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|Late-Nite Radio (ghosts)||Noel: Ok, it's time to take a new caller... who is a GHOST!! / Rabid: Yipes!! / Radio: oooOOOoOOo / Rabish: Yipes!! / << POUF! >> / Radio: OOOOOO / Dr Quickly: It's too scary! I have to stop her!! / Noel: oooOoOOOo / Noel: Why'd you cut to a commercial? / Dr Quickly: You were too scary, I had to stop you!! / Monster: Yipes!! / Radio: Always drink delicious Dr Ink!! / << CRASH >> / Ghost: I'm a ghost!!|
|Late-Nite Radio (curses)||Noel: Okay so coming up I'm going to read from this old book of curses someone mailed me. / Noel: "May you forget to check your toothbrush for mold the one time it really, really matters." / Noel: "May you forget the pleasure in the flavour of your favourite food."
/ Space Frog: BLEH / Noel: "May all your keys weakened by cold."
|Late-Nite Radio (compulsion)||Noel: You are climbing down a marble staircase... With each step you become more and more deeply relaxed... / Noel: You are now in a state of perfect relaxation. Listen to the sound of my voie as your feet rest on the last cool stone step. / Noel: Doctor Quickly's Science Diner is the best place in town for an affordable meal, with three blue-plates daily for just five point ten plus tax. Science Diner: Affordable, edible. / Rabid: Honestly I don't even like the food here. / Rabish: So... habit? Why do we keep coming back? / Rabid: Affordable, edible!! / Noel: Space Frog brand periwigs are the stylish way to show your "colours". Now available in MS-13 and Latin Kings styles. Space Frog: You Like To Have A Fancy Head. / Rabish: Okay, why do we BOTH have wigs? / Rabid: I like to have a fancy head?|
|Municipal Plants (compost)||Rabish: Did you see the municipal election results?! / Rabid: The plant things, right? Did people actually vote for them? Did people actually vote at all? / Rabid: Your crop's looking rough... / Rabish: These weird root things are EVERYWHERE! / Rabish: "Notice of Non-Compensated Easement of Soil and Soil Access for Municipal Root System By-Law Amendment 117-2009 to Municipal Code Section 415-6"!! / Rabid: I'm kind of surprised they're still using paper! / << thunk thunk >> / Rabid: Maybe... I should have voted. / Rabid: This windrow isn't quite as nice as my apartment. / Rabish: Kind of smelly... / Dr Quickly: They've got no jurisdiction over the National Elevated Handcar Line!! Hop on board!|
|Municipal Plants (overrun)||Rabish: Did you SEE these municipal election results?! / Rabid: Did the plant creatures win? / Dr Quickly: These city council meetings have become INTERMINABLE!! / << sway >> / Rabish: The city's so peaceful now... / << pluck! >> / Rabid: Hey, is that a dinghy? / Rabot: Every port is overrun. / Rabid: And we're the only people you've seen? / Rabot: Better catch a big fish! Dr Quickly just radioed in, he found another cache of survivors!!|
|Municipal Plants (baby steps)||Rabish: Did you SEE the municipal election results? / Rabid: Oh, no! Did those fascist plants win?! / Rabish: They're going to ruin our city... / Rabid: What are we going to do? We'll have to move! / Rabid: Nothing's changed! All that storm and stress about the vicious selfish politics of the plants... / Rabish: ... And they're just as compromised and ineffective as any other political movement. / Rabid: Why did you lie to us in your editorials? The plant creatures aren't evil!! / Dr Quickly: Oh, so because your life isn't any worse yet, they're doing a good job? / Rabish: Ha! The paper fired Dr Quickly and apologized for his "polemic screeds". / Rabid: Serves that troublemaker right!! / Rabot: It seems like every week I get another order from the City Council to turn up the "police brutality" setting.|
|Community Garden (scapes)||Rabish: Seriously, just garlic? / Dr Quickly: Seriously! / << droop! >> / Dr Quickly: Time to harvest!! / Rabot: Bumper crop this year!! / Dr Quickly: ow / Rabid: Come on, pumpkins!!|
|Community Garden (bunnies)||Rabid: So, what... mushrooms? / Dr Quickly: Nope! / << gnaw gnaw >> / Rabish: Explain!! / Dr Quickly: I'm growing bunnies this year!! / Rabid: What's wrong with bunnies? / Sheep: baa / Space Frog: GARDEN COURT FINDS THEM GUILTY OF MESSIN' AROUND / Rabid: I was going to use the wool to make you a beautiful sweater. / Rabish: Aww, I'm sorry! But it's a garden for plants, not-- / Dr Quickly: I was gonna make you some SOUP.|
|Community Garden (magic science)||Rabish: This is insanely tedious!! / Rabish: How come your plants are all grown up so fast already? / Dr Quickly: Science! MAGIC science!! / Dr Quickly: This is the future of ecofriendly habitation, kids! / Rabish: Hey Rabid! My seeds are finally SEEDLINGS! Come look!! / << SMASH >>|
|Masked Roommate (twist)||Roommate: Of COURSE I'm going to a formal party! Can't you see what I'm wearing? / Roommate: So if you're staying in tonight, you should do some of the housework. / Rabid: Oh... okay. / Roommate: Do you mind staying in your room? I've brought some chick home. / Rabid: No, that's okay. / Rabish: Good morning! Such a gentleman to make tasty breakfasts! / << SMOOCH >> / Rabid: Uh... lady? / Rabish: You have a roommate? / Rabid: The guy who brought you here last night? / Rabid: BUT HIS ROOM WAS RIGHT HERE!!|
|Masked Roommate (shut)||Rabid: You look great! I can't tell your a robot at all except I already know!! / Rabot: No, no, I understand. The thought of, say, a ROBOT attending the party? / Security: Just fill it to the brim, sir. / Cultist: A REAL fabulously wealthy evil partygoer would have REFUSED to pee in a cup! / Rabot: Oh! I'll do that next time. / Cultist: Next time? / Rabot: Gasp!! / Rabish: Do you know where Rabot was going when he disappeared? / Rabid: Maybe... a movie? / << nod >> / << sheathe >>|
|Masked Roommate (speech)||Rabid: Well, let's hope it fools people. That party's important. / Rabish: I thought you had to stay home from a nasty cold! / Rabot: Uh... thank you... uh... here's to y'all!! / Rabot: ... / Rabot: ... And, uh... let's eat? / Rabot: Having some trouble with my soup ha ha! / Rabid: Well, at least he aced the speech I wrote him.|
|Hat Gang (riverdale)||Rabish: GOSH Rabid my HAT BLEW OFF when you RACED your JALOPY!! / Rabid: JEEPERS! We gotta GO BACK and GET it! / Rabot: What, THIS crumby old bonnet I DROVE OVER with my SPORTS CAR? / Noel: It's an EXPENSIVE sports car!! / Dr Quickly: SHOULDN'T YOU DELINQUENTS BE IN SCHOOL?! / Rabid: D-Dr QUICKLY? WHAT are you doing HERE?! / Dr Quickly: DISTRACTING you while Space Frog WINS the BIG RACE! Even GROWNUPS can cheat and PLAY dirty pool!! / Space Frog: I tried to WIN the big race BECAUSE the grand prize is FOOD at the CHOCKLIT SHOPPE / Rabid: I learned a SUPER VALUABLE lesson -- about the IMPORTANCE of fair PLAY!! / Rabish: And safe sex!! / Rabid: shh|
|Soup Delay||Lisa's Monster: Dear readers: Since Nicholas gave Studio assistant Lisa his horrible cold, he is in the kitchen making soup while she lies on the couch watching an entire season of "So You Think You Can Dance." Since studio assistant Lisa requires an endless supply of especially delicious soup, this has kept Nicholas from his comic today. Studio assistant Lisa takes full responsibility for this "hot mess."|
|Hat Gang (scoob)||Rabot: Take that you creepy ghost lurking scary M.F.!!
/ Space Frog: RRROOD ROT RABOT!
|Snake Secret (flehmening)||Dr Quickly: Oh! That's so clever!! / << HUFF >> / << HUFF >> / << HUFF >> / Dude: Hey, so, is this your first time at this resort? / Noel: Yeah... I really like it here! / Noel: So... do you wanna go back to my rooAAAAUGH!!|
|Snake Secret (life)||Dr Quickly: Total knowledge, or eternal life, eh? / Dr Quickly: Plenty of time for knowledge if I can live forever!! / Dr Quickly: Now I've got time to do everything the FUN way... the HARD way!! I'll live in this cave! / Dr Quickly: Only took me seventy years of hard work and ingenuity... Now I've got running water!! / Dr Quickly: You think my life is BORING? When there's so much to do and learn about?! Maybe YOU'D get bored!! / Dr Quickly: BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID!!|
|Snake Secret (knowledge)||Dr Quickly: Total knowledge, or eternal life? Hm. / Dr Quickly: I can always FIGURE OUT how the other tree works. / << PLOOOORST >> / Dr Quickly: Gross! That tastes like... like...|
|Customs Declaration (contraband)||Customs Agent: Anything to declare? / Rabid: Nnnoooo... / Rabid: TAXI!! / Rabid: M-my contraband! / Space Frog: DELICIOUS / Noel: So - before I check the goods, you want to leave with your money? / Rabid: Yes, please. / Space Frog: YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST / Rabid: Sigh. / Noel: Cripes! / Noel: You ate all the evidence so we're FREE! / Rabid: And you are in trouble. / Space Frog: I DO MY JOB THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW|
|Customs Declaration (box)||Customs Agent: Anything to declare? / Rabid: Nnnoooo... / Rabish: His flight got in like six hours ago. No, I've been waiting here the whole time!! / Dr Quickly: Well if we can't figure out what it is, or why he had it... / Noel: We'll have to TRICK him!! / Rabish Puppet: Welcome home to outside!! / Rabid: Am I really free? I'm so happy! / Rabish Puppet: Show me what it does! How it works!! / Rabid: I think I remember this thing... / Dr Quickly: I just lost my connection to the puppet...|
|Customs Declaration (offence)||Customs Agent: Anything to declare? / Rabid: Nnnoooo... / Customs Agent: You really should have declared this book! Even though it was over your travel duty exemption limit! / Customs Agent: You would only have owed three dollars in duty. A foolish mistake, and a federal offence. / Customs Agent: Congratulations! The book got remaindered and is now valued below your exemption limit!!|
|Perfect Copy (diffract)||Noel: Ha ha! I made a perfect duplicate of myself!! / Noel: I was gonna say that... / Rabid: That's impossible! You weren't BOTH at my birthday party, so you're not a perfect copy!! / Noel: You sure? / Noel: You're probably thinking I got in a box, and then another me appeared in the other box. / Rabid: Kind of... / Noel: Whichever me got in the first box is the one who went to your party, so you'd be right! BUT! / Noel: I actually DIFFRACTED myself, using a half-silvered mirror. Because matter is just super high frequency light... / << ZAM >> / Noel: We're BOTH made of the SAME stuff that was at your birthday party! Perfect copy!! / Rabid: Buh!!|
|Perfect Copy (box)||Noel: Ha ha! I made a perfect duplicate of myself!! / Rabid: That's impossible! You weren't BOTH at my birthday party, so you're not a perfect copy!! / Noel: Huh... / Noel: You're probably thinking I cloned myself and then copied my memories. / Noel: Then the clone would only REMEMBER the experience, falsely. And you'd be right. / Rabid: I guess? / Noel: But I made a special box that copied me atom by atom, perfectly! / Noel: The thing about atoms is that they are like cheques. If we trade a five dollar bill back and forth we can see if it was the "same" five dollars by checking the serial number on the bill. / Noel: Thanks! / Rabid: Thanks! / Noel: But a cheque just carries a magnitude! You can't ask "is it the same money" any more. / Rabid: I'm going to need to see some photo ID... / Noel: Make it out to "BEAUTIFUL Noel"! Please. / Noel: Each different kind of atom is indistinguishable from any other atom of the same kind: there are no little serial numbers on them. / Noel: It was a particular arrangement of atoms that attended your party, and that arrangement transformed over time into another arrangement. It was that later arrangement that was duplicated, and as a result, the copy has as much legitimacy to claim attendance at the party as the original! It's as perfect a copy as can be!! / Noel: Not any more! I got a hat!!|
|Perfect Copy (causality)||Noel: Ha ha! I made a perfect duplicate of myself!! / Noel: Pretty much! / Rabid: That's impossible! You weren't BOTH at my birthday party, so you're not a perfect copy!! / Noel: Is that true? / Noel: Nah. / Noel: You probably think it doesn't matter if I cloned myself and copied my memories or if I used a more esoteric method. / [[ Diffraction: Twice as likely to only work half-way. ]] / [[ Copy box: Absurd energy requirements. ]] / [[ Cloning: Uses off-the-shelf components! ]] / Noel: And you'd be right! The technical underpinnings are mostly irrelevant! / Rabid: Oh... okay! / Noel: The universe is a giant configuration of particles, and what we think of as time is the sequential ordering of configurations. The evidence we have for something happening in the past is its observable effect in the present. / Noel: Things like your memories, photos from the party, the amount of food eaten, even flakes of skin left lying around! But the best we can do is assign a statistical likelihood to the plausibility of past events based on the evidence at hand... since it's possible, although tremendously unlikely, that in the moment prior to this one, the universe was fully disordered and random. / Noel: Your memory fo the party is encoded in your brain as a particular configuration of particles, and could be encoded several different ways... / Noel: And here is Noel! Herself a unique and highly specific configuration of particles! / Noel: The likelihood of your memory-configuration spontaneously arising without a causal precedent is significantly higher than an entire Noel doing so. / Noel: It's far more likely that you forgot which glass you dropped than a glass managed to put itself back together. / Rabid: ... / Rabid: Hang on, isn't it just as likely that one of YOU is mis-remembering? / Noel: Two against one!!|
|Penguin (attack)||Rabish: Can we eat it? / Rabid: I dunno, it's pretty cute... / Rabish: Cute? We haven't eaten in three days! / Rabid: Where'd it go? I think your whining scared it completely away. / Rabid: GLK! / Noel: Seriously, you're afraid of birds? That's silly!|
|Penguin (finals)||Rabid: I probably TOTALLY passed! / Rabish; Awesome! / Rabid: And I saw you waiting for me! / Rabish: Y-you did?|
|Penguin (vacation)||Penguin: HELLO FRIEND! / Rabid: Hi! Hello penguin! / Dr Quickly: Time's up! / Rabid: NNNOOOO!! / Dr Quickly: Tell all your friends about your fabulous vacation! / Rabid: Penguin? / Rabid: Are you taking me home? Please? / Rabid: Are you my mother?|
|Dr Quickly Didn't Make It (bedtime)||Rabid: Whoargh! / Rabid: Doc? Doctor Quickly?! / Rabid: DOC! / << BAM BAM >> / Rabish: I'm calling the cops! / Rabid: What am I going to do? He must not have made it! / Rabish: It was rhetorical! Of course I want police to come here!! / Rabid: Look, call me if he shows up. / Dr Quickly: Oh, ow.|
|Dr Quickly Didn't Make It (bulkhead)||Rabid: Hggk! / Rabish: How come you never wear that scarf I made you? / Dr Quickly: MAS-TER WHY DO THEY AN-U-AL-LY DE-POS-IT FLOW-ERS AT YOUR BULK-HEAD DOOR? / Noel: They're HIPPIES. / Dr Quickly: MY OR-GAN-IC COM-PON-ENTS ARE LONE-LY. I WILL RUN A-WAY!! / Dr Quickly: FOR-GIVE ME STRANGE-R MY MEAT-Y PARTS COM-PEL ME TO GIVE YOU MA-NY HUGS!!|
|Dr Quickly Didn't Make It (slurry)||Alien: Quit stealin' our civilization's pies!! / Dr Quickly: Up yours, lumpyhead! / Rabot: Something's interfering with the captain's signal! / Rabid: Is it pies? It looks like pies. / Rabid: Gosh, usually teleport-error-goo doesn't taste so delicious! / Dr Quickly: This porridge is excellent! Best restore-from-backup party ever! What's in it? / Rabish: What's wrong, sweetie? / Rabot: I can't taste the slop! I'm very sad! I wanna quit Starfleet! / Rabish: Wait, there's a bathroom on the ship? / Rabot: Huh!|
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