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|The Mansion of E - Tuesday , August 10 , 2004||[[In Mr. Hand's monitoring room.]] / Hand: The mustache stays, Hector. now, *to get to why I called you.* The scanner is broken. / Hector: As you are so fond of pointing out, sir, the scanner is always broken. / Hector: Which is why you obtained the services of those two "mechanics", to install- / Hand: Yes yes. But they aren't close to finishing, and it's totally frozen up. Can't you do something? / Hector: BEEP! This unit's tech-repair database is unavailable. Pathway filament 3423-A has become corrupted. / [[Hand grumbles inaudibly.]] / [[He points..]] / Hand: Waaiiit a second.. / [[One of the screens shows the defunct headless robot sticking out of the wall of the Forest passage.]] / Hand: I know it's an earlier model than you, but could we obtain a.. "filament" from that? / Hector: BEEP! This unit's tech-repair database is unavailable. Pathway filament 3423-A has become corrupted. / Hand: Of course.|
|The Mansion of E - Wednesday , August 11 , 2004||[[Mr. Hand's monitoring room. One of the monitors shows the headless defunct robot sticking out of the wall of the forest tunnel.]]
/ Hand: But even if that Bot does have the filiment, [sic] how do we tell which one needs replacing?
/ Hector: BEEP! This unit's tech-repair database is unavailable. Pathway-
/ Hand: *Yes*, thank you, Hector. / [[Hand considers.]]
/ Hand: Hmm. Is your *logic* database still working?
/ Hector: Yes, sir.
/ Hand: Good. Here is a hypothetical for it. / Hand: A man has a device which is broken. The nature of the fault prevents
/ the fault from being diagnosed by the device itself. What can he do to find
/ the way to correct the fault? / [[Hector's eye-lights indicate thought.]]
/ Hector: PROCESSING. PING. / Hector: Sigh... The man should closely observe the device in operation, and attempt to deduce for himself where the fault lies. / Hand: Yes! Of course! You have that access panel! Come over here...
/ Hector: Yes, sir. [thinking:] Curse my weakened self-preservation protocols.
/ [[He walks over.]]
|The Mansion of E - Thursday, August 12, 2004||[[Mr Hand examines Hector the robot's backside.]]
/ Hand: Let's see.. How do we open this.. / [[Hand pushes a button on Hector.]]
|The Mansion of E - Friday , August 13 , 2004||[[Mr. Hand has a sheet of instructions.]] / Hand: the thing is, I don't *remember* writing this message. I- wait. it's a / 3% threat?How did it rank that high? / Hector: There's a danger of paper cuts, sir. / Hand: Oh. Yes. Of course. Now. It's not that it's *impossible* that we've done this before. We've done almost everything before. / Hector: Yes, sir. / Hand: and niether of us has perfect.. oh. ah.. you don't recall..? / Hector: No, sir. Perhaps during one of my routine memory cleanouts- / Hand: yesyes. It's just... thinking to put in a detailed note like this.. it's not the sort of thing I'd generally do. / Hector: You do tend to focus on the big picture, sir. / Hand: Oh well. I must have been in rare form that day. / Hector: That is the most likely explanation sir. [Thinking to himself] And indeed it is.. / Hector, thinking: But there are the twin facts that 1: I can purge selected memories at will and 2: I am quite adept at forging his handwriting... / Hand: And Hector? It makes me *nervous* when you start agreeing with me a lot.|
|The Mansion of E - Saturday , August 14 , 2004||Hand: "My" instructions describe your innerds quite accurately, Hector, so we'll
/ give them a try. But who can go check your defunct compatriot? All of my little
/ friends are so busy right n-
|The Mansion of E - Sunday , August 15 , 2004||[[Items on Mr. Hand's desk/dresser: A Roshambo the Warrior Beetle statuette, a candle, a pencil labeled FROBOZZ. A wisp of smoke is all that remains of a dead bug. Hand is talking on the phone to Sprocket the Gnoll.]] / Hand: You know what a "metalmin" is, I assume? -- Good. / [[Panning down, off the desk, towards the floor.]] / Hand: And about the Council's tunnel to the forest? -- Goood. / [[More panning, past some drawers.]] / Hand: I want you, and Flange of course, to go there and- -- Who? / [[Hand's voice fades away. There are three bugs on the floor, all wearing protective suits.]] / Bug #1: You scan? He dead. / Bug #2: Yes. But shield suit *nearly* work! / [[Bug #3 gets an idea.]] / Bug #2: He get *halfway* to shrine before splutter see him! *Next* time Roshambo hear prayers! *Smite* evil heathens! / Bug #3: Hey! Got idea! / Bug #2: Wut? / Bug #3: Go up *back* of dresser! Shorter! No splut! / [[The other two just look at him/her/it.]] / Bug #3: Wut? / [[Bug #3 has been disassembled.]] / Bug #2: Heathens *everywhere!* / Bug #1: Approach Roshambo from *rear*? PAH!|
|The Mansion of E - Monday , August 16 , 2004||[[The "heathen" bug lies in pieces on the floor.]] / [[A Smyt wearing a white robe and carrying a staff appears.]] / [[He is joined by a second one.]] / #2: It pity. / #1: Indeed. / #2: Why such senseless violence? / #1: Our very nature? Doomed to endless cycles of barbarism? / [[They look at the bug's head some more.]] / [[They both produce forks.]] / #2: Course no point letting perfectly good bugbrains go to waste. / #1: Dibs on fore-lobes.|
|The Mansion of E - Tuesday, August 17, 2004||[[Two robed smyts are eating bug brains, using forks. Loud unreadable snippets of dialogue fill the air behind them.]] / Smyt #1: Lots of Big Noise in Air Today. / Smyt #2: Yup. / Smyt #1: Say.. You one of those who understand BNIA. / Smyt #2: Yup. But never say anything make sense. Jibjabber. / Smyt #1: What it saying now? / [[Smyt #2's "antenna" twich]] / Smyt #2: Uh.. "Now.. re.. move.. fill.. e.. ment.. do.. not.. use.. fin.. gers.. use.. tool.. like.. fleeb.. tong.." / Smyt #1: Jibjabber indeed / Smyt #2: "Fleebtong". Like person can make tong as massive as fleeb.|
|The Mansion of E - Wednesday, August 18, 2004||[[Mr. Hand is talking on the phone, in front of his bank of viewing screens.]]
/ Mr. Hand: So, did you grasp all of that, Sprocket?
/ Sprocket: --
/ Mr. Hand: Good. I look forward to your report. / [[Mr. Hand hangs up the phone.]] / [[He puts on the table beside him.]]
/ Mr. Hand: So. Now. / [[A screen showing Tabo the Wyrm and Percy the Boogieman.]]
/ Mr. Hand: There's really nothing to do now but sit and wait.
/ Tabo, to Percy: Ya mind if I jus' lie down here fera minute? / [[Tabo keels over.]]
|The Mansion of E - Thursday , August 19 , 2004||[[Mr Hand fingers the controls on his chair arm.]] / Hand: Do paperwork. Shave off my mustache. Why do you plague me so, Hector? / Hector: Because, sir, that was how you had me programmed. / Hand: Yes. I did, didn?t I? / [[One of Hand's viewscreens shows a Gnoll going "beeble" over and over.]] / Hand: Maybe I should have you re-programmed. maybe Get that snotty little snandergrab back here.. what was his name.. Drax. / Hector: While I can offer no hard data, Sir, the overwhelming statistical / likelihood is that Mr. Drax is dead. / Hand: Oh. Right. OK, Maybe his children, or grandchildren, would know- / Hector: Assuming Mr. Drax produced any such progany, Sir, they are very / likely to also be deceased. / [[Hand sits in his chair. One of the screen shows The Gibber making faces, others less-identifiable things.]] / [[Hand sags a little.]] / Hand: Right.|
|The Mansion of E - Friday , August 20 , 2004||[[In Mr. Hand's monitoring room]] / Hector: As to why you choose to torture yourself with my presence, sir, my / psychology database is still fully functional, and I have formulated several different hypotheses. First, there is your need as an organic being for personal- / Hand: Hector.. / Hand: Just.. go butle something. Or something. / [[Hector reaches for the three-tufted scalpsucker, which is trying to inch away.]] / Hector: Very good. / Scalpsucker: !! / Hand: Oh. No. Wait. / [[Hector has the scalpsucker.]] / Hector: Sir? / Hand: Come here. / [[Hand closes Hector's access panel.]] / Hector: Thank you, sir. / Hand: Yes, yes..|
|The Mansion of E - Saturday , August 21 , 2004||[[In Mr. Hand's monitoring room. Hand thinks throughout]]
/ Hand: I *could* get Hector reprogrammed. I could get anything I want. If we could just.. But that's the whole *point* of all this... / [[He slams his hand down on the armrest of his chair.]]
|The Mansion of E - Sunday , August 22 , 2004||[[On one of Mr. Hand's monitors, the Weirdo talks to Fantod. Hand thinks to himself throughout.]]
/ Hand: Possibly naughty.. / [[The monitor changes to show Yasmine walking in the Mansion.]]
|The Mansion of E - Monday, August 23, 2004||[[Hector carries the scalpsucker.]] / Hand, from off-panel: WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO BE SO URKING NAUGHTY!? / [[Hector turns back to answer.]] / Hector:... / Hand: That was a question directed at the universe in general, Hector, not you specifically. / [[Hector turns to go.]] / Hector: Very good, sir. / [[Hector speaks confidentially to the scalpsucker.]] / Hector: My personal theory on the subject is that it is because that is the way *their* creator programmed them to be.]]|
|The Mansion of E - Tuesday , August 24 , 2004||[[Hector is carrying the male three-tufted scalpsucker.]]
|The Mansion of E - Wednesday , August 25 , 2004||[[Hector walks along a corridor past a series of doors, with the scalpsucker riding on his head. He <
|The Mansion of E - Thursday , August 26 , 2004||[[Where Mr Hand and Hector live. A light on a panel next to the Elevator has turned on.]]
/ Hector: I don't recall *that* light ever being activated. What does it signify? / [[The three-tufted scalpsucker is riding on his head. His eyes indicate thought.]]
/ Hector: PROCESSING / <
|The Mansion of E - Friday, August 27, 2004||[[Hector the robot walks into his room, the scalpsucker still riding on his head.]] / [[He approaches a workbench on which are various items, including a dial, a knife and a grabber of some sort.]] / [[He reaches out his hand.]] / [[The scalpsucker gets nervous.]] / [[Hector turns the dial.]]
|The Mansion of E - Saturday , August 28 , 2004||[[The three-tufted scalpsucker hurtles down a tube.]] / [[There are branches in the tube. He is directed through them.]]
|The Mansion of E - Sunday , August 29 , 2004||[[Inside a box with airholes]]
/ Male Scalpsucker: RAR?
/ Female Scalpsucker #1: RAR! / [The exterior of the box.]]
/ Scalpsuckers: RAR!! / [[The box "begins a rockin'"]]
|The Mansion of E - Monday , August 30 , 2004||[[Mr. Lincoln the Evil Penny from the webcomic Insanity For The Poor bounces past two Smyts.]]
/ Lincoln: No longer pinned beneath that breeding tank, I am now FREE to- / [[He crashes into a rock, wedging himself upright.]]
|The Mansion of E - Tuesday , August 31 , 2004||[[A portrait of a smiling Rosemary with sword and shield, by NJ Huff of the webcomic Emergency Exit.]]|
|The Mansion of E - Wednesday, September 1, 2004||[[Hector "uncliks" a control on his workbench. Nunsuch can be seen in the background.]] / Hector, to himself: Accessing "to do" list. / [[A list of scalpsucker types.]]
/ Hector: List accessed. 21235.8 items listed. Access sublist 142-A, Class C vermin breeding collection. Sublist accessed. 529 items listed. Scan for.. Scalpsucker. Three pronged. Male. Located... / [[An empty box next to "three-pronged scalpsucker".]] / [[The box is half-filled with an X.]] / [[The box is fully filled.]] / <
|The Mansion of E - Thursday , September 2 , 2004||[[Inside Hector's workroom.]] / Nunsuch: PEEP! / Hector: Yes, Nunsuch, *what is it*? / Nunsuch: [Three stylized symbols.] / Hector: Yes, of course. It's next on my high-priority to-do list. Just as it is *every day*. / [[Hector limps off.]] / Nunsuch: [insulting symbols] / Hector: Don't you use that kind of language with *me*! / Nunsuch: [disrespectful symbol] / Hector, thinking: Sir may have been onto something with that whole "reprogramming" idea..|
|The Mansion of E - Friday , September 3 , 2004||[[A row of specialized robot hands: a hook, a pair of snippers, and others less immediately identifiable.]] / [[Hector appears next to the display.]]
|The Mansion of E - Saturday , September 4 , 2004||[[Hector attaches his "knob-hand" to his arm.]]
|The Mansion of E - Sunday , September 5 , 2004||[[Hector limps off out of sight, in the direction of the enormous gong, watched by Nunsuch.]]
|The Mansion of E - Monday , September 6 , 2004||[[The Mallet-Boogieman pats Nunsuch on the head with a finger.]]
/ Nunsuch: [Symbol indicating love.] / [[The Boogieman raises the mallet, flexes his muscles.]] / <
|The Mansion of E - Tuesday, September 7, 2004||[[Inside Le Tree]] / Rosemary: The day is half over? It's not noon, is it? / Sylvester: No. But the sun has reached its zenith... / Sylvester: ..and the Middle Gong rings every day at that point. It always has. / Rosemary: Who rings it? / Sylvester: We don't know... / Sylvester: It's very hard to track down the source of sounds in the Mansion. / Rosemary: Doesn't it worry you that you've got some unknown immortal gong-ringer running around? / [[Sylvester is sarcastic]] / Sylvester: Oh no! It puts a smile on my face and a song in my heart! / Rosemary: It worries *me* that I'm not 100% sure that you're being sarcastic.|
|The Mansion of E - Wednesday , September 8 , 2004||[[Heading for Spatchcock's office.]] / Sylvester: But seriously, I believe the Middle Gong is an old automated system. / There are still many of them in the Mansion. / Rosemary: Are there High and Low Gongs? / Rosemary: ...I mean, I didn't hear anything last night. / Sylvester: No. There's only the Middle Gong. / Sylvester: And, *yes*, I know that doesn't make sense. It's called the Middle Gong because it's always been called the Middle Gong. / Rosemary: *What?!* A social institution hamstrung by inertia?? Why, I've never seen the like!! / Snoot: Sir? Madam? *This way*, please.|
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