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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Princess! / Sheriff Pony! / What a pleasant surprise! / You invited us, Topato. / Do you have any tonnyx? / I can not be expected to drink this jynnan without tonnyx. / Perhaps. / Topato, we must speak. / Princess is utterly out of control. / My love for Annaba no longer exists! / But your relationship with Annaba is not even one day old! / The heart is a fickle and ruthless bastard demon. / O CURSED DANG BASTARD ASS DEMON HEART
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050407.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Topato! What will you do now that you no longer love Annaba? / I was considering stringing her along for several weeks, and then terminating the relationship. / But she has no home, Topato! Her civilization was destroyed! She is the last of her race! / I - / Oh, boyyys! / Some reality show is about to air. / Is it our favorite reality-based program? / Indeed! And it is a marathon! / the Tinkles / REALITY TV IS A SPORT IN BUTTER DIMENSION QUAD
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050408.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET BUT FIRST, A COMMERCIAL / MARIO & LUIGI BAD NIGHT IN TOAD TOWN / A NEW FILM BY ROBERT RODRIGUEZ / That's a pretty good-a plumbin' job. / Oh, yeh. / Ay, the job she is a-finished! 100 gold coins, please! / But I have no money, Luigi! / This is a... this is not so good. / THIS IS A TENSE-A MOMENT
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET MAAAARIO! / COME ON, OPEN-A THE DOOR! / Ay, who do you think you are, poundin' on my door at this-a hour? / I do a plumbin' job for Toad but he don't pay up! / Who do I always gotta be solvin' you problems? / I pay-a you 15% like-a always. / Mario now charge-a 20%. / You un-a-believable. / ACTUALLY IT'S "YOU UN-A-BELIE-VIV-A-BLE"
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Mario, I wish they was other ways to solve-a problems. / It's-a the law of the Mushroom Kingdom. / There's-a the Toad house. / Put-a you mask on. We don't need-a no witnesses. / No... NO!! WHYYYY?!? / SO WHEN I'M IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD YOU BETTER DUCK / 'CAUSE MARIO IS CRAZY AS F**K
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Mario, we-a surrounded by POLIZIA! / Ay, Mario got a little surprise for the polizia! / Who wants-a to die first?! / A STAR AFFECTS MARIO IN MUCH THE SAME WAY PCP AFFECTS MIKE TYSON
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050415.html
Wigu: Chigga Chigga TV doesn't make sense any more / Wigu, go brush your teeth. The bus will be here soon. / OK, mom. / Chigga Chigga Chigga / Wigu, you didn't actually brush your teeth. You just ran the faucet and said "chigga" a bunch of times. / That's what it sounds like.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050418.html
Wigu: Cavemen didn't brush their teeth How long has it been since you brushed, Wigu? Let me see your teeth! / Stop it! RAPE! / My God! Those teeth! They're like those novelty hillbilly teeth they sell at truck stops! / Aw, they ain't that bad... / I'm making an appointment with Dr. Gums right now. / Cavemen didn't brush their teeth and they beat the dinosaurs.
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET What's all the hollerin' in here? / Wigu hasn't ever brushed his teeth in his entire life. / Let's see them choppers, boy. / Aw hell this ain't nothin'! / I ain't brushed my teeth since they opened that Wal-Mart super center. / But... but... I kiss that mouth! / Relax, baby! / I scrape the crud off every couple days. / That's really all you got to do. / Cavemen didn't brush their teeth and they got their mack on constantly. / Get the f--k away from me.
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Mom, I've decided to take a vow of silence starting now. / I'm already working one crisis right now, Paisley. / Your brother hasn't ever brushed his teeth and so now we have to go to a dentist who has special equipment. / I'm a little hillbilly. / This is so disgusting. / Dammit. / I can't do anythng right. I'm just going to become an actor. / The machine is like a tiny jackhammer. / DR. GUMS CAN'T AFFORD THE TINY JACKHAMMER MACHINE BECAUSE HIS PRACTICE IS STILL FAIRLY NEW
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Mrs. Tinkle, after x-raying your son's head several hundred times, I have good news. / How long is this going to take? / The astonishingly high levels of plaque on your son's teeth has formed a protective barrier. / His teeth are pristine yet entombed. / How long is this going to take? / Two or three hours. have a seat, we have all the movie channels.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050422.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET WITH THE PLANET KRYPTON ON THE VERGE OF DOOM, SCIENTIST JOR-EL AND HIS WIFE LARA DECIDED TO SAVE THEIR SON KAL-EL BY SENDING HIM TO EARTH IN A ROCKET SHIP! / BUT ON THE WAY THERE, SOMETHING WENT WRONG... / DESPITE JOR-EL'S SCIENTIFIC GENIUS, EVEN HE COULDN'T PREDICT THE TURBULENT SPACE WINDS THAT WOULD DRASTICALLY ALTER HIS SON'S COURSE... / AND INSTEAD OF LANDING IN KANSAS IN THE EARLY 20TH CENTURY, HIS SON WOULD HAVE A MUCH DIFFERENT DESTINATION... / SOUTH CENTRAL LOS ANGELES -- 1992!
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050425.html
WIGU: Toughest White Baby Yo, C-Loc! Were that thing crash at! / I think I see somethin' over here, dogg. / Yo, what the hell is it? / You ain't gonna believe this, homie. There a white baby in here! / POP POP POP / What the hell you doin', fool? / This is BY FAR the toughest white baby I ever seen. / Word to that. / SOME PEOPLE POKE STUFF WITH STICKS TO SEE IF IT'S DEAD; THESE GUYS SHOOT BULLETS AT IT
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050426.html
WIGU: SMOKE THEM FOOLS 13 YEARS LATER... / C.K., the Crips owe you much gratitude. We are now the baddest gang on Earth. / When you gon' hook me up somma dat green, then? / You betta CHECK yo'self, C.K. There be a lot more CRIPTONITE where this come from. Now get to the ride, we got a lil' problem needs fixin'. / A'IGHT! A'IGHT! / The fools be up there on the right, C.K. They about to learn the hard way that you do not serve a Crip beef when he order chicken. / SMOKE THEM FOOLS, C.K.! / WHEN YOU SEE THE LASER EYES WHAT THE F**K YOU GONNA DO? DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Yo C-Boss, dis party is hype! I am seriously faded up in here. / Get it together, C.K. I got some people wants to meet you. / C.K., this here is Maria and Monica. They are most thrilled to make yo' acquaintance. / Ooh, THE C.K.! / MM MM! / Something seems fishy. I should use my X-ray vision to see if these tricks be packin'. / GASP! / Where'd he go?! He totally disappeared! / I knew you girls was trannies! YOU LIED TO ME.
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WIGU: Finished in There Gah. I remember why I hate movies now. / ARE YOU ALL FINISHED IN THERE, YET?! / The procedure was a success but your son has suffered unimaginable psychological damage. Here's a card for a reputable therapist. / What? / Oooh... Ooooh... / Wigu! / The swelling should go away in a few hours, but the nightmares will last years. / I can't read the fine print on this card. / You aren't supposed to. / What? / Dr.¹ Lydia Pfizer² / THERAPIST / Call for appointment³: 405 KLE / ROMY HATES MOVIES BECAUSE THEY TAKE TOO LONG TO BE OVER.
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET SEVERAL HOURS LATER... / What's wrong with him? / The dentist said he has to go to a therapist. / Sounds to me like they're in it togther, screwin' with kids's noggins for extra dough. / That's just crazy and paranoid, Quincy! / Lemme see the card for that therapist, baby. / Don't do anything stupid, Quincy. / I ain't never did nothin' stupid and I ain't startin' now. But if my insane theory is right, the only therapy Wigu needs is to watch that dentist fall down about 10 flights of stairs. / IT'S "CRAZYNOIA," OR "IT'S PARACRAZY," OR "THERE ARE MANY VERY OBVIOUS REASONS QUINCY TINKLE FAILED OUT OF THERAPY SCHOOL"
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050502.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET PANEL 1: / PAISLEY: Look, Mom! I changed my hair color again. Do I look like a classy dead girl now or what? / ROMY: Paisley, I can barely recognize you half the time... / PANEL 2: / ROMY: The other half, I think you're an intruder, and the first thing that crosses my mind is to shoot you with my gun. / PANEL 3: / ROMY: I'd probably fire at least ten rounds into you before I'd realize what was going on... then I wonder... would I rather live out the rest of my life as the killer of my own daughter?... / PAISLEY: Mom? / PANEL 4: / PAISLEY: I get it, Mom. You don't like it. I'll change it back. / ROMY: ...or would I turn that old gun on myself? / STRIP CAPTION: / BANG BANG I SHOT MY NIHILIST DAUGHTER DOWN
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050503.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET The office of "Dr." Lydia Pfizer- Child Therapist... / I can't believe how smart we are, Dr. Gums. / This is the perfect scam. / Hey, kids need therapy after what I do to them! / And what precisely do you do to them? / Let's just say I'm putting my minor in medieval studies to use! / And I just pump'em full of Zoloft! / Mmm... / What we're doing is so naughty... / God, I hate it when nerds try to get sexy. / There's two ways I can solve this: the right way and the wrong way. But I'll be damned if I can tell'em apart right now...
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WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Think about this one, Quincy ... / Remember the last time you tangled with a dentist ... / DR. PFIZER / 1970 SOMETHING / Man, get the hell away from me with that scratchy thing! / Nitrous! NITROUS! / I was out for hours ... / I'm not sure what happened. / But when it was over ... / I felt like less of a man. / Well this time it's gonna be different. / This time, the dentist is gonna wake up wonderin' what the deal is with his ass.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050505.html
 
Wigu: Mashed pataters Quincy: I'm back, baby... / Romy: Quincy! What did you do?! Do we need to hide you from the cops? / Quincy: No... I think I did the right thing... / Romy: Mercy me! Quincy Tinkle has acted in a manner befitting an adult?! / Quincy: I threatened to kill everyone they love if they didn't give Wigu free therapy. / Romy: Close enough! Wanna celebrate with some mashed potatoes? / Quincy: Oh yeah, I am all about mashin' up some pataters. / *THUD* (Quincy smashes a potatoe with his fist) / Quincy takes a similar approach to making scrambled eggs
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050506.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Wigu, you need to stop being catatonic. / Things are going to get a lot worse. / Best case scenario:everyone you love will die before you. / Worst case scenario: an accident leaves you paralyzed in intenst, constant agony, yet you can't communicate your only desire - to be euthanized... / ...each day an eternity of unbelievable torture, you live to an old age completely unable to - / Stop it. / I'm better now.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050509.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Daddy, I'm kind of bored. / Will you take me to school? / How many times do I have to say it? / School is a waste of time. / If you know what you want to do with your life, just do it! / You don't need some old coot-- / I don't know what I want to do with my life, Daddy! / Paisly, you got to figure it out! / Otherwise you'll end up just wandering' around mutterin'! / I am going to walk to school. / I can't believe I'm going to school out of rebellion. / Don't worry about coming home at any particular time! / We trust you.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050510.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Don't know how I survived! / The crew all was chewed alive - / Paisley? / Hey, Paisley! / You totally missed the most ignorant day ever. / I was busy. / Marcel found this really weird frog. / He's Japanese. / How do you know he's Japanese? / Cos he's smart. / It"3
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050511.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Well I guess we ought to probably go to class since we're at school and everything. / I didn't walk all the way to school to go to class! / I came to hang out with my friends. / School is easy, anyway. / You don't really need to go to class. / Let's sit and complain about how sucky it all is, c'mon. / Maybe it's easy for you, Einstein, but I'm about to flunk out of Family Living. / You are such a sucky nihilist, Paisley. / You totally care about stuff! / You take that back, Marcel. / My carelessness is evidenced clearly by my current actions. / If you were a real nihilist you wouldn't care about things until they were completely out of control. / Just because you're stupid doesn't mean I'm not a nihilist! / What ever.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050513.html
 
WIGU: Some Sketches Jeffrey is real busy still sorting out hundreds of orders. Here are some sketches. / THIS IS MR. JON ROSENBERG GOATS.COM / THIS IS KIND OF ABOUT SNOW CRASH BY NEAL STEPHENSON / VERA BROSGOL DREW THIS VERABEE.COM
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050516.html
WIGU: Your dentist boyfriend traumatized him Mrs. Tinkle, why do you feel your son needs therapy? / You know why! Your dentist boyfriend traumatized him! / Oh, right. Well, we have something for that. It's called "Kiditrol," it's made by TopatoCo. It also helps with the ADD. / TopatoCo? Don't they make those cartoons and video games you're compulsively obsessed with? / I ain't obsessed no more. / Oh! I believe TopatoCo has something for that too! / Who do you work for? / Some soft-drink company.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050517.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET There is definitely something fishy going on if the same company that makes video games also makes A.D.D. drugs... / Quincy, don't you think it's a conflict of interest when the same company that makes Wigu's favorite cartoon show also makes A.D.D. drugs? / That little potato critter show? / Hell yeah it's weird. I tried to watch it once and for a week I couldn't remember to go to the bathroom. / You... is that what that smell was? You said it was a raccoon! / Baby it's all pee. It don't matter what it comes out of. / I'm gonna go drink myself into a coma.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050518.html
WIGU: Shut Them Down Oh sweet $50 bottle of vodka. You'll never pee all over my house and blame it on a raccoon. / Hold up, baby. I been thinkin' about what you said. / You... you been what? / I mean if that company's really been screwin' with kids' brains we got to go shut 'em down. / MEANWHILE IN BUTTER DIMENSION^4 / Topato, it seems the Tinkle Family is dangerously close to discovering our plan to control all of Earth children's minds. / This is the part of the job I detest. / We must eliminate a certain family. / You've always said that was your favorite part. / Perhaps I am uncertain of what I was referring to. / WHEN TOPATO HAS TO SHAVE HE USES SOUR CREAM. WHICH IS AWKWARD BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HE POOPS.
http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20050519.html
WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET Topato, perhaps there is a solution to this problem that does not invlove the murder of the Tinkle Family. / Perhaps there is, Sheriff Pony. To the Corporeal Cataputts. / Hello, Wigu! It is I Topato, your life-long friend and spirit guide! / Why don't you just leave me alone? / Wigu! Do you not recall the good times we've had? All of the exciting adventures? / All you've ever done is get me in trouble and almost get me killed. / Wigu, I am prepared to offer you $5,000 to perform a small task for me. / I already fell for that once! Your money don't work here!
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