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|#30 Hey I know you!||[[Nerith has hugged Findlay, squishing his face into her boobs.]] / Trent: Hey! You're the Ice Maiden! / Nerith: Is that what they're calling me these days? My name is Nerith. / Findlay: I'm not a girl! / Solen: Just go with it, Findlay. / Trent: I read about you in the Adventure Sun Times. / Solen: Hmm, yes, page 3 last month. [[handing Nerith a copy]] Could I get you to sign this? / Trent: Her brother is this famous slayer known only as Death. / Nerith: Except to those who know his name is Gabriel. / Trent: ... If you're here, then your brother... / Nerith: Will most likely kill you all as soon as he sees you. Yes. He's like that. I'm sorry. / Trent: I should have brought my axe.|
|#31 Should have brought my axe||Findlay [[hiding behind Mitzi]]: Why didn't you bring your axe? / Trent: Because I already know I can kill anything with Bloodreaver. / Findlay [[with his hand raised]]: Quick survey here! Raise your hand if "I know I can kill anything with it" sounds to you like the perfect reason to absolutely require a weapon be brought along on a trek through a tomb from which no adventurer has yet returned. / [[Solen, Mitzi, Nerith all raise their hands. Even the cat raises a paw.]] / Trent [[looking dejectedly at his sword]]: Okay, but, I needed practice with my sword. / [[Solen readies a love potion. Gabriel peeks from around a corner down a dark hallway]] / Findlay [[Looking angry]]: News flash, Trent. The best way to level up, is to not DIE!|
|#32 Solving Problems With Love Potions||[[Solen pours a few drops of love potion onto Nerith]] / Solen: Let's get you out of these wet things. / [[Nerith casts a spell to freeze the drops of love potion into tiny ice cubes, which she catches. She looks far from pleased.]] / [[Nerith tosses the ice cubes to the floor, where the cat chases them]]
/ Nerith: Ever try that again and you, too, can experience the freezing, the falling off, and the shattering.
/ [[Solen, understanding the threat, covers his testicles. Mitzi smiles.]] / Solen: New plan! Mitzi, take this love potion and when Gabriel... / [[Findlay swipes the potion out of Solen's hand.]] / Findlay [[hurling the love potion]]: Would you stop with the love potions? I don't even have to hear you finish to know that your plan is a dumb idea. <
|#33 Mmmm. Pocky.||Findlay: Please don't kill us. / [[Gabriel lunges at Findlay.]] / Solen [[head cocked to the side, considering]]: While this wasn't quite what I had in mind, this variation on my plan seems to be working. And you wanted to reject it outright.
/ Trent [[sword ready]]: He's not technically attacking him... in the traditional sense. Can I still engage, or is this like a cut scene?
/ Nerith: You wouldn't stand a chance. Besides, isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?
/ Trent: No. / <
|#34 Measuring duration||Findlay [[being cuddled by Gabriel]]: This love potion is going to make him continue to drool on me? / Trent [[sheathing his sword]]: How long do your potions last, Solen? / Solen [[finger in his mouth as he ponders]]: Hmm... / Solen: They usually wear off while I am sneaking out the window. / [[Nerith covers her mough to suppress a giggle.]] / [[Mitzi ignites a bomb.]] / Findlay [[still being molested by Gabriel]]: He's licking my ear! / Trent [[grabbing hold of Solen in disgust]]: You mean the only way to... is for Findlay to... / [[The cat tries to prevent Trent from harming Solen]] cat: Rreow! / Solen [[Hands in the air]]: I don't know! It never really occured to me to use a potion without making full use of my time!|
|#35 Measuring Potion Strength||Nerith [[reclining comfortably on a block of ice encasing a dead adventurer]]: I haven't seen Gabriel act this way since before the ancients were entombed. / [[The cat's fur stands up as it growls at something.]] cat: Rrrrrrrrrrroew. / Solen: My potions are curiously strong. / Nerith [[unimpressed]]: They would need to be. / Findlay [[still being molested by Gabriel]]: Aren't people supposed to drink potions for them to work? / Solen: Well, usually, yes, but I have never experimented with elves before. / Nerith [[holding a hand up to keep Solen away]]: Don't even dream about it.|
|#36 Maybe...||Solen [[leaning on Trent while he theorizes]]: Maybe elves are more susceptible, reacting to the potion on contact? Or maybe he swalloed some of the potion when Findlay threw it at him? / [[Mitzi carries her bomb with its fuse burning]] / [[The cat arches its back and experiences piloerection as it growls at some jellies that are headed into the room]] cat: Rrrrrrrrrow! / Gabriel [[holding on to Findlay's hands to prevent him from escaping]]: Maybe Findlay is just so intrinsically delicious that I wouldn't need a potion to feel this way. / Solen: ... / Trent: ! / Findlay [[once again being molested by Gabriel]]: Now he's doing nibbling on my neck. Have I somehow failed to communicate that I am not comfortable with this situation?|
|#37 Attracting monsters||Trent: Solen, make a potion to undo this. / [[Mitzi bowls a bomb at the jelly monsters while the cat hides]] / Nerith: But that would just bring us back to the "Gabriel kills you all" plan.
/ Gabriel [[hugging Findlay]]: Except for Findlay. / Mitzi [[illuminated by her exploding bomb]]: This scintillating and poignant conversation is attracting monsters. I didn't know there were monsters that aggroed 'retarded.' <
|#38 Tastes like Chicken!||[[Nerith explains to Mitzi]]
/ Nerith: Those slimes were fire based. Your attack healed them and made them merge. Let me handle this. / [[Nerith casts ice magic]] <
|#39 Bonecrafting||Trent [[tossing away the bone from the piece of fried chicken he just ate]]: You're right, Findlay, I do feel stronger! / Gabriel: [[picking up the bone]]: ... / Gabriel [[using bonecrafting systhesis]]: Findlay, my sweet. / Gabriel [[presenting a dagger in a leather sheath (where did the leather come from?) with a hilt that appears to be to male figures entertwined]]: I've made you a present. / Findlay: A chicken bone dagger? / Findlay: Thanks. But you should know I'm still not sleeping with you. / Solen: That synthesis would make perfect sense without the leather sheath... and I would not have chosen two male figures...|
|#40 You should check for traps first...||[[The intrepid adventurers come upon a sword, with a hilt in the shape of an androgenous angel figure. No one pays any attention to the cat's attempts to warn them away]]
/ Findlay: Yay! More treasure! / [[Findlay starts to tug on the sword.]]
/ Trent: Drat. It's a holy sword. I can't use it.
/ Mitzi: You mean you can't use the special attributes. / Trent: No, since I'm not a paladin, I can't even equip it.
/ Mitzi: But... it's still a sword...
/ Findlay [[yanking on the holy sword]]: Who cares? It's TREASURE!
|#41 Because Paladin go down the hole...||[[Yellow traffic warning sign depicts a falling paladin with captions: Danger, and Falling Paladin Zone]]
/ Solen: Wherever thee's a hole, a Paladin will go down...
/ Mitzi: I could swear I had revoked your speaking provileges. / Findlay [[pointing to a large monolith]]: Ooooh! Mine!
/ Trent: That monument is solid gold. It has to weigh over a ton. How would you even... / <
|#42 What now? party chat||Nerith: So now what?
/ Trent: Are there more monsters to fight?
/ Mitzi: I'll be happy as long as I can blow things up. / Solen: You know aht would make me happy? / Mitzi [[covering Solen's mouth, and taking a bomb out just to be prepared]]: Don't speak, Solen. Just don't. / Findlay [[sitting on the dias]]: I'm not leaving until I have every last gold piece of treasure. / Gabriel: I can take you to the treasure. / Nerith: Gabriel, we have to kill the hecatomb.
/ Gabriel: Exactly, it will make everyone happy. / Solen: Even me?
|#43 Showing potential||[[In the Council of Mages]] / Bartus: Outrage! Send for another slayer! We must remove those adventurers from the tomb! / Mitzi's mom: Sit down, Bartus, you're blubbering. No one else is going in there. / Bartus: You're allowing your personal interest to cloud your judgement! / Mitzi's mom: If that were true, I would be agreeing with you. I'd love nothing more than to have my daughter rescued from the hecatomb. But this group has potential. They could be what the prophesy spoke of as the only hope for all of Taysha... / [[Through a spying crystal, the council watches the party - the ones that could be the only hope for the world - and sees what they are currently up to. Nerith is lying on the floor, petting the cat. Trent is attacking a door, trying to kick it open. Solen runs from Mitzi, who chases him with her torch. Gabriel once again snuggles Findlay tightly, who looks mildly disturbed.]] Findlay: He's licking my ear again!|
|#44 Treasure Room||[[Nerith lies on the floor petting the cat while Trent pulls on the door.]] / Nerith: This display of physical prowess is endearing, Trent, but the door opens the other way. / [[Gabriel grabs Findlay by the wrist and races through the dungeon, dragging Findlay along]] / Gabriel: Behold! The treasure room! / Trent [[forlorn]]: It's empty... / Findlay [[crying]]: Where's my treasure?|
|#45 Calm before the storm...||Gabriel [[with Findlay reflected in his creepy eyes]]: The treasure will drop once we kill the hecatomb. / Trent: Where's the hecatomb? / Nerith: The council of mages calls the slayer when the hecatomb has been released. / Trent: So how are we supposed to find it? / Solen [[pointing toward the doorway at the source of a large shadow in the room]] I'd guess 'turn around.'|
|#46 That's a Hecatomb?||[[Trent stand eagerly anticipating combat with his sword ready. Findlay looks unimpressed. Solen stares in concern, and Mitzi set fire to a fuse on one of her bombs.]] / Findlay [[pointing]]: That's a hecatomb? / Solen: Created by the Ancients through the powers harnessed from one thousand sacrifices, yes. That horrible mockery of an Ancient made of rotted flesh and twisted bone and tied together with the souls of those killed as part of its making - that tragic misuse of magical energy is a hecatomb. Magic should only be used for good. / Mitzi: Morals? You use magic to get laid, Solen. / Findlay: I'm going to try to steal from it. / [[Solen, Mitzi, and the cat look on in confusion as Findlay off camera attempts to steal from the hecatomb.]] / Solen [[placing his hand on Mitzi's shoulder]]: While he's doing that, what do you say we run? / Mitzi [[turning her bomb with the slow burning fuse toward Solen]]: Never touch me. / Solen: Right.|
|#47 Special Drop||Findlay [[holding a pair of boxer shorts with red hearts all over them]]: ... / Solen: ! / Mitzi: ! / Findlay [[dejectedly]]: I must have really botched. / Nerith: Well, the hecatomb only has one thousand souls of the sacrificed mortals who made it up that you could have stolen, yet you snatched underpants... I'd say yes. You botched. / Solen [[taking the boxers from Findlay]]: Mind if I have a look? / Findlay: ! / Solen [[sitting on the floor, pulling the boxers on under his robes]]: What are you staring at? These give +2 to Charisma! / Mitzi: Gee, Solen, imagine what they would do for your charisma if you washed them first.|
|#48 Timing||Trent [[Charging with his sword]]: FOR GREAT JUSTICE! / Solen [[pointing to the bomb with the lit fuse Mitzi is still holding]]: Shouldn't you toss that before it explodes? / [[Mitzi considers her bomb.]] / [[Mitzi tosses the bomb at the hecatomb.]] / [[Mitzi enjoys being bathed in the light of the huge explosion that ensues. Solen covers his eyes and the cat clings to the ground to avoid being blown back by the force of it. To Mitzi, the only effect is her hair being blown back.]] / Nerith [[Kneelnig before Trent]]: You know that you need a magical weapon to attack the hecatomb, right? / Trent [[ lying on the ground having been in the blast of the bomb]]: I should have brought my axe. / Findlay: We've been through this. / Solen: You two ought to work on timing your attacks better. / Mitzi: He'll survive.|
|#49 Hold my action||[[Nerith pokes Gabriel to get his attention. Mitzi pokes Trent to check if he's still alive. Findlay tries to lift Trent up, but can only barely manage to lift one arm.]] / Nerith: Gabriel, aren't you going to attack? / Gabriel: I'm holding my action. / Mitzi: Of course, it being your job to fight these things, and you being the one among us who could do actual damage to it. / Findlay: Why? / Gabriel [[suddenly holding Findlay's hands]]: I was watching your attack. You're very distracting.|
|#50 Thanks for the offer...||Solen [[kneeling beside Trent, who seems to be recovering]]: I've seen worse injuries occur during passionate lovemaking than what you have sustained from Mitzi's bomb and the hit from the hecatomb combined, Trent. / Trent: Well, I am a half-troll. Did the hecatomb at least take any damage? / Solen [[preparing a flask of potion]]: Hard to say. It still has that morning-after, "Now would be a good time to run for your life" demeanor, in any case. Here, this potion should heal you up. / Trent [[observing how Gabriel is still clinging to Findlay like a puppy, fearing what effects Solen's potions might have]]: Um... thanks for the offer, but I'll have to pass.|
|#51 No means no.||Trent: It's not you, Solen, it's me. / Solen: What, because you are a half-troll and I am a human, you can't trust me? / [[Gabriel gives a worried Findlay more love-sick puppy eyes.]] / Trent: No, that's not it. I'm just not in a place in my life right now where I'm ready to experiment like that. / Solen: It's just a healing potion, Trent. / [[Gabriel chases after Findlay]] / Trent: Sure, it's just a healing potion, but where do things go from there. Don't be hurt. We're still friends. / Solen: You are reading way too much into this. / [[Findlay holds up a glowing orb. Gabriel latches onto his legs in a hug.]] / Findlay: I stole a soul from the hecatomb! / Mitzi: Have you considered the ethical and moral ramifications of that? / Findlay: It's shiny!|
|#52 Happy Halloween from the Hecatomb!||[[The hecatomb, created from the souls of sacrifices. It stands before the adventurers in ragged clothing over it's skeletal form. The ribs have been twisted and elongated into a mockery of Ancient's ethereal wings, protrusing from its back in a grotesque fashion. The head has been replaced with a bovine skull, probably because horns are creepy. The hands, which still have rotting flech on them, crackle with magic.]]|
|#53 Hecatomb attack||[[A cone of cold magic radiates from the hecatomb.]] / <
|#54 Statistical anomaly||Solen: The hecatombs paralyze their victims in ice to torture them later in gross imitation of their cruel masters. / Mitzi [[melting the ice block around Trent with her torch flames]]: Nerith freezes people in ice, too. / Nerith: Only after they are already dead and mainly so they won't smell. / [[In the Council of Mages]] / Bartus: They're just bickering while it slaughters them! We must send for another slayer before the hecatomb is loosed upon our fair city. / Tesse Vardanian [[considering his notes]]: Patience Bartus. The probabilits is in their favor. / Tesse Vardanian: That attack would have annihilated most entire groups of adventurers. All but the half-troll miraculously dodged. And instead of unconscious agony, he merely whines about the inconvenience while even now his friends free him. / Bartus: How is that even possible? / Tesse Vardanian: They are a statistical anomaly. / Findlay [[juggling glowing orbs]] I stole two more souls!|
|#55 What's in a soul?||Findlay [[juggling three glowing orbs]]: Apart from weakening the hecatomb, is there any point to stealing souls? / Solen [[imagining the holy sword they found earlier with a facet that in his mind looks frighteningly like a vagina]]: Souls have many practical applications. You can thrust a throbbing soul, in lieu of your jewels, into the eager, glistening facet of a weapon for an enchanting effect. / Solen [[imagining one adventure mounted on the back of another, massaging some goo onto the other adventurer's back]]: Or you can spread the translucent, sparkling, buttery, warm contents of a soul over armor to dry into a shining, defensive, magical shell. / Solen: Souls can enhance the potency of a spell, although this might be considered evil as they shrink to oblivion when used up in this process. / Gabriel: Also, you can eat them. / [[Findlay is now juggling four of the glowing orbs.]] / Solen [[considering]]: Not my style, and also considered by many to be evil, but I have heard this practice increases your vitality and your magic pool, if you can learn to suppress your gag reflex. / Gabriel: They can usually be extracted later. / Findlay [[juggling six orbs now]]: That sounds kinda gross.|
|#56 What good is a soul, anyway?||Mitzi [[tugging on her long braids]]: So what you are saying, Solen, is that since the only faceted weapon we have is one no one can equip, and the only armor we have is standard adventurer issue, these souls Findlay has solen are essentially useless to us.
/ [[Findlay has taken to stacking the glowing orbs.]] / Solen: Don't get your panties in a wad, Mitzi - there is one other thing... If you have the right touch, you can get the souls to explode in a tremendously destructive, blissful release.
/ [[The tower of souls falls toward Mitzi as Findlay leaves it.]] / [[Mitzi attempts to use her crafting skill on a soul.]] / [[Mitzi smiles as she holds aloft a soul ready to explode.]] / [[Mitzi throws the exploding soul at the hecatomb.]] / Findlay: Gabriel, would you please stop drooling over me and slay that thing so I can get my treasure...
|#57 It takes a Slayer.||[[The adventurers stand in a room filled knee-deep with bones.]]
/ Mitzi: Did I kill it?
/ Findlay: This had better not be the treasure.
/ Solen [[holding Nerith]]: These bones can't have all come from the hecatomb.
/ Nerith: Mitzi destroyed part of the ceiling--made of bones. Why are you touching me?
/ Gabriel: No, the hecatomb still survives. / Mitzi: What moer does it take?
/ Gabriel [[picking up Findlay and holding him above the sea of bones]]: A slayer.
/ Findlay: Put me down. / the cat: Rrrrrrrrrr. Hiss. / Findlay [[looking at what the cat is growling at]]: Is that...? / Findlay: Ahhhhh!
|#58 Fire and Ice||Nerith: This smell would be why I like to freeze things.
/ Findlay: Gabriel? / Solen: This seems bad, but not as bad as if the walls closed in on us like the gums of a toothless whore.
|Merry Christmas 04!||Merry Christmas / [[Nerith in a nerith-style santa outfit]]|
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