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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Topato, I fear it is time for me to depart. / Contrary to popular belief, the sorrow of parting lacks even a trace amount of sweetness. / Annaba! Did you feel that? / The sensation of a thousand billion tiny lives in horrifying yet instant agony, and then... nothing? / I did! / INFORMATION ALERT / PLANET NICAMALA OF THE CHIQUITA QUADRANT OF THE COSTADURAS SECTOR HAS BEEN DESTROYED BY SPACE TERRORS MORE DETAILS SOON IF DEATH SPARES YOU / That's my planet... all my mothers and fathers and countless siblings... gone. / Outstanding! / You can habitate here with me in Butter Dimension Quad! / Would you avenge the death of my world, Topato? / And an opportunity to avenge and entire planet? / Lucky me! / The Costaduras sector is in the South America System
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050223.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Sheriff Pony, I come bearing glorious news! / Annaba's world was destroyed, and now she will reside here with us! / Topato, this is bittersweet news at best! / All that poor Annaba once loved is now gone! / Indeed this news is bittersweet. / Topato, I believe that when we nullified Princess' sham betrothatl, she believed it would clear a path for her to fulfill her dream of a romance with you! / What do you reckon she will do? / Barbot, concoct me a tasty beverage capable of fully eliminating my anxiety and heartache. / Selection not found, your Majesty. / Make it. / She should have said "Everclear straight up."
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050224.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Look, Topato, I can also be involved in a relationship with an opposing gender. / This is Conor, he sings in a band... / Delightful news, Princess. / Excuse me, for I must now be off to initiate a devastating assalt of violent vengeance against SPACE TERRORS. / I actually think you are gross and whiny, Conor. / Nothing personal. / Oh, it is hopeless. / I do not believe a boy exists who I could parade in front of Topato to make him feel jealous enough to realize he loves me. / Give me my keys, Valet-bot. / But Princess, you appear to be, intoxicated-- / Control... Alt... / Very well, your majesty.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050225.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Sheriff Pony, will you be accompanying me in my ultra-violent retaliation against the SPACE TERRORS? / I believe my obligation to protect the Princess commands priority. / Her bipedal manuvering is terribly uncoordinated. / Princess Dongle, attempting to pilot your speedwagon with impaired motor skills is tantamount to suicide! / Engage in the act of coitus with yourself, Sheriff Pony. / That was the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me. / Do you seriously have any idea how rude that is? The "hang loose" sign is a vulgar gesture in BD4.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050228.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Princess, I implore you to end this self destructive behavior at once! / I don't have to do what you say Sheriff Pony because I am the best Princess and you ahve to do whatever I say and I'll destroy what I want to destruct! / If I cannot somehow thwart this one-woman motorcade of reckless intoxication the result will be disastrous! / Honk / AAUGH!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050301.html
 
WIGU: Magical Adventures in Space Weee! My speedwagon is now a convertible speedwagon! / I must put a stop to this at once. / Hey where's my hat go? / Princess, I am disabling your speedwagon to ensure your safety. / MEANWHILE... / Warrior-bots, the purpose of our gathering is to plan an amazingly destructive attack against the space terrors. / Only a miniscule percentage of you will return home safely. / Can you supply an estimation of that percentage? / Zero percent. You are all definitely going to be destroyed. Definitely. / Gulp! / (General Topato is not going to lie to you. You are all definitely going to get killed.)
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050302.html
WIGU: Space Terrors! Topato: The Space Terrors were last seen outside the Costaduras sector where they destroyed the homeworld of my long-distance girlfriend Annaba Banana. / Topato: Although Space Terrors are weak, worthless cowards, Interdimensional Law requires you to view this meaningless safety video. / from video: Space Terrors! Is there anything in the multiverse more horrifying and deadly? The answer is no, not even in the slightest. Space Terrors are responsible for the deaths of trillions and that is only babies. / still from video: Everyone who confronts a Space Terror is issued a suicide pill. Instant death is overwhelmingly preferable to the lifetime of crippling nightmares that will result from - / Topato: The useless video seems to end there. / tiny text: Seeing a Space Terror is like living in the bathroom in the Shining forever.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050303.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET This is the last known location of the Space Terrors. / I hope you are prepared for a spectacular brawl. / Topato, I didn't know this date would end up in a war... / Relax, Annaba! / This operation lacks serious danger! / I trust all of you warrior-bots are in possession of your unnecessary suicide pills. / While the Space Terrors are numerous and belligerent, they have a weakness - / Morale seems somewhat low... / FAST ACTIN' EUTHANADOL SUICIDE CAPLETS - NOW FOR ROBOTS!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050304.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Surrounded by Space Terrors with a crew of dead robots... / Quite the predicament / Can you try talking to them, Topato? / The Space Terrors lack a structured language; they emit a constant, hideous shriek -- the howling of a being for whom every moment is an eternity of nightmarish, unspeakable agony. / Their only temporary relief is achieved through the violent destruction of terrified life. / Which reminds me, are you equipped to breathe in space? / No... I could never afford the procedure. / Then don this garment with haste. / The Space Terrors are ripping through this vessel's hull with the voracity of a distressed, obese woman ripping through snack food wrappings on Valentine's Day. / Annaba has no idea what Valentine's Day is.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050307.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET While this should not in any way be considered an "ideal situation" it is nothing to be alarmed about! / Topato, aren't you made of poison? / You can totally kill them! / My poison is only effective against organic organisms! / The Space Terrors are made of pure hatred and loathing! / You must pretend you do not fear the Space Terrors, Annaba! / They can only see fear! / Okay! / I can't pretend, Topato! / I am incredibly afraid! / The Space Terrors can not see pretending.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050308.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Topato, help me! / Unhand my long-distance girlfriend, you putrid specter of disgust! / Topato, are we gonna die? / In all likelihood, yes, but not today! / I have a secret weapon guaranteed to bring victory! / Er... / Umm.. / I seem to have left the weapon back in Butter Dimension Quad... / Meanwhile in Butter Dimension Quad... / Daddy will respond with insane rage if he sees me in this inebriated condition! / You are welcome to stay at my house. / I am willing to sleep on the floor... / If you want... / It's cool baby I'll sleep on the floor
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050309.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Stay sharp, Sheriff Pony. / That beautiful young lady sprawled out on your sofa is the Princess, and you must behave in a professional manner. / Princess Dongle, I must- / You know what, Sheriff Pony? / I think I'm gonna fall irrationally in love with you instead of Topato. / Topato is a stupid nerd. / Oh, Princess, I am certain that is merely your crippled neuro-receptors talking! / No, I'm for serious. / I think you're really cute, Sheriff. / I want you to be my hombre. / Is that your Critical Alert Beeper I hear blowing up? / I hear nothing. / GIRL YOU'LL BE A WOMAN SOON PLEASE COME TAKE MY HAND GIRL YOU'LL BE A WOMAN SOON SOON YOU'LL NEED A MAN
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050310.html
WIGU: Mane of Rage ... Lust? Sheriff Pony, come in Sheriff Pony! / Where could he be? / Princess, you certainly make life difficult for those who are forbidden from having relations with you. / It needn't be that difficult, Sheriff. / While I have long held passionate feelings for you, something about this situation seems... amiss... / The only thing missing is that we are not kissing. / What's wrong, Sheriff Pony? Why did you suddenly sprout a mane? / It is my Mane of Rage... and Lust. / tiny text: WE ALL COOK BETTER WHEN WE'RE COOKING WITH GAS
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050311.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET I apologize, Princess. / I have no voluntary control over my Mane of Rage and Lust. / Apologize not for your desire, Sheriff. / We are both merely animals. / Gah! / My Critical Alert Beeper! / How long has this been alerting? / Sheriff Pony here! / Sheriff Pony, the situation is dire! / The Space Terrors are vastly numerous and I must conserve my energy for the sphere-butting tournament today! / I require a glee bomb. / Sheriff, I see your mane is still visible. / It is now a Mane of Rage, toward myself, for being such a tool!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050314.html
WIGU: Space Terrors eat babies. Topato Potato's Guide to SPACE TERRORS / Space Terrors are perhaps the multiverse's most loathsome inhabitants. / Space Terrors are byproducts of atrocities; whenever a child is gunned down in combat or a unicorn is murdered by a werewolf, a Space Terror is born. / sign on the wall reads: Space Terrors - Three different kinds - Repugnatoids - Excretons - Atrocisaurus / While brute force is effective against Space Terrors, they are utterly powerless when confronted with glee. Glee destroys their detestable molecular bonds. / Since glee cannot be achieved when in proximity of a Space Terror, we have developed the Glee Bomb. / Like paper covers rock so goes glee neutraliza terror. / tiny text: LIKE SCISSORS CUT PAPER, SO DOES MAD MAX DEFEAT THE BLAIR WITCH
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050315.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Topato Potato's Guide To The GLEE BOMB / As we learned previously, the Glee Bomb is by far the most effective tool for decimating Space Terrors. / Now, I know what you are thinking: "You can not make a bomb out of glee because it is not an actual thing." / This is a common misconception everything has mass. / When life forms are having fun they emit vibrations called "vibes" which are the building blocks of Glee. / The Dongle Kingdom places secret vibe collectors at every party in BD4. / Doesn't that sort of tactic infringe on our rights as private citizens? / Certain rights must be limited when fighting a threat such as the Space Terrors! / THE GLEE BOMB CAN ALSO WORK WITH THOUSANDS OF FINELY SHREDDED PHOTOGRAPHS OF PUPPIES AND KITTENS
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050316.html
Wigu: Gewgaws and Curios Topato, I apologize for my tardiness! / There is insufficient time to discuss your tardiness! Do you have the Glee Bomb? / I do indeed. It was tucked beneath your mattress as you said. / I trust you did not nose about in my personal effects? / I did not. / You disturbed none of my gewgaws and curios? / I remained true to task, my friend. / Did you bring a lighter? / I did not. / I do not smoke. / Smokers are jokers
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050317.html
Wigu: Glee Bomb Activated! I can not believe you did not bring a lighter. Is it not obvious that the Glee Bomb requires fire? / It was a mistake! / I am imperfect! / Topato, I have a lighter, yet I can not reach it! / Besides, you haven't the right to chastise me, Topato! You are the one who forgot the entire Glee Bomb! / Is my long-distance girlfriend a secret smoker? / We shall discuss this at a later time. / --OL LOL L-- / The sound of the glee bomb is the sound of a billion children with jet packs slam-dunking basketballs
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050318.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Back in the Dongle Kingdom... / Topato, that was probably the worst first date ever. / Indeed it was garishly atrocious. / But to put a more positive spin on events, since your civilization has been decimated, we are now free to pursue a more acceptible date for the remainder of our existence! / Yes. / Topato, do you care for me honestly from deep within? / Annaba, if my care for you could be converted to anger, I would literally explode with fury. / END CHAPTER ONE / T&A
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050321.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Arise, fair Princess! / For I have prepared for you a delightful breakfast using only parts of animals whose lives were spent in sheer exstasy. / Also, they volunteered to be slaughtered! / Gghhgh / Huh? / Sheriff Pony, explain to me why I have awoked in your bed? / Do you not recall, Princess? / Last night after crashing your speedwagon, you declared your love for me. / Then I had to leave. / Suddenly. / You also consumed an astonishingly vast amount of malt intoxihol. / I may have a problem. / MALT INTOXIHOL TYPICALLY COMES IN 40oz BOTTLES.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050322.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Where are we going, Princess? / Sheriff Pony, I have diagnosed myself with intoxiholism and I intend to undergo treatment. / Why must you seek treatment? / Intoxihol's effects seem to be harmless free-spiritedness and recklessness. / Intoxihol is an addictive drug. / Intoxihol's effects may be positive in moderate quantities but the fact that I can not recall events that occurred last night meand I have intoxiholism, and that's a bad thing to have. / And ifyou tell anyone about this, you will be punished severely. / Understood, my liege. / Good. / Let's stop for a quick drink. / IN THE DONGLE KINGDOM, BARS OPEN AT 5AM.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050323.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Welcome to intoxiholics Anonymous, you Majesty. / Why do you curtsey, commoner? / I presumed this would be Anonymous. / I do apologize, your majes-I... I do not know how I should act. / I require your healing services for my raging intoxiholism, under the identity Sheriff Pony. / Princess, you threaten my career! / No, I am simply guaranteeing your commitment to my anonymity. / Then let the healing begin! / Very good. / Right this way, your -ahem- Misses Pony. / That's Miss Pony!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050324.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Hello, everyone! / My name is Sheriff Pony and I am an intoxihol-holic! / Your majesty! / My liege! / Princess Dongle! / Greetings, Sheriff. / I am not this "Princess" person you mistake me for! / I am average citizen Sheriff Pony and this is my friend- / Topato Potato. / Did you hear that, Annaba? / Did someone a great distance away mention my name? / I did not hear nothing, Topato. / SIXTEEN INTOXIHOLIC ROBOTS THIRTY TWO SOFTLY-FOCUSED, BRIGHTLY-COLORED EYES
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050325.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET All righty! / Miss, um, Pony, we here at intoxiholics anonymous believe the first step to victory is to admit you have a problem. / Indeed I do suspect I may have somewhat of a problem. / Miss, you didn't actually admit you ahve a problem, you just- / I will not play your little mind games, good lady. / Now give me the cure. / Well, we also believe that the power of the cure lies within your personal relationship with God. / God? / Yes, I know God! / Hold you tongue, Princess. / Commoners are not aware that royals enjoy an actual, physical relationship with God / have you been to God's ranch? / BUT OH MAN YOU SHOULD SEE GOD'S SWIMMING POOL (IT'S SHAPED LIKE A DOLLAR SIGN)
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050328.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET All righty everyone, let's go outside for a few moments. / It's way too smoky in here. / Princess, do you mind if I engage the group leader in conversation? / I suspect we have many things in common. / Go ahead Mr. Selfish, see if I care. / Pardon me, Miss, I noticed previously you and I are- / I know who you and the Princess are, Sheriff Pony. / You are both celebrities. / What is going on? / The Princess is lascivious, capricious and in the midst of a breaknect freefall into intoxiholism. / Ooh, I can't wait to tell my girlfriends! / MY MY MY BREAKNECK FREEFALL INTO INTOXIHOLISM IT WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050329.html
 
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Hee hee! / We are both wearing amusingly similar colors! / Indeed we are, Sheriff Pony. / Are you hitting on me? / I have no hidden agenda, good lady. / May I simply ask what your name is? / We should really be getting back inside. / What did you say to make that pony lady unsettled? / She has the cure! / Nothing, your majesty! / I was behaving as a gentleman should! / It was as if a random act of aggression! / Well then she is a bitch. / SHE'S A BITCH SHE'S A PHONY SHE'S A SOCIAL WORKER SHE'S... BALONEY
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050330.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET All righty! / I think next we should all discuss our bad experiences with intoxihol. / This is boring. / Let's go, Sheriff Pony. / This is stupid. / Miss, I think you're making a mistake! / We've barely begun to help you! / Your help is balderdash! / If a cure is not available in a chemical form, then it is hardly a cure at all! / Princess, I believe intoxiholism can truly not be cured with a pill! / That scenario only served to renew my thirst for intoxihol. / Let's go drinking.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050401.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET I thoroughly enjoy spending time with my girlfriend, but it may be possible that I prefer the company of Sheriff Pony... / Topato? / You appear to be troubled, Topato. May I ask what is bothering you? / I desire the presence of Sheriff Pony. / I think that's a grand idea, Topato! We'll have a dashing time together! I'm quite fond of Sheriff Pony and his ways. / Outstanding! I shall then... wait... / Are you more fond of him than you are of me? / No, Topato! Of course not! / So early in this relationship I find myself a cuckold.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050404.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET I thoroughly enjoy spending time with my girlfriend, but it may be possible that I prefer the company of Sheriff Pony... / Topato? / You appear to be troubled, Topato. May I ask what is bothering you? / I desire the presence of Sheriff Pony. / I think that's a grand idea, Topato! We'll have a dashing time together! I'm quite fond of Sheriff Pony and his ways. / Outstanding! I shall then... wait... / Are you more fond of him than you are of me? / No, Topato! Of course not! / So early in this relationship I find myself a cuckold.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050405.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Princess, would you like to go to Topato's house? / That depends. / Is his dumb little girlfriend also there? / I believe so. / But it is a far better optino than than sitting and watching you drink. / I will go only if I can ride you. / I wish you knew how intensely degrading this is for me. / I wish you would go faster. / And shut up. / Princess, I am considering submitting a full report of your behavior to the King. / You will not because you love me! / HA HA! / OH THE HUMANITY
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050406.html
 

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