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apples and oranges ... are you? / why yes, i am comparing them! / oh no!
thanksgiving carols i am thankful for the fact that there are no thanksgiving carols.
bored i'm bored of being bored!
airport terminal refugee camp q: what's the difference between an airport terminal and a refugee camp? / a: wheelchair service.
inferior goldfish see this, goldfish. you could never build this. that is why you live in a bowl, and man rules the world.
 
diversity yay diversity.
posterboard sizes we have 3 sizes of posterboard: small, medium, and overachiever.
junk mail one time, i opened an envelope and got a pop-up ad.
racist ranger why was the most powerful power ranger the white one?
preposterous pb&j peanut butter and jelly? preposterous! / the line between genius and insanity is thinner than you think.
 
mmm elbow mmm... my elbow is tasty.
orphanage how did you get the money? / i robbed an orphanage. the security was horrible.
no hell actually, there is no hell. it is a giant "game over" screen, and st. peter gives you a quarter so you can try again.
mcdonald's yeah, i'd like a mcobesity and a diet coke.
saving christmas how can we save christmas from commercialism and the evil secularists? / i know! we will bring back jesus and have him lay the smack down on santa! / hey, i'd pay to see that.
 
after christmas sales time for after christmas sales! / why do you need to go shopping? you already got a bunch of stuff you don't need yesterday for free.
8 days long so, hanukkah is 8 days long. / yeah, actually, christmas is two months long.
happy new year happy arbitrary day marking one revolution around the sun!
rotting smell ew... what's that smell? is something rotting? / oh, my brain.
rose bowl fuck texas.
 
timetable for withdrawal we don't need a timetable for withdrawal. we need a timetable for victory!
love poem i wrote you a love poem. it's entitled, "i am a stalker."
jackie chan's sister ever notice how jackie chan always has a hot sister in his movies? that guy has issues.
mlk day i have a dream... / got mlk?
how ironic how "ironic!" you just used ironic incorrectly!
 
war war, huh, what is it good for? / taking out dictators. you dumb hippie.
magic 8 ball magic eight ball worn with use / cast me a spell that will grant me youth / never let me grow withered or wise / i'd rather have you than truth or lies.
gummi bear i am a gummi bear pervert.
smile smile. you are not alone.
carabiners i'm a sucker for free things, but carabiners are where i draw the line.
 

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