You're browsing the archives of Birdsworth.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

1 [Birdsworth]: Hey there, friends! My name is Birdsworth! / [Bywren]: Whoa, whoa, back up there. That's an awfully bold statement, don't you think? / [Birdsworth]: No, I'm fairly positive my name is Birdsworth. You don't forget a thing like your own name! / [Bywren]: I meant the part where you called...
2 [Birdsworth]: Ok, I'm still not entirely sure what happened yesterday, but I know I screwed up royally somehow so I'd like to apologize and just start over. / [Bywren]: Wait, wait, wait. You can't do that. / [Birdsworth]: But it is possible to start over! I mean, first impressions are important, but...
3 [Birdsworth]: Hey friends, what's up? / [Shelley]: (Do you want to tell him or should I?) / [Bywren]: (You tell him. I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall when I try to explain something to that guy) / [Shelley]: Listen, Birdsworth, I know you like hanging out with us. And I certainly admire your...
4 [Birdsworth]: Hey buddies, how's it going? / [Shelley]: For the last time, Birdsworth, we are not your buddies. / [Birdsworth]: What do you mean? We're always hanging out together... / [Bywren]: No, you just can't take a hint. Every day you land on our branch and every day we have to come up with another...
5 [Birdsworth]: Hey- / [Bywren]: Birdsworth, before you even say anything I want you to know that we're on to your little plan and it's not going to work. / [Birdsworth]: My plan? / [Bywren]: It's a simple matter of conditioning. You think that by showing up every day and bothering us we will eventually...
 
6 [Shelley]: You know, maybe we ought to give Birdsworth a chance. / [Bywren]: You're not falling prey to his conditioning, are you? / [Shelley]: No, it's just that if he's going to be showing up here every day anyways, it would be a lot less tedious and annoying if we just befriended him. / [Bywren]: Yeah,...
7 Romantic Poetry Slam #1 / "Though the Bold Wings of Poesy Affect" / William Wordsworth / [Bywren]: Though the bold wings of Poesy affect / [Birdsworth]: The clouds, and wheel around the mountain tops / [Shelley]: Rejoicing, from her loftiest heights she drops / [Shelley]: Well pleased to skim the plain with...
8 [Birdsworth]: Hey guys, what's shaking? / [Shelley]: Hey! I resent your use of the term "guys" to describe Bywren and me! / [Bywren]: Oh, here we go... / [Birdsworth]: What are you talking about? / [Shelley]: The term "guys" implies that you're talking to a group of all males, whereas I am a female. / [Birdsworth]:...
9 [Birdsworth]: Ok Shelley, I'm confused. / [Shelley]: By what? / [Bywren]: (A great many things, I would wager.) / [Birdsworth]: You said you were a transvestite, but you were opposed to me lumping you and Bywren together as "guys". I thought being treated like a guy was the whole point of transvestism! / [Shelley]:...
10 [Birdsworth]: Ok, I'm still having issues with this whole transvestite thing. / [Shelley]: Lay it on me. I've heard them all before. / [Birdsworth]: It just seems to me like you're trying to have it both ways. You want to look like a guy, but still be treated like a girl. / [Shelley]: What's wrong with...
 
11 [Birdsworth]: Alright Shelley, I've reconciled myself to your transvestism. / [Birdsworth]: Especially because I realized this means I can finally get answers to all the things I've always wondered about transvestites! / [Birdsworth]: Since you like to dress as a guy, does that mean you're only attracted...
12 [Birdsworth]: Ok Shelley, this is kind of a random callback but I just realized this whole discussion about transvestism was caused by your disapproval of me using the term "guys" to refer to you and Bywren. / [Shelley]: So? / [Birdsworth]: It occurred to me that the term "guys" is frequently applied...
13 [Shelley]: You know, with all the discussion of transvestism, social norms and gender-neutral pronouns, we completely forgot that we're supposed to be ignoring Birdsworth. / [Bywren]: Oh no, you're right! By transferring the topic of our conversations off himself and on to you, he's successfully distracted...
14 Romantic Poetry Slam #2 / "Mad Song" / William Blake / [Bywren]: The winds weep, / [Bywren]: And the night is a-cold; / [Shelley]: Come hither, Sleep, / [Shelley]: And my griefs unfold: / [Birdsworth]: But lo! / [Bywren]: the morning peeps / [Bywren]: Over the eastern steeps, / [Bywren]: And the...
15 [Birdsworth]: Hey, you know those new LED flashlights that don't require any batteries, you just have to shake them for about thirty seconds before using them? / [Bywren]: Oh yes, those are very convenient! / [Birdsworth]: Convenient... and about the best plot device ever invented for horror movies! / [Birdsworth]:...
 
16 [Birdsworth]: You know how in most horror films there's a point where one of the protagonists does something incredibly stupid? / [Bywren]: You mean like walking down a dark corridor to investigate some mysterious sound? / [Shelley]: Or breaking off from the rest of the group for no good reason? / [Birdsworth]:...
17 [Birdsworth]: You know, it's becoming an increasing trend in horror films for the antagonist to be some sort of demon, or even Satan himself. / [Bywren]: Would you stop barging in with your random conversation topics? Shelley and I were having a very nice discussion about flowers, and you just killed...
18 [Birdsworth]: Hey guys, did you know that in the movie The Mummy - / [Shelley]: Birdsworth, could we please not talk about horror movies anymore? There happens to be a patch of Devil's paintbrush growing right beneath my nest, and after yesterday's conversation, I couldn't / sleep last night! / [Shelley]:...
19 [Birdsworth]: I find it interesting that some of Hollywood's biggest action film directors, such as John Carpenter, Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson, got their start in horror films. / [Birdsworth]: This begs the question: does making horror films help one learn how to make better action films? / [Bywren]:...
20 [Birdsworth]: You know, I think the fad of creating "horror-comedy" movies has severely weakened the genre as a whole. / [Shelley]: Why is that? I, for one, enjoy them. I think it exposes the genre to an audience that would never attend a "straight" horror movie. / [Birdsworth]: This is true. However,...
 
21 Romantic Poetry Slam #3 / "From childhood's hour" / Edgar Allan Poe / [Birdsworth]: From childhood's hour I have not been / [Birdsworth]: As others were; / [Bywren]: I have not seen / [Bywren]: As others saw; / [Shelley]: I could not bring / [Shelley]: My passions...
22 [Birdsworth]: Guys! Guys!!! Follow me! We've got to save the internet! / [Bywren]: Hey, slow down there, Birdsworth. Save the internet? From what? A new virus? / [Birdsworth]: Not remotely! We've got to save it from greedy congressmen! / [Bywren]: Listen, I find those self-indulgent, cocky congressman...
23 [Birdsworth]: Ok, listen up. Network neutrality is the idea that all websites should be given equal standing in terms of transfer regardless of content. / [Birdsworth]: It's one of the fundamental philosophies of the internet! Equality for all! / [Bywren]: Ah, but there's an inherent flaw in your philosophy,...
24 [Bywren]: You know, the trouble with network neutrality is that it could lead to a "tragedy of the commons". / [Birdsworth]: Is that some lesser known Shakespeare play? / [Shelley]: I think it's a webcomic. It's a webcomic, right? / [Bywren]: You're way off. The tragedy of the commons is an economic...
25 [Shelley]: One thing I find interesting about the network neutrality debate is how it's really highlighted the "panic mode" mentality of many internet users. / [Shelley]: It seems like people online never want to sit down and research all the facets of a subject and arrive at a well-balanced opinion. / [Birdsworth]:...
 
26 [Bywren]: You know, ultimately the network neutrality debate boils down to this simple question: "Who do you trust more: the government or corporations?" / [Bywren]: If neutrality is enforced, then the government must take an active role in regulating the internet. / [Bywren]: If not, the regulation is...
27 [Birdsworth]: I really think you guys should be more active about preventing the loss of network neutrality. / [Birdsworth]: I mean, the government is about to turn over the reins of the internet to huge telecom companies! / [Birdsworth]: Huge, evil telecom companies. / [Shelley]: I'm not entirely sure...
28 Romantic Poetry Slam #4 / "The Wild Honeysuckle" / Philip Freneau / [Bywren]: Fair flower, that dost so comely grow, / [Birdsworth]: Hid in this silent, dull retreat, / [Bywren]: Untouched thy honied blossoms blow, / [Birdsworth]: Unseen thy little branches greet: / [Shelley]: No roving foot shall crush thee...
29 [Birdsworth]: Hey, are you guys aware of the debate that's currently raging between wet and dry cognitive science? / [Bywren]: I don't know if "currently" is really the right word to use in that sentence. Wet cognitive science and dry cognitive science have been at odds far before the two terms were...
30 [Bywren]: So, it seems that most cognitive scientists these days believe that neither wet nor dry cognitive science is absolutely correct, but rather a combination of the two. / [Birdsworth]: "Damp" cognitive science? / [Shelley]: Ha ha! / [Bywren]: Call it what you like. The point is that cognitive...
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 >>