You're browsing the archives of Wigu.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

WIGU: TOPATO WEIGHS THE FABRIC OF HIS EXISTANCE Topato, why don't you tell me what's really bothering you. / Sheriff Pony, you know the life of a warrior is full of ambiguity. / The intensely pleasant sensation I used to recieve by utterly decimating an enemy has lately transformed into a pedestrian sensation of banality! / Topato, I can scarely believe these words exit your head-opening!! / Dispense with your disbelief, Pony!! I am weighing the fabric of my existance!! / RUMORS OF TOPATO'S PREMATURE RETIREMENT ABOUND!! I seek immediate validation!! / Firmly grasp my employment and heave it elsewhere, Princess. / ALL WE WANT IS FLOATING LAWN CHAIRS WHY IS THAT SO HARD SCIENCE
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030408.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET RUN!! If that janitor catch us, he gonna be GRINDIN' UP we bones to make that junk that soak up throw-up!!! / Don't run children janitor darrel ain't gon' hurt you none. / / EEK! / WIGU, SAVE ME!! / STUPIDETTA IS IN TROUBLE! / Leave her be, dogg. Women is easily replaced.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030409.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Little girl is you all right? You took a plum nasty spill. / HELP ME WIGU!! / Wigu, we has got no time for this nonsense! I ain't goin' out for some girl I don't barely know! / No way, Hugo!! If Topato has taught me anything, it's that honor is worth fighting for! / I see you in afterschool detention then, sucka!!! HUGO OUT, PEACE! / LET THE LADY GO. / Meanwhile / TOPATO, LOOK!! Your powerful moral teachings have inspired Wigu Tinkle to place himself in harm's way to defend a distressed damsel!! / I do not recall teaching that.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030410.html
WIGU: The Plight of Wigu Tinkle! PANEL 1 / SHERIFF PONY: Topato, you cannot retire!! Little Wigu Tinkle springs into action with the ferocity of a Lava Lion because of you!! / PANEL 2 / TOPATO: That is BALDERDASH to the point of POPPYCOCKERY, Sheriff Pony. / PANEL 3 / (Topato begins to leave the room.) / PANEL 4 / (Topato stops at the door.) / PANEL 5 / TOPATO: Ad... ad... advise me of Wigu Tinkle's status, Pony... / PANEL 6 / SHERIFF PONY: Terrible to a degree which renders it powerfully inspiring, Topato. / PANEL 7 / WIGU: UNHAND HER NOW, VILE MONSTER!! THIS IS MY FINAL WARNING, DO NOT BE A FOOL! / STUPIDETTA: HELP!! / AVRIL 11 03. TOPATO'S DAD IS A POTATO AND HIS MOM IS A HOOT OWL (IN SPACE)
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030411.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET I... I cannot identify this sensation inside my stalwart innards... It is similar in structure to pain... / I know what it is. / It is called, GUILT, Topato!! You feel a sense of responsibility for Wigu Tinkle's safety!! / Guilt is a sign of a fragile constitution! / If this sensation was truly guilt, why do I then have an uncontrollable urge to lay waste to those who threaten Wigu Tinkle's livelihood?! / So, you no longer desire retirement, Topato? / Retirement is the result of safe complacency. Ready the unpredictable, interdimensional corporeality catapult!!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030415.html
 
WIGU TAKES ONE IN DEFENSE OF THE INNOCENT JANITOR DARREL, THIS IS YOUR FINAL CHANCE. RELEASE THE GIRL, OR FACE MY WRATH. / Little boy be still. I aim to get this girl to the nurse, her ankle hurt bad. / Wigu, do you desire my assistance in crushing the Janitor? / No Topato! It's cool!! / Wigu, I recognize your trepidation, but realize that one swift thermo-jab will resolve this situation in milliseconds! / No, Topato!! I figured it out, Janitor Darrel is a nice man. / ACTIVATE THERMO JAB!! / LOOK OUT!! / WHAM / I GET THE FEELING I FORGOT TO DO SOMETHING YESTERDAY
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030416.html
WIGU: PAISLEY VISITS A TROUBLED COUNSELOR AOL-TIME WARNER HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELOR'S OFFICE / Girl's I would like to speak to you bluntly. / You performed a cheerleading routine that featured a simulated hanging. I would call that a "deafening, blood-curdling shriek for help." / Yeh. / It was theater. / Don't think I do not vividly recall my teen years of self-loathing and gender confusion... It's a miracle I lived through it at all!! / We are remarkably well-adjusted. / I thought I was well-adjusted too... until I realized it was 4am on a school night and I was lying on the train tracks with nothing to show from life but a hickey and a wine cooler. / SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE DIZZINESS, BLINDNESS, INVULNERABILITY
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030417.html
WIGUTHE: PAISLEY'S LOFTY AMBITIONS Mariah, I apologise for almost getting you killed because of my terrible cheer routine. / It's fine. / Paisley, if it wasn't for this, I could never get to say I inspired a riot. The kids who red my web log are gonna really believe I'm a super dangerous anarchist. / Those kids rioted because what I had written was god-awful. Maybe I don't have what it takes to be a revolutionary, nihilistic, literary icon. / Oh, yeah. What I meant to say was "It's gonna take more than an empty apology to stop the years of nightmares your actions will cause me." That's my girl. / NIGHTMARES ABOUT WATER BUT IT IS NOT WATER, IT IS PUPPIES
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030418.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET got to get you hurt kids in to see the nurse. / Whuh... what happened? What's going on? / We got hurt, so Janitor Darrel put us in a wheelbarrow and is taking us to the nurse's office. / What happened to you, anyway, Wigu? I was running and twisted my ankle. You just yelled and did half a backflip and landed on your head. / Uhh... / I was trying to do a hero move, but the floor slipped me. I risked my life for you, Retardra McStinkyfeet. / I don't think so, clumster McFally.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030421.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Oh my goodness, what happened?! / got two hurtins in today ma'am. / girl got her ankle swoll up, and boy hit his old noggin on the floor real good. / Janitor Darrel, kids sure have a lot of "accidents" around you! What's the deal? / children run away on account of my lurchin. / an not bein' handsome. / Why don't you look at me when you're speaking? / my ol' eyes would taint such beauty.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030422.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Miss Andrea: Wigu, tell me why you fell down. I promise I won't tell a soul. / Wigu: Oh, I can't Miss Andrea. It is a big secret. / Miss Andrea: Was it the Janitor, Wigu? Did Janitor Darrel hit you? / Wigu: Janitor Darrel would not ever hit a _flea_!! I'll say what did happen, but it's secret. / Wigu: My friend Topato was gonna fight the janitor 'cause he thought the janitor was bad, but I stopped him. / Wigu: People think Topato is made-up, but he's not! He helps me a lot, but sometimes he messes up. / Miss Andrea (thinking): Stay on this boy's good side, Andrea... he's a tiny _Charles Manson_!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030423.html
WIGU: ROMY IS JOYLESS AND DESPERATELY DISSATISFIED? I sense... great annoyance... / Roww-mee!! You should come to Tai Chi class with me today! / What are you saying? Are you saying I'm fat, is that it? / No, Romy! The way a lady feels like on the inside is manifested on the outside!! / What, I look fat on the inside? Give me a clue here, Gail, I'm not a psychic. / Romy, no!! How you feel on the inside affects how you look on the outside. / Do I look joyless and desperately dissatisfied on the outside? / HANG IN THERE CRUELLY POSED CAT, IT IS ALMOST THE WEEKEND
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030424.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Wigu, I think you might have a concussion. I'm gonna call your dad. / What's a concussion? / It's when your brain gets knocked around and it makes your thinking messed up... Hmm, nobody's answering. / Dad is probably being loud in the basement. / What on earth does your dad do all day? / He makes the music for special grown-up movies about grown-ups. / Do you have any other relatives I can call? A concussion can be serious. / Yeah, but... well, they don't got phones at the traveling carnival.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030425.html
WIGU: Tai Chi and telephones Gail, I think you might be right about this "Tai Chi." / I told you, Romy!! When your insides feel good, the rest follows! / SNAP / Gail, call my husband. I think I broke my insides. / RING RING / After I dig up this treasure, I'm going to invent a telephone that never rings.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030428.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET LOUIE DONT BE MAD / It does too tell a story / HELLO am i a cow or a horse / COW / and HOW / HORSEY / perhaps i have identity issues / CHECK US OUT BONE PULP / COME ALL THE WAY TO ARKANSAS / WAIT UP GUYS / I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM / Thanks So Much! / FOR READING MY COMIC STRIP / HOLLA
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030429.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET DEAD EYES / Scrambled Eggs / ain't / x / 'This is Just Great' / OH IT IS WONDERFUL
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030430.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET what in the crap did i hit? / what kind of piece of crap backhoe did that dude sell me? / some kind of... groove. / waaaaaaah!! / wind... knocked out... need... to do... more lung strengthening... moves
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030502.html
May 6th, 2003 - It does not even represent the womb I gotta figure a way out of this stupid dang hole... / In my younger days I could jump right up outta here... / Standin' one one leg, even. / But now I'm just a fat old man, stuck down a hole like a sucker. / Hmm... more holes... holes all around... holes 'bout the size to accomadate a crawlin' man. / Seven holes total... this could be a part of some conquistador folklore- a clue to where the treasure is hid! / Too bad I never read any of that boring crap.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030506.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Sure is dark in this mysterious unlit tunnel... / ...something in my way...it's kinda squishy but...kind of not squishy... / OH, CRAAAAAAAAAAAAA / AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA / AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA / AAAP
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030507.html
WIGU: QUINCY IN ROLY-POLLY PERIL ARGH!! / Phew... I can't believe that was another one of them giant roly-pollies... things must be indigenous to underneath my house!! / Wait a minute... seven holes- / RUMBLE / That sounds like... doom! / WOOOSH / Seven against one? Seems unfair... to you!! / THAT SOUNDS LIKE FAKE SMELL IN POP (SODA)
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030508.html
 
WIGU: WE HAVE PROBLEMS WITH METH LABS PERFECT ABS HORSESHOE CRABS Guh!! Sneaky critters!! / Unnf! / Phoo / BOOM / Wait a second... only six of these monsters come out of seven holes! / I only got a few minutes before these suckers come to. I gotta see what they're guardin'. / Man, I am gonna be hacked off if it's just a giant bug meth lab.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030509.html
WIGU: STAY TUNED FOR PANEL 4 TEXT There's some booty back in this hole... I can feel it. / / Either this hole is getting littler, or I need to cut back on th- wait... I see light!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030512.html
WIGU: QUINCY THINKS ALIENS BUILT THE PYRAMIDS AND LAS VEGAS Why the heck is there a giant statue of my son's toy inside a secret chamber underneath the house? / It's impossible for an ordinary man to know if this is real gold or "fool's gold"... I better call in a professional. / But I gotta know why the thing is here... it doesn't make sense... unless... / Dad, do you think if I prayed real hard, God would make a real Topato to play with me? / God made the whole Earth and He was barely tryin'! He could do that with His hundred all-seein' eyes shut!!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030513.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Thanks for giving me a ride home in your giant SUV, and thanks for the back brace, Gail. / You never know when you need a back brace 'til you need one, Romy. / Agh, what's going on with my yard? / Don't drive in my yard. / It's okay, we got an SUV!! / My BACK you SKANK! / You're still driving in my yard. What will it take for you not to do that? / SUV thinks it's mating season. It uses GPS to find a place to spawn.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030515.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Noise: VROOM / Quincy: HELLO!! HELLLP! Is somebody UP THERE?! / Romy: YOU SUV SURE IS LOUD GAIL! / Gail: YES I GOT THE EXTRA-LOUDENING PACKAGE, JUST $1500!! / Romy: That's stupid. / Gail: WHAT?! / Romy: BYE!! / Romy (thinking): Now I have to call the city and find out why they dug my yard all up... / (Moments Later) / Romy (on phone): I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, I GOT A HOLE IN MY YARD AND A HURT BACK! / Romy: Hey, stranger! I been uh...diggin' your diggin'. / Man Diggin': I'm the mayor. / Romy: Ow. Ow my back.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030516.html
 
Donuts Delicious Mayor (thinking): Ugs, it's gonna take me forever to fill up this hole, especially with that woman barking orders at me... / Romy: Use your glutes more, Mr. Mayor. / Mayor (thinking): I suppose it won't hurt anything if I abuse my power just one time... / Mayor (on cell phone): Lou, could you bring your 'dozer down here? / (Underground) / Quincy (thinking): This seems like a good time to holler again... / Quincy (hollerin'): HELP!! HE'P ME!! PLEASE! / (30 minutes later...) / Qunicy (from underground): Hellllp / Newspaprer reads: Mayor Impeach[ed] Power Abuse Destroys / Newspaprer reads: Donuts Delicious
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030519.html
WIGU: May 21 2003 Quincy Tinkle: Aw, Heck...I guess deep down I always knew I'd die buried alive down in some hole... / ----------------- / SFX: KrrK / ------------------ / QT: Dang giant roly polies are wakin' up... / ------------------ / QT: Well I never imagined I'd get killed by giant freak bugs! / ------------------ / QT: Bring it on, isopods! Your segments are MINE. / ------------------ / QT: What are you critters doin'? Y'all tryin' to gang up on me?
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030521.html
WIGU: A Headless Voltron Dirty crap, I never fought six giant roly-polies that joined up in a man form before... / The thing don't have a head... Why don't it have a head? / I killed one of them things the other day after it bit my boy... I bet I killed its head... / Well, you got two choices, Quincy. Fight this thing and die, or try to make friends with it. / I am your head. / 22 MAY 03. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I AM SO OLD THAT I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH JESUS.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030522.html
WIGU: THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES, THEY MADE ME FLY A WHILE Well would you look at that. / These giant bugs put me right up near the roof of this underground chamber. If only I had me a shovel or a gun... / or... / What am I whining about? I got guns. Two of 'em. BIG 'UNS. / Rarrrr... / THUMP / And Madison Square Garden goes wild as Quincy Tinkle knocks the Earth's mantle out cold to take the title of "Baddest Thing in the Universe"
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030523.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET meanwhile in butter dimension^3 / well, this does not make any sense at all!! / Princess! I have discovered some bewildering anomolies within the kingdom's financial reports!! / Sheriff Pony, this is Leisure Day! / My lady, the news i have eclipses the sanctity of leisure day!! / Contrary to Topato's repeated assertions of our dire financial status, merchandise sales are bountiful!! / what are you suggesting? / Our best beloved friend may be our worst bequiling fiend!!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030526.html
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 >>