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| SKALUNK | [[Ollie and Mistress Midnight on top of a roof, Mistress Midnight with binoculars in hand]]
/ Ollie: I'm so ready to kick a bunch of asses tonight!
/ Mistress Midnight: There is a man being held by gun-point.
/ Perhaps you shiould jump down onto his attacker. / Ollie: Well that'd really hurt. / Mistress Mignight [[grasping the front of Ollie's shirt]]: Who cares if we hurt him? He's a criminal.
/ Ollie: No, I meant- / [[Ollie's silhouette is pushed over the edge of the building by Mistress Midnight]]
/ Ollie: FUCKBALLS! / [[Below, an ugly thug is holding up a chubby balding man at gun-point]]
/ Thuggish Pig-Nosed Assailant: Last chance to hold my hand or I'll shoot you.
/ Victim: I'm not into men though, it's not fair!
/ Thuggish Pig-Nosed Assailant: It's not a gay thing, grow up! / [[Ollie falls on the thug and blood spurts, the would-be victim is jubilant]]
/ < http://stumpnet.net/mmj/arc.php?issue=108 |
| Ollie and Dierdra have a... falling out. | Mistress Midnight: That went well, don't you think Olliver?
/ Ollie [[hunched over, angry and covered in the blood of the thug he just fell on]]: I can see how it might appear that way from the perspective of someone who wasn't just thrown off a building, yes. / Mistress Midnight: You sound mad. / Ollie [[spitting in fury]]: You threw me off a mother shitting building! / Mistress Midnight [[on the verge of tears]]: I understand that you are upset Olliver, but I don't really appreciate all that cursing.
/ When I get upset sometimes I like to imagine I'm friends with a penguin that listens to my problems. Did you want to try that?
/ Ollie: We're fighting now, I hope you know that.
/ Mistress Midnight: Well, it can be any animal, it could be a turtle if you wanted, turtles are good listners. I could be your turtle...
/ Ollie: Hey yeah! Turtles would make good friends because they are too slow to THROW YOU OFF A BUILDING! / {{Sub-caption: If Dierdra had said Bonobo she might have won Ollie over, but Dierda wouldn't ever.}} http://stumpnet.net/mmj/arc.php?issue=109 |
| SPACE?! | [[Ollie walks into his apartment covered in blood]]
/ Ollie's internal monologue: A fucking building
/ What do turtles have to do with anything? / Whiteboard: Ollie, Coffee-Town called, want U 2 work tommorow - Olive!
/ P.S. I owe U for 2 [[strike]] 4 Dr. Peppers
/ [[in an aside on the board]]Iboshi, Don't leave shurikens in my room - Ollie / [[Close up on a Space poster on the wall]]
/ Ollie's internal monologue: That's weird, I didn't leave my lights on... / Ollie's internal monologue: Maybe Olive or Iboshi were in here? / [[Ollie scratches his head as El Chupacabra appears behind the door]]
/ < http://stumpnet.net/mmj/arc.php?issue=110 |
| WHY GOD ARE MY ARMS BAGUETTES?! | [[In a dreamscape, Marilyn is held in the clutches of a cactus monster. She calls for Ollie to rescue her, but inexplicably calls him Sanchez]]
/ Marilyn: Sanchez, please rescue me with your sexy muscles! / Ollie: I can't! My arms are suddenly baguettes / Fangs [[off-screen]]: O'Neal, wake up!
/ [[Back in the real world, Ollie wakes up groggily]]
/ Ollie: Zuh? Wha? Whas goin on? / Fangs: You have been brought to my castle.
/ I wish to make it abundantly clear you are in no danger.
/ I wish to engender a feeling of trust with you O'Neal, we will soon have a common goal. / Ollie: I trust then that I will be reimbursed the full cost of 3/5ths of a bag of Cheetos? / {{Sub-caption: Dude just got kidnapped by a vampire and he's concerned about his Cheetos.}} http://stumpnet.net/mmj/arc.php?issue=111 |
| Mild Mannered Jerks: The best comic since that other one. | [[At a base for the Mostrofia]]
/ Fangs: Believe me, I was greatly preturbed t hear about the disrespect paid to your Cheetos.
/ Needless to say, when you go home a new bag will await you. / Fangs: Is there anything else you need to become comfortable?
/ Coffee? Wine? A concubine perhaps? / Ollie [[still bleary-eyed from having been knocked out and kidnapped]]: Two concubines a coffee, black.
/ Dark roast if you have it. / Narrator: 3 minutes later
/ Ollie: So what was it you wanted Fangs? / Fangs: I'm glad you ask. / Fangs: Did you know Olliver, that your employer coffee-town has been stockpiling arms for the past three months?
/ Why do you think that might be? / [[a vampiress sticks her tongue in Ollie's ear]]
/ Ollie [[off-screen]]: Sorry, didn't hear that, some hot hell bitches had their tongies in my ears. / {{The vampire hooker kind of likes him, but the Frankenstein hooker wonders where she went wrong.}} http://stumpnet.net/mmj/arc.php?issue=112 |
| The image of Cheetos. | Fangs: You needn't believe me just yet.
/ But I would greatly appreciate a man on the inside.
/ Simply consider it. / [[a close up on Ollie's hand holding Fangs' business card]]
/ Ollie's Internal Monologue: The whole thing sounded plenty crazy.
/ But he seemed pretty spooked, and I expect that it takes a whole lot of shit to spook a vampire mafia don.
/ I decided to cautiously monitor the situation.
/ Business card: Johnny Fangs. Independant contractor, not some sort of vampire.
/ tel. (666)-681-4444 / [[Ollie walks by moonlight, a black helicopter is visible in the background]]
/ Ollie's Internal Monologue: Fangs took the liberty of laundering my jacket.
/ He referred to the blood spattered on it as "a poor vintage."
/ My back still hurt from being thrown off a building, but it went fast because I had a lot to think about. / [[Ollie and Olive are back in their kitchen]]
/ Ollie's Internal Monologue: When I got home I discussed these happenings with Olive while she ate jam directly from the jar.
/ Olive: Yeah man, it makes sense.
/ We're all controlled by corporations, you know?
/ You're not eating Cheetos, you're eatin' Cheetos' IMAGE! / [[Ollie looks in dismay at the Cheeto he was just about to eat]] / {{Sub-caption: Eating jam directly from the jar defies the image that jam companies peddle.}} http://stumpnet.net/mmj/arc.php?issue=114 |
| Mild Mannered Jerks: The best comic since that other one. | [[Dusty Joe and the Chupacabra appear at the restaurant in "disguise".]] Dusty Joe: Oh, look, honey! Our good friend, Olliver!
/ Chupacabra: "Honey"? You couldn't have went with sister, or a friend. Just because I'm in drag I had to be your wife! Jesus, man, Jesus.
/ Dusty Joe: People call their daughters honey, you dick.
/ Ollie: I swear to god guys, if these clowns try to horn-in on our good times!
/ Chupacabra: Listen man, I don't know what things were like in Ancient Egypt but people around here don't date their daughters! / [[Dusty Joe motions towards Ollie]] Dusty Joe: Scooch.
/ Ollie: Yeah, no.
/ Dusty Joe: C'mon man, scooch. / [[Ollie begrudgingly moves in]] Dusty Joe: Please forgive my wife, she can't seem to stay in character for five whole minutes! / Dusty Joe: [[whispering to Ollie]] Listen up chumpo, there's some grey-shirts behind us, so we got to pretend like we're not doing anything strange but we have to leave before we get fingered. / [[In the booth behind Ollie, two acne infested Coffee town employees are talking.]] Leopold: And so that's why I think our adventures would make the perfect Doujinshi or "fan-manga"! / {{Sub-Caption: Thanks to Wikipedia for allowing me to look up the term Doujinshi to make sure I knew what it is.}} http://stumpnet.net/mmj/arc.php?issue=120 |