You're browsing the archives of Wigu.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Sheriff Pony, I should deploy the chasten-bots for you even suggesting our noble Topato be involved in malfeasance!! / The evidence adumbrates that idea, m'lady. / I can scarcely believe my royal peepers... there are literally trillions of missing dungles... / Forty-two quattuor-decillion, precisely. / Why would Topato deceive? Is his flamboyantly posh lifestyle inadequate? / All beings battle temptation. / Topato dons a disguise! Is there a covert operation scheduled for today, m'lady? / Negative. This is either evidence of a planned subterfuge... or a sad and desperate cry for help!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030527.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Princess!! Topato is headed for the teleportation orchard! It will be impossible to determine for us his position! Not so. / A socially active young princess always keeps with her a Trackquito Nanosect!! / OW!! INSOLENT NANOSECT!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030528.html
WIGU: Slagathor Racing Panel 1 / SHERIFF PONY: The tracking data here indicates Topato is currently in the Pistachio sector of BD^2. / PRINCESS DONGLE: What's *there!!* / Panel 2 / SHERIFF PONY: The Pistachio sector is most well-known for its fish mines and casions. / PRINCESS DONGLE (loudly): Casions!? Do they race *Slagathors?* / Panel 3 / SHERIFF PONY: Why, yes! Outlawed for *eons* in Butter Dimension^3, The Slagathor Derby runs each Leisure Day in their realm of impaired ethics!! / Panel 4 / PRINCESS DONGLE: Sheriff Pony, it is my theory that our friend has his big toe dipped in the seamy world of Slagathor racing!! / SHERIFF PONY: Topato has no toes. / [short pause] / SHERIFF PONY: He is a potato. / Bottom Text / ILLEGAL SLAGATHOR RACING IN CASINOS = BIG MONEY IN BUTTER DIMENSION^2
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030529.html
WIGU: The Pistachio Sector THE PISTACHIO SECTOR . . . / This place teems with wretchedness! I am on guard! / I'm not scared. / The sensations of anger and disappointment I feel toward Topato offset my fears. To think he has been stealing to gamble on racing -- / Ye look fer da derby? / YOU HAVE ACTIVATED MY THREAT SENSE AND ARE CONSIDERED HOSTILE. Stand down! / Relax, Sheriff! He may help. / Ye don't git let in the derby. Ye gots to be axed. / Who you know down at the derbies -- / Topato Potato!! / Here's two tickets and the title to my trailer don't hurt me ok? / 30 MAY 03. SHERIFF PONY WAS GONNA STONE GOLD THRASH THAT DOG GUY
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030530.html
WIGU: The Slagathor Derby Topato seems to have a reputation here!! / The denizens of this sector cower at his mention! / There's the coliseum where they have the Slagathor Derby!! Topato must be there!! / Um... Mr. Security... We're looking for Topato Potato. / (symbols)
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030602.html
 
WIGU: Topato's Desire TOPATO!! IT IS IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO PROVIDE A VALID EXPLANATION OF YOUR ACTIVITY!! / PRINCESS?! YOUR PRESENSE IS STARTLINGLY UNEXPECTED!! / I think it is apparent that I am fortifying our kingdon's dire financial woes by utilizing my amazing gambling prowess!! / Topato, my independent research finds our financial status to be otherwise healthy. Your ruse is ambiguous, but it is obvious foul play is afoot! / My friends, inside each of our essences exists a foe that is unbeatable by might or magic. / . . . Doctor Monkeyback Obsesso!! / 030603. I MADE A WHOLE BUNCH OF LITTLE DOTS THAT ARE PEOPLE
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030603.html
WIGU: Spummy and the Leisure Days Topato, did you, or didn't you frivolously squander our kingdom's currency on personal race-betting?! / Ready your ears for the story, my liege. / Recently I have been diligently tracking the movements of our most slippery nemesis, the nefarious SPACE MUMMY!! Stealthily I shadowed him, prepared to spring into action . . . / I did intercept intelligence that Spummy frequents the Slagathor races here on Leisure Days. Donning my most deceitful disguise, I occupied a seat in his preferred territory!! / INTERGALACTIC HIGH ROLLER / Due to the corrupt atmosphere of justice in this realm, I was neither able to provide adequate justification to apprehend Spummy nor to pummel the cohesion from his molecular compounds!! / LAW / 04JUN03. DOES TOPATO GO THE WHOLE NINE DOES HE EVEN WEAR THE UNDERPANTS
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030604.html
WIGU: Obey Your Thirst Deliberately did I observe Space Mummy become exponentionally wealthier by choosing the Slagthor that crossed into the goal area in the most expeditious manner!! / Unexpectedly, Spummy identified me, despite my surreptitious disguise, and challenged me to a gambling duel of SPECTACULAR PROPORTIONS!! / If my Slagthor emerged victorious, Spummy volunteered to surrender himself to our judicial discipline . . . / If Spummy's Slagthor emerged the victor, I would spend a fortnight isolated in a sea of "Sprite," stricken with an unquenchable and disobediant thirst!! / The game was on. / 5JUN03. WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THIS IS A WIN-WIN SITUATION (TAKING YOUR HAND)
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030605.html
WIGU: BLINGIDIUM IS A MOLECULE IN A FLOWER THAT BLOOMS EVERY BILLION YEARS The race-betting showdown between Space Mummy and I commenced!! Utilizing my powers of clairvoyancy, I was able to easily choose the Slagathor that did champion the derby race! / Adhering to the terms of our gentleman's agreement, Spummy surrendered himself to my custody. But then, Spummy offered a temptingly high-stakes challenge... / ... the terms of the ultimate wager- if I won, Spummy would voluntarily exhile himself to the Quadrant of Eternal Discomfort... / If Spummy emerged the victor, he offered to relenquish to us, his most cherished item... a statue of me composed of the rarest compound in the multiverse... / Blingidium!!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030606.html
WIGU: Release the Slagathors It was a betting scenario which could not possibly yield an unfavorable result!! I agreed to the terms of Space Mummy's wager and the Slagthors were released. / The Slagthors raced with a dizzying fervor. But in the end, I hypothesized Spummy's Slagthor desired victory more passionately. / Spummy won his own liberation. / And now I owned his most valuable treasure . . . / It was after the fact when I discovered Spummy's dastardly footnote . . . while I now held legal ownership of the 11th - most valuable item in the multiverse . . . / . . . I had to now locate the item! / 9JUN03. 10 MOST VALUABLE ITEMS ARE OWNED BY MONSIGNOR BILLATRON GATESAUR
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030609.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Topato, you won a hidden item of fantastic value in a bet. This does not explain why our kingdom is in finacial ruin! / A tale of shame will follow / As you may imagine, scouring the mulitverse for a hutsized item is a painstakin task. I enlisted the assistance of several hundred billion Hide-n-seek-o-sect hunter droids!! / I underestimated the labor and financial burden of the endeavor. After many hours and uncompensated hunter droids, i grew alarmingly obsessed... I... began to plunder our kingdom's savings, intent on replenshing those funds after the tresure was located... / Liew and deceit soup served in a bowl of knavery and eaten with a spoon of dishonor!! Topato, this news saddens and angers me at once!! / I am the crackers of connivery.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030610.html
WIGU: IN THE FUTURE ALL WILL CARRY TINY HOLOGRAM PROJECTORS AND RIDE DOGS Topato, how close are you to determining the location of the statue?!! / Acutely close. / Where is it, Topato?! / I have tracked it to the Wet Sphere of Wildly confused bipeds. The statue is hidden in a subterranean chamber, guarded by seven Slagathor warriors. / Then let us acquire the statue and restore our Kingdom's financial glory!! / The task is very complex. The chamber lies beneath soil owned by a family... / The family of Wigu Tinkle!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030611.html
WIGU: WELCOME BACK TO EARTH. IT IS ALSO IN SPACE AND STILL IT IS STUPID Quincy... what is that thing? / I ain't sure, baby, but I don't think we'll ever have to get on food stamps. / It's warm when I touch it... like human skin... I feel light... I taste watermelon... / Yeah, it might not be a good idea to touch it Romy... / I don't want to stop... I want to keep touching it forever and EVER. / I only touched it for a second and I felt- OH SWEET MAMA THAT'S GOOD STUFF. / PAISLEY, what are Mom and Dad doing?! Is that an adult situation?! / Go inside forever, Wigu.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030612.html
WIGU: I AM SORRY IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THE NUDITY BUT IT IS FOR ART Mom? Dad? Is there a specific reason you're on the front lawn naked, holding a gold statue? / To touch it is to know the joy the Sun feels as it warms the Earth. / Why are you so weird, Paisley? Why don't you get along with other kids? / Why are you so dark and moody? Why don't you fit in? Why do you want to destroy society? / ... 'Cause sometimes, I gotta pry my naked parents apart with a tool.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030613.html
WIGU: I DAMN NEAR GOT CAPPED 'CAUSE MY BEEPER KEPT BEEPIN Topato, I do not understand why we can not simply retrieve the statue!! / That would be a direct violation of interdimensional law, Sheriff Pony!! / The law categorically states that a being can not re-assume its ownership of an item if the item lies beneath the soil of another being! / Topato, your legal skills are- / beep beep beep / Topato, I am receiving data!! The statue we desire has been delivered to the surface level!! / JOY!! / Ready our extraction team! The statue will soon be in our possession, and we will again enjoy prosperity!! / Our laws are very confusing to me! / The law is not meant to ponder!! It is meant to follow without question!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030616.html
 
WIGU: BECAUSE DEALING WITH BEING RICH IS A GREATER CHALLENGE THAN BEING RICH Calling all Tinkles! Let's all gather up on the front lawn now!! / As some of you know, earlier today I dug up this statue. We don't know what it's made of, but we do know that whoever touches it experiences an insane state of exstacy- / DAD!! / Why can you not face it that it is a statue of Topato, and he is trying to tell us something! / Because, Topato is just a cartoon! Now we need to all come up with a way to sell this thing and deal with being rich!! / Father Tinkle intends to sell my property to increase his family's prosperousness?!! I am filled with furious, fiery fury!! / No!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030617.html
WIGU: SPLOSIONS Topato, fighting Quincy Tinkle for the statue is most dishonorable! He does not know it belongs to you!!! / I believe you exaggerate the meaning of "fight" in this instance, Sheriff Pony!! I will...wait, do you hear that? / Yes! / Heavens, no! What is his purpose here? / Stay on fast alert, my pony friend! / Salutations, mortals! I believe you have an item which once belonged to me, Space Mummy!! / No Fast-Talkin' Bag-a-Rags is gonna take what I rightfully dug up!! Come on down here and fight for it like a human man!! / Dear sir, it is not my desire to reclaim possession of the item... / I merely wish to Delete It!! / Wigu, Look Out! / Sheriff Pony? / Later on the News / A local family is recovering tonight following a "natural gas explosion." Doctors say all of the four family members will recover, but it's unlikely they will any recollection of the accident whatsoever. / END DAY FOUR. / WELL, THAT WAS EASY ENOUGH.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030618.html
WIGU: MEMORIES Wh...what happened? Where am I at? Who are you? What is that? / You're in the hospital, young man! / HOSPITAL?! Am I in the hospital because I DIED and I got BORNED AGAIN?! Am I just a weak, tiny BABY again?! / No, you're a very strong little boy! In fact, I've never seen a boy who could withstand an explosion like you did! / 'SPLOSION? / Doctor Lady, I think you are mistaken. I don't even remember no explosion. / I don't even remember what my name is! They're gonna make me do school all over!! / Ah to be a newborn infant again, goin to the bathroom where ever
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030620.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Why do I hate mummies? / Ugh. / ...I haven't felt this bad since...my birth... / Mr. Tinkle, I sincerely apologize for the degree of pain you are experiencing now. It must be significant. / Why does it feel like that? / Before I explain, you should know that I have seen men with a fraction of your trauma pray to their deity for death's release. And when death doesn't arrive immediately, they reject their deity and begin to beg to another.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030623.html
WIGU: YOU KNOW A GOOD DOCTOR CAN LOOK AT A BUTT AND A BOOK SIMULTANEOUSLY Tell it to me straight, Doctor... do you think I'll ever be able to... you know, again? / I'm afraid those days are behind you, Mister Tinkle. / Doctor, for real?! They are having breakthroughs in that area, I see it on TV all the time!! / Your personal situation is anomalous. / No! You don't understand!! I haven't worked in a decade!! Without that, my wife will toss me out like a dirty diaper in a McDonald's parking lot! / Mr. Tinkle, I do not think we're on the same subject. I am talking about farting. FLATULENCE, Mr. Tinkle. / I know. I... was talking about that, too.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030624.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Wigu! I'm so glad you're okay! We're all gonna be okay!! / Mom, how come I can't even remember anything? / You said we were all okay. Why can't my little boy remember? / Mrs. Tinkle your son has temporary amnesia. / Oh Amnesia... / Hospitals only worry if a person's body is okay. We can't be responsible for what a person acts like or thinks. / I see. / Hey! I don't remember anything either! what the heck?! / Oh, just use your imagination. / Once I had Amnesia like "memento" but I just wrote cuss words everywhere
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030625.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Mom, I can't remember anything! What's going on?! / I'm Afraid We've all got amnesia, um... / Paisley. / Yes. Paisley. / AMNESIA?! I thought that was just a gimmick that soap operas used when they had no good ideas! / Nope. It really happens. / So, what, now we're gonna be "that family that can't remember things"? / Eh, the doctor said it's only temporary. / Hey, check out those chicks! YO, LADIES, Y'ALL LOOKIN' GOOD!! / That's your wife and daughter, Mr. Tinkle. / Uh.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030626.html
WIGU: GOODBYE HOT TOPIC Well, I guess we should get you kids off to school. / We have amnesia, mom. / I know, Paisley, but the doctor said we should go on about our lives and our memories will return soon. / Agonizing memories? / Some, naturally. / Mom, I just remembered!! I don't go to school! I work undercover in a secret Army lab!! / Nice try, little guy, but the doctor already told me where your class is. / You will regret this. / Why isn't Agent Wigu at work?! The monsters have the nucular weapons aimed at the pizza store!! / Looks like we are toast, sir. / And the pizza store was also inside the mall - Goodbye Hot Topic
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030630.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET PANEL 1 / ROMY: Quincy, how are we gonna get these kids to school? / QUINCY: My dang old van!! / PANEL 2 / QUINCY: Oh my God... / PANEL 3 / QUINCY: I thought I'd never see her again after she got stole down in Texas! / PANEL 4 / ROMY: How is it that you have amnesia and can't remember me, your wife, but you can remember your stupid old van? / QUINCY: 'Cause wives don't get pooped in by hobos.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030701.html
WIGU: HUGO IS YOUR #1 ACE-IN-THE-HOLE DOMINO BEAN BURRITO TACO PAY ATTENTION Wigu, have a good day at school! Don't feel ashamed that you have amnesia! / Okay, bye, mom. / Teacher, is this my class? I got in a 'splosion and now I have got the amnesia. / Yes it is!! We are all so glad to see you're okay, Wigu! / Yo, Tinkle, you is truly one straight-up lucky dog. They is gonna be treatin' you like a supa-star. The golden boy, maximum-style. / I am sorry kid. I don't remember who you are to me. / I would be offended except of these circumstances. I be Hugo Rodriguez, your number one domino. We be tight.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030702.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Dad, can we stop and get food before I go to school? I can't recall the last time I ate... because I have amnesia. / Whoa! I don't even remember what food looks like! / Does anybody remember what we like to eat? / WE ALL LOVE TACOS!! / I don't... remember liking tacos. I don't think that's what people eat... at breakfast... / If I remember anything, it's loving tacos. Over there, it's "Taco Neko". Japanese-style tacos, 24 hours. / This place had better have a lot of tacos... 'cause I'm liable to eat 'em all!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030703.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET PANEL 1 / PAISLEY: (thinking) I can't take having amnesia... I just can't... it's too hard knowing who and what I hate!! / QUINCY: Yee haw!! / PANEL 2 / PAISLEY: (thinking) Like that. It seems like I hate people who say "yee haw" but that's supposed to be my Dad... and I don't think teenage girls are supposed to hate their dads. / PANEL 3 / QUINCY: Hey, Paisley, after this, do you wanna take the backhoe down to the bait shop and scope out the new lures. / PAISLEY: I think I hate everything you just said, Man Who A Doctor Said Is My Daddy. / PANEL 4 / ROMY: That goth girl who the doctor said was our daughter just ran away crying, Man Who the Doctor Said Is My Husband. / QUINCY: Also, I don't think her name is "Parsley".
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030707.html
Wigu: Unkind Parents So, you woke up in the hospital, and you don't remember who you are? That's it? / I'm an empty canvas. / And you freaked and ran way because your dad offered to take you fishing? / How do I even know he's my real dad? / Do you know why I was sleeping in the woods, Paisley? / No, why? / Because at 2am, I heard my mom and her boyfriend debating the pros and cons of trading my for a race car. / So you know what it's like, kind of. / Yes it is all fun and games until a girl gets traded for a race car
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030709.html
WIGU: I HAVE A NEW LEASE ON LIFE I WAS NOT DYING JUST VERY SCARED Wait, Mariah! Where are you going? / I'm going to school, now, Paisley. You'd better go too, amnesia or no amnesia. / But what good does a girl with no memory have in high school? I'll be mocked and flogged. / We're renegade rebels now, after the riot yesterday. / Riot? / Yeah, we posed as suicidal goth cheerleaders and started a big ol' riot. A poll of goths, punks, geeks, stoners, lamers, and thugs said it was the "most awesome school day ever." / Jocks and furries could not be reached for comment. / I don't understand, are we feared or revered, now? / Six of one, half a dozen of the other. It's all good.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030711.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Yo Tinkle, I know that you got amnesia and you do not remember when you was not a fancy boy and would straight up be peein' wid' me. / I AM NOT A FANCY BOY. / A'ight then. We be off to the baffroom to make pee like men, men that can pee through walls of iron. / Wigu, take this! / Wigu, That boy is not your friend. Don't trust him. your friend / Having amnesia is making me full of rage!! I don't know who I am supposed to trust anymore!! / IT IS I WHOM YOU TRUST! / WHAT?! Who in the heck are YOU?! / Analyze the image that emblazons your shirt. I am your poison potato GOD.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20030715.html
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 >>