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|WIGU: Catapult Into Action||Panel 1. Butter Dimension Quad. Sheriff Pony and Topato strapped spread eagled to corpo-reality catapults. Bots in attendance, making final adjustments. / Sheriff Pony: Topato, the mechanics of the corpo-reality catapults have always confounded me. / Topato: Oh, Sheriff Pony. / Panel 2. Closeup on Topato. / Topato: It is remedial-level physics! As you know, the multiverse contains a finite amount of matter! / Panel 3. Sheriff pony eyeing Topato expectantly. Topato at rest, mouth closed. No dialogue. / Panel 4. Closeup on Sheriff Pony. / Sheriff Pony: Topato, that explains very little, and makes even less sense!! The multiverse contains an infinite amount of-- / Panel 5. After release of catapult. Topato (upside down) Sheriff Pony seen head on against background of pastel unreality, perhaps a blurred reflection of their own blue and yellow colors. / Topato: WOO-YEAH!! / Sheriff Pony: AAAIGH!! / Panel 6. Sheriff Pony (grimacing, eyes shut) and Topato emerging from interdimensionality. Green sphere partially visible in reality background--Earth? / Sheriff Pony: WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HURT SO BAD?! / Topato: Instantaneous, interdimensional travel is fueled by pain!! / Tiny Text: 15JUN04. PAIN IS AN INFINITELY REPLENISHABLE RESOURSE|
|Wigu: Unsafe in any dimension.||Panel 1. Shallow Brook, evening. Sheriff Pony and Topato partially visible from behind. Between them, the Googel Maverick in hot pursuit of the Hugotti Diablo, heading toward office building with one window illuminated. / Sheriff Pony: Topato! The death-racers are dead ahead!! / Topato: Let us briefly pause to enjoy the thrill, my proud pony pal! / Sheriff Pony: No! We must stop them! / Panel 2. View from front of Googel Maverick, showing Wigu (still wearing band-aid) at the controls. Topato and Sheriff Pony pursuing in background. / Wigu: Hugo, this is your last chance! / Topato: I will deal with Tinkle. You take the other one! / Sheriff Pony: Ok! / Panel 3. Interior of Googel Maverick, Wigu in pilot seat, Topato appearing suddenly in (or floating near the top of) copilot seat. / Topato: Wigu, a wise warrior considers the tragic consequences before he engages in a death race. / Wigu (startled, glancing right): AGH!! / Panel 4: Exterior, Hugotti Diablo escaping as Googel Maverick caroms off office building. Church spires visible at bottom of frame. / Hugo (from inside Diablo): HA HA!! / Wigu (from inside Maverick): Topato, what are you doing here?! / Panel 5. Interior of Googel Maverick. Topato and Wigu as before, except Wigu is now looking where he's going, looking scared. / Topato: I have a vested interest in the sustainment of your existence! Please assist me by avoiding collision with that worship-temple! / Wigu: AGH! / Panel 6. Interior of Hugotti Diablo. Sheriff Pony appearing suddenly, clutching copilot seat from behind. Hugo, in crown and regalia, glancing to left (Hugotti only makes left-side drive models). Behind them, rear cockpit wall shows huge monogrammed H. / Hugo: What do you want, Sheriff Pony? Can't you see I'm busy?! / Sheriff Pony: If you please slow down i will be your friend!! / Tiny Text: 16JUN04. YOU CAN'T FLY A SPACESHIP IN SHALLOW BROOK WITHOUT HITTING A CHURCH|
|Wigu: Truce or consequences||Panel 1. Shallow Brook, evening. Googel Maverick behind Hugotti Diablo, coming in for a landing. Porn shop and temple in background. / Wigu(from inside Maverick): Listen, Hugo! I promise to stop chasing you! Let's touch down and call a truce!! / Hugo(from inside Diablo): Yo, do you pinky swear? / Wigu: YES! / Hugo: Ok, truce. / Panel 2. Interior of Googel Maverick. Topato and Wigu seen over control panel. / Topato: I must say, Wigu, you have quite an impressive transport here! What special feature does this switch initiate? / Wigu: TOPATO, NO! / Panel 3. Exterior. Missle launched from Maverick headed up Diablo's butt. / Wigu (from inside Maverick): NOOOO!! / Panel 4. Hugo and Sheriff Pony seen over control panel, faces lit red by warning lights. / Hugo: We been double-crossed, Sheriff Pony. Brace for a ass-bustin'. / Sheriff Pony: Is that bad? / Panel 5. Exterior. Butt of Diablo blowing up. Maverick in background. / Wigu(from inside Maverick): Hugo, I am sorry!! / Hugo(from inside Diablo): Screw you, Wigu! / Tiny Text: 17JUN04. SORRY ONLY COUNTS IN HORSE-SHOES AND MARCO POLO.|
|WIGU: SPROING goes the Mane of Rage||Hugo: Wigu, you done crashed up the Hugotti Diablo! Get down so I can whup your ass! / Sheriff Pony: We just about died!! / Wigu: Topato, are they okay? Did we accidentally kill them? / Topato: Their survival continues, although they seem rather displeased!! / Hugo: Yo, what's up?! Why you be shootin me up after we call a damn truce?! / Topato: I must reluctantly accept responsibility for this act. I was unaware that the red button would release offensive weaponry! / Sheriff Pony: That was follish and irresponsible! / Topato: Sheriff Pony, I strongly suggest you retract that insulting utterance unless a maelstrom of punches is what you desire. / Sheriff Pony: *SPROING!* / Topato: I would advise retracting your Mane of Rage - / Sheriff Pony: SHUT. UP. / Tinytext: thanks to ms. patches / hat interious courtesy of uncle willie's hat interiors|
|WIGU: Mane effects and mane causes||Panel 1. Enraged Sheriff Pony beside Hugo against night sky. / Sheriff Pony: Topato, your reckless behavior has threatened to end my life for the last time!! / Panel 2. Topato flying beside Wigu, running toward Googel Maverick. / Topato: Wigu, our most cunning strategy is to retreat to our transport! Sheriff Pony's Mane of Rage is a harbinger of uncontrollable destruction!! / Wigu: This way! / Panel 3. Maverick takes off as Sheriff Pony watches, enraged. / Wigu's voice (from inside Maverick): Where are we going, Topato?! / Topato's voice (from inside Maverick): Maintain a holding pattern above this location to give him an opportunity to pacify. / Panel 4. Sheriff Pony and Hugo / Sheriff Pony: Mr. Rodriguez, surely you can sympathize with my desire to put a stop to Topato's reckless ways! / Hugo: Yo, this be between y'all. / Panel 5. Topato and Wigu, seen through Maverick windshield / Wigu: Topato, I've never seen Sheriff Pony or anybody else ever in my life get that mad! What is going on?! / Topato: The truth can exist as a toxic vixen. / Panel 6. Closeup on Topato / Topato: Sheriff Pony's Mane of Rage is triggered by two catalysts: intense fury or desire to reproduce!! I theorize Sheriff Pony is beleagured by his insatiable desire for PASSION. / Tiny text: 21JUN04. I BELIEVE DOGS ALSO DO THIS BUT HONESTLY I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT VEGETARIANS.|
|WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET||Topato, it is crazy to think that Sheriff Pony is just mad 'cause he wants to have babies! You made him pretty mad by shooting at him! / That is possible. / Mr. Rodriguez, are we capable of repairing your transport? / The Hugotti Diablo be fixin' itself, but it take a little bit. / IN A LITTLE BIT / Yo, let's kick the tires an' light the fires. We gots a fly to swat. / Oh, no, Topato! The Diablo is operational again and is coming after us!! / Wigu, is this transport capable of traversing the infinite, lifeless vacuum of SPACE? / Yes, but I have always been too scared to try! / Set a course for ACTION. SPACE ACTION. / 22JUN04. SET A COURSE FOR SPACE ACTION! JAMES BOND IS YOUR CAPTAIN AND YOU'LL BE VACATIONING IN TATTOINE|
|WIGU: Trucker bombs in space||Panel 1. Hugotti Diablo cockpit. Hugo at controls (Diablo got right side drive). Enraged Sheriff Pony holding onto back of copilot seat. / Hugo: Dang, Wigu and Topato be goin' up to space! What you wanna do, Sheriff Pony? / Sheriff Pony: FOLLOW THEM, PLEASE. / Panel 2. Googel Maverick against a backdrop of stars / Wigu's voice (from inside Maverick): Topato, I don't know my way around outer space! / Topato's voice (from inside Maverick): I possess intimate geographical knowledge of the universes in 200 dimensions. / Panel 3. Topato and Wigu in Maverick cockpit. / Wigu (thought balloon): Am I just making this up in my head? I can't tell sometimes... / Topato: Failure to believe you experience reality leads to insanity. / Panel 4. Speeding Maverick in space, Diablo pursuing in background / Wigu's voice (from inside Maverick): Topato, I forgot to design a gravity thing and also I have to pee like crazy!! / Panel 5. Cockpit. Topato offers Mountain Dew bottle to Wigu / Topato: Expel the foul contents of your bladder into this soda container. Then i will jettison the container. / Wigu: That's gross, Topato! What if an astronaut finds it and thinks it is soda? / Panel 6. Closeup on Topato with bottle / Topato: Then a hearty laugh will be enjoyed by all but one foolish astronaut!! / Tiny text: 23JUN04. THIS IS OF COURSE MUCH HARDER FOR GIRLS IN SPACE|
|WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET||Sheriff Pony, this here be insanity. I have decided space fighting be way to dangerous. Life be real precious, y'know? / Are you suggesting we abandon pursuit? / Ay, yo, I'm all mad but I don't want nobody to die. This danger be massiver than I need. / Topato, the Googel Maverick is acting all goofy again! The systems are failing! I think we are filling with poison air?! / POISON?! / Agh! I lost steering!! We are totally goners! / Diablo to G-Mav, we be callin' off the pursuit. Over and out. / Well I feel hella better. Let's get on the Earth. / Agreed. My rage has surrendered to my desire to preserve life. / Wigu, quickly! Expel all the air inside your lungs! / Shouldn't I hold my breath? / Only if you harbor a desire to gaze at your own lungs!|
|WIGU: Starman Jonah||Panel 1. Googel Maverick in space / Wigu's voice (from inside Maverick): Topato, the hull is breached! We maust try to get back to Earth!! / Topato's voice (from inside Maverick): This fuselage's air supply is diminishing rapidly! Does the human anatomy operate in space! I can not recall!! / Panel 2. Topato and Wigu in Maverick cockpit / Wigu: No, being is space makes people die! / Topato: Unfortunately, a re-entry into Earth's atmosphere would incinerate this vessel instantly. / Panel 3. Maverick in space over Earth / Wigu's voice (from inside Maverick): Then what are we gonna do! I don't wannt to die, Topato! I want to keep living somehow! / Topato's voice (from inside Maverick): There is one possibility... though it will be quite an unpleasant experience for you. / Wigu's voice (from inside Maverick): Burning to death has got to be more horrible!! / Topato's voice (from inside Maverick): Wigu... you are aware that I am made of poison, correct? / Panel 4. Maverick cockpit / Topato (continuing): ... And that under the gaze of a yellow sun, my poison is not lethal, yet it induces temporary paralysis! / Wigu: YES! / Topato: Close your eyes, Wigu. / Panel 5. Huge yellow meteor against night sky. No dialogue. / Panel 6. Closeup of head of meteor shows it is Topato, with gross obesity. / Topato (eyes shut in the intense heat of re-entry): ARGH!! / Wigu's voice (from inside Topato): MMMGH! / Tiny text: 25JUN04. NO CHILDHOOD IS TRULY COMPLETE WITHOUT RE-ENTERING THE ATMOSPHERE IN A SENTIENT POTATO'S STOMACH|
|WIGU: Tucking in the Tinkles||Panel 1. Tinkle living room. Quincy standing, Romy sitting in chair is drunk or waking from nap.
/ Quincy: It's gettin' pretty late, baby. You about ready for bed?
/ Romy (tongue hanging out of mouth): Glagh. / Panel 2. Quincy walking down hall
/ Quincy: Time to go say good night to my kids! It's what all the good dads that are in cartoons do! /
/ Panel 3. Quincy outside Paisley's bedroom door, adorned with biohazard icon
/ Quincy: Paisley! You in there?!
/ Paisley: I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG!!
/ Quincy: That's good, good night, sweetie!! / Panel 4. Quincy entering Wigu's room. Back of Wigu's head seen from under covers.
/ Quincy: Wigu, my boy! May you have dreams of swordplay and victory!! / Panel 5. Quincy seen from behind, leaving Wigu's room. We see Wigu in bed, paralyzed.
/ Quincy: Good night, my sweet boy. / Panel 6. Bedroom. Quincy in boxers, standing, looking uncertain. Romy reading in bed.
/ Quincy: Baby, when children sleep do they always lie motionless and not breathing?
/ Romy: I'm not a doctor. / Tiny text: 30JUN04. "PEDIATRICIAN" WAS TOO BIG.
|WIGU: Day 7, Monday Again||Wha...where am I?... / EVERYBODY GET UP!! IT'S ACTUALLY MONDAY!!! / Whuh...what the heck?... / Mom, do you mind if I wear one of your jackets today? I'm going for a "Soul-less Yuppie Scum" look today. / I DON'T CARE! / THE BUS WILL BE HERE IN FIVE SECONDS HAVE A GOOD DAY I LOVE YOU BYE!!! / I got a "Rice Crispy Treat" with a strip of uncooked bacon stapled to it. / I got a coupon for a 12-pack of Coke. / 01July04. The Tinkles' monday would seriously just walk up to Garfield and beat the crap out of him|
|WIGU: Does anybody really know what day it is? Does anybody really care?||Panel 1. Wigu and Paisley in kitchen. / Wigu: Paisley, are we sure it's Monday? It don't feel like Monday. / Paisley: Something does feel weird, Wigu. / Panel 2. Closeup on Paisley / Paisley: I don't remember there being two days of the weekend... but I never do. / Panel 3. Closeup on Wigu, walking / Wigu: Let's turn on the TV! TV will tell us what day it is today! / Panel 4. TV Show / Title: ODDS -N- "INs" / Announcer: ... and the president did something very embarrassing. Up next-- Stock market news which is relevant to about 5% of you. And later, we'll tell you about a product you own that will definitely kill you. / Panel 5. Wigu / Wigu: I still can't tell what day it is! / Sound: HONK HONK / Panel 6. Wigu and Paisley outside their front door / Wigu: It's the bus, Paisley!! Does the bus ever accidentally come over on Sunday? / Paisley: No bus I'd wanna be on. / Tiny text: 02JUL04. UP NEXT ON THE NEWS, A TERRIBLE THING THAT YOU MIGHT TALK ABOUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND GET MAD ABOUT|
|WIGU: Dangerbus||Panel 1. Wigu pointing to school bus in distance / Wigu: Paisley, it's the dang bus! We've gotta figure out what to do!! / Panel 2. Paisley walking in door, Wigu in background, watching / Paisley: I'm going back in. There is no way anybody's getting me on that death trap. / Panel 3. Wigu, following Paisley in, with his 'splaining arms out / But, Paisley, the bus driver already saw us! I thought if the bus driver sees you, you have to get on the bus! / Panel 4. Tinkle door shut. Doormat says "OK". No dialogue. / Panel 5. Bus lady seen through bus window. She's wearing a white sweatshirt with the arms ripped off, short red hair, and a schoolbus tattoo on her right bicep. / She's glaring at the Wigu house. Scared-looking kid behind her on bus. No dialogue. / Tiny text: 05JUL04. THE LADY WITH THE BAD HAIRCUT HAS OTHER TATTOOES ABOUT BUSES|
|Wigu: The bus lady always knocks twice||Panel 1. Tinkle kitchen. Wigu and Paisley dressed for school. / Wigu: Paisley, how in heck are we gonna get to school? / Paisley: We'll figure out something, Wigu. Want some toast? / Sound: BANG / Panel 2. Outside Tinkle front door. Bus lady with bad haircut and yellow shirt with graphic of children crossing on back banging on door. / Bus lady: OPEN UP, IT'S THE BUS DRIVER!! I SEEN YOU KIDS OUT HERE AND IT IS MY SWORN DUTY TO GET Y'ALL DOWN TO THE SCHOOLHOUSE!! / Sounds: BANG BANG BOOM / Panel 3: Quincy Tinkle in bed, waking up. / Sounds: (across top of frame) ANG BANG BANG BAN / Quincy: Now what is all that damn racket, there ain't no sense in that... / Panel 4: Inside Tinkle front door; fist coming through, making large hole; debris falling. / Sound: CRUSH / Bus Lady (from behind door): OOPS / Panel 5: Quincy coming down steps clald in Y-fronts and glasses, carrying flashlight. / Quincy: All right now. What was that? / Panel 6: Inside front door, seen over Quincy's shoulder from behind. Bus lady peering through hole in door. No dialogue. / Panel 7: Close up on Quincy's face, blinded by morning sun shining through hole in door. no dialogue. / Panel 8: Close up on Quincy's hand, gripping large MAGLITE. No dialogue. / Tiny Text: 07JUL04. AH, THE TEN POUND FLASHLIGHT WEAPON|
|WIGU: Haircuts and termites and bus, oh my||Panel 1. Bus lady running away from Quincy running out his front door wielding a Maglite. Her yellow cut-off sweatshirt has a pedestrian crossing logo. She has a butch hair cut in front and long hair in back. / Bus lady: Please don't hit me, sir! I didn't mean to break your door! I'm the bus driver, I wanted to pick up your kids! / Quincy: You're a woman? / Bus lady: Yes! / Panel 2. Closeup on Quincy's face / Quincy: Then how come you're strong enough to bust through my door? And why's your hair like that? / Panel 3. Bus lady looking tearfully at Quincy / Bus Lady: Ever since i was a girl, all I wanted was to drive a school bus and have a cool haircut. / Panel 4. Paisley examining the door / Paisley: Also, Dad, the door is totally chewed up by termites... / Paisley: the steel door... / Panel 5. Quincy / Quincy: Paisley!! Why didn't you get on the bus instead of making this nice lady mess up her cool haircut? / Panel 6. Paisley / Paisley: Well, for one, I din't see a bus. / Panel 7. Quincy, seen from behind, staring at the empty road. We see that he is wearing only tattered briefs. / Tiny text: 08JUL04. THE BUS DRIVER IS MODELED AFTER A LADY WHO WORKS AT SUBWAY WHOSE HAIR I AM OBSESSED WITH|
|WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET||I'm sorry your bus got stolen, lady, but look on the bright side! Now you have to get a new job!! / My life is over... / Meanwhile... / Romy, can I talk to you for a minute? / Is this about the fax machine that's in the toilet, 'cause it was like that when I got here. / No Romy, this here's about your job performance. I spent the last hour on thesaurus.com trying to find the appropriate words. / What did I do with that surveillance tape of him at the drive-thru pharmacy with the homeless woman... / Everybody come to the TV room!! This morning a bus was stolen and the news won't say which one because they want more ratings!! / 12JUL04 Also in the news: More reasons you should just not go outside ever|
|WIGU: You are either on the bus, or you're off the bus. (Kesey)||Panel 1. Romy and blonde co-worker's heads seen from behind; TV showing "BUS CHASE!" graphic. / Romy: Man, I hate it when they do this. / Blonde co-worker: What, when the media intentionally withholds information in a shameful attempt to get higher ratings. / Panel 2. Romy and blonde co-worker from front, water jug and black co-worker in background. / Blonde co-worker: Oh, sorry... I hope you don't have a kid on a bus? / Romy: Yeah, two. But I was about to get chewed out, so honestly, I'm glad to be away! / Panel 3. Close up on Romy with back of blonde co-worker's head in foreground, black co-worker in background. / Blonde co-worker: That's the worst thing I've ever heard anyone ever say! / Romy: You'll get used to it. / Panel 4. TV. Blonde announcer in front of "!!" graphic. / Announcer: ... Turbo news 17 has obtained the following information... the stolen bus is currently driven by a set of conjoined twins named Mulva and Delores!! / Panel 5. Bus interior. Red-headed twins in pigtails tied with blue bows, wearing a pink dress seen from front behind steering wheel. Center pigtail connects their heads, tied with blue bow in middle. Center arm holds cellphone. Odd white-haired kid in background. / Left twin: We require the entire bus to be full of children. There are two children that are missing. / Right twin: Who are they? / Panel 6. Lawn outside house. Paisley (purple hair, black blouse, purple miiniskirt, black fishnet, black boots) looking down at Wigu. Wigu (bandaid over left eyebrow, yellow shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers) looking up at her. No dialogue. / Tiny Text: 13JUL04. THIS COMIC WAS WRITTEN AND DRAWN IN REVERSE, IN THAT THE LAST PANEL WAS THE FIRST DRAWN.|
|WIGU: Special pickup||Panel 1. Front shot of speeding bus, four wheels off the ground cresting the hill. / Announcer's voice: ... so far, the only demand the bus-stealing, conjoined twins are asking is to pick up two more kids.... / Panel 2. Close up on twins framed in left bus windshield. Now with cellphone in right hand, steering wheel in left. Center pigtail now Y-shaped with single bow on the trunk of the Y. / Right twin: We implore you to divulge the location of Wigu and Paisley Tinkle. We require them to complete our task. / Panel 3. Lawn, Wigu standing and Paisley sitting. / Wigu: Paisley, we have totally missed the bus! Is there any way you can home-school me? / Paisley: GOD, no, Wigu! i don't want to be that poor. / Panel 4. Pull back to show Wigu and Paisley on lawn as two police cruisers drive onto lawn (leaving skid marks/ruts) and school bus pulls up at curb. / Police car 2: This is the police. (duh) / Police car 1: Look, we needs yous to gets on the bus, okays? / Panel 5. School bus interior (seen through open door?) Right twin reaches out hand in greeting. / Right twin: Welcome, Wigu Tinkle nad Paisley Tinkle! / Left twin: We've so been looking forward to this. / Panel 6. Paisley and twins framed in bus windshield. / Right twin: And if you think you are goth... / Left twin: You'd better think again. / Right twin: Indeed. / Tiny text: 12JUL04. I BELIEVE THERE'S A GOTH IN ALL OF US|
|WIGU: Sketch-books ain't plot points||No panels. / Title: SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON SKETCH-BOOK 2004 / Sky: Clouds. Mutant duck. Woodring-like hot air balloon with aneurism, dangling sandbags marked S. Basket's occupant seems to be terrorist or wearing burkha. / Grass-covered mesa or huge flying sod-plug on which is hot-rod driven by panda At left, wearing party hat. / In background, two castles on promontories, seascape between. / Middle ground: Lawn has pointer broken from weathervane or TAFKAP monogram, large spider, five upright tacks, cone(?), manhole with cover slid aside. Something in the manhole, can't tell. / Foreground: Kzin with eyepatch driving motorcycle with "Ok" pennant driving on lawn between boulder and golf green. Golf green has ball two inches from hole. / No dialogue. No tiny text.|
|WIGU: Distinctions versus differences||Panel 1. TV shot of speeding schoolbus seen from helicopter. "17 WIGU" channel logo at lower left. / Announcer's voice: ...The hijackers, a set of conjoined twins, have still not made any specific demands... / Panel 2. Twins seen behind wheel. Left hand at 1:00, suggestiing wild steering in progress. Right twin talking into cellphone in right hand. Middle bow now tied around arms of the Y. / Right twin: We demand passage to the mountain. It is not hard, all you have to do is not do anything at all. / Left twin: Tell them to stop calling. / Panel 3. Wigu and Paisley sharing a bus seet (back seatcushion torn up) seen from front. / Wigu: Paisley, is that one girl or two girls? It's confusing? / Paisley: I don't care. / Panel 4. Closeup on Paisley looking down at Wigu. / Paisley: i'm not a goth, I'm a nihilist. There's a big difference, you know. / Panel 5. Closeup on Wigu looking straight ahead. / Wigu: Um... goths want to die, and nihilists want everything else to die! / Panel 6: Drivers' seat seen from rear. Right twin looking back. / Right twin: Quiet back there! Especially you, Gothy! / Panel 7: Close up on agitated Paisley / Paisley: We are all in decay! All of our cells are programmed to die! / Tiny text missing.|
|WIGU: Paisley gets exactly mad enough, then a little madder||Panel 1. Wigu and Paisley on bus / Wigu: Paisley, you're too mad! You shouldn't be so mad! / Paisley: I'm exactly mad enough, Wigu. / Panel 2. Front of bus. Paisley comes up behind Dolores and Mulva / Paisley: I don't know who you are, or why you think I'm goth, but I am a nihilist. And you better turn this bus around right now because I believe in nothing. / Panel 3. Closeup on Dolores and Mulva. / Right twin: Your gothy needs are of no concern to us. / Left twin: We require exactly twenty children to complete our task. / Panel 4. Paisley grabs steering wheel / Paisley: Give me that wheel, you conjoined idiots! / Left twin: Stop it. / Panel 5. Exterior shot of bus skidding off road. No dialogue / Sound: scree / Panel 6. Interior of front of bus. Paisley, Dolores, and Mulva look on in horror and amazement. No dialogue / Panel 7. Bus falling off cliff. No dialogue / Tiny text: 03AUG04. SO MANY CLIFFS, SO FEW BUSES.|
|WIGU: The boy who died wolf||Panel 1. Bus windshield seen from below as it plummets from cliff. Paisley, Mulva, and Delores look on in horror. No dialogue. / School bus stop sign: FART / Panel 2. Wigu and other kids in free fall in bus. / Wigu (thought balloon): I'm gonna die on the bus! This is why I've always hated the bus!! / Panel 3. Title: MEANWHILE, IN BUTTER DIMENSION QUAD... Sheriff Pony approaches Topato, who is receiving a massage from a masseuse-bot. Music plays. / Sheriff Pony: Topato, I have an urgent-- / Topato: Allow me to speculate, Sheriff Pony. / Panel 4. Topato arises from massage table, clad in monogrammed spa towel / Topato: Wigu Tinkle's life is in peril, and we are the only beings in the multiverse with the resources necessary to rescue him. / Panel 5. Topato and Sheriff Pony / Topato: Do you know how many episodes of our television program Wigu Tinkle has viewed in the past week in their entirety?! / Sheriff Pony (rubbing chin): Uhh... / Topato (pointing finger of accusative information): one! / Panel 6. Topato holds up right hand, with eleven fingers / Topato: And do you know how many times we have saved his life? ELEVEN! / Panel 7. Topato turns away, dropping towel. Masseuse-bot awaits in background / Topato: Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to-- I WILL TIP YOU NEXT TIME, MASSEUSE-BOT!! / Tiny text: 04AUG04. TIPPING A ROBOT IS STUPID|
|WIGU: Wigu: The sheriff goes it alone||Panel 1. Butter dimension Q, transporter boarding gate. Sheriff pony approaches floating robot in tie at lectern. / Sheriff Pony (thought baloon): If Topato won't save those Earth children, it is up to me! / Robot: Boarding pass, please. / Panel 2. Closeup on Sheriff Pony. / Sheriff Pony: I A SHERIFF PONY. / Panel 3. Closeup on robot, blushing. / Robot: Ah! Apollogies, Sir! Please, move to the front of the queue, your honor. / Panel 4. Sheriff Pony, springing into action! In space! With yellow curlicues and pink stars, against a stellar background. / Sheriff Pony (thought baloon): I consider the possible reasons behind Topato's recent behavior... / Sheriff Pony (thought baloon): Particularly erratic. Dangerously ludicrous. / Panel 5. Earth. Schoolbus falling upside-down into ravine with river at bottom. Sheriff Pony's head in foreground seen from behind. / Sheriff Pony (perhaps this was meant as a thought baloon): Perhaps he is a crazer. / Panel 6. Closeup on Sheriff pony seen from front at bottom of ravine. / Sheriff Pony (thought baloon): Indeed there are many possibilities... / Panel 6. Wider shot of Sheriff pony at bottom of ravine, below falling bus. No dialogue. / Panel 7. Sheriff pony, butting bus with eyes shut. / Sound: BOOMP / No dialogue. / Panel 8. Sheriff pony lying on sand beside river, unconscious or dead. Hat nearby. / Tiny text: 05AUG04. SPACE PHOTO BY ROBGENDLERASTROPIXS.COM AND NASA'S ASTRONOMY PICTURE OF THE DAY|
|WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET||Huh? Did I just run over somethin' / Look who the hero be now!! It be Hugo!! / The Hugotti Diablo? / Dang, Hugo! How did you pull off that one?! / I sall y'all on TV! I din't wanna watch y'all die! / Aw, yeah! Now all y'all owe a life-debt to Hugo!! / Hey, what happened to tose weirdo girls that stole the bus? / I... I don't know! / I needed twenty child sacrifices in order to usher in ARMAGEDDON / Sorry. / Sorry about that.|
|I tripped over the Sheriff||Panel 1. Fisherman walking along the river's edge below towering banks. No dialogue. / Panel 2. Fisherman sits and fishes. He is wearing a watch cap, dark glasses and jacket over a "JAWS" t-shirt. no dialogue. / Panel 3. Fisherman walking back along river with fish stuck in his belt. Blue feature shows at edge of frame in foreground. / Panel 4. Fisherman trips, dropping rod and tackle box. / Fisherman: Whoops / Panel 5. Fisherman crawling along river bank near fish. / Fisherman: Aw, dangit. Where's my dad gum fish at? / Panel 6. Paralyzed Sheriff Pony on river bank next to fish. No dialogue. / Tiny text: 09AUG04. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS WHENEVER TOM WAITS GOES FISHING|
|Two handicaps in the riverbed||Panel 1. Fisherman crawling on river bed. / Fisherman: Who's there? I can tell somebody else is here. / Panel 2. Sheriff Pony lying on river bed. / Sheriff Pony: You are correct, Sir. My name is Sheriff Pony. Sir, are you incapable of visual perception? / Panel 3. Fisherman standing over Sheriff Pony. / Fisherman: I ain't got no eyeballs. What in hell are you doin' layin' on the riverbed? You some kinda boozed-up dope-head? / Panel 4. Closeup on Sheriff Pony lying near fish. Fisherman's boots visible at edge of frame. / Sheriff Pony: No, Sir. I had an accident which has interfered with my ability to move. / Panel 5. Fisherman / Fisherman: Hey, man, do you see that dang ol' fish i dropped when i tripped over you? / Panel 6. Sheriff Pony next to fish / Sheriff Pony: Yes, it is near my head and it is very unhappy. Sir, may I trouble you for temporary shelter until I regain my mobility? / Panel 7. Fisherman carrying Sheriff Pony over his shoulders with fish back in his belt. / Sheriff Pony: You are most kind. The reward for your actions will be ample. / Tiny text: 10AUG04. A BLIND FISHEMAN CARRAYING A SPACE PONY AND A FISH STUCK IN HIS PANTS WALKS INTO A BAR AND UM|
|WIGU: At home with fisherman and pony||Panel 1. Fisherman carrying Sheriff Pony along river. / Fisherman: So, what are ya, anyway? You don't feel like a man. Ya feel kinda... squishy. / Sheriff Pony: I am a pony! / Panel 2. Fisherman carrying Sheriff Pony / Fisherman: Nah, ya ain't a pony. Yer squishier than a pony. / Sheriff Pony: Well, Sir... would you believe I am not from your world? / Fisherman: Well, I couldn't rightly disagree. / Panel 3. Shed in the woods, surrounded with junk--washing machine, tricycle, TV, pile of rocks, propane tank, etc. / Fisherman's voice (from inside shed): Well, this here's my shed. I ain't much to look at but... well, how do I know? I'm blind. / Sheriff Pony's voice (from inside shed): Your accommodations are perfectly adequate, Sir! I promise it will not take long for my nanobots to fully restore my health. / Panel 4. Fisherman in shed, holding up fish / Fisherman: Now, I'm afraid I ain't got nothin' to eat, 'cept this 'ere fish I caught, but that's for me. I eat one fish every day. That's how come I'm so old. / Panel 5. Sheriff Pony lying on bench in shed / Sheriff Pony: I thank you for your kind offer, sir, but I cannot subsist on the nutrients your universe provides! / Panel 6. Sheriff Pony, with back of Fisherman's head in foreground. / Fisherman: What about crappin'? You gonna get crap everywhere? / Sheriff Pony: I do defecate, sir, but the substance I excrete in your world is the same as your "vanilla ice cream". / Fisherman: Right on. / Tiny text: 11AUG04. IS IT RUDE THAT SHERIFF PONY POOPS ICE CREAM|
|WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET||Panel 1. Sheriff Pony on bench, Fisherman in foreground adjusting his dark glasses. He has taken off his jacket but still has the "JAWS" t-shirt on. / Sheriff Pony: Sir, I thank you again for your hospitality and apologize for any inconvenience. / Fisherman: T'ain't no thing / Panel 2. Sheriff Pony on bench, Fisherman in foreground carrying blanket to Sheriff pony. We see the shark logo on the back of Fisherman's t-shirt. / Fisherman: to tell you the truth, it's kinda nice to have company. I don't get too many visitors nowadays. / Sheriff Pony: Why? / Panel 3. Fisherman in chair with pink coffee mug next to boom box. The blanket is seen in at edge of foreground. / Fisherman: I don't want nothin' to do with the outside world, an' it don't wan't nothin' to do with me. I guess you can say we growed apart. / Panel 4. Sheriff Pony, on bench, with blanket over his flanks. / Sheriff Pony: I can partially empathize with you, sir! Most human behaviors occur in direct contrast with conventional rationality and intelligence! / Panel 5. Fisherman, with back of Sheriff Pony's head partially visible in foreground. / Fisherman: Heh, Tell me about it, man. / Sheriff Pony: May I also compliment you on the level of calm you display in a conversation with an extraterrestrial being such as myself! / Fisherman: Ok. / Panel 6. Outside of Fisherman's shack, as two black limousines pull up. / Fisherman's voice (from inside shack): Ain't like it's the first time. / Tiny text: 12AUG04. BETTER TAKE OUT ALL THE GUNS COMING UP SO I DON'T MAKE SPIELBERG CRY|
|WIGU: Spring out of action!||Panel 1, title "MEANWHILE IN BUTTER DIMENSION QUAD". Princess Dongle in green cornrows and little black dress with cutout displaying her navels. Topato playing computer games in La-Z-Boy. Megawoofers and weird furniture in background.
/ Princess: Topato! Do you know the whereabouts of Sheriff Pony?
/ Topato: Do I resemble his mother? / Panel 2.Princess rubbing chin beside recliner seen from behind. Screen shot of G-FORO(?) game shows huge gray monster with big teeth.
/ Princess: I do not know... I have never interacted with his mother, nor witnessed any images.
/ Topato (concealed by chair back): Rest assured, I do not. / Panel 3. Close up on Princess's face.
/ Princess: Well, anyway, there is a security meeting in 45 moments! You have to go, Topato. You can not not go. / Panel 4. Topato from front, holding communicator. In background, frowning Princess beside aquarium holding three-eyed fish.
/ Topato (thought baloon): My powers of looking busy have failed most terribly... i must devise a strategy to avoid this meeting at all costs!! / Panel 5. Topato springing up, tossing communicator aside.
/ Topato: Princess! Suddenly I have received a... telepathic distress signal from Sheriff Pony! I must depart at once!! / Panel 6. Close-up on Princess.
/ Sound: SLAM
/ Princess (thought baloon): He didn't even notice my new corn-rows... / Panel 7. Topato sleeping in sandy spot in the middle of large lawn, open book (possibly titled "XXX") on his belly.
/ Panel title: 45 moments later...
/ Topato: Zzzz / Tiny text: FRIDAY
|WIGU: Space Pony Autopsy||Panel 1: [Unmarked Helicopters and vans fly/drive past a river] / Text Box: Back on Earth... / Panel 2: [Inside one of the vans] / Female Scientist: I don't understand... This thing seems to be alive, but it has no vital signs! / Secret Agent: Should I call the president? / Sheriff Pony: Um. / Panel 3: / Female Scientist: What is up with you always wanting to call the President? / Secret Agent: I like him! / Sheriff Pony: Ahem... Excuse me... / Panel 4: / Sheriff Pony: I am a very sophisticated organism who comes from a different dimension. Your primitive instruments are not compatible with my systems. / Panel 5: / Female Scientist: Yeah... go on ahead and call the President. / Panel 6: [on a golf course] / President: [answering cell phone] Ah, yello! / Secret Agent: [from phone] Hello, sir! It's Bobby... um, we have reason to believe we have an extraterrestrial being in our custody! / President: Whoa! What's it look like?! / Panel 6: [back in the van] / Secret Agent Bobby: Well, sir... it looks like a very poorly drawn pony!|
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