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|The Unconfirmed Comic Book Day Panels||Rabid: This had better be a very delicious sandwich!
/ Rabish: The wait is long but you'll see!! / Rabid: I forgot my wallet -- !!
/ Rabish: I only brought enuff for me! / Rabid: You have to let me TASTE it!!
/ Rabish: It's not as easy as it sounds! But... well... are we alone? / Cop: ILLICIT SHARING of PROTECTED SANDWICH CONTENTS!
/ Rabid: !!
/ Rabish: Oh no! / Rabid: It turns out that prison sandwiches are fabulous!
/ Rabish: You don't say! / Rabid: I could not bear to tell her the TRUTH.
/ Cockroach: I'M enjoying it! / Space Frog: I SMUGGLED HIM OUT OF JAIL IN MY GUTS
/ Rabish: Yay! / Space Frog: WHOOPS I FORGOT TO TAKE A LOT OF ANTACIDS FIRST
|Merry Merry||Rabid: This merry-go-round is exceeding tame and thoroughly boring! / Dr Quickly: I can spice it up with ROCKETS! / Rabid: No! That sounds too DANGEROUS!! / Rabish: I could make it more fun with LIVE HORSES. / Rabid: Enough with the horses! / Rabish: ... I love horses. / Space Frog: FIRE / Rabid: Augh! No! That's awful! Go away! / Rabot: How about you sit on it and I push it at a nice speed? / Rabid: What a helpful robot! / Rabid: This is exactly very fun! / Rabot, singing: I am here to protect you from the terrible secret of space.|
|Moustache Superimposition||Dr Quickly: I have been inspired to create an innovatedly inspired invention -- inspired by TELEVISION! I call it MOUSTACHE PROJECTION! / Dr Quickly: The easiest way to use it is to attach a nicely sized moustache (or some visual analog) to the end of a dowel. Hours of slightly less passive entertainment! / Rabid: Ha ha the president is a beardo! / Rabish: So's his lady! / Space Frog: IF YOU ARE WEALTHY LIKE ME SUSPEND YOUR MOUSTACHE ELEGANTLY FROM A FISHING ROD / Television Character: Why are you smirking? / Other Television Character: In another world perhaps you have a "fu manchu" / Dr Quickly: And of course you don't have to restrict yourself to facial hair! / Rabot: Ha ha! The television person has a cat for a head! / Cat: Grrr / Television News Announcer: After this break: Dr Quickly's new "TV Modifying" invention -- can it be used for EVIL as well as FUN? / Rabid: Oh no! The news crawler tells me to give all my money to Noel! Drat! / Noel: Heh heh / [[Dr Quickly hangs a TV set from a fishing rod in front of an open book.]] / Rabish: This book was so boring until Dr Q helped out! / Dr Quickly: Glad to be of service!|
|Salubrious (statements)||[[In the kitchen with a pie.]] / Rabid: Salubrious! / [[In the dining hall with some soup.]] / Rabid: Luquilic! / [[In the library with the DICTIONARY OF UNPRONOUNCEABLE WORDS 6th EDITION.]] / Rabid: Ineffable! / [[In a convenience store looking at the centerfold of HOT XXX MONSTERS.]] / Rabid: Effable! / [[Falling asleep at the TTTT Diner, where the specials are SOLID SNAKE, ROTISSERIE OCELOT, and PANTS TURKEY, while Rabish pours hot coffee.]] / Rabid: Somnolent! / [[Shredding paper at a roadside ERASECO DOCUMENT PURGE SERVICES MOBILE UNIT.]] / Rabid: Deleterious!|
|Salubrious (addictive)||[[In the kitchen with a pie.]] / Rabid: Salubrious! / [[During THOUGHTFUL PUBLIC TELEVISION EVENING TALK SHOW.]] / Dr Quickly: The secret to my medicine pie is I cram it full of medicine. / Host: How fascinating! / Rabid: COME ON man I NEED more PIE / Dr Quickly: Your health insurance won't cover it, so PAY UP!! / [[In a court of Law-ing, presided over by Space Frog in a periwig.]] / Dr Quickly: The secret to my secret to my medicine pie is I cram it full of addictive drugs. / Space Frog: GASP / [[Dr Quickly is in adventurer garb. Rabish attends to a sickly Rabid.]] / Dr Quickly: Hey everybody I am back from my vacation!! / Rabish: Wh-- shouldn't you be in JAIL, you JERK?! / [[In jail, Noel is wearing a Dr Quickly mask.]] / Noel: CAN SOMEONE WITH PROPER HANDS HELP ME GET THIS DISGUISE OFF?!|
|Salubrious (canard)||[[In the kitchen with a pie.]] / Rabid: Salubrious! / Rabid: OH NO I ATE IT ALL TOO MUCH / [[At RABID'S BIG TOMB.]] / Space Frog: EVERYBODY IS CRYING / [[In a thinner, more careful ink.]] / Dr Quickly: I'm not sure that a degree in creative writing... particularly suits your... unique talents. / Rabid: I drew it with a marker! / [[On "DAYTIME TALK SHOW for YOU", an interview with RABID, child genius author of "RABID EAT THE PIE"]] / Rabid: Thank you for endorsing my book in your "book club"! / Host: I... thought you were... older? [sic, should be "younger"] / [[Rabid has a beard.]] / Rabid: Now that the awful book I wrote has made me unimaginably wealthy I will go into seclusion and write the Great American Novel. / Rabish: Oh thank goodness! I was starting to take the pie book at face value.|
|Blue Jay (Caloric)||[[A blue jay is surprised.]]
/ Jay: ! / Dr Quickly: AHH MY EYE MY EYE!!
|P s&W0vwGfi*bd7lkNg3*iW/p7 4V||[[Random noise.]]|
|Blue Jay (Beliefs)||[[A blue jay is surprised.]] / Jay: ! / Dr Quickly: Well of course I'll publish your book, you adorable little scamp! How cute! / Rabid: So all I have to do is BELIEVE that I REALLY WANT something -- and it will happen! / Rabish: That's ridiculous. I can't believe you're falling for a dumb bird's self-help scam. / Rabid: I'd lend you a copy to prove you wrong but it says you have to buy it yourself OR ELSE IT DOESN'T WORK!! / Dr Quickly: My little bird friend and I are far too RICH and FAT to care about the consequences of publishing such a book as we did. / Jay: CHURT / Rabish: Society will COLLAPSE! / [[In a post-apocalyptic wasteland...]] / Rabid: I can feel... the luck plane... aligning to my noggin... today I'll find some food... I just know it... / [[In front of Rabid's skeleton.]] / Space Frog: HEY IT REALLY WORKS EVERYBODY BUT ME DIED THIS BOOK IS GREAT|
|Snub (Power)||Dr Quickly: These two little fellows have been programmed to snub each other!
/ Rabid: Fascinating! / [[Being interviewed on TV AND RADIO NEWS TIME.]]
/ Host: Environmental issues are yesterday's news with Dr Quickly's BRUNCH ENGINE
/ Dr Quickly: By offering tasty foods, the robots are drawn toward the table -- then mutually repelled when they recognize each other, thus driving a generator with their oscillations.
|Snub (Frog)||Dr Quickly: These two little fellows have been programmed to snub each other! / Rabid: Fascinating! / Dr Quickly: We can determine the chemical and elemental makeup of an excited material by shining the light it emits between the robots who will diffract it out of indignation. I call this "NE-SNUB" after RWE Bunsen. / Rabid: Uh. / Space Frog: THAT COLOUR OF LIGHT / SOMEONE IS USING A SNUB SPECTROMETER AND MIMICKING THE LIGHT OF MY HOME PLANET'S SUN WHICH DRAINS MY POWERS / CRAP / Rabish: I found Space Frog all shrivelled up like a spider's raisin! / Rabid: Uh oh! We better soak him back to health! / Space Frog: HOW EXACTLY IS JARRING ME IN PICKLE WATER GOING TO HELP ME GET BETTER / OH I GUESS IT WORKED / Rabish: Thank goodness! / [[Reading the card for a gift of flowers.]] / Rabish: "Don't think this makes us friends or I owe you or ANYTHING. Thanks, Space Frog." / Rabid: How sweet!|
|Snub (Pizza)||Dr Quickly: These two little fellows have been programmed to snub each other! / Rabid: Fascinating! / Dr Quickly: These ones sing songs to each other about going for walks together. / Rabid: That's so sweet! / Dr Quickly: These ones transform into pizza toppings. / Rabid: Are you sure they are robots and not just pepperonis in hats? / Dr Quickly: The new legislation requires it no matter how silly you look. / Rabot: Is it not transparently obvious I am a robot even without a dumb HAT?! / Rabid: Why do my dimes have hats? / Intelli-vend: It is that they are SMART MONEY / Rabid: The robot pepperoni fell off my robot pizza! / Dr Quickly: Not "fell"! WAS SNUBBED!!|
|Corset (Krill)||[[Dr Quickly does something unexpected with a whalebone corset.]]
/ Dr Quickly: Ha! Bet you didn't think THAT would work! / [[The corset is around Space Frog's mouth.]]
/ Dr Quickly: Remember your promise!
/ Space Frog: ALL I WILL DO WITH MY FAKE BALEEN IS EAT THE VERY DANGEROUS MUTANT KRILL / [[Space Frog is on a killing rampage by the city docks.]]
/ Space Frog: HA HA I GET TO EAT THEIR BONES AND WALLETS AND WHATEVER ELSE IS NOT FORCED THROUGH MY MOUTH-RIBS / [[Now Space Frog works at FROG BARF COFFEE.]]
/ Space Frog: OH NO I HAVE REPENTED MY EVIL WAYS AND NOW I MAKE ESPRESSO WITH MY FACE / [[Deep underwater.]]
/ Dr Quickly: Oh! The dangerous mutant krill, left to their own devices by Space Frog's misbehaviour, have developed a thriving and advanced culture!!
|Corset (Crime)||[[Dr Quickly does something unexpected with a whalebone corset.]] / Dr Quickly: Ha! Bet you didn't think THAT would work! / Fire Golem: I FEEL... SO FINE... NO LONGER... ANGRY / Tourist: Apparently that isn't a commemorative statue, it's the rampaging golem itself!! / [[The INTERCOP / FLIC-MONDIAL press conference chamber.]] / Dr Quickly: Criminal intent is allergic to whalebone compression -- no more jails! Complete rehabilitation!! / [[In a nuclear missile silo.]] / Rabid: Well, Noel, you ARE the greatest villain of all time -- but you're wearing a moral compress so I suppose I should trust you. / Noel: Thank you. / [[Peering out of the vault, Noel watches the atomic fire scorch the earth.]] / Noel: FOOLS! MY FASHIONABLE EVIL WINS AGAIN!!|
|Corset (Spooky)||[[Dr Quickly does something unexpected with a whalebone corset.]] / Dr Quickly: Ha! Bet you didn't think THAT would work! / Dr Quickly: Now we can always see the ghost! / [[Rabish is taking a shower.]] / Rabish: I'm so conflicted! Am I glad to know the ghost leers, or would I be happier in my ignorance? / Rabid: Is the ghost really here? I can't tell... it looks faked!! / [[Dr Quickly is holding a long pole from which a corset dangles.]] / Dr Quickly: Ok ok there never was a ghost! There is a video camera inside. / Rabid: Jerk! / Dr Quickly: Oh no the peeping tom jail is HAUNTED!!|
|Demoted (Heat)||Dr Quickly: You are hereby demoted because of, uh, reasons!! / Rabid: Say WHAT?! / [[Rabid puts on a disgusting mask.]] / Rabid: Is it because of my sexual deviance? / Dr Quickly: Nope! We are all pretty kinky here! / Rabid: Is it because of my slack laziness? / Dr Quickly: Nope! Laziness is a virtue! / Rabid: Is it because of that time I drove a tank into your gut? / Dr Quickly: Nope -- it relieved a gas! / [[Rabid imagines the scene...]] / Dr Quickly: UFF / Rabid: Is it because it is so hot out you cannot think correctly? / Dr Quickly: Quite possibly!! / [[Meanwhile, my charred corpse, at my desk, trying to draw a comic, is labelled "TRUE STORY!!"]] / [[In the Arctic, with the Aurora in the background.]] / Dr Quickly: I now promote you to ULTRA CHIEFTAN for relocating us to a more pleasant environment. / Rabid: Hurrah!|
|Demoted (Trials)||Dr Quickly: You are hereby demoted because of, uh, reasons!! / Rabid: Say WHAT?! / Rabid: I have never been to meet with a lawyer before so I am quite nervous. / Giant Owl: Fear not! Your initiation will now begin -- ONWARD TO THE CAVES!! / Giant Owl: FIRST, the trial of EARTH which is to EAT SOME POTATOES / Rabid: I fry them into a hash! / Giant Owl: SUCCESS!! / Giant Owl: THE SECOND AND THIRD TRIALS which are of FIRE AND WATER have recently been combined into a DISTURBING PRIVATION -- is your mind strong enough to survive a RELAXING HOT BATH?! / Rabid: Seeing a lawyer is fun! / Giant Owl: THE FINAL TRIAL: AIR!! Can you BURP THE ALPHABET? / Rabid: Sure! ARRUP... BARRUP... / Giant Owl: Okay. Okay! You don't have to, I believe you. / Giant Owl: Congratulations! You are now a first degree lawyer and your reward for passing our initiation is we hanged your adversary! / Rabid: When I asked if I had legal recourse this is not what I had in mind!!|
|Demoted (Medal)||Dr Quickly: You are hereby demoted because of, uh, reasons!!
/ Rabid: Say WHAT?! / Rabid: I was so good at carrying around mackerel! You know, ammo boxes. Now I'm stuck peeling potatoes with soap!!
|Tin (Soup)||Rabish: The label is long gone so how do I know it's safe to OPEN let alone EAT? / Rabish: Well, here goes...
|Tin (Cram)||Rabish: The label is long gone so how do I know it's safe to OPEN let alone EAT? / [[In the control room of the Yottatron.]]
/ Dr Quickly: Okay the super-accelerated electrons should be smashing into the mystery container any second now! The ionized cloud that remains will identify the contents of the tin.
/ Rabish: You've told me how it works like fifteen times. / <
|Tin (Lady of Mazes)||Rabish: The label's gone so how do I know it's safe to open let alone eat? / Rabid: I think it's either peas, or pork and beans!
/ Rabot: Really? It looks like corn to me. / Dr Quickly: Have you reached a consensus?
/ Rabish: Yes, it's a tall can of Armour brand Potted Meat Food Product. / Dr Quickly: You see, little can, our world has no bedrock of absolute truth -- the narratives of choice and intent override our senses when they encounter incompatible input. The ancient term "virtual reality" has become meaningless.
|Masked (Wobbly)||[[A masked figure makes Rabish uneasy.]] / Masked Figure: Your change... was left... on the... counter... / Rabish: Um... thank you!! / Dr Quickly: Now I'm not naming any names... or pointing fingers at any nameless ones... but we've been getting quite a few complaints about your attitude. So, look: if you want to work among the living, you have to shape up! If this temp work dries up, you all get sent back! / Masked Figure: We... have formed... a universal... union of... supernatural beings... / [[A flaming goat holds up the "SPOOKY ACTION AT A DISTANCE" UUS logo, an inverted IWW logo.]] / Dr Quickly: !! / Ghost: Hallelujah, I'm a ghost. Hallelujah, ghost again! / Noel: I can't believe my own brother has fallen for this socialist claptrap. GET BACK INTO THE SWEATSHOP OR YOU'RE FIRED!! / [[At Space Frog Munitions Plant.]] / Space Frog: YOU ARE LOOKING FOR HONEST WORK AND YOU COME TO ME HA HA / Dr Quickly: Well, I gave my company to the workers... had a change of heart... saw the nobility of honest work -- and you're hiring! / Space Frog: YEAH WE'RE REAL BUSY HERE IT WAS THE "HONEST" PART I FOUND FUNNY|
|Masked (Fortnight)||[[A masked figure makes Rabish uneasy.]] / Dr Quickly: According to my ancient tome, your apparition of masked evil means a loved one close to you will die within a fortnight! / Rabish: Then there's only one thing to do! / Rabid: Why are you being such a jerk lately? I don't want to hang out any more. / Rabish: Ha! Good! Skedaddle, you reeking chump! Good riddance!! / Demon: YOUR TIME IS UP / Rabish: Too bad I foiled your plan! I hate everybody!! / Rabish: The ironic twist was that I loved my own generous and kind nature -- which I trampled to death to save everyone else. / Space Frog: IT'S GREAT THAT YOU'RE A JACKASS NOW REALLY IT IS BUT WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME / [[An advertisement for R and SF Associates, Professional Harbingers of Apocalypse. "Call now -- toll free"]] / Space Frog: WE BRING APOCALYPSE TO YOUR FACES|
|Masked (Love)||[[A masked figure makes Rabish uneasy.]] / Mask: Are you not comic strip famous lady monster Rabish from internet?
/ Rabish: Oh! It -- it hadn't occurred to me that you might recognize me! / Mask: Ah! Ah! Did I cause offense? Oh, I stared so creepily!! Profuse apologies!! My shame! My shame! I admire you so...
/ Rabish: Please don't be upset! The fault was entirely my own. Allow me to... shall I treat you to a coffee? / Rabish: These last few weeks together with you have been... so wonderful!! The best time of my life. And still, I know so little about you!
/ Mask: Ah... there is not much to say... Oh! The call! The call! I must go! I am so sorry!! / <
|Bakery (Interrupted)||[[At the Local Bakery Where Everyone Works.]]
/ Rabid: Co-worker Rabish! I bought you some beautiful flowers!! / <
|Bakery (drugs)||Rabid: Co-worker Rabish! I bought you some beautiful flowers!! / Rabish: So you just felt like giving me another bouquet out of love just... just like that? Again? I'm running out of space...
/ Rabid: FOR YOU!! / Rabid: This entire book of wonderful poems is dedicated to you! Some of them are limericks. I spent a very long time on it.
/ Rabish: There once was a boyfriend who wrote it so badly that he was demoted! He used to get smooches but now he's so louche his creations'll never be quoted!
/ Rabid: There once was a girlfriend so cynical her critical gaze was the pinnacle of unjust derision--which led to rescission of boyfriends who found her inimical. / Rabid: I don't get it! I'm just trying to be nice to you! With wonderful gifts always!!
/ Rabish: Thanks to you I actually have TOO MANY candies! Stop BRIBING ME!
|Bakery (imagination)||Rabid: Co-worker Rabish! I bought you some beautiful flowers! / Rabid: Wait! No! They're not for eating!!
|Grotto (salver)||Rabid: What a beautiful place for our honeymoon!
/ Rabish: Hoy, a strange illumination from that grotto!! / Rabid: That clanging -- someone's serving salad from a stainless steel salver!
/ Rabish: Good ears...
|Grotto (pattern)||Rabid: What a beautiful place for our honeymoon!
/ Rabish: Hoy, a strange illumination from that grotto!! / Rabid: It's full of glowing gemstones!
/ Rabish: I feel dizzy and weird!! I'll pick some of these stones up so we can shew them to Dr Quickly... / Dr Quickly: I've never seen anything like it -- you say she's "infected" by the crystals?
/ Rabid: It spread from where she touched them. / Rabish: STOP YANKING ON MY MOUTH CRYSTAL -- I AM NOW A SUPREME BEING THANKS TO THE PATTERN! HAIL TO THE PATTERN!! JOIN ME OR PERISH!!
|Grotto (snake)||Rabid: What a beautiful place for our honeymoon! / Rabish: Hoy, a strange illumination from that grotto!! / Rabish: Why, it's a gigantic birthday cake!! / Rabid: Neat! / [[The cake is labelled "HAPPY 300TH BIRTHDAY NAME REMOVED"]] / Rabid: What a stupid name! We should ruin this stupidly named person's birthday by eating their entire cake. / Rabish: Come quick! It was a trap! The cake was poisoned with glue!! / Dr Quickly: I'm tempted to stand by and teach you both a lesson about how cakelifting is an immoral practice akin to theft, but I'm in a generous mood and will assist you with this poisonous snake. / Rabid: Sucking the glue out of my system with a snake sure saved my bacon!! / Dr Quickly: You haven't any bacon, you ridiculous fool. Now leave me, as this snake is exhibiting some curious and unexpected properties upon exposure to such high levels of sticky-paste. / Rabot: My workplace would be so disorganized if it weren't for Dr Quickly Brand Adhesive Vipers!!|
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