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| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Wigu, what are you doing home from school?
/ I got in trouble at school and they made me come home. / What did you do, son?
/ A girl told me she'd give me $50 to trick a boy she doesn't like into eating laxative pills. / Oh, little Wigu. You have so much to learn about women.
/ What makes the women different, dad? / Well, I wrote a little song about women, called "Women are special (They will not stop until we are dead)." http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020509.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | A woman is special...no matter how much she weigh, without women I'd get fat and drink cold beer all day! / Women are the only reason a man has manners at all, without a woman alive I'd never make a telephone call!!
/ Rock!! / But dad, this song doesn't explain why I shouldn't trust women!
/ Listen to the chorus! / Women act pretty, but don't be misled...there's a demon that lives inside her head, and crushing men's souls is how it is fed, and it will not stop until we are dead. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020510.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Daddy, I have a problem.
/ If it's about women, I have a lot more songs! / I can't play my new video game because mom took away the controller to my 'Game Station Cube Boy' as punishment. / I'd have to be a madman to undermine you mother! Do I look like a madman to you?! / The other night when mom was asleep and you were dancing in the garage with paint on your tummy, you looked like a madman. / MINUTES LATER...
/ THANK YOU DADDY!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020513.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Finally I can play the new Magical Adventures in Space' video game!! / Carefully... / HOORAY!!! / IN THE PEACEFUL KINGDOM OF DONGLE BUTTER DIMENSION³
/ WAR WAS ABOUT TO ACTIVATE
/ TOPATO POTATO IS PREPARING FESTIVE SNACKING ITEMS, FOR THE DAY OF BIRTH IS UPON THE PRINCESS
/ LEVEL 1 - SNACK ATTACK / I REQUIRE FRESH SPINACH
/ TOPATO BAKE A CAKE?? YES NO http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020514.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | "Magical Adventures in Space" - The Video Game! / SHERIFF PONY: "TOPATO DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE ABOUT TIME TRAVEL"
/ TOPATO: HEAR JOKE HAVE SOME PUNCH / ENEMY INFO MUTANT SLUG GENGHIS KHAN / TOPATO ATTACK PUNCH WAIT SPIT TAUNT / ONE HOUR LATER...
/ I HATE YOU GENGHIS KHAN I HATE THIS GAME!!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020515.html |
| WIGU: Wigu forsakes the one true religion to go get himself killed | Maybe I ought to put away this video game and go play outside... / I hear people say good things about outside. / Well, here I am... OUTSIDE... / Not much going on outside...
/ Except for the storm cellar... I've never been in there. / Wow, this door sure is heavy... I hope I'll be able to open it when I want to get out. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020516.html |
| WIGU: Optimism comics | Wow, it sure is dark in the storm cellar!! / I don't see a light switch... just a little hole in the roof! / HELLOoooooo
/ My echo is my best friend in here!! / Hmmm... I wonder what dad keeps in those crate boxes... / Achoo! / I sure hope I sneezed and forgot I sneezed and the echo took a long time. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020517.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Wigu: Cheerleaders and Conquistadors / 3:30pm
/ Paisley: (I hate you all.)
/ -
/ Quincy: Hi Paisly! How was school?
/ -
/ Paisley: Stupid. Whenever you ask that, I'm going to say 'it was stupid,' dad.
/ Quincy: Aren't you going to ask me why I'm digging a hole?
/ -
/ Paisley: Pirate booty?
/ Quincy:Conquistador booty! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020518.html |
| WIGU: feat. Burgeoning English Major | Finally, some time alone to write... / Hm... creating a profoundly brilliant and revolutionary work of literature is hard. / I shall put this project aside for a spell... / ... and see what's new on the ol' internet. Maybe there is inspiration there. / 47 MINUTES LATER...
/ Without an ironic, 80s-nostalgia lunchbox, I am nothing. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020521.html |
| WIGU: The Internet as 'anti-literature' | THINK, Paisley... what groundbreaking work of literature can I create that will transform me into a tragically famous, and reclusive revolutionary genius? / Let's see what methods other great writers used to inspire their masterworks... / According to this website, most of them were deeply troubled drug addicts. / My 'anti-drug' is mediocrity. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020522.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | 5:00 PM...
/ Baby, what happened to your car?
/ OUR CHILDREN happened to it. / Where is Wigu?
/ He's in his room, quietly regretting his mistake.
/ Sweat. / Wigu, let me in. It's time to talk to mom, Sweetie. / WHERE IS WIGU?!! / Meanwhile, in the cellar.
/ Dear God make me a bird so I can fly far, far away from here. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020523.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | PAISLEY, HAVE YOU SEEN WIGU?
/ Mom, I'd like to talk with you about drugs --
/ Now is not the time! / Quincy, I can't find our son!!
/ I thought he was in his room!
/ He's not there! / What if our little boy ran away from home?!
/ He's probably hiding because he's afraid of you. / OH QUINCY, I AM A MONSTER!!!
/ You're a sexy monster, baby! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020524.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | I can't believe our son ran away from home...
/ He'll turn up, baby... / Help me! / It came from the cellar!! / Wigu!! Are you down there?! / Daddy, there's a monster down here!! / Not for long, there isn't! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020525.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | I'll teach you to frighten my son, you... uh... / What is that thing, Quincy?! / Um... it's a giant Rolly Polly (Pill Bug). It's been living entirely on my body building protein powder, apparently!! / Now it rolled itself into a gigantic, studly ball! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020526.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | You think you're safe, all rolled up into a ball, giant rolly-polly?! / I don't know if taunting it really helps, Quincy...
/ Dad, we can sell it to a TV show and become millionaires! / But look at it...we risk breaking its innocent, mighty spirit. After all, it didn't ask to become a grotesque freak... / Quincy, you aren't actually thinking about--
/ The Tinkle family has a new pet. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020527.html |
| WIGU: Darth Powerhug Gregor Fett | Daddy, what are we gonna name the giant pillbug?
/ Good question, son. / Let's call him "Cap'n Mayor Fluffy!!"
/ Quincy, that bug could be deadly.
/ Wouldn't it have killed by now, Romy? / Let's call [it] "Miles!" or "Coltrane!"
/ How about "Abberation?" As in "Abberation of nature kills family of four." / Dad, I found him. Let's call him "Darth Powerhug Gregor Fett!"
/ Wigu, do you want people to make fun of it? http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020531.html |
| WIGU: Drugs | Daddy, I need to ask you a serious question...
/ What is it, Paisley? / I want to be a great writer, but it seems all my literary heroes were either recreational or habitual drug users... do I need to use drugs to be great? / That's a question for the family to discuss. In the meantime, come outside and say "hello" to our new pet giant mutant roly-poly! / Did I already ask you, and you said "yes" and I am on drugs right now?
/ His name is Mr. Studly. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020603.html |
| WIGU: Senate Committee on Roly-Poly Naming, Session #41974 | OMIGOD, what is that thing?
/ It's a roly-poly that's been living on my body-building powder!
/ Whoa, Mr. Studly!! / You named him "Mr. Studly"?
/ Can you think of a better one, hotshot?
/ Yes. / How about something appropriate, like "Kafka," or "Slagathor," or "Ernesto"?
/ Darth Powerhug Gregor Fett doesn't like those names. / The roly-poly talks to you, Wigu?
/ He told me a secret about you.
/ One nightmare, coming up. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020604.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Wigu, stay out here and make sure Mr. Studly doesn't run away. I'll grab the camcorder.
/ OK Dad. / Dad, we're going to be famous aren't we?
/ Hissss / EEEEK!!! / NO!!
/ Gak / LATER...
/ Wh... what happened?
/ You are trapped on feces river with no method of propulsion!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020605.html |
| WIGU: A State of Dire Peril | PANEL 1 / WIGU: What is this place, Topato?
/ TOPATO: You were bitten by a mutated crustacean. You are in a state of dire peril!!! / PANEL 2 / WIGU: Topato, I wouldn't be in this mess if your video game hadn't been so awful!!
/ TOPATO: Does the fish blame the ocean for being wet?! / PANEL 3 / WIGU: I guess not. How can I get back to Earth to see my family again?
/ TOPATO: You must solve three enigmatic puzzles!!! / PANEL 4 / WIGU: I'm good at solving puzzles!
/ TOPATO: Also, if you blink your eyes more than 10 times in one minute you have to spend 999 years inside a dirty diaper!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020606.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | SOMEONE HELP MY SON!! HE WAS BITTEN BY A MUTANT ROLY-POLY!! / MEANWHILE...
/ OK, Topato. I'm ready for the puzzles to determine my mortality.
/ Then let us begin. / Puzzle #1 - these two cups hold an equal amount of soda... but which one contains diet soda? / This one tastes kinda crappier, so it's this one.
/ On a scale of one to ten, what would you rate this product?
/ Negative hundred billion. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020607.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | DOCTOR: Mr. Tinkle, we can't find an antidote for your son's poisoning. Do you have a specimen from the animal that bit him?
/ QUINCY TINKLE: No, I... annihilated its existence... / DOCTOR: You did what? / When I saw the beast had attacked my son, I completely snapped...
/ QUINCY TINKLE: AAAAIGH!!! / I shot it a hundred times and then I punched it until its matter ceased to exist... http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020611.html |
| WIGU: The Second Life-Fate Puzzle! | PANEL 1 / TOPATO: Wigu, are you adequately prepared for the next puzzle to determine your life-fate?
/ WIGU: Yes, I'm ready, Topato. / PANEL 2 / TOPATO: In this safe are assorted food ingredients!! You have two hours in which to bake a very tasty cake. / PANEL 3 / TOPATO: I will be in another room watching the intra-dimensional sphere butting contest while you do that. / PANEL 4 / LATER...
/ TOPATO: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERIFF PONY!!!
/ SHERIFF PONY: TOPATO, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!!!
/ TOPATO: I care about you. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020612.html |
| WIGU: Awesome Mind Puzzle | Wigu, it is time for the final puzzle to determine where you will spend eternity!!!
/ Topato, I'm so afraid!!! / If I mess up on the puzzle, what will happen to me?
/ You will spend vast ages here, fighting wretched evil with us!! / But...you aren't real...this place isn't real...is it?
/ It is as real as the poison from which I am made!! / But if I have to stay here...will I die on Earth?
/ Where I come from, we call Earth "the Wet Sphere of Wildly Confused Bipeds"!!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020613.html |
| WIGU: Flight vs. Black-Eyed Peas | Tell us the truth, doctor. Is our son going to wake up? / We can't say, Mr. Tinkle. We've never seen a poisoning case like this. He's unconscious, but his brain activity is unusually high. / At this point... if and when he wakes up seems... kinda up to him... / Please, Topato!! Let me go back to my family!!
/ But you can fly, here, Wigu!!! Does your family let you fly?!!
/ No, they make me eat black-eyed peas. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020614.html |
| WIGU: Gravity if Optional | Topato, I want to go back to my family.
/ Wigu, your primitive species knows NOTHING about reality. If you knew what I knew, you would want to stay here! / In your dimension, you are cursed with a very narrow view of existence!!! In my dimension, our focus is SPRAWLING! You believe in a concept of "time"!!! What is that all about? / Your laws of PHYSICS are STUNTED by your LIMITATIONS of REALITY PERCEPTION!!! In my reality, GRAVITY IS OPTIONAL!!! / Is bed-time optional?
/ Yes, and so are bathing and footwear.
/ AWESOME. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020615.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Okay, Topato... I am ready for the final puzzle. I just hope I get it right so I can go back to my family...
/ The puzzles are complete!! / HOORAY!! But wait... weren't there three puzzles?!
/ Yes! You correctly completed the final puzzle just now!! / I told you a fantastic tale of a magical world, yet you chose to go back to your simple, but respectable Earth-left!! Farewell, noble spirit!!!
/ WAAAAH!! / SHALLOW BROOK HOSPITAL...
/ Am I still grounded, mom?
/ WIGU I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE!!!
/ I'm glad I made the right choice... http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020616.html |
| WIGU: Drugs vs. TV | Nothing. My brother got bitten by some mutant bug, and my parents took him to the hospital.
/ OMIGOD, Paisley, are you watching "Manufacturing a Disposable Popstar"? / No. GOD, no. Why on earth would anyone watch that crap? / Uh... you know... to mock and to become more distraught about the pathetic state of popular music... / Whatever. Mariah, I'm thinking about trying drugs to help me be more creative.
/ It's on channel 17, hurry. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020618.html |
| WIGU: Mushroom guidance | What an ethical dilemma... I know drugs are dangerous and addictive, but most of my literary heroes used drugs at some point in their lives... / This leads me to believe that drug use may have some small connection with being brilliant...
/ My teen angst is spinning out of control!! O, Dark Goddess of Wisdom and Grief, give me some guidance!!! / You could have been a little subtle, Goddess, I'm not stupid... http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020619.html |
| WIGU: Paisley in Wonderland | A mysterious, giant mushroom has sprouted in the spot where Dad destroyed that giant bug... / I've read that certain types of mushroom can produce hallucinogenic effects... and I've been considering experimenting with drugs to aid in my creativity... / My logical sensibilities tell me I shouldn't... but the coincidence is too serendipitous... / I'll just taste it to see if I get sick... / That didn't taste like how I thought infinite caverns of unconditional love would look like. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020620.html |
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