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Technicolor pants at the monkey rodeo Dad, guess what!! / Wigu, first you gotta guess what! / Um... does it have anything to do with a new pet? / Maybe! Close your eyes and I'll show you! / There's not a reason to close my eyes, Dad! I already saw my new pets in the front yard! / Well, there's something you don't see everyday... / Unless you're a rodeo clown at the monkey rodeo... / I can only pray such a thing exists.
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WIGU: A Monkey That Can Ride a Pig Man, that monkey can ride that pig like nobody's business / Dad, you mean you didn't know the monkey was here? / No, Wigu, we actually had just got you a different pet... / I get a puppy, a monkey, and a pig?! I WIN SO HARD!! / Look, Dad, they're going to make friends! / 09SEP03. YOU KNOW YOU'RE LIVING RIGHT WHEN A MONKEY ON A PIG SLAPS A WIENER DOG
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Methinks to cut down the alkeehol BAD MONKEY! You're not supposed to slap the puppy! Here, Puppy, let's get these shades back on your head. / Yip! / DAD, the monkey is slapping the puppy because he's wearing shades! / WHAT'S ALL THIS HOLLERIN' OUT HERE / N-nothing baby! Go inside! / rub
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Life-debts Please enlighten me, Quincy. I missed the part where we're farmers, now. / Baby, it ain't even like that... / I'm already pretty well attached to this lil' wiener dog... and I owe that monkey a life-debt. And I think the pig is a package deal... / What exactly is a "life-debt," and how does a grown man end up owing one to a monkey? / I could try to explain it, but it won't ever make sense. / Dad, I love my new pets so much that life wouldn't be worth living without them!! / Plus, rabies shots are way cheaper than kid Zoloft.
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Vainglorious Bureaucracy vs. Topato's Fashion Sense RASPBERRY DELUX ALERT, Topato! Asset Wigu Tinkle now possesses not one, but three pets! / Sheriff Pony, provide an explanation for your uniform. / Did you fail to receive the intra-kingdom memorandum? King Dongle believes his daughter's royal guard should project a more professional appearance! / Abhorrently VAINGLORIOUS BUREAUCRACY! / Have they no more critical agenda items than to rest on their swollen haunches and make decisions regarding our attire?! / No, Topato... when our kingdom is not being assaulted by sporadic, rogue scofflaws, it exists in serene euphoria. Now, don't you think we should focus on the more clamorous Wigu Tinkle dilemma? / At times a warrior must choose his battles... / The battle for fashion freedom begins here.
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WIGU: PRINCESS DONGLE WAS ABOUT TO ORDER SOME LUNCH AND WAS THINKING ABOUT STUNTS Topato, where are you going? / My destination is King Dongle's lair. My purpose is to express my opposition to this "dress code". / Topato, your dialogue is reminiscent of that of a belligerent lunatic! There is a six month screening period to simply gaze upon our king! / Be silent or be ravaged by the wake of my fury. / Princess, I DEMAND and audience with your father. / TOPATO! For what reason are you sans uniform?! Be clad, or be concealed!! / Sheriff Pony, doesn't he look adorable?! / Like an angry little doily! / I am paralyzed with rage.
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Cotton-blended polyester vs. POISON This indignity of attire ends HERE. / Huzzah!! / Topato, how did you do that? / Cotton-blended polyester is no match for the corrosiveness of the poison from which I am constructed. / DAUGHTER DO YOU KNOW THE LOCATION OF MY BRUNCHING SCEPTER / My father, the king, does approach! You must now conceal yourself! / I WILL NOT. / DAUGHTER EXPLAIN THIS HERE BIZARRE SCENARIO / It... it's not what it looks like, father!! / On the contrary, the scenario is precisely as it appears!! / The king is filling me with fear!
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WIGU: THE THING ABOUT BEING IN JAIL IS THAT YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG KING DONGLE! These uniforms you require us to don are as unflattering as they are laughable. My suggestion... / Reconsider this policy or suffer. / THE KING WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO IN SUCH A MANNER BY A TINY POTATO WITH A LOOSE TONGUE. TO THE PENALTY CHAMBER WITH THEM BOTH. / I would be amused to see you attempt to incarcerate us, chief. / Dadd,y NO! Topato is a warrior, he is woefully unfamiliar with our sophisticated etiquette! / ALMOST IMMEDIATELY / Topato, your belligerent bravado has landed us in a bubble of trouble! / The key to victory lies in positioning. We are now in the ideal position to strike. / We're in jail.
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WIGU: EARN $$$$$ FROM HOME ASSEMBLING NANOBOTS | WORMHOLE VACATIONS $500 Daddy, did you have to imprison my royal guards? / YES. THE SMALL YELLOW ONE WAS OUT OF UNIFORM. ALSO HE SPOKE TO ME USING AN UNACCEPTIBLE LEVEL OF SASS. / But Topato is made of a poison that dissolves all fabric! And without my royal guards I am an easy target for rogue ne'er-do-wells! / FEAR NOT DAUGHTER. NEW GUARDS WILL BE ASSIGNED TO YOU IMEEDIATELY. THE POSITION HAS BEEN ADVERTISED FOR BID. / UNG ELEPORTERS / DONGLE KINDGOM, BUTTER DIMENSION^3 SEEKS WARRIORS FOR PROTECTION OF HIGH MAINTENANCE PRINCESS CANDIDATES MUST DEMONSTRATE PHYSICAL STRENGHT AND MASTERY OF MAGIC. APPLY IN PERSON. / DONGLE KINGDOM LIFE FORM RESOURCES DEPARTMENT / EARN BIG DUNGLES DONATING MIDICHLORIANS / Greetings, being! I wish to apply for the royal guard position. / Name? / Mummy... SPACE MUMMY. / Huh? / Uh, I mean Jim. / Have a seat, Jim.
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WIGU: Now is the winter of Topato's discontent! PANEL 1 / SHERIFF PONY: Topato, cease your futile efforts! This Trouble Bubble exists within 1,000 larger Trouble Bubbles! You'll perish from fatigue from your escape attempt! / TOPATO: RARRGH!! / PANEL 2 / TOPATO: Well, can your spectacular intellect devise a means of escape so that we can initiate a wickedly brutal revenge plot against King Dongle? / SHERIFF PONY: Topato, the King was justified in incarcerating us! / PANEL 3 / TOPATO: To dispense with all fabrication, I have never truly enjoyed serving under the rule of an un-elected monarch. / SHERIFF PONY: I had no idea! / PANEL 4 / TOPATO: Our escape and subsequent coup d'etat of the Dongle monarchy will usher in a new, glorious era!! The reign of Supreme Czar TOPATO POTATO! / SHERIFF PONY: Heavesns to Betsy! / 19SEP03. A TALKING POTATO AND PONY ARE PLOTTING A COUP INSIDE A MATRYOSHKA PRISON
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WIGU: EVEN WITH HIS STATUS AND POWER, KING DONGLE HAS CRIPPLING SELF IMAGE ISSUES DAUGHTER ARE YOU PREPARED TO MAKE ACQUAINTENCE WITH YOUR NEW ROYAL GUARD / Why am I blindfolded? / MEET MR. JIM MUMMY. JIM IS HIGHLY- / DADDY! / That's no royal guard! That's the nefarious SPACE MUMMY! / Ding Ding! / And in the absence of the meddlesome duo, Topato and Sheriff Pony, I will now take the princess hostage until my demands are met! / DESIST, MUMMY. I WILL PERSONALLY THWART YOUR SCHEME. / You?! You are but a fat old monarch! / YOU ARE RIGHT. I HAVE LET MYSELF GO.
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WIGU: King Dongle--Servant to Evil! PANEL 1 / KING DONGLE: (thinking) THAT MUMMY HAS MADE A HOSTAGE OF MY DAUGHTER. I MUST FREE THE PRISONERS TO ASSIST IN THE EMANCIPATION EFFORT. / PANEL 2 / SPACE MUMMY: Eliminate your week, thwartsome thinking, your majesty. I can hear your mind. / PANEL 3 / KING DONGLE: THEN STATE YOUR DEMANDS, OUTLAW. I HAVE A PATERNAL SENSE OF OBLIGATION THAT REQUIRES ME TO COMPLY... / PANEL 4 / RIGHT THEN... / SHERIFF PONY: Topato, escaping this bubble is impossible! You must confront reality! / TOPATO: Sheriff Pony, belief itself can produce a powerful weapon! / PANEL 5 / (Blank.) / 23SEP03 THERE WILL BE SOMETHING IN THE LAST PANEL AFTER A WHILE
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WIGU: The One True Apoclyptic Message Yo, may I speak wit' Wigu? / Um...he's outside playing with his pets...who's calling? / Uh this be he best pal Hugo... could you please pass tha phone to him, lady? / Hugo where my dominos at / Yello! This is Wigu! / Yo, Tinkle. This be Hugo. You wanna watch "Magical Adventures in Space"? / I dunno! / Hugo actually tonight I am gonna play with my new pets! I got a dog and- / Dogg can I please just come over? / OK! / tinkle house / Hugo wishes they would lower the age for getting into the Army to eight
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Yo, big ups for the ride, Holmes! East side, respect. / Word, Hugo. / Yo, what is this madness? Tha Tinkles be livin' on some kinda animals farm and what not... / Huge! Welcome to my house! / Wigu, this be all sorts of tore up! I do not know what God intended for all He creatures be actin' this way. / psst psst / OOF
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Look away if you do not like violence. OMIGOD HUGO!! Are you okay?! / Word, Hugo be bent, but he ain't broke. That pig about to be in a world of pain tho. / Soon as Hugo finds he spectacles we is gonna chow on monkey steak an' bacons. / Hugo, No! The pig didn't mean to kick you! / It be not my choice, this be the rules of the street. You knock Hugo off he feet, you get beat down like dead meat. / Look away if you do not like violence. / *SPLAT* / When Hugo's anger reach 100%, he freeze like ice. Notice how I do not move.
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WIGU: Hugo v Monkey Monkey, it be time to make peace with your Monkey Gods or whateva, Hugo be euthanisin' today. / Hugo, don't you hurt my monkey! / Stay out of this, friend. This be a thing between man an' beast. / Baby, come check this out! Our little boy's playin' with his pet and another kid, just like a regular kid / I know what our kids look like. / Aww, look Quincy! They're playing "Fight Club"!
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET OWW! AGH!! / Tinkle be still, I do not want this!! / Get your damn hands off my boy. / Yo, Mr. Tinkle! I do not mean no disrespect for real!! / This scuffle began when Wigu would not allow Hugo to get proper revenge upon that monkey. / Quiet, you. Wigu, Why don't you tell me what really happened. / The monkey threw some dookie on Hugo and Hugo was gonna hurt the monkey but I had to stop him, Dad. / Hugo, is that what happened for real? / I straight up cannot tell a lie, Mr. Tinkle. / I aim to stick that monkey.
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WIGU: The Caveboy's Plight! PANEL 1 / WIGU: (thinking) Aw, bein' grounded is stupid... No TV... no videogames... I am like some kinda caveboy. / PANEL 2 / WIGU: (thinking) Wait a minute... if my memory is right, I hid some emergency things under the mattress... / PANEL 3 / WIGU: SPRING INTO ACTION FIGURES! / PANEL 4 / SPACE MUMMY SPRING INTO ACTION FIGURE: Surrender, Topato! Your pal has eaten poison ice cream! / TOPATO SPRING INTO ACTION FIGURE: Give me the antidote now Spummy or I will unleash demolition!! / PANEL 5 / MEANWHILE IN BUTTER DIMENSION³ / SHERIFF PONY: Amazing! Topato, how are bursting through the unburstable prison spheres?! / TOPATO: Impentravle spheres are no math for TENACIOUS RESENTMENT. / 02ROC03. HOPEFULLY THIC COMIC UTILIZED THE MAXIMUM NUMBER OF LITTLE CIRCLES THAT CONNECT A THINKING BUBBLE
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Topato, I must concede I have reservations regarding your plans to overthrow the King! / Sheriff Pony, the only way to ensure permanent freedom is to commandeer it! / Topato, the King's chamber is unoccupied! / A vexing conundrum besets us. / Topato, this situation seems peculiarly eccentric! / I smell threat in the air. / Apologies en masse, Sheriff! / The odor is a by-product of my wayward gastric enzymes!! / Topato... my olfactory sensors have been bio-engineered to smell threat. / Sheriff Pony, I was utilizing levity to ease our level of anxiety! / Threat smells like salsa / 03ROC03. JUST THINK ABOUT IT... FART JOKES ARE THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE... KINDA PUTS IT ALL IN PERSPECTIVE
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WIGU: Space Mummy's May-December Romance Space Mummy: Well, look who decided to interfere with my sinister scheme! / Sheriff Pony: OUR WOEBEGONE RIVAL, SPACE MUMMY! / Topato: SPRING INTO ACTION! / Space Mummy: Extinguish your thwartsome antics, bothersome spud!! Take a moment to analyze the dilemma I have constructed. / Topato: Princess! / Princess Awesomelope Dongle: Topato! Space Mummy demands my father relinquish the crown or he will take me the be an unwilling bride! / Space Mummy: I did not say "bride." I said slave." There exists a difference. / Princess Awesomelope Dongle: Do you find me unattractive?! / Space Mummy: Some consider a 100,000 year age difference...creepy. / Tiny Text: "R. Kelly" has a thing or two to learn from Space Mummy, also Demi Moore
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20031006.html
 
WIGU: The No-Win Scenario! PANEL 1 / SPACE MUMMY: I have modified my radius cannon to discharge a mind-control beam! Once discharged, your precious princess' primary purpose will be to serve me... SPACE MUMMY! / PANEL 2 / SPACE MUMMY: (off-panel) Additionally, I have attached your king to a device which will force him to sign the kingdom over to me! Should you choose to rescue the princess, the kingdom will be mine! And, vice-versa. / PANEL 3 / SPACE MUMMY: (off-panel) SUBMIT A DECISION AT ONCE. / SHERIFF PONY: Topato, we must do what is valiant and just! / TOPATO: I intend to do approximately just that. / PANEL 4 / TOPATO: SURRENDER THE KINGDOM TO ME, DONGLE!! I HAVE NO PRESSING OBLIGATIONS! I CAN CONTINUE TO STRIKE YOU FOR DAYS!! / KING DONGLE: Ow! The kingdom is yours, Topato! Cease!! / 07ROC03. THIS IS HOW KING DONGLE GOT TO BE KING, THERE IS A SONG ABOUT IT THAT IS SUNG BY DOGS
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WIGU: Long Live King Topato! PANEL 1 / KING TOPATO: ALL HAIL KING TOPATO POTATO!! / PANEL 2 / SPACE MUMMY: This is a shockingly unexpected turn of events!! / PANEL 3 / SHERIFF PONY: Do not fear, Princess! I have you! / PRINCESS DONGLE: YAY SHERIFF PONY!! / SPACE MUMMY: My scheme is crumbling! / PANEL 4 / KING TOPATO: I hope you enjoy your eons full of cataclysmic boredom, Spummy! To the Prison Nebula with you! / SPACE MUMMY: NOOO!! / PANEL 5 / SHERIFF PONY: Bravo, Topato! A brilliant defensive tactic! / PRINCESS DONGLE: Hooray for Topato! / KING TOPATO: That sounds suspiciously unlike hailing. / 08ROC03. TOPATO JUST WANTS BLATHERING WORSHIP COME ON IY IS NOT THAT HARD TO SCREAM WHEN YOU KNEEL
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20031008.html
WIGU: Abdication Crisis in Butter Dimension³! PANEL 1 / PRINCESS DONGLE: Topato... it is your intent to now return the crown to my father, is it not? / KING TOPATO: Blasphemous harpy! / PANEL 2 / KING TOPATO: You seek the restoration of the crown because without your father filling the king's role, you are no longer a princess!! / PANEL 3 / SHERIFF PONY: No, Topato... you have been king for exactly 21 seconds and your approval rating is zero percent... and falling... / PANEL 4 / KING TOPATO: The citizenry will be compelled to adore me! Enact mandatory eviscerations to all who do not faint with joy at my very mention! / SHERIFF PONY: Topato, you have forgotten how this episode began... / KING TOPATO: I do NOT... remind me. / PANEL 5 / SHERIFF PONY: We merely wanted freedom to clad ourselves in fashionable attire. Now I am stark naked and you resemble a buffoon. / KING TOPATO: Does this outfit not command DELIRIOUS ADULATION?! / SHERIFF PONY: No. No, it does not. / 09OCT03. TOPATO HAD ALEADY MADE UP A NEW THEME SONG CALLED "DEIFY THE KING WITH HYSTERICAL INFATUATION"
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WIGU: The Restoration of the Monarchy! PANEL 1 / KING TOPATO: I agree to return the crown to your father if he agrees to eliminate the dress code. / PRINCESS DONGLE: Daddy, is that cool with you?! / KING DONGLE: (off-panel) YES THAT IS ACCEPTIBLE. / PANEL 2 / PRINCESS DONGLE: HOORAY! Stability has been restored to our beloved kingdom!! / SHERIFF PONY: Not entirely. There remains the quandry involving Wigu Tinkle. / PANEL 3 / SHERIFF PONY: (narrating) Wigu's new plethora of pets presents a clear and present danger to our very presence. / PANEL 4 / (Quincy loads his rifle.) / PANEL 5 / (Quincy watches the monkey ride the pig.) / 10ROC03. KINDA LIKE OLD YELLER KINDA LIKE MACBETH / KINDA LIKE MONKEY ABOUT TO TAKE HIS LAST BREATH
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Ethics Dang, little monkey... I'm sure sorry it has to go down like this, but this is the way it got to be. / Behold, Sheriff Pony!! Father Tinkle seems to be remedying this problem for us! / No, Topato, this is not a positive situation! If Wigu's father eliminates the pets, Wigu will harbor intense resentment for his father! / I fail to see how that affects us, Sheriff Pony. / Topato, little boys in psychological rehabilitation facilities are not compelled to purchase toys! / Is nothing so tragic as a father estranged from his son?
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WIGU: Quincy Fires! PANEL 1 / SHERIFF PONY: This appears to be a fairly uncomplicated task, Topato. At the moment, Father Tinkle presses the firearm's trigger, we will spring into action, swooping deftly-- / TOPATO: I AM FAMILIAR WITH STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURES!! / PANEL 2 / BANG / PANEL 3 / ROMY: QUINCY, WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?! IS EVERYTHING OKAY?! / WIGU: IS THE MONKEY OKAY?! / PANEL 4 / QUINCY: Well, I was gonna fire a shot in the air to scare off that monkey, but then I heard some noise from up in the tree... Sounded like talkin'... / PANEL 5 / QUINCY: (narrating) I fired a shot up into the tree and that dang pig and monkey tore outta here like gangbusters. I doubt we'll see them again. / PANEL 6 / QUINCY: Son, I'm sorry I had to get rid of those two but there's a hound dog inside that I bet wants to get to know you!! / WIGU: Okay, Dad. / PANEL 7 / (The bodies of Topato and Sheriff Pony, riddled with bullet-holes.) / 14ROCK03. WELL GOOD NEWS NOW THIS STORY CAN GO ON FOR ABOUT 4 MORE MONTHS HAHAHA (not)
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Dog god Paisley, Come down and meet our new puppy!! / Dad, it's Friday night! / Come on, Paisley, come look and pet it! This is the neatest dog that old Dog God ever put on the Earth! / You mean there's a Dog God too?! / I don't see why not! Heck, people got a God and they don't do nothin' ut fight and holler! It kinda makes more sense for there to be a Dog God! Paisley come on down and check out the dog! / Friday night is the night when I sit in my room alon and don't talk. Why is that hard to do? Dog God?!!
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WIGU: Krazy K9 OMIGOD DAD THE PUPPY IS WALKING ON HIS BACK LEGS!! / IS HE RISING UP AGAINST US?! / No, Wigu! This dog just comes pre-knowin' a few tricks! Hell, it wouldn't suprise me if he ran away from the circus!! / NOT THE CIRCUS! / Look, Quincy! I found this little suitcase that I think the dog brought with him! / Lookie there, a little rubber chew toy! / ...and a little rubber cigarette lighter... / Little rubber porno magazine... / ...little rubber glass pipe... / 16ROCK03. little rubber food stamps little rubber speeding ticket little rubber civil war chess set
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Slurp / Hee Hee Hee!! / Quincy, we have to do something about that dog! His suitcase is full of drug paraphernalia! / Man, I don't even know what some of this stuff is, and I work in adult movies! / If we don't do something, that dog is gonna expose our little boy to drugs! / You're right, baby. I'll go get the 12 gauge and the good shovel. / No guns, Quincy. I think it's time for us to talk to our boy about drugs. / But he's just eight years old! / He's seven. / Are you sure? / Almost positive.
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Wigu, I have to talk to you about something. / What's up Dad? / Wigu, there's no easy way to say this... your Mom and I found drugs in the puppy's suitcase... / I knew there was something rotting... no dog can dance that good. / I guess this means you're gonna take away this pet, too... / Not necessarily, son. I think there might be a way we can get that dog clean! / HEY! Bad dog!
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