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Choice (Process) Rabid: Well? Which do you CHOOSE? / Rabish: HOW can I POSSIBLY DECIDE?! / Rabid: Hold a raffle! And whoever wins gets to pick for you. / Rabish: And who gets raffle tickets? / Rabid: Throw darts at a list of names! / Rabish: Who goes on the list? / Rabid: Flip a coin! / Rabish: Heads or tails wins? / Rabid: Divine that with yarrow stalks! / Rabish: With which I Ching translation? / Rabid: Use a "random" algorithm. / Rabish: Which one? / Rabid: Roll a 20-sider... / Rabish: What goes on the list? / Rabid: Stick a pin in a book and see the page it reaches. / Rabish: What book? / Rabid: Ask a librarian fro a recommendation! / Rabish: Where? / Rabid: YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY!! / Rabish: Okay, jeez, you don't have to get mad. Uh... and thank you. / Dr Quickly: I win, I WIN!! Ooooh, pick the BLUE one! / Rabish: Ew, no!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/180/
Cuddles (Dogs) Rabid: CUDDLES?! / Rabish: No! That's a TERRIBLE and INSIPID NAME! / Rabish: His name will be... FOOFY!! / Professor Bug Wiggles: Actually, my dear, I already HAVE a name -- not to disparage your, er, inspired choice. I am none other than... Professor Bug Wiggles. / Rabid: A talking dog! We'll be rich! / Rabid: But the big night of our stage premiere arrived and he spoke not a word! We were laughed and booed all the way home. / Dr Quickly: Yeah... sorry about that. / Dr Quickly: I have been practicing ventriloquism and fooled you with that dog. / Rabid: For HONEST? / Dr Quickly: It doesn't stop there! / <> / Dr Quickly: All this time you've been talking to a SACK of dogs!! / Rabid: AHHHH!! / Dogs: Yes.
http://nameremoved.com/comics/181/
Cuddles (Carnival) Rabid: CUDDLES?! / Rabish: I would be more inclined to act physically affectionate if you weren't so CREEPY about it. / Rabid: HOLD HANDS?! / Rabish: Asking for a less intimate form of contact with the same obscene intensity is actually even WORSE. / [[They leave the TUNNEL OF UNPLEASANTNESS.]] / Rabid: That was AWFUL. / Rabish: Oh, YOU think so?! / Dr Quickly: My carnival has gone bankrupt -- but WHY?!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/182/
Cuddles (Babies) Rabid: CUDDLES?! / Rabish: You're getting there but it's still not immature enough. Maybe try a cutesy mispronunciation? / Rabid: WAN HUG-GLOOOS!! / Rabish: ... what? / Rabid: "Want huggles"... I don't know, it SOUNDED right. / Rabish: Try again. / Rabid: RARR BABY WANTS WUV!! / Rabish: Yikes! THAT'S more like it!! / Rabid: I dunno, it feels forced. / Rabish: You just need to practice! Now come on, we're short for time. / [[At the registration booth for the Scary But Cute Baby Imitators Third International Imitate-Off...]] / Rabid: What do you mean by "DISQUALIFIED"?! / Attendant: Babies don't wear SUITS.
http://nameremoved.com/comics/183/
Hot In Here (Flare) Rabid: HOW is it so HOT in here?! / Rabish: Bleargh!! / Rabid: The sweat has slicked down my furs. / Rabish: You look so sinuous!! / Rabid: Now the sweat evaporated and the salty residue has HARDENED. / Rabish: Oh no! The internal juices have vapourized in the heat, propelling his head like a rocket capsule!! / Dr Quickly: A flare! / Rabot: We found them!! / Dr Quickly: Why are you so sad, Rabish? We rescued you, and the camels have a tasty salt lick! / [[Moral: When you come across a giant oven in a desert, don't consider it to be "shelter".]]
http://nameremoved.com/comics/184/
 
Hot In Here (Wool) Rabid: HOW is it so HOT in here?! / Rabish: Bleargh!! / Rabish: I'm having trouble breathing... / Rabid: What IS this place? My hands feel... puffy? / Dr Quickly: I wonder how my experiment about INVISIBLE YARN is doing! / Dr Quickly: Hey, kids! / Rabid: DOCTOR!! / Rabish: WHAT'S GOING ON?! / Rabid: Wow, it's really selling well!! / Dr Quickly: Actually, no, it isn't. / Rabot: "INVISIBLE" SHEEP -- HALT!! FOR I CAN DETECT YOUR BAD AND SUSPICIOUSLY GOAT-LIKE BEHAVIOUR WITH MY ELECTRONIC SENSORS!! / <>
http://nameremoved.com/comics/185/
Hot In Here (Bluth, 1997) Rabid: HOW is it so HOT in here?! / Rabish: Bleargh! / Rabish: Oh no! The palace is on fire!! / Rabid: The ANTI-SOCIALISTS did it, just to be jerks! We must FLEE!! / <> / Dr Quickly: Eh? It seems the Royal Family all perished -- save the young princess who fled the fledgling "So-What-viet Union"... / Noel Mauvais: Is this where I'm supposed to shew up and say something sinister? / Dr Quickly: Rasputin! You sly dog, you! / Noel Mauvais: What? / <> / Noel Mauvais: Anastasia! Return to your rightful place as Queen! Or Tsarina! The Antisocialists have all gone back to their bedrooms to sulk, and the empire is yours!! / Rabish: So are you supposed to be Rasputin or the Dowager Empress? / Dr Quickly: Well, Wikipedia says "Meanwhile, Bartok (having left Rasputin during the Final Showdown), happy to see Anastasia and Dimitri together, does a little jig." / Rabot: But jigs are Irish. Shouldn't I dance an ugros?
http://nameremoved.com/comics/186/
Tablespoon (Pie) Rabid: So what do you call this fabulous new invention? / Dr Quickly: A... TABLESPOON!! / Dr Quickly: I use it to ensure I can measure out accurate portions of both wet and dry ingredients. / Rabid: Ingredients? For... what?! / Dr Quickly: BAKING A DELICIOUS PIE!! / Dr Quickly: Before we can enjoy the tasty pie I must divide it into slices. / <> / Rabid: Bleargh! This pie is full of METAL SPOONS!! / Rabot: Do you like it? I like it a lot. It is best served with washer and nut ice cream. Did you know robots eat metal?
http://nameremoved.com/comics/187/
Tablespoon (Feds) Rabid: So what do you call this fabulous new invention? / Dr Quickly: A... TABLESPOON!! / Dr Quickly: DELICATELY I lever the layers of figures in my spread shets. Tabular data cupped in its gentle metal bowl! Oh yes! With it, cooking the books is a short order! / Rabid: You talk about your ledgers as if they're phyllo pastry... How does this spoon WORK?! / Dr Quickly: It is made of PUREST ACCOUNTIUM in a SPACE LABORATORY!! / Dr Quickly: And it is specially measured to cut the "mustard" -- the curve of the depression precisely set up to... to make... / Dr Quickly: ... to make up... / Dr Quickly: ... OK it is a reg'lar spoon. / Dr Quickly: But my ledgers ARE phyllo pastry -- and the FEDS are BUSTIN' DOWN THE DOOR... So grab a spoon and get CRAMMIN'!! / Rabid: Yay! / Noel Mauvais: WHAT? you ATE all the EVIDENCE?! I guess we'll have to GARNISH your WAGES!! You'll get the ELECTRIC CHERRY!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/188/
Tablespoon (Bread) Rabid: So what do you call this fabulous new invention? / Dr Quickly: A... TABLESPOON!! / Dr Quickly: It will help me out at the restaurant -- seating people and serving their food. Oh! It'd be good for baking bread, too! / Rabid: That's... that's a baker's paddle. Or an OAR. You didn't invent the OAR!! / Dr Quickly: WHAT?! No!! What's an OAR? / [[On a boat, now.]] / Dr Quickly: I thought these were called "water shovels"... / [[An ocean beast appears.]] / Beat: RAR / Dr Quickly: My! / Rabid: Oh! / Dr Quickly: Look, it's full of fresh hot bread!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/189/
 
Cannot (dogless fur) Dr Quickly: I CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!! / Dr Quickly: Read it back. / Rabot: Ahem! "Dear sirs: I noticed your call for entries in a science contest while perusing the daily news. However, the rigid categories for entrants preclude my own admission as the skills I represent are not so easily... er... CONTRAMPULATED... I don't think that's a word. / Dr Quickly: What do you mean, DISQUALIFIED?! / Admissions Secretary: You have SLOPPY TECHNIQUE. This isn't a contest for MAD science. / Dr Quickly: BUT I MADE "DOGLESS FUR TREES"!! For people with ALLERGIES!! It's BRILLIANT!! / <> / Dr Quickly: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! YOU HAVE PUNY MENTALITIES!! I'LL STOMP ON YOUR CRUMBY IDEAS! / Dr Quickly: Alright, genetically engineered freak army of adjudicating sycophants: WHO WIN IT? / Sycophants: YOU WIN IT!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/190/
Cannot (goat cheese) Dr Quickly: I CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! / Foreman: Alright, boys, these goats won't milk themselves! / Workers: Yessir!! / Dr Quickly: HOLD, YOU! YOU, THERE!! You, you guys, there... / Foreman: Whoa. What -- who IS that? / Worker: That's a hell of a costume. / Dr Quickly: YOU LEAVE MY GOATS ALONE THEY'RE FOR AN EXPERIMENT!! / Dr Quickly: Their milk is fermenting "in mammo" to see if they will extrude Delicious Cheese from their teats directly. Just think! The perfect temperature! / Worker: That's AWFUL. / Fat Worker: They're in obvious pain from the milk ROTTING INSIDE THEM!! / Dr Quickly: But -- SCIENCE CHEESE!! / [[Dr Quickly has huge swollen sweaty teats.]] / Dr Quickly: I don't CARE what I told you before! It HURTS and I need to be MILKED RIGHT NOW!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/191/
Cannot (brewing) Dr Quickly: I CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! / Dr Quickly: I need some way to keep my coffee PIPING HOT while I read this newspaper at a leisurely pace! It is getting COLD and that WILL NOT DO!! / <> / Rabid: We found his favourite coffee mug all melted to cupslag in there, too, so we're pretty sure the ashes are his. / Rabish: What are we going to do without him? / Rabish: Hey, he brews up pretty good! / Rabid: It doesn't taste too... ashy?! / Rabish: Whoa -- everything went all, uh... SCIENCY all of a sudden. / Dr Quickly: What do you mean DECAFFEINATED?! / Cherubim: That's all we got, guy.
http://nameremoved.com/comics/192/
Explosion (shouting) Rabid: Oh no! What will I do?! / Rabid: This strangely radioactive stone is all that remains of my obliterated home world. / Space Frog: OH YEAH?! / Rabid: WAIT!! It is DRAINING my POWERS!! / Space Frog: HA! IT IS INCREASING MINE!! / Rabid: ... You have powers? / Space Frog: POWERS OF SHOUTING!! / Space Frog: YAAAAA!! / Rabid: You exploded the rock with your shouting and our powers have reset to default. / Space Frog: TOO BAD BECAUSE I'M NOT DONE SHOUTING!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/193/
Explosion (breeding) Rabid: Oh no! What will I do?! / [[Rabid is reading "The sexual practices of MONSTERS 4th edition revised and expanded".]] / Rabid: No, there's no mention of monsters like us... / Rabish: But we need to repopulate!! / Rabid: For truth! Someone must know how... / Rabid: But all the birds and bees were obliterated along with our home planet! / Dr Quickly: Then you'll have to MAKE DO somehow. / Square-headed monster: No, I think the Holy Story of the First Monsters is an allegory for SPACE TRAVELLING CLONES!! / Round-headed monster: That... that's BLASFEEMEOUS!! / Square-headed monster: Finally I have gained access to the inner sanctum of the Church of the First Monsters! / Rabish: Heyo. / Rabid: Aren't you the "space aliens" guy? / Rabish: Would you like to listen to an audiocassette recording with us? / Square-headed monster: An... AUDIOCASSETTE?! But then... is this a tale of a grim and distant FUTURE or a grim and distant PAST?!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/194/
 
Explosion (smashing) Rabid: Oh no! What will I do?! / Rabish: Here are the old newspapers you asked for. / Rabid: Great! Could you tear them into strips for me?! / Rabid: DONE! Now I just need to paint it and ignite the artificial sun at its core. / Space Frog: SO I COME BACK AFTER A LONG SPACE JOURNEY AND FIND THE PLANET REPLACED BY A DYSON SPHERE PINATA WELL OK / Space Frog: I WIN CANDY / Dr Quickly: I think you ate TOO MUCH CANDY!! / Space Frog: THIS IS STUPID I NEVER HAD TEETH
http://nameremoved.com/comics/195/
Present presenting (shadow) Rabish: Go on! Do it! Open it!! / Rabid: Okay, yes, I am opening it!! / Rabid: How did you get that in such a tiny box? / Rabish: Open it again! / Rabid: I guess I have to!! / Rabid: This one's going to take a while... / Rabish: Here's an oxygen mask. / Rabid: Oh! This is the book I asked for!! / Rabish: Yes! To disguise it I folded it in half two dozen times. / Rabot: ALL MY CROPS HAVE FAILED BECAUSE OF THE SHADOW FROM THE MASS OF ORBITAL WRAPPING PAPER. / Space Frog: AN ECOLOGICAL DISASTER HA HA
http://nameremoved.com/comics/196/
Present presenting (stove) Rabish: Go on! Do it! Open it!! / Rabid: Okay, yes, I am opening it!! / Rabid: But... we've talked about this... I don't... I CAN'T marry you! / Rabish: Go soak your head! And then read th'inscription, you goof. / <> / Rabid: Uh... well, hang on, my phone is ringing and I am going to go and answer it... / Rabish: But you have to READ it!! You jerk! Come back!! / <> / Slasheyed Monster: Ha ha hey guys come check this CRAZY inscription on this ring I just dug up! / Orangeheaded Monster: Hey, over HERE I found a monster's head stove in with the base of a telephone! / Hatwearing Monster: That's so COOL! / Slasheyed Monster: Awesome! / Fuzzy Monster: Wow I found an ancient birthday cake PERFECTLY PRESERVED by a crust of SALTY, REGRETFUL TEARS!! / Orangeheaded Monster: Oh you SO win at this!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/197/
Present presenting (noose) Rabish: Go on! Do it! Open it!! / Rabid: Okay, yes, I am opening it!! / Rabid: Uh... it's a... uh... what? / Rabish: I'll SHOW you!! / Rabid: Oh by the powers of goodness I am so totally humiliated but the furry tail is so TEMPTATIOUS!! / Rabish: Hee hee! / <> / Rabid: Consensual! / Space Frog: DEPRAVITY!! I SENTENCE US ALL TO DEATH / Space Frog: OK HANG MAN DO YER STUFF / Hangman: SURE THING / Hangman: OOH DANGLY / <>
http://nameremoved.com/comics/198/
Here comes adventure! (Magic Missile) Rabid: Here comes ADVENTURE!! / [[Rabish and Mister Bun are having tea. Rabid looks pleased with himself.]] / [[Rabid looks embarrassed.]] / [[Rabid looks dejected.]] / Rabish: MAGIC MISSILE!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/199/
 
Here comes adventure! (Session) Rabid: HERE COMES ADVENTURE!! / Rabid: SLAYING!! / Dr Quickly: HALT EVIL-DO-ER-ER / Rabid: SHANT / [[A tombstone reads "RABID LEVEL 1 BARBARIAN"]] / Rabid: OH COME ON!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/200/
Here comes adventure! (Speaking part) Rabid: HERE COMES ADVENTURE!! / Director: CUT! You do NOT have a SPEAKING role you INTRUSIVE IRRITANT!! / Rabid: But -- the ADVENTURE! My blood runs bold with it! / Rabish: I like how they made a computer graphics bird fly in front of your face in your one scene. / Rabid: I DO NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!! / Rabid: In fact what they REALLY did is even WORSE!! They hit me in the face with a MOP they claimed was a "MOTION CAPTURE RIG"!! / Rabid: Then they set me on fire and pushed me down some stairs! / Rabish: What?! / Rabid: They said they would save enough money on effects that way for the computer bird! "Act like a shooting star", they said!! / Rabid: What do you mean, my movie paycheque is NO GOOD?! / Teller: THAT MOVIE WAS AWFUL! THIS CHEQUE IS WORTHLESS!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/201/
the holidays MERRY ECKSMAS / Rabid: Come closer to the tree!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/202/
Lying Down (cellphone) Rabid: I'm so tired... I'll just lie down here for a minute... / Dr Quickly: We believe this device was a magic charm used to scare away evil spirits! / Dr Quickly: The sigils on the inner face are found, in varying order, on many of the totems of this ancient civilization. / <> / Dr Quickly: OH MY! / Rabish: What is taking him so long? By the time he gets to the store, all the milk THERE will have gone bad, too!! / Rabot: ALL THE MILK HAS GONE BAD... FOREVER!! / Space Frog: HOORAY CHEESE
http://nameremoved.com/comics/203/
Lying Down (hammock / dandruff) {{title text: Lying Down (hammock)}} / Rabid: I'm so tired... I'll just lie down here for a minute... / Rabid: ZZZZZ / Rabid: Oh! A beautiful tropical island paradise! I must be DREAMING! / Rabid: Well, whatever. I think I'll "catch some zees" in my radical hammock. / Rabid: ZZZ -- OH!! This dream is much worse! I need to wake up!! / Dr Quickly: The hypothermia is taken care of, but he's herniating his coffee gland trying to wake up... / Rabid: NGH! / {{title text: Lying Down (dandruff)}} / Rabid: I'm so tired... I'll just lie down here for a minute... / <> / Rabid: WHAT?! The ground is springy and shoots me back upright! / Dr Quickly: Your hunch was right -- this isn't snow at all!! The "flakes" consist of microscopic helical compression springs! / <> / Rabid: TRY AN ANTI-DANDRUFF SHAMPOO!! / Rabot: This is more embarrasing than explaining my obscene power requirements! I wish I hadn't been built so huge!! Oh how I wish! / Rabot: What part of "SMALLER" sounds like "A REAL BOY", huh?!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/204/
 
Perspiration (sandwich) Dr Quickly: What a disaster! My errant perspiration has infiltrated my invention!! / Dr Quickly: Now all the toast is very soggy and will not hold a static charge! I guess I have to make do and forge ahead regardless... / Noel Mauvais: The "BISTROTHEQUE ELECTRONIQUE" absolutely will not serve such limp, runny, and unpowered "CHARGED SANDWICHES" as this! You are FIRED from being a potential chef here! GET OUT!! / Dr Quickly: I DID THE BEST I COULD!! / Noel Mauvais: Now that he's gone -- I can eat this delicious-looking sandwich he left! / <> / Noel Mauvais: DELICIOUS!! (But a bit salty... ?!)
http://nameremoved.com/comics/205/
Perspiration (timeslip) Dr Quickly: What a disaster! My errant perspiration has infiltrated my invention!! / Dr Quickly: What a disaster! My errant perspiration has infiltrated my invention!! / / Dr Quickly: What a disaster! My errant perspiration has infiltrated my invention!! / / Dr Quickly: What a disaster! My errant perspiration has infiltrated my invention!! / / Dr Quickly: What a disaster! My errant perspiration has infiltrated my invention!! / / Dr Quickly: What a disaster! My errant perspiration has infiltrated my invention!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/207/
Dance Music (Oom-pah) Rabish: This dance music is SPECTACULAR!! / Dolphin the Tuba Boy's Tuba: BLRT BLRT FMB / [[Death Itself hands Dolphin the Tuba Boy a glass of water.]] / <> / Dolphin the Tuba Boy's Tuba: BOON FNRT BOF / Rabid and Rabish: YEAHHHH!!
http://nameremoved.com/comics/208/
Dance Music (Rice-a-like) Rabish: This dance music is SPECTACULAR!! / Rabish: People are so exercised by the throbbing beat that they are throwing confetti!! / Rabid: Also rice! / Dr Quickly: It's not rice! It's BETTER!! It's "Dr Quickly's HIGH-DEFINITION Artificial Rice-A-Like"! Note the silver sheen of electro-quality PERFECTION PLATING! / Rabid: BLEAUGH! This isn't even remotely edible! / Dr Quickly: Not even remotely! Isn't it EXCITING!? / King Rat: We've all been starvin' somethin' fierce since this faux-rice "hit the stage"!! / King Pigeon: We must rise up against th'doctor! STOP HIM!! / Rabot: The security system just obliterated a swarm of attacking rats and pigeons... / Dr Quickly: Ew, gross! Are they all exploded and stuff!? / Rabot: Yeah. / Dr Quickly: Eww!! / King Roach: HA! Bringing th'apocalypse down on 'em heads'll shew THEM for neglecting t'invite ME to the ROYAL COUNCIL!! / King Roach: Good thing I can eat this synthetic rice, since it is the only foodstuff to survive...
http://nameremoved.com/comics/209/
Dance Music (Cellular) Rabish: This dance music is SPECTACULAR!! / Dr Quickly's Telephone: ANSWER YOUR PHONE ANSWER YOUR PHONE ANSWER YOUR PHONE ANSWER YOUR PHONE / Rabish: That new "techno" vocal sample track is the wrong tempo. Could our SO awesome DJ be MESSING UP THE DANCE FLOOR?! / <> / Dr Quickly: No, look, I'm at a discotheque -- YEAH that's what the noise is! Can I call you... ok... can I call you back? / Rabish: Doctor Quickly! Your cellphone has ruined everyone's fun!! / Dr Quickly: No, I'm not "out dancing with my trampy monster friends"! I'm the freaking DJ! It's my JOB! ... YES I get paid! I'm GOOD at it so get off my case! ... No, I DON'T know when I'll be home! I'm getting off the phone now! GOODBYE!! / Dr Quickly: WHAT!? What are you all standing around for? Get back to dancing!! / Rabid: I think it's time to go home. / Space Frog: HA HA I IMITATED THE VOICE OF HIS GUILTY CONSCIENCE SO PERFECTLY HE THOUGHT IT WAS CALLING HIM HA HA DANCE MUSIC IS FOR SUCKERS
http://nameremoved.com/comics/210/
 

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