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| WIGU: Tinkle Tacos | Paisley, are you home?! We've got tacos and a healthy boy!! Paisley!
/ Bend, please. / Maybe she doesn't like tacos, or she's one of those vegans.
/ I've never seen a Tinkle turn down a taco. / There you are, Paisley! Sit down and have a taco or two with your dear ol' family!
/ Tacos! / Paisley Vision
/ i am decaying life http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020621.html |
| WIGU: Drama | De fammi xcust teh swriting oh bobbla
/ AAAH! / But in Paisley's mind, she said...
/ Please excuse me, family, I must go work on my delightful novella now! / Mom, I think there is something wrong with Paisley.
/ What he said. / Y'all tripping if you think I need any more drama. I'mma get my T.V. on.
/ Straight up!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020622.html |
| WIGU: How to write a delightful novela | Paisley: How did my literary heroes write while they were on drugs? I can't hold a thought for more than ten of- / - my literary heroes write while drugs were on.. wait, what? I can hear the earth weeping. / Paisley, your goal is to focus on something for 30 seconds and write it down... / *33 seconds later* (pictures of animals) http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020623.html |
| WIGU: Family TV Time with the Tinkle Family! | PANEL 1 / FAMILY TV TIME WITH THE TINKLE FAMILY! PRIME TIME!
/ QUICY: Let's find something that the whole family can watch!
/ WIGU: TV time! / PANEL 2 / CHANNEL 4
/ GUY: HEY HEATHER DO YOU LIKE SEX?
/ HEATHER: I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THAT SEX!!!
/ GUY: LET'S HAVE SEX!
/ HEATHER: IT IS SO TINY!! / PANEL 3 / CHANNEL 7
/ DETECTIVE: WE FOUND THE BODY IN SOME VOMIT. THERE WERE 281 STAB WOUNDS, AND THE HEAD WAS EATEN BY A MONKEY.
/ COP: LOOKS LIKE THE MOTIVE WAS SEX!!! / PANEL 4 / CHANNEL 8
/ SOLDIER: COMMANDER SEXICA, WE'RE OUT OF BULLETS AND NUCULAR BOMBS.
/ SEXICA: WE HAVE ONE OPTION. TO HAVE FILTHY, FILTHY SEX. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020626.html |
| WIGU: The true meaning of unconditional love | Wigu, why don't you go upstairs and check on your sister, okay?
/ Ok, Mom. / Paisley, are you here? / Paisley!! Are you okay?! You look like you have been using alcohol drugs!!
/ Heh heh / Wigu I love you so much... I am sorry I suffocated you with a pillow one time... / Paisley, you never have suffocated me!!
/ It was a dream, remember?? And the pillow was a cat.
/ You're so silly. I love you. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020627.html |
| Wigu: Wigu Exploits Paisley's Hallucinogenic Abilities | Paisley, what is wrong with you??
/ Wigu, I have come to a place where the universe's answers live. / What are the answers to the universe, Paisley? / The secret is to ask the right questions! It is all so obvious!!! / Paisley, if you know the answers to the universe, maybe you can help me solve my video game. It's about space.
/ Ok. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020628.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Panel 1
/ Door (in video game): TOPATO, OPEN ME WITH THE SACRED ITEMS
/ Panel 2
/ Wigu: Paisley, how do I open a door with those items?
/ Paisley: Oh, Wigu. Can't you see?
/ Panel 3
/ Paisley: You have to enter a code. The code is obviously the sum of the atomic eights of the elements found in your items.
/ Wigu: Oh.
/ Panel 4
/ Wigu: Now I have to beat a penguin at darts.
/ Paisley: Wigu, what is a penguinhs worst fear? http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020702.html |
| WIGU: Magical Adventures in Space -- The Video Game! | PANEL 1 / MAGICAL ADVENTURES IN SPACE
/ The Video Game!!! / PANEL 2 / TOPATO MISSION 7: TOURNAMENT OF DARTS WITH DR. PENGUIN
/ TOPATO
/ Toss a dart at Penguin
/ Yes / No / PANEL 3 / TOPATO MISSION 13: PREPARE A BRUNCH FOR SNOOTY GUESTS
/ Pick appropriate beverage
/ Entree: meatball eggrolls / PANEL 4 / SHERIFF PONY BONUS MISSION: EARN CARROT SPHERES BY BEING POLITE TO WAITERS
/ PLEASE-THANK YOU COMBO! / PANEL 5 / TOPATO BONUS MISSION: GET PEPSI POINTS TO WIN GREAT PRIZES AT PEPSI.COM / PANEL 6 / TOPATO FINAL MISSION: BEAT GENERAL ELVIS BOT IN COMBAT CROQUET http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020703.html |
| WIGU: How to keep your drug addiction a secret from family and friends | Paisley, thank you for helping me win my video game!!
/ You're welcome, Wigu, it was loads of fun. / Paisley, what happened to your sadness?
/ Sometimes my sadness has to sleep. It get so tired.
/ Usually you are sad inside. / OMG he knows I am SO HIGH... / You're not 'high', you are sitting on the floor!! / HE CAN READ ME THOUGHTS NOW HE MUST HAVE THE SHINE
/ You're eyes are so shiny!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020705.html |
| WIGU: Cheerleader Chicanery | CHILDREN! Isn't it about bedtime? / Mom, Paisley and I are playing "doomsday prophets!"
/ Insects will win this war. / Paisley, you have cheerleading practice at midnight, don't you? / AGH! NO!! The other cheerleaders are going to trick me somehow!!! / Oh, Paisley, there's nothing to be afraid of! I was a pom-pom girl and it was a great experience! / 1969
/ Hey Romy, do you want some L.S.D., it's so mod.
/ I heard it isn't bad for you! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020711.html |
| WIGU: All girls want to be rock n' roll cheerleaders | Mom, PLEASE don't make me go to cheer practice...
/ Paisley, you don't understand... / It's a mother's right to vicariously re-live her youth through her daughter, and I just can't relate to your 'goth-ness'. / Do your ol' mom a favor and participate in something I did as a girl! Before I hit menopause and totally lose my mind.
/ OK mom... / Seriously, Mom. You don't see anything wrong with this?
/ You're a rock n' roll cheerleader...
/ The kind I wanted to be. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020712.html |
| Wigu: Romy is Hypocritical | OK, Mom... I'll go to cheerleading practice... for you.
/ Aww, that's my girl! / Quincy, will you drive Paisley to cheerleading practice?
/ It's midnight, Romy. That seems very weird. / Quincy, this is Paisley's one big chance to be popular and important! Don't you want our girl to be popular?! / Mom, I'm doing this for you! Why won't you go with me?
/ Oh, I've been a cheerleader, I already know what it looks like. / big ups to Shammack http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020715.html |
| Wigu: Paisley is Scared, Quincy is Creepy | OK Paisley, just call my cell phone when you want me to pick you up, OK? / Daddy, will you wait out here for me, just in case something bad happens?
/ I can't do that, honey. / Why not, Daddy? I'm really freaked out by this whole thing! / Let's just say that if I get caught at midnight in a van waiting for cheerleaders again, it could be damaging to my career. / thanks DAN! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020716.html |
| WIGU: The Overly Secretive and Cruel Cheerleading Practice | This is so stupid... / Thump Thump / Who dares disturb the sacred leading of the cheers? / I'm Paisley Tinkle...I'm supposed to be here...like, kind of... / Look, girls, it's little 'Gothica McSadpants.' I hope you brought some little black Kleenex, 'cause we're really gonna make you sad. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020717.html |
| WIGU: I'm Popular | Mom, why do you want for Paisley to be popular so bad? / Wigu, high school is a lot different than elementary school. Being popular is the most important thing there is to a girl! / But Paisley is rad just how she is! Why isn't she popular how she is now? / Paisley isn't popular because she doesn't act or dress like any of the other kids.
/ Man, I'm sure glad I won't ever have to worry about being popular.
/ Um. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020718.html |
| WIGU: Who Brought the Dogs In? | MEANWHILE...
/ PAISLEY, for YOU to become a full cheerleader, You must first let us inflict upon you, your worst fear. / Ummm...Um...Um... My worst fear is hearing the song "Who Let the DOGS Out" by the Baha men." / DUDE, THAT SONG is like totally our BIG FINALE song.
/ Oh, no. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020719.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Listen up, Gothy. To be a real cheerleader, you gotta be able to dance, and I don't mean "floppin' around to goth music." REAL DANCIN.' / YEAH REAL BIG DANCIN' GET YOUR FRIZZEAK ON!!! / Paisley can you dance better than them for real?
/ I could dance worse but you would need to put snapping turtles near my feet. And give me shoes made of turtle food. / OK, SCALPATEERETTES, GOTHY IS GONNA SHOW US HER MOVES!!!
/ Do you have music that is made on a computer by white people? http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020722.html |
| WIGU: Straight up flop-dancing | I'll dance, but I only know how to dance to track #1 on this CD. Can you play it?
/ Whatever / The CROW / / / She was just floppin' around. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020723.html |
| WIGU: The Right Stuff | The girls and I talked it over and we all totally think you are cheerleading material, Paisley.
/ How unexpected! / I would like to know what your motivation is for becoming a Scalpateerette, though. / Well, at first I wanted to be a cheerleader because I thought it could help to make me sadder. / Then my mom told me she wanted me to be 'popular', so that's why I'm here. / LOL! Do you think we're popular!?
/ Is the fact that you say 'LOL' a clue? http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020724.html |
| Wigu: Paisley Becomes A Cheerleader | Are you telling me that cheerleaders aren't popular?
/ Well, like... we're more popular than those kids who raise ostriches. / Maybe like thirty years ago, cheerleaders were popular... nowadays, only total dorks would be so openly enthusiastic about school spirit... / So, why do you even bother with it?
/ We all once believed in the false promise of popularity... / Why do you all practice at midnight in an abandoned warehouse?
/ It all started with the June Bug/Bloomers incident of 1990. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020725.html |
| WIGU: Sadness Platoon | So, Paisley...do you want to be a cheerleader or not?
/ How much public humiliation is involved?
/ A LOT. We suck bad. / I wanted to be a cheerleader so that I would have angst from becoming something I hated, not to have angst over being ridiculed... / But if I join, I may be able to turn this rag-tag squad into a NIHILISTIC SADNESS PLATOON...
/ It could become legendary... / I'll join, but only if I get to pick out new music and new uniforms.
/ Make sure you get fabric that is easy to wash egg out of. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020726.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Thanks for picking me up from midnight cheerleading tryouts, Dad.
/ Did you tell all those prissy girls where to shove it? / Actually the cheerleaders are all horribly untalented and awkward dorks. So I joined. I am a cheerleader. / I thought you were one of those 'nihilists.' I've never heard of a nihilist cheerleader before! / Let's talk about it later, daddy. I'm super tired.
/ TIRED? Paisley, I'm just about to start workin'!
/ You're so awesome, daddy. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020728.html |
| Wigu: Quincy Paints His Van | 6:30 am
/ Just a little more here... there, that'll do it... / Dear God, Quincy... this time you've really done it... / It's... MAGNIFICENT... http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020812.html |
| WIGU: Topato-Os | Wigu, have your taste buds yet wept with joy for my new 'TOPATOS' brand breakfast item?! / No Topato!!! What does it taste like?!
/ Well, let me describe it to you!! / Each delightful bite is fortified with the flavor of TACOS, plus the maximum dosage of caffeine and sugar allowed by law!! / Wigu, wake up! It's time for breakfast!!
/ NO MORE TACOS http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020813.html |
| WIGU: Cheerleading Script | PAISLEY, WAKE UP-
/ I AM AWAKE / Paisley, why are you already awake? Did you not go to sleep last night?
/ No, I've been writing. And I colored my hair. / What are you writing?
/ It's the script for a new cheerleading routine, I got inspired. / Paisley, sometimes sleep deprived dementia is mistaken for inspiration.
/ It's called "The Tears of aborted Fetus." http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020814.html |
| Wigu: Wigu Doesn't Want A Bath | Wigu, you haven't taken a shower yet.
/ I'm not dirty, Mom. Do I look dity to you? / Little man, do not take that tone with me. People can sense dirty people, just like they can sense poor people. / Mom, I'm afraid to take a shower. I heard the government puts ingredients in the water that makes all Americans stupid. How can you trust water when you can't see where it comes from? / Where did you hear that, from your father?
/ Maybe I could remember, except I took a bath yesterday. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020815.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Paisley: I wonder if other kids get cookie dough and celery for breakfast!
/ Wigu: Do you want my celery? / Romy: Kids, hurry and eat your breakfast, or you'll miss the bus. / Quincy: Romy, go on to work, I'll make sure the kids get to school.
/ Romy: How eerily responsible of you, Quincy. / Quincy: Kids, can you play any musical instruments?
/ Paisley: The school closed the music program after a girl sued them for making her awkward. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020816.html |
| WIGU: Niche self-help books | You mean you kids can't play music? How can you be the product of my musical loins?!!
/ Sorry we're such tragic disappointments, daddy.
/ Dad is ashamed of us?!! /
/ Wigu, it's not that I'm ashamed of you. It's just I would be more proud of you if you could play music. Besides, I have something that can help. / Guitarfor Lepers
/ Piano for Socially Handicapped WEB CARTOONISTS
/ HOPELESS LOSERS http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020817.html |
| WIGU: Leonard Peltier | Ok, kids! Time to get you off to school!! / Daddy. no offense, but... would it kill you to put on a shirt? / Paisley, you should know all about being a non-conformist! Going shirtless is my way of sticking it to the man!! / Why don't you wear shoes?
/ To protest the unfair imprisonment of Native American activist Leonard Peltier. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020818.html |
| Wigu: Quincy Wants To Make A Band | Ok, kids! Let's get in the van so you can 'get your school on'!! / Daddy, are you up to something weird? / Of course not, Paisley! What gives you that idea?
/ Well, you're driving us to school for the first time ever in a bus that makes the "Partridge Family's" look classy. / Look!! Dad has shiny dresses and hats in his van just like Uncle Jim!! / (colored by the lovematical jenday) http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20020820.html |
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