / STUPIDETTA: Wigu, I will have lunch with you.
/ WIGU: Uh, okay, I guess...
/ STUPIDETTA: OK, please fill out this card. / PANEL 5 / WIGU: You want me to RSVP to sit with you in the cafeteria? / PANEL 6 / STUPIDETTA: My dad said people that don't RSVP are just poor peple with no place to go in life. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020401.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Panel 1
/ Wigu: HEY, where did your speech problem go?
/ Stupidetta: I do a fake lisp. My dad says it's good for girls to not show off their skilss.
/ Panel 2
/ Stupidetta: My dad is a very important company president.
/ Wigu: My dad is a... musician.
/ Panel 3
/ Wigu: HA HA! I bet your dad works at ENRON!
/ Stupideta: Huh?
/ Panel 4
/ Wigu: Everyone always laughs when Jay Leno says "Enron."
/ Stupidetta: My dad say TV is the devil's peep-hole. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020402.html |
| WIGU: Child Abuse | (In the Cafeteria)
/ Wigu: OH MY GOD! Your parents don't let you watch "Magical Adventures in Space?"
/ Stupidetta: What's that?
/ Wigu: Uh, it's only the VERY BEST CARTOON EVER MADE EVER.
/ Stupidetta: I think my parents let me watch "Powerpuff Girls" once.
/ Wigu: Well, that's a good show. Which girl do you like best?
/ Stupidetta: Um, Chandler, I think... No, Ross... No wait, it's Rachel... Or Phoebe.
/ Wigu: I am seriously going to call the police and report your parents for child abuse. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020403.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Meanwhile @ high school...
/ HA! GO FIGHT WIN!
/ HAHA, Paisley, your outfit is gleefully ironic. Have some props.
/ Huh? / Uh...it's not a joke, guys. I am really a cheerleader now. You gave me the idea, remember? / Mariah was being sarcastic, silly!!
/ We're teenagers, we don't mean anything literally, remember? / OMIGOD, Paisley! GO TO THE PROM WITH ME!!!! / HA HA HEE HO HA HA
/ "Carrie" moment http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020404.html |
| WIGU: CHEERLEADING LORE | Becoming a cheerleader was the dumbest mistake ever.
/ Just tell them you want to quit, Paisley.
/ Are you NUTS?! / I heard the cheerleading squad is like a GANG. Sure, anyone can join up... / But if you want to get out, it's different. I heard that a cheerleader has to KILL on of her own kind to be released. / Becoming a cheerleader was the best idea ever. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020405.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | You know what? I'm going to break my nihilistic stereotype and be a cheerleader anyway. / Paisley, come on. True nihilists don't belive school spirit exists.
/ And even if it did, it exists only to be destroyed. / Yeah, I'm going to... um... destroy the evil cheerleading aristocracy from the inside out. / Pasiley, you are so Machiavellian, it makes my pants sweat. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020408.html |
| WIGU: Paisley arranges cheerleading transportation | So, Paisley. When is the first cheerleading practice?
/ That's the weird part. They practice at midnight in an abandoned warehouse on pier 13. / Wow, that seems excessively secretive and portentous. / That reminds me, can one of you unlicensed drivers borrow a car and follow me to return my dad's van before he wakes up? http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020409.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Meanwhile @ Elementary School...
/ So, if your parents don't let you watch TV, what do you do for fun?
/ Read encyclopedias. And play with my pony, "Ol Suede". / I was supposed to get a new video game today but a pony stole my money. / How much does the video game cost? / 50 dollars... It'll take me months doing extra chores to get 50 dollars again. / I know how you can make $50 now.
/ Oh, I left the bug-eating business long ago. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020410.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | How can I get $50 right now?
/ Do you see that boy over there with the $500 hat? / What about him? / He acts like he's better than me because his dad's company is two points higher than my dad's on the "Fortune 500" list. / What does that have to do with me getting $50? / I want you to "liquify" his "assets". http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020411.html |
| WIGU: Topato's grand entry | You're going to give me $50 to trick that boy into eating laxatives!? / Lower your voice, Wigu! These laxatives are the exact size and shape of "Pez" candy. If you can sneak it into his dispenser, I'll give you $50. / NEVER FEAR, Princess!! I will SPRING INTO ACTION!!
/ 'Kay. / HIGH FIVE, Topato!! I'm sure glad to see you!
/ I excel in the delivery of POISON!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020412.html |
| WIGU: Illicit licorice love | Your intention is to deliver bowel-loosening poison to another boy, Wigu?!
/ For $50!! / You fancy yourself a mercenary, I see!! Well, Topato Potato does not dabble in mercenary work!!
/ The money is so I can buy your video game. / Exceptions can be made in many instances!!!
/ He's sitting right over there. I need a way to distract him. / Little boys love licorice... until they find out it is actually POISON licorice!!
/ Put that away, Topato. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020415.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Wigu, how do you plan to deliver this stool poison?
/ This laxative looks just like the boy's favourite type of candy. / This boy... does he purchase the merchandise that is associated with my television series? / No, I think he's into Pokémon.
/ POKÉMON IS HACK WORK!!! / Topato, create a distraction and I'll make the swap!!
/ I will distract him... with one thousand, tiny, lightning fast punches! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020416.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Please, Topato, you have to help me trick that boy into eating pooping pills!!
/ It is up to you now, brave warrior!!! / Some imaginary spirit guide he is. I guess it's up to me to discover a way to trick the rich boy...
/ Spring in... to ac... tion.. / Think, Wigu... what would make a spoiled rich boy run away and leave his "Pez" dispenser behind... GOT IT! / Kid, did you know I used to have a hat just like that? I sold it at a yard sale for a quarter.
/ AAAIGH!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020417.html |
| WIGU: Poorly named operation | Agent Wigu reporting, phase 1 of "Operation Replace Kid's "Pez" with Pooping Pills for $50" going smoothly... / Scrappy Doo? Man, this kid deserves to poo his pants... / Agent Wigu making the switch--
/ WIGU TINKLE! / What are you doing with that other boy's candy?
/ Mission COMPROMISED! ABORT!! ABORT! / MOMENTS LATER, AT WIGU'S MOM'S OFFICE...
/ What part of "STOP CALLING ME HERE" don't you people understand? http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020418.html |
| WIGU: Nokia Elementary discourages paddling | Mrs. Tinkle, this is Ms. Jackson from Nokia Elementary. We caught your son trying to give laxatives to another boy. / I don't understand why you're telling me this. Don't you just paddle kids when they mess up? / That's illegal... I'm kind of surpised you didn't know that. We'd like you to come visit with us about this matter, Mrs. Tinkle. / Hey, why don't you just act like you are going to paddle him, then change your mind at the last minute...
/ To scare him. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020419.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | What is wrong with my son? Surely my well-researched mothering techniques aren't to blame... / Yes, he plays a lot of those video games, but I don't think any of them have to do with giving people laxatives... / SCREEEEE CRASH!! / Did you guys hear that?
/ My mom's ex-boyfriend is going to kill me.
/ THERE IS BLOOD COMING OUT OF MY NOSE. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020422.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Romy: OH, GOD! I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU PARKED THERE, I AM SO SORRY! DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?
/ Boy: Uh oh . . . / Paisley: Mom?
/ Romy: Paisley?! Why are you not in school? / Paisley: Mom, why were you yapping on your cell instead of paying attention to the road? / Romy: Honey, why are you wearing a cheer-leading uniform?
/ Paisley: Why should I be denied sunny days and daffodils just because I'm a misanthropic nihilist?! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020423.html |
| WIGU: MOTHER'S INSTINCT | Mom, the police are coming!!! You have to help us, none of us have driver's liscences, we'll all go to jail!!! / Paisley, even though I am your mother, I'm also a rational, law-abiding citizen!!
/ THEY'RE ALMOST HERE. / What is this... strange feeling? I haven't felt this in years... OH NO... it can't be... / WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO
/ screech
/ vroom
/ MOTHER'S INSTINCT! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020424.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Paisley, I can't believe your mom did that.
/ She's a martyr.
/ Mommy loves me. / Now we just have to deal with the damage you mom caused to my mom's ex-boyfriend's car. / If we return it "as-is" won't he assume he did it himself while he was stoned?
/ God bless drug addiction. / Well, now that our mishap seems to be consequence-free, we can relax!
/ There are lots of us. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020425.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Cop: FREEZE LADY!! HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM! / Romy: DON'T SHOOT!!! I'M A MOTHER!!!!
/ Cop: Make one wrong move, and you'll be having FORMALDEHYDE for dinner . . . because I will SHOOT YOU!!!! / Cop: Lady, why in the sam hill did you try to run from me?? / Romy: THERE IS A "VILLAGE PEOPLE" TRIBUTE BAND CONCERT TONIGHT AND I AM LATE TO SET UP THE FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS!
/ Cop: Move along. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020426.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | NOKIA ELEMENTARY SCHOOL...
/ Wigu, shouldn't your mom be here by now?
/ I think so. I have to go the bathroom Ms. Jackson. / Be back in five minutes or I'll send the janitor to bring you back. / That's the last time I will try to trick a boy into eating pooping pills for $50...
/ Wigu!!! / Wigu, I can't believe how brave you were!!! / You ruined my life. And, you're creepy. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020427.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | I'm in a lot of trouble because of you, girl.
/ I know, and I am very sorry. / Here, to make it up to you, I am giving you $25. I know I promised you $50, but you didn't technically finish the job. / That is insulting. I'll just tell Ms. Jackson that it was you who mastermindificated the entire subterfucation. / You can't extorticate me, you don't even know my name!!!
/ Is it Stupidetta McPrissypants? http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020430.html |
| WIGU: Lesser parent-prinicipal interactions | WIGU TINKLE, PLEASE COME TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
/ We shall meat again, cheater. / Mrs. Tinkle, your son's rambunctious behavior is quite common in children with unusually high intelligence levels.
/ Are you saying I'm a bad mother? / No, Mrs. Tinkle, that's not my point at all! Although, I would recommend you take steps to encourage and nurture your son's natural gift!! / I'll do the mothering here, beatnik. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go get my daughter out of jail. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020501.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Romy: Wigu, what exactly compelled you to try to give laxatives to another boy? / Wigu: A girl told me she'd give me $50 if I did it, mom. / Romy: $50? Didn't you think of what the consequences might be? / Wigu: I'd get $50 and a rich boy would probably poop in his pants. / Romy: You didn't consider getting expelled as a consequence?
/ Wigu: The reward made the risk seem reasonable. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020502.html |
| WIGU: Shocking inmate software piracy scheme exposed! Details at 7. | Hi, I'd like to get my daughter out of jail, please.
/ Can I have your account number?
/ ...OPPRES / Jail is awesome!!! / Hey, kid! Come 'ere! / Kid, I need money to get out of here! Do you wanna buy a copy of the "Magical Adventures in Space" video game?
/ How much? / $25. It's a bootleg.
/ SOLD!!! / Uh... do you have a hidden pocket in the back of your pants?
/ UNGH... Yeah... secret pocket... http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020503.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Sheriff Pony: Topato, what is WRONG?!!
/ Topato: I HAVE JUST WITNESSED A FILM ENTITLED "SPIDER-MAN!!!!" IT IS A MOCKERY OF TRUE SUPERHEROES!!!! / Sheriff Pony: WHAT IS THE "SPIDER-MAN'S" SPECIAL POWER?
/ Topato: HE WAS BITTEN BY AN ANATOMICALLY UNSTABLE EARTH-INSECT, AND THUSLY INHERITED THE SKILLS OF THE INSECT!!!
/ Topato: BAH! / Sheriff Pony: HA HA!!! WHAT A SILLY TALL TALE! WONDROUS BALDER-DASH!!
/ Topato: I WOULD INVITE "SPIDER-MAN" TO SUPPER AND MOCK HIM INCESSANTLY!! / Sheriff Pony: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!!
/ Topato: I WILL COMPOSE A DENNUNCIATORY REVIEW AND PUBLISH IT ON THE DIMENSION-WIDE COMMUNICAITON NETWORK!!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020504.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Mom, thank you for bailing us out of jail, I guess...
/ Don't let it happen again, Paisley. / Mom, it's YOUR fault we GOT thrown in jail! YOU crashed into the car we were using to return dad's van, which I HAD to take because we missed the bus because I had to make YOUR SON take a BATH. / Ohh, I see!! When something goes WRONG, we blame it on MOM!! You're unreasonable. We'll talk about this later, Paisley. / Paisley, your mom doesn't understand "cause and effect."
/ She works in the stock market. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020505.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | What do you guys think is worse? Jail or school.
/ Hmm... / That's like asking if purgatory is worse than limbo.
/ Or if hiccups are worse than hangnails. / Well, aren't you 'miss optimistic' since you became a cheerleader?
/ Where does it say nihilists have to be existential drama queens? / Please stop fighting.
/ I don't think she wants to destroy the system anymore!!!
/ Let's replace the system with daisies!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020507.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Now Wigu, stay in your room until I get home. Then we'll decide how long you're grounded.
/ Yes, ma'am. / Also, NO VIDEO GAMES. I'm taking the paddles to your X-cube, Game box, X-gamebox, Gamestation, Gamestation 2, X-tendo 64, X-tari Jupiter, Micro-Sony Game Orb, and X-station Cube Boy. / She forgot about my X-station Cube Boy Advance Color!!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020508.html |
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