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| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | CUE THAT SONG FROM "2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY" / SPLAT http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021004.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | WIGU, WAKE UP! We're in AUSTIN, DOGG!! / Daddy, why did you just call your son 'dogg'?
/ I'm just tryin to keep my lingo fresh, Paisley! / No father should ever call his son 'dogg.' EVER.
/ Whoa, now!! Take it easy on your old dad, HO!! / Please tell me you don't know the literal meaning of 'ho.'
/ It's like 'dogg' but for girls.
/ HO HO HO!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021005.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | BATTLE OF THE FAMILY BANDS
/ Here we are, kids! 'BATTLE OF THE FAMILY BANDS 2002!! Let's gear up! / DRESSING ROOMS
/ Daddy, you seem to be forgetting that we haven't practiced and have no idea what we're doing.
/ Relax, Paisley. Everything is under control! / Besides, once the judges see our costumes, they'll hand us the prize! / LATER
/ Can I just wear my cheerleading outfit?
/ Dad, I think I got Paisley's costume.
/ I can't breathe
/ It's PERFECT. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021006.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Daddy, don't you think it's bad enough you're forcing us to be in this music contest without making us wear these ridiculous costumes?!
/ STAGE / Paisley, if we win this thing, we get our own reality TV show! My father never gave me an opportunity like this!! / Daddy, I swear if we get a TV show I'll run away from home and become a VEGAS SHOWGIRL. / Paisley... I always dreamed you'd become a showgirl!
/ Then I'll run away and become a roadie for OZZFEST.
/ Whoa! That's my backup dream! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021009.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Ok, kids. When the music starts-
/ Well, if it isn't my old college chum, Quincy Tinkle. / I see you're also improving your station in life by forcing your children into showbiz...
/ Ha ha. / Thadius Dolemite, you old scoundrel... I'll have you know my children are willingly talented! / Tahlequah! Shangri-la! Show these Tinkle fools what's up.
/ SNAP http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021010.html |
| WIGU: Our moves symbolize the corruption of the government. | Thaddeus Dolemite: Run along now, Tinkles! Ain't no sense in tryin'! Ain't no way y'all can beat the Dolemites!!
/ Paisley: Dadd, don't listen to him!
/ Quincy: He's right, Paisley. There's no way we can top those moves. / Paisely: Daddy, it might surprise you to know that Wigu and I have some moves of our own!
/ Wigu: ACTION MOVES! / Quincy: Them Dolemite kids can guggle fiery kittens! Can you do that?
/ Paisely: Our moves symbolize the corruption of the government. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021011.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Yo, I'm Tahlequah. What are you supposed to be? / I'm Paisley... I guess I'm supposed to be some sort of baroque fairly concubine princess or something... / That's the problem with y'all... ya'll don't even know what y'all is!! / Hey now!! I'll have you know my desire for the collapse of western civilization is very strong for a white girl!
/ I just wanted to be friends. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021012.html |
| Junkyard Mozart | Paisley and Quincy prepare for Battle of the Family Bands. Paisley suggests her rooster based musical, Quincy suggests "Junkjard Mozart," "a rock opera about what would happen if Mozart had lived in a junkyard." http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021015.html |
| WIGU: Junkyard Mozart | Panel 1
/ PAISLEY: You want us to performa a song called "Junkyard Mozart?" That's *insane,* Daddy.
/ QUINCY (shouting): Paisley, listen! / Panel 2
/ PAISLEY: No, Daddy. I can handle a lot. But I won't compromise my artistic integrity. I love you, Daddy, but I...
/ [pause]
/ PAISLEY: I quit. / Panel 3
/ QUINCY (shouting): The Tinkles' Band is crumbling before it has even begun! / Panel 4
/ WIGU: Dad, does Junkyard Mozart have a dog?
/ QUINCY: No, Wigu! He has a snake!!
/ WIGU: I quit, too. / Bottom Text
/ OCTOBER IS UNH UNH WOOT WOOT http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021016.html |
| WIGU: A Dolemite Christmas | So that's it? You kids are just gonna quit the band, just like that?
/ Yeah, Daddy. I hope you don't hate us forever. / Oh, I don't hate you, Paisley. We really didn't have a shot at winning, anyway, really, you know. / But Dad, what about your arch-enemy THADIUS DOLEMITE?!
/ Oh, he'll win the contest. But I'll take home the greatest prize of all: you kids. / THE FUTURE...
/ THE DOLEMITES: MOST FAMOUS, RICHEST FAMILY IN ALL HISTORY
/ FAME http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021017.html |
| WIGU: Grand Theft Auto | Daddy, where's the van?
/ Uh...
/ Is it a grand theft auto? / We parked right here. I remember because of this stupid plastic pick-up with the pee-pee stickers. / Daddy, what are we gonna do?!
/ We're gonna buy a new TV and a guitar with the insurance money!! / I mean, how are we gonna get home.
/ Southwest Airlines!
/ They won't let you on a plane with no shirt.
/ We'll see. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021018.html |
| WIGU: Bungling | Daddy, why would someone steal your ugly old van?
/ Some people just see the sexiness in things. And get jealous. / I'm just mad about my tackle box. You kids got any cash for a taxi cab?
/ My wallet is empty, like my soul. / My tummy is empty, like my soul.
/ I just wonder who stole my dang van. / I believe stealing slow, colorful cars is what seperates good criminals from bungling ones.
/ I'll bungle you. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021022.html |
| WIGU: Leap of Faith | *A truck that says Fresh Tomatoes is speeding down a highway* / *The monkey is hanging off the back of it* / *The monkey sees the Tinkles' van approaching in the other lane* / *The monkey waits for the right moment and then leaps onto the van* / *The monkey is now hanging on to the Tinkles' van! The speed limit is 70 mph. That is one tough monkey.* http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021023.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | AUSTIN-BERGSTROM AIRPORT...
/ FOOD! / Hot dogs for my big, handsome boy WIGU, and popcorn for my special vegetarian girl, Paisley.
/ HOT DOGS!
/ I'm not a vegetarian, Daddy. / Dad, are hot dogs made out of butts?
/ Hot dogs are regular meat, rolled into cylinders of delight! / So, they might have some butt meat?
/ Wigu, when it comes down to it, everything has a little butt meat.
/ NOOO! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021024.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Dad, I'm scared to ride on an airplane!! What if it falls?
/ Wigu, planes are safer than cars!! / But that doesn't make any sense! Cars are on the ground, airplanes are way up in the air!! / Uh... That's just what they say...
/ Wigu, airplanes are extremely safe as long as nothing goes wrong... / See Wigu!! Safe as can be!!
/ ...Like hitting a bird or a nail on the runway... http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021025.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Sir, you're going to need to put on a shirt before you board the aircraft.
/ WHA? / No shirt, no shoes, no fly.
/ What, do you think I'm hiding a weapon inside my SKIN? / This is an outrage!! You'd think the less clothes a person wore, the less dangerous they would be!!
/ Daddy, stop!! / 10 MINUTES LATER...
/ icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat
/ on pants.
/ SUBMIT A LINK
/ Man in Austin arrested for refusing to wear shirt on flight.
/ Christina Aguilera performs nude concert in sewer for hobos.
/ Monkey stolen from Drive-through zoo still missing
/ Photoshop a kitten or the Dell Dude or Domo-kun http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021028.html |
| WIGU: Late-Breaking News from BSNN! | PANEL 1 / funkypudding: LOL CHECK THIS OUT / PANEL 2 / BSNN.com
/ Airport Authorities: Man Refused to Wear Shirt
/ AUSTIN, Texas (BSNN) -- A deranged man was arrested just moments ago after refusing to wear a shirt on a Southwest airlines flight.
/ Quincy Tinkle, 48, was taken into custody adter refusing to follow the airline's strict "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Fly" policy.
/ Tinkle's 2 children were allowed to... / PANEL 3 / tinklevixen: OMG THAT IS MY HUSBAND!!! / PANEL 4 / funkypudding: Youre married? WTF
/ funkypudding:
/ funkypudding has signed off / GET IT 'BSNN' I AM SO CLEVER http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021029.html |
| WIGU: Stereotypes | Wigu, this is my seat. You're back in row 25. Don't be scared, OK?
/ OK. / Now to get some rest... My sadness has been overcome by exhaustion... / Don't stereotype, Paisley. That guy isn't a terrorist, he's just a guy... / Don't stereotype Murtadny... She's not a goth, maybe she's a musician or something... http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021030.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | OH MAN... What's that sound... it's gonna BLOW... / Excuse me, young man... You need to fasten teh seat belt!
/ WHY?!! Is something gonna HAPPEN?! Do you know something that I don't know?!
/ Everything's gonna be Ok! / Can I have a parachute?
/ No, but here are some gold wings for being so brave!!
/ Will they help me not die? http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021031.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | There's no reason to be afraid of flying, little guy! Who's that on your shirt?
/ It's TOPATO from 'Magical Adventures in Space." / Oh, isn't that like 'Pokemon?' / Yeah, except about eleventy hundred billion times better. / Well, let me ask you... Is TOPATO afraid of flying?
/ Heck no! One time Topato flew so fast that he went back to teh beginning of the universe! / BEHOLD, SHERIFF PONY! THE FLASHPOINT OF ALL CREATION!!
/ WOO-HOO!! MORE TOBASCO, GOD!!! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021101.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | Tinkle, what made you disobey the flight crew?
/ You some kind of commie? or Nazi? / All I wanted to do was ride on a plane without a shirt. I work hard for this body and I think people deserve to see it. / You pull this crap again and we'll drop-kick you, Tinkle.
/ We're watching you, COMMIE-NAZI.
/ Ow. / How much do you bench, anyway, Tinkle?
/ Three fifty.
/ No way.
/ I max 420.
/ Bull crap. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021102.html |
| WIGU: How Quincy was banned from Todd Airlines is a good story in itself | You're free to go, Mr. Tinkle. But you're banned from ever flying on a Southwest flight for life.
/ Man, my wife is gonna kill me... / That's a matter for homicide division. Now, put on a shirt and get out of my sight. / Now I have to try to get on another flight to Shallow Brook... / Airlines I am banned from:
/ - American
/ - United
/ - Delta
/ - Pan-Am
/ - Todd
/ That one that Ted Turner Owns / I have to get a new piece of paper, too... http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021103.html |
| WIGU: THE LANDING GEAR IS BROKE | Attention passengers, we'll be landing in Shallow Brook in about 10 minutes, so buckle up and thanks for flying! / WIGU, THE LANDING GEAR IS BROKE! WE NEED YOU TO PUT ON THESE ROLLER SKATES AND HANG FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE PLANE!!! / I can't rollerskate very good! / IT IS NOVEMBER 6, OH THAT IS WHY MY DAD CALLED http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021106.html |
| WIGU: WHY HAVEN'T THEY INVENTED FLOATING CHAIRS | Don't crash, plane... please please please don't crash... /
/ I don't ask for a lot... but if you can help this plane not crash, I'll never take extra milk ever again, Topato... / I PITY THE HUMANS AND THEIR PRIMITIVE AIRSHIPS, TOPATO! / OH, WHEN WILL THEY DISCOVER THE ELEMENTARY SCIENCE OF TELEPORTATION?! / TOPATO!! I SPY A NAIL ON THE RUNWAY!
/ A SLIGHT ABNORMALITY CAN MAKE AN EARTH AIRSHIP PLUMMET INTO DOOM!
/ SPRING INTO ACTION! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021107.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | TOPATO, YOU MUST REMOVE THE NAIL BEFORE THE AIRSHIP STRIKES IT!!! / AAAA!!! / YOUR PLANE-CRASHING DAYS ARE OVER, DR. NAILY McCRASHALOT!!
/ screech / TOPATO, THAT WAS TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!
/ TO A TRUE WARRIOR, DISTANCE IS A SOURCE OF GREAT DISCOMFORT, SHERIFF PONY! http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021108.html |
| WIGU: Back in Shallow Brook | Paisely: OMIGOD, Wigu. I am so freakin' GLAD to be back in Shallow Brook.
/ Wigu: Freak glad. / Paisely: I can barely wait to get back to my life of gut-wrenching sadness and spirit-crushing banality. / Romy: Kids, is your father with you?
/ Paisely: Mom! The police kept Dad in Austin for questioning... / Paisely: Mom, why are you all glassy-eyed and waving around scissors?
/ Romy: New hobby. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021109.html |
| Wigu: Real Cheerleaders Drive Without a License | Kids, run on home, now. I am going to wait here for your father.
/ I think my mom's gone crazy. / Mom, dad might not be here for hours, and we don't have a way to get home.
/ We got no ride! / Paisley, if I don't stay right here, I might accidentally get less angry with your father.
/ Here are my keys. You break, you buy. / But, Mom, I was just arrested yesterday for driving without a license, remember...
/ You're a cheerleader now, Paisley.
/ ACT LIKE ONE. / Maybe if your mom was Missy Elliot you'd have a ride http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021112.html |
| WIGU: Newsmonsters | Wigu: Paisely, do you think mom is gonna kill dad?
/ Paisely: No, Wigu, she's not going to kill him. / Wigu: If she did, it'd be weird, 'cause we'd be on the news and stuff.
/ Paisely: Dadd being dead is a little more upsetting to me... / Wigu: Well, yeah... but think of how bad it would be talking to the local newspeople.. it would make it worse.. They are like real, living monsters. / Newscaster monster 1: Wigu how much do you hate your mom? Newscaster monster 2: Wigu, soda is bad for teeth!
/ Newscaster monster 3: Heyo! Got sports?
/ Wigu: I am trying to be sad. / tinytext: go to kfor.com to see real living monsters http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021113.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | PANEL 1
/ Paisley: Home sweet dysfunctional home...
/ Wigu: GOTTA GO PEE! / PANEL 2
/ Paisley: Oh, when Wigu gets out of the bathroom, I am going to wash my face and have such a serene, dark slumber...
/ Phone: Ring! / PANEL 3
/ Paisley: Thank you for calling Glam Depot - / PANEL 4
/ Lead Cheerleader: OMIGOD PAISLEY DO YOU HAVE YOUR NEW CHEER ROUTINE READY, there is TOTALLY A PEP RALLY TOMORROW AT 11, Caitlin just heard from BLAKE! / PANEL 5
/ Paisley: They don't, like, tell you these things in advance?
/ Cheerleader: Sometimes they get mad if we show up. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021114.html |
| WIGU: A COMIC ON THE INTER NET | You want me to come up with a cheerleading routine before 11am tomorrow?! That's impossible! / Paisley, you promised!! Without you, all we have is Caitlin and Jordan's "Smack my B*tch Up" line dance!
/ Missed again! / I haven't slept in two days, do you know what that's like?
/ Is it like when the whole student body throws pennies at you? / Ok, Ok. Get a pen... I'll need three chicken costumes, a roll of barbed wire, a liter of Maybelline mascara, an four quarts of oil.
/ What kind of oil?
/ The synthetic stuff. Castrol. http://jjrowland.com/wigu/20021115.html |
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