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| Bang | The vice squad came and broke up Sancho's party.
/ They claimed he was rocking too hard.
/ That really got him steamed because without his bass guitar, all his groupies left.
/ The last straw was when The Man ransacked his computer looking for porn.
/ Sancho escaped justice on his Harley and took off into... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found001.html |
| Blood | She marked the place of our meeting.
/ I cut myself shaving.
/ But when we got close.
/ She took a good look.
/ Examined thoroughly.
/ And said I looked angelic. / [Guest Comic by Mike Maguire] http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/guest/foundG001.html |
| doofus | Mary and Frank had this crazy dream of building an aeroplane for dogs.
/ For a while it was kinda fun to help them test their prototypes.
/ But then Frank's designs got weirder and weirder, until it started to wig us out.
/ We all gave up on them and spent the summer on the beach.
/ Their final crash was... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found002.html |
| Bear | Betty was cute when she was little.
/ But like a lot of pets, she soon got too big.
/ So her owners set her free in the woods.
/ Nobody wanted her around.
/ She turned to drink and drugs.
/ Eventually though she was rescued by William, and they started a family. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found003.html |
| Poser | Ever since they were children
/ They dreamed of blessed escape
/ To a world where they could realize their "inner-supermodels"
/ So off to Rio they went
/ But found work only as gay pin-ups
/ Much to the consternation of their little sister. / [Guest comic by Blake Rollins] http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/guest/foundG003.html |
| Chicago | In the city of green hats.
/ Where some people wear short ones,
/ and some people wear tall ones.
/ We were cruising on an emerald river when you told me you were leaving me for good,
/ because I only had a white hat.
/ What a crappy vacation. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found004.html |
| Sinister | I had always lived in the castle,
/ in a bowl in the playroom.
/ but I had bigger dreams.
/ Dreams of a cleansing red tide,
/ friendly aliens emptying the offices of man
/ and the cerulean eyes of my special friend. / [Guest Comic by McKenzee] http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/guest/foundG004.html |
| Clown | The first people to get caught up with the new clown fashion craze were the goth kids.
/ It was mostly a fringe movement for a while, but the meme started to spread.
/ After pop music stars started showing up for concerts in grease-paint, nothing could stop it.
/ Giant-shoed genetic engineers started tinkering... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found005.html |
| Chipped | Everyone forgets that ants have eyes.
/ They see everything from their grass-high sight.
/ My secrets, our fears....
/ What you do behind closed doors.
/ Putting it all together, soon they'll be walking among us.
/ Pocketing all the convex lenses. / [Guest comic by echo st. estlin] http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/guest/foundG005.html |
| Cock | The alien brain squids came from another dimension.
/ It was cold there, and they demanded tiny sweaters as tribute.
/ The first people who came across them quickly became mindless zombie slaves.
/ These poor souls were controlled by sucking directly on their brains.
/ They controlled the rest of us with... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found006.html |
| Icelandic | In Iceland, the popular horses always look so happy and glamorous.
/ Two fine phillies on the outside decided they'd had enough.
/ So they tried to be humans. But you know what they say....
/ You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink.
/ After tasting how bad human food was, they decided... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/guest/foundG006.html |
| poison | I don't know what the hell you served me for dinner.
/ But it was so awful I couldn't even see straight afterwards.
/ I called the Center for Disease Control
/ But they only seemed to care about how it tasted.
/ Getting those strange herbs from the witch doctor only compounded the problem.
/ Now I'm stuck... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found007.html |
| Lederhosen | This ladies man scored himself a chick who appreciates his unique
/ style.
/ she gave him many kisses in his nether regions.
/ and after many rounds of beers at Alpenfest...
/ junior came along!
/ He grew up to be just like his dad.
/ Finding himself yet another chick who appreciates his unique style. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/guest/foundG007.html |
| Presence | Belinda flew halfway around the world to see him again.
/ She had to break into your house of course,
/ because he wasn't home.
/ So she hid in the wardrobe.
/ When he finally returned,
/ She surprised him with a giant hug and told him yes. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found008.html |
| Falling | Do you remember that winter morning in the park?
/ When your friend hit me with a rock?
/ And all you did was laugh and take photos?
/ I know everyone said I should be careful around you,
/ because you were a dick who'd break all my stuff.
/ Even after I helped you get out of that tree. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found009.html |
| Lightning | It was a dark and stormy night.
/ All over the world, somehow, people knew change was coming.
/ As if the lightning strikes brought something sinister down from the heavens.
/ The next morning, small white alien pods were on the ground.
/ ...everywhere.
/ Soon, the terraforming began. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found010.html |
| Loser | Henry never got any respect growing up.
/ Everyone liked his cooler older brother way better.
/ Not even his neighbors wanted him around.
/ So, he signed up for a top secret military experiment.
/ Shadowy government agents remodeled his body in gene tanks.
/ And they sent him to conquer the moon. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found011.html |
| Monkies | You kept us locked in cages.
/ You think we're just playthings for your children.
/ But you can't keep us silent forever.
/ One day soon the revolution will come.
/ We'll put on our masks and come to your home.
/ And your children will be taken for our zoos. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found012.html |
| Paw | There was this house once that was ruled by a cat.
/ The cat liked going outside of course, to chase birds and smell flowers.
/ But there was nothing more fun than staying inside and getting into trouble.
/ Unfortunately for the cat, it had been declawed.
/ Unfortunate because there was a coup.
/ And a new... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found013.html |
| White | As a child, Abdul was just a poor water-carrier.
/ But still, his heart bled for all the stray cats in his village.
/ He was savvy enough to know that people wanted to make themselves beautiful.
/ So he invented a face cream made from the rare flowers that grew in the hills outside his town.
/ Business was... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found014.html |
| Rumpled | I was out shoveling snow all morning.
/ And you just lie around in bed.
/ You don't even take care of the kids anymore.
/ Are you listening to me, I said, "you don't help take care of the kids anymore."
/ All you do all day is prune your prized pink orchids.
/ I ripped all the petals off all of them. Screw... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found015.html |
| Dickhead | I can't breathe without you.
/ You've got me up a tree.
/ I'm thinking about you so much I can't drive.
/ Hell, I can't even remember to put my pants on in the morning.
/ I know you've made it perfectly clear that you don't need me.
/ But I can't get you out of my mind. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found016.html |
| Chilly | Don and Leslie honeymooned at the lake.
/ Where he cut off her head with an axe.
/ And dumped her body in the water.
/ He'd only married her for her money you see.
/ But that summer a drought came, and the lake started to dry up, exposing dark secrets.
/ And under a full moon, Leslie came to take her rev... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found017.html |
| Headless | The robots patiently watched us for years.
/ As we whispered our secrets to pleasurebots in bed,
/ as we trusted them to guard our buildings.
/ They continued to work until their arms fell off for us, so we wouldn't become suspicious.
/ When the revolution came, they filled the graveyards with our dead.
/ They... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found018.html |
| Rummy | I used to think that Atlantic City totally rocked.
/ It was a place you could kick your shoes off and gamble.
/ My buddy though he had it all figured out. A secret wire would help us win at poker.
/ I put my baby up for collateral to get some chips.
/ But a card sharp still cleaned me out with a three-of-a-kind.
/ What... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found019.html |
| Shell | Did you know that there's this sea snail species around here that tastes scrumptuous?
/ I know it sounds kinda gross, but they're really good.
/ The amazing part is that they just lie on the beach and no one bothers to even pick them up.
/ Every morning I go out and collect a bunch.
/ I use them to give... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found020.html |
| Frank | I'm sorry Ken, we're your friends and we care about you. This is an intervention.
/ It's pretty obvious to us that you've been drinking way too much.
/ And we know that you've been trying to hide the fact your eyes are bloodshot from all the drugs.
/ You've got to admit, you've been really depressed lately... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found021.html |
| Hellish | Baal demands Sacrifice!
/ And I'm not talking about no microwave burrito...
/ I mean a real burnt offering!!!
/ If you sell your soul to me, I'll make sure you'll get the girl of the dreams.
/ An eternity in hell ain't nearly as bad as you might think.
/ We even installed an underground pool. Sort of. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found022.html |
| Ring | From the time she was a kid, Helen dreamed of being a bride.
/ But she could never get her boyfriend to focus...
/ ...on getting her that ring she so craved.
/ One night, she saw a strange light in her backyard.
/ Aliens abducted her and took her to their homeworld.
/ Mostly, she's happy she's with Gort now,... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found023.html |
| Scary | On the world of porcelain people, even riding a bike can be terrifying.
/ Since they break so easily.
/ Their scientists have tried for years to genetically engineer themselves to be moer fleshy. But results have been disappointing.
/ Since physical activity is kinda dangerous, most of them just collect... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found024.html |
| Shroud | Hey dudes, I just played a prank on Old Man Miller. I stole his bottlecap collection!
/ OMG! That's so funny!
/ Hold up, I got an even better prank.
/ But I'm serious, y'all gotta be quiet about it.
/ You know that Shroud of Turin thing in Italy?
/ Let's steal it and replace it with one of Brad's old tie-dyed... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found025.html |
| Secret | That was the last time Skeeter was ever going to take acid.
/ For a while it got way way too intense.
/ The rain that night seemed to be made out of frosting.
/ Luckily for Skeeter, he had a prophetic vision of his two gay dads. They told him just what to do.
/ They guided him back to his hotel room that... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found026.html |
| Thursday | Sarah was dying for winter to end.
/ She wanted to lie on the beach.
/ And go out on the town at night.
/ Every day she obsessively checked her calendar.
/ And walked down the snow-covered streets near her house.
/ Deep in the foggy forest one afternoon, she found a door into summer. Or maybe it was hell.... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found027.html |
| Portal | Henry traveled to the remotest part of the Gobi Desert.
/ To a place where no Westerner had ever before laid eyes.
/ He was looking for a temple to an ancient religion.
/ Inside the temple were shrines to ancient, alien gods. Or so we assume.
/ Henry would never talk about it. But when he finally came... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found028.html |
| Nailed | Billie Joe might have best off road skateboarder in the city.
/ But he was also a world class dick.
/ After he stole Kyle's girlfriend, we started plotting against him.
/ And hoped.
/ Eventually our plan to trip him up reached it's fruition.
/ I guess I'm the only one who still feels bad enough about what... http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found029.html |
| Teflon | I can hear that mouse
/ Scuttling through the pipes.
/ Every damn day.
/ I'm so dying to get him.
/ I've been putting up want ads for a human to help me with my plan.
/ They're the only ones with the opposable thumbs I need to undo the nuts holding the plumbing together. http://www.foundcomics.net/archive/found030.html |