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metaphorical fireworks | The Chalkboard Manifesto guy: i feel like a million dollars! / gal: i fell like a plastic bag that wants to start again. / note: katy perry: lyrical genius!
retirement investments | The Chalkboard Manifesto l guy: my 401(k) is doing terrible. / r guy: that's why i put all my money in gold and beanie babies.
government inefficiency | The Chalkboard Manifesto gal: government is so inefficient. it should be run like more of a corporation. / guy: oh yeah? if corporations are so efficient, how come i can spend all day at work on facebook?
comic requests | The Chalkboard Manifesto gal: can i request a comic? / guy: i'm an artist, not a jukebox.
facebook narcissists | The Chalkboard Manifesto l gal: you're exaggerating. facebook doesn't turn everyone into a narcissist. / r gal: then how come everyone on facebook refers to themselves in third person?
 
i never understood the hit one's head sitcom trope | The Chalkboard Manifesto [[l guy has whirlpool eyes & stars and lines emanating from head]] / m guy: he hit his head & now he has special powers! / r guy: no, i think he has a concussion. / m guy: so, those weren't prophecies?
this game's for you | The Chalkboard Manifesto coach: wow, you played your heart out! i wish a close relative of yours could die every week! / [[football player is holding a football]]
i'm not afraid | The Chalkboard Manifesto eminem: i'm not afraid to be a multi-million dollar rap star who does brisk commercials.
we no can dunk | The Chalkboard Manifesto guy: i'm so bored at work when i go to espn.com, i click on the links for women's basketball.
i need more sleep | The Chalkboard Manifesto guy: i can't keep choosing art over sleep.
 
the internet is creepy | The Chalkboard Manifesto written letter: dear internet, / i will gladly trade greater convenience for less creepiness. / sincerely, / everyone born before 1990
chocolate egg | The Chalkboard Manifesto left guy: throw me that chocolate egg! imma catch it in my mouth. / right guy: it's still wrapped. / left guy: curses! foiled again!
the working life | The Chalkboard Manifesto guy: how's working life? / gal: i feel as if i've acquired a grimy layer of fatigue and cynicism. / guy: welcome to the real world!
or how about ems? | The Chalkboard Manifesto l guy: dude, a foot is twelve inches! / r guy: uh... how many pixels is that?
finally the rock has come back to rio | The Chalkboard Manifesto l gal: i wonder how they'll bring back michelle rodriguez ... / r gal: this movie was ocean's 11. the next fast & furious will be a horror flick!
 
osama bin laden is dead | The Chalkboard Manifesto [[crossed out text]][["the raiders made a sane pick in round two. this confirms my hypothesis that al davis, like bin laden, has actually been dead for two years."]] / thanks president obama. you ruined today's comic.
don't touch that | The Chalkboard Manifesto l guy: if you touch that, i will murder you in your sleep. / r guy: geeze, you don't have to be so mean about it. / l guy: mean? i said i'd wait until you were asleep!
intermittent affection | The Chalkboard Manifesto l guy: i'm not always affectionate with my girlfriend. i have to give her variable reinforcements.
osama's laptop | The Chalkboard Manifesto [[guy reading paper]] / CIA CRACKS BIN LADEN'S LAPTOP / Finds treasure trove of key intel / Plus 132 hours of cute kitten videos
no more iphone | The Chalkboard Manifesto I used to have an iPhone, but I tied it to a pigeon. / FIND ME NOW, STEVE JOBS!
 
time traveler 2011 | The Chalkboard Manifesto Man #1: How was the future? / Man #2: I just got back from the year 2011. Still no flying cars, but there are robots called autotuners that sing everything on the radio.
bandwagon fan | The Chalkboard Manifesto guy wearing heat jersey: i told you: i am a connoisseur of greatness. stop calling me a bandwagon fan.
may 21 | The Chalkboard Manifesto guy: repent! may 21st is judgment day! / gal: you're gonna to look like an idiot when the world ends in 2012.
village elders | The Chalkboard Manifesto l guy: we don't have village elders in our culture. we have wikipedia.
foia is a verb | The Chalkboard Manifesto l guy: we could find out more about drone drikes in yemen and secret prisons... or we could foia osama's porn.
 
the hook | The Chalkboard Manifesto hook. n. the part of the song that's fun to yell when you're drunk at a club.
rebecca black | The Chalkboard Manifesto gal: i request that rebecca black does a ballad about mondays.
terrible day at work | The Chalkboard Manifesto guy: i had a terrible day at work. / gal: what happened? mean boss? bad customers? / guy: worse! i had ke$ha stuck in my head all freaking day!
deadbeat buddha | The Chalkboard Manifesto l gal: if you love buddha so much, why don't you marry him? / r gal: i did and then he left me and our son to sit under a tree. what an asshole.
jorts are lame | The Chalkboard Manifesto gal: oh please! jorts aren't the lamest thing ever. / guy: john cena wears jorts. / gal: touch
 

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