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| CLIFF HANGER !! | Dr. Love: WHAOW! Take this!
/ Abe: Will this kill Shackleton or something?
/ Dr. Love: Naw, baaay-bay! It's plain ol' OJ! You look like you could use some vitamin C! OHW! Anyway, here's what you do:
/ [[SHORTLY:]]
/ Abe [Thinking]: Dang, I feel like I am safe from getting scurvy for a while.
/ [[ABE IS NOW USNIG HIS MIND POWERS TO COMMUNICATE]]
/ Abe: Amelia! The power to save yourself is within you!
/ Abe: You have the power... to disappear mysteriously.
/ Abe: see, 'cause you're Amelia Earhart? http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=419 |
| Fin. | [[Amelia Earhart disappears with a "POP!" after being pushed by Shackleton]] / [[Shackleton falls off a cliff, eventually landing]] / Abe: There, there. Don't worry, we're safe now. It's all over. He can't hurt you now. / Shackleton: This is the last time you get in Shackleton's way, you thrice-cursed Tellurian bastard. / [[Newspaper reads: EXTRA!! EARTH BEING PUSHED TOWARDS THE SUN SCIENTISTS BAFFLED/FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW]] http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=420 |
| Ruminatin' | Washington: One ticket for the 7:30 showing of Explosions: The Movie, please.
/ Abe [[Thinking]]: Aw Crud. / Abe [[Thinking]]: I can't believe I forgot to go to the bathroom before we left.
/ Ticket Clerk: That will be forty dollars, please.
/ Washington: Keep the change, sweet-cheeks. / Ticket Clerk: Two twenties and a nickel... thanks. Can I help the next in line?
/ Abe [[Thinking]]: Now I'm gonna have to perpetrate on the hated public toilet. / Ticket Clerk: Sir, can I help you?
/ Abe [[Thinking]]: Ugh, I bet some jerk with a crazy bowels problem will have sprayed like every surface with his waste products. / Abe [[Thinking]]: Why can't public bathrooms just be like my home bathroom. Nothing gross happens in there. / Ticket Clerk: Uh, sir? Sir?
/ Abe [[Thinking]]: Well, uh okay, turds happen in there. But they are APPROPRIATE turds. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=421 |
| On the Nature of Dogs | Ticket Clerk: SIR! Are you going to buy a ticket or not??
/ Abe: Huh! What? Oh, sorry! I was just thinking about... uh... / Abe [[Thinking]]: ...don't say poops don't say poops don't say poops don't say poops don't... / Abe: a... white... dog.
/ Ticket Clerk: Okay... / [[SHORTLY]] / [[Abe is picturing a white dog]]
/ Washington: So let me get this straight... that whole five minutes you were standing there while the lady was trying to get your attention, you were thinking about a white dog? / Washington: Just like, friggin' pondering on the concept of a white dog?
/ [[Abe continues picturing a white dog]] / Abe [[Thinking]]: But what if it was a brown dog?
/ [[Abe pictures a brown dog]]
/ Abe [[Thinking]]: All right!
/ Washington: Dude? http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=422 |
| Conspicuous Consumption | Abe: There! [[CLINK!]]
/ Abe: Now that I'm the richest man in the galaxy, it's time to kick back and start enjoying the luxuries I've worked so hard to earn!
/ Washington: Whatever. You wouldn't know luxury if it bit off your genitals.
/ Abe: I admit, luxury would be difficult to recognize in that form... [[DING!]]
/ Washington: What was that?
/ Abe: Ah, that would be my bagel freshly toasted from a trip in a rocket sent 'round the sun. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=423 |
| Plicka what? Plicka please | Abe: Would you look at this kid. All "bumping" his dang "tunes" all over our friggin' neighborhood.
/ Beethoven: His car all hopped up on hydraulics like some kinda maniac. I tell ya, in my day we went deaf and we liked it!
/ Abe: HEY YOU IDIOT KID WHY DON'T YOU TURN DOWN THAT AWFUL SASSAFRASIN' HARP-HOP MUSIC
/ [[Car: twing twin plicka-pluck-plick]]
/ [[Car: beedle-pling-ting beedle-deedle ticka-pling]]
/ [[Car: PLICKA PLONG]] http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=424 |
| Spooky the Skeleton | Abe: I'm going to start a comic I will draw! This is my intent.
/ Abe: It's about a skeleton called Spooky the Skeleton and his spooky pals!
/ Abe: I will show it to all my friends. Popularity guaranteed!
/ [[Spooky the Skeleton: BEING A SKELETON IS HELLA LAAAAAME]]
/ Skeleton Shakespeare: This makes me feel pretty bad about myself. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=425 |
| Imbibition | Bartender: What can I get you, sir?
/ Ichlor: Whole milk, straight up.
/ Lincoln: Dang, been a while since I seen you down here at the Milk Bar Ichlor! Hittin' the hard stuff too, I see.
/ Ichlor: Hey, Abe. What happening.
/ Abe: Not much dude. Just knockin' back a couple o' cool half pints.
/ Abe: What brings you down here? Trying to fortify away your troubles with vitamin D?
/ Ichlor: Oh, it just Ichlor Jr. I afraid he falling in with bad crowd. Ichlor find evidence Junior hanging out with those dang troublemaking tuna kids.
/ [[Notebook with the word ALBAXCORE written on the top depicting a dripping knife, a skull and crossbones, two lightning bolts, and a pierced punk fish sporting a tattoo that says "TATTOOZ RUL"]] http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=426 |
| Talkin' at the Bus Stop | Abe: Hey! Secretariat! What's up dude? Waitin' for the bus too, eh?
/ Secretariat: Yep.
/ Abe: Cool, cool... So uh, won any races lately?
/ Secretariat: Presided over any North American countries lately? http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=427 |
| Rationalization | Abe: Rationalization is when you want to do something you know you shouldn't, so you make up reasons why it's OK. / Abe: For instance, hitting George with a hammer. I shouldn't do it, but man that guy is a jerk! PLUS he owned slaves. Hammer-worthy! / Washington: OW! YOU MOTHER-LOVING SON OF A CROCKPOT / Abe: Wait... are you saying, via the law of syllogism, that I love crockpots? / Washington: So what if I am? / Abe: Oh George, we both know talk like that leads to violence. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=428 |
| Taking Umbrage | Abe: Hey Otto, lovely morning isn't it! How're you do-
/ Otto: Let me ask you something, Jody. / Otto: Do you ever stop and think to yourself,"Maybe I shouldn't annoy Otto von Bismarck all the time, considering he could be the guy who ordered my assassination?" / Abe: WHAT! / Otto: Think about it, you addle-pated milksop. I came to power in the great Prussian empire around the time of your presidency... and I was still in power long after your death. Ask yourself: who stood to gain? WHO STOOD TO GAIN? / Abe: I wasn't talking about that! I was talking about the wounds you've inflicted on my fragile little ears with the swear words you just used! / Abe: In the future, I'll thank you to refer to politically-motivated murder as "buttbuttination," please. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=429 |
| Entertainment | Abe: Dude Shakespeare I'm bored. Quick! Entertain me.
/ Shakespeare: Uh okay I guess I can do that. / [[shake shake shake shake sha ke shake shake shake shake]] / Abe: Man can't you write me up a play or something? A dumb little dance ain't gonna cut it this time. / Shakespeare: OK this uh this is a play about a well it's about a robot cyborg from the future OK so here I am playing him: UH HELLO BOOP BEEP I AM FROM THE FUTURE WAIT UH IAMBIC PENTAMETER UM / Abe: Wait, a robot cyborg? A cyborg is half human. Wouldn't a robot cyborg be two robot halves and thus just a robot? / Shakespeare: Yeah, er, all right yeah you can play the skeptical guy I was definitely gonna put in a guy like that... uh... Exeunt? http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=430 |
| Interpersonal Relationships | Washington: I think--
/ Abe: Oh, whatever. You're a jerky douche anyway and no one cares about your opinions. / Washington: Yeah, OK. Look, dude. I don't know if you've noticed but no one really likes you, man. Everybody is just sort of stuck hanging out with you because you're loud and you're always around. Have you ever noticed how you don't really have relationships with anyone beyond trying to impress them or make a joke at their expense? / Abe: That's not true! I... I can think of tons of people who like to hang out with me! / Abe: Like for example, Darw-- / [[thinking]]
/ Abe: Hey Darwin, want some pizza?
/ Darwin: Sure-- / Abe: How about a pizza HAT! Hahahaha! http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=431 |
| Leaving Impressive Impressions | Abe: OK, but Liz likes to hang out with me... / Abe: Hmmm... / [[scoot scoot]]
/ Abe: HMMMM... / Elizabeth: *Sigh* What are you reading?
/ Abe: Oh, just a treatise on the rise of mercantilist empires and their effect on global economy and the military-industrial complex. Nothing you'd understand. / Elizabeth: wanker. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=432 |
| What Are Friends For | Abe: I'm sure someone likes me! M-Maybe Amelia? / Abe: Hey Amelia. My computer is kinda busted can you come fix it.
/ Amelia: Uh, sure! No problem. / Abe: Hey Amelia. Remember how last time you told me not to delete my hard drive? Well I did. Can you come fix it please.
/ Amelia: Uh... yeah I guess so. / Abe: Hey Amelia. I think I downloaded all the viruses. Come fix OK.
/ Amelia: Ugh. Fine! / Abe: Hey Amelia--
/ Amelia's Answering Machine: Hi! This is Amelia... leave me a message! Oh, unless this is Abe, in which case this isn't Amelia. She moved. Forever. / Abe: Hi. Can whoever lives here come fix my computer? I dropped my sandwich in it. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=433 |
| Recognition | Abe: All right, no one likes me. Fine. But you know what? Who cares! I don't need them! I don't need anyone! / Abe: I'm Abe Lincoln, dammit! / Hamlin: I like you, Mr. Lincoln! / Abe: Oh great, some random balding guy likes me. / Hamlin: Hey, I'm not balding! Anyway, it's me Abe! Hannibal Hamlin, your vice president. I don't know why you can never remember that. / [[1860:]]
/ Abe: With you on the ticket, we can't lose! The voters go wild for a veep with a memorable haircut! http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=434 |
| Body Issues | Abe: Sup, dudes? / Washington: You... you have a body! How do you have a body? / Abe: What, this old thing? Had it for ages! Now, who's up for some tap-dancing! / [[tippity tip tap tap tappity]]
/ [[tippity tappity tip tap tappity tippity tap]]
/ [[tippity tippity tip tippity tap tippity tippity tippity tip tap TAP!]] http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=435 |
| An Upstanding Citizen | Abe: Hello, old woman! Would you like me to help you get that thing you're reaching for off that high shelf? / Elizabeth: AHHHHH! / Abe: It's no problem at all, I assure you! / Elizabeth: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH / Abe: Oh my, what's this? "Butlers Being Naughty...?" http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=436 |
| If a Body Meet a Body | Abe: Gin a body meet a body / Comin thro the rye, / Gin a body kiss a body, / Need a body cry? / Abe: Whoa! Hey everybody! / Washington: Seriously, how do you have a body? Nobody here has a body. It's not possible that you have a body. / Abe: What, this? It's easy! You just... / Abe: You just... / Abe: You just forget you don't have one. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=437 |
| Flirting! | Abe: This is my thesis of life: that flirting with pretty girls is one of the best joys available to a dude. / Darwin: Really? I've never been too great with the ladies... / Abe: Charles Darwin! This is a problem. Look, there's a girl over there--go talk to her! / Darwin: I don't know what to say!
/ Abe: Just open your mouth and go with the flow, man! Be yourself and stuff. / [[Darwin opens his mouth and a rocket inexplicably shoots out of it, much to his dismay.]] http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=438 |
| The Opposite of Missiles | Abe: Oh my GOSH you just spat a missile into her face Charles Darwin! This is bad news for your dating prospects! / [[DARWIN'S DATING PROSPECTS:]]
/ Booger-Amoeba: Aw, man! Not MORE bad news
/ !
/ Abe: But on the other hand, it could be very good news in the struggle against Commander Jerk-Face... / [[SOON:]]
/ Abe: OK, there he is. Now I need you to focus. Imagine how he is your hardest opponent. / < http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=439 |
| Bus Encounters of the Third Kind | Abe: So uh, anyway! Flirting! It's fun! / Abe: Speaking of, there's this cute girl that I see on the bus almost every day that I think might like me. Every once in a while, I glance at her and our eyes meet and I never know if she's catching me or I'm catching her. / Amelia: Aww, Abe! That's cute! But I'm afraide it doesn't really count as flirting. / Abe: Dang, really? / Amelia: Yeah, man. Sorry, but she most likely thinks you're a creep and is watching you to make sure you don't try anything. That's the default a lady has to assume about bus dudes, I'm afraid! / Abe: So I guess that probably means she doesn't find the chicken suit I wear on the bus as alluring as I'd hoped. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=440 |
| A Question of Grooming | Abe: I wonder -- Do monkeys have to cut their hairs?
/ Washington: I don't know! Who even cares? / Abe: No, I mean it! Seriously!
/ Washington: Didn't you hear? Don't ask me! / Abe: Rudyard Kipling! Washington scoffed but do you know if monkeys are coiffed?
/ Kipling: Monkeys do have to cut their hair, and comb it neatly, and treat it with care! / Abe: When hair gets long and down in their eyes, or when it goes gray and they wish for dyes, where do they go? What do they do? / Kipling: Any ape knows who to go to! But you're one too, so I'll tell you what: A monkey's best barber is a coconut! / Abe: Er... not sure that makes sense.
/ Kipling: Give me a break! It rhymed! http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=441 |
| The No Context Blues | Abe: OK so here is my latest project! I know you all are very interested to hear it. I am trying to find things that are completely awesome even with absolutely no context whatsoever.
/
/ Twain: I don't think that's really possible, dogg. Humans can't even ever perceive a thing with no context at all, because just being a human perceiving something is a context. I mean, you can't even say something is awesome with no context, because you need context for what awesome means. / Abe: That's no reason not to try! Anyway, these are my current contenders: / [[POT OF HAMMERS]]
/ [[(THIS WAS ACTUALLY JUST LYING AROUND)]] / [[HEART IMPALED ON MACHETE]]
/ [[(PRETTY AWESOME NO MATTER WHAT)]] / [[VIKING SKULL W/SQUIRREL TAIL]]
/ [[(SELF EXPLANATORY)]] http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=442 |
| Orthography | Abe: Did you ever notice that there are like a bunch of sounds a dude can make that there are no good letters for it? / Abe: Like I mean some stuff can be approximated with letters into a pretty good onomatopoeia. For example, hawking a loogie sounds like / [[hwohhhhhck...]]
/ [[phtoey!]] / José de San Martin: Gross! / Abe: Right. But like the sound you make that's like a creaking in the back of your throat that kind of sounds like a bullfrog? There are no letters for that at all in English. You know what I mean? Like it's close to an H, sorta, or a G or K or one of those other back-of-the-throat letters, but they just aren't enough. Luckily, I have invented new letter we can use for this sound! This, surely, will finally be my ticket to fame and fortune. / José de San Martin: I don't get it. This is a picture you drew of a toad throwing up on a harpsichord. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=443 |
| Serene Conversations | {{Alt text: Joss Whedon is the real hunk if you ask me. He has a hunky mind.}} / Queen Elizabeth II: My, my! That Simon, what a dreamboat.
/ Amelia Earhart: No way, Wash is the sexiest! / Washington: Hey, ladies. Talking about me again? / Washington: Oh, you're watching some dumb show. / Queen Elizabeth and Amelia Earhart: IT'S NOT DUMB! IT'S GREAT! / Washington: All I'm saying is why argue about a dumb show when you've got a couple of super stud hunks right here? Amirite here Abe? / [[Lincoln surrounded by tiny, cute, red hearts]]
/ Lincoln: Oh, that Space Captain Reynolds! He's so dreeeamy. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=444 |
| Mr. Playwright | Abe: I am going to write a play! I am going to be a play-writing playwright. / Shakespeare: Dang man I gotta warn you that, well, writing plays is tough, it's a tough thing. Most times you just sit there staring at your quill, you know, hating it, wishing you could die because no play will come out of that pen. / Abe: OK but check this out though. My play is about a dragon! / Shakespeare: William you know you are a terrible dude for advice, why do you keep giving some! He already has a good idea, he don't got your problems and he don't need your lousy words draggin' down his ideas! / Abe: Uh. See, the dragon represents Man's anger and ability to breathe fire! But then the dragon gets into a car wreck and he can never walk again. So it's sad. / Shakespeare: Oh gosh William you know there ain't a single entity who wouldn't pay a cool hundred to see that play at least. Now do what's right and give the man your only 5 dollars as a symbol of how erroneous you are all the time. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=445 |
| The Confident Man | Shakespeare: OK William, you are going to turn your life around. / Shakespeare: You are going to be Mr. Confident from now on. / Shakespeare: That's right. Mr. William Confident Eleanor Shakespeare, a hit with the ladies and parties. / Shakespeare: Now you tell that mirror. Tell that mirror who is the boss, the boss of confidence. / Shakespeare: H-hey there you mirror. OK listen up now! I am the confidence boss! I AM THE CONFIDENCE BOSS! / Shakespeare: AND THE CONFIDENCE BOSS MUST SHOUT GENITALS!!!! http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=446 |
| How to Win Friends and Influence People | Abe: Hey, so Shakespeare! I was thinking about my play, right, and I was thinking what if the dragon's mom is a cyborg and-- / Shakespeare: CRAM A SOCK IN IT, CHUCKLES! YOUR PLAY IS TERRIBLE AND EVERYONE HATES YOU!
/ Shakespeare: GENITALS! / Abe: Every-one hates my genitals?? / Shakespeare: BLOW IT OUT YOUR KAZOO! I'M GOING TO A ROCKOUT PARTY NOW! SMELL YA LATER! GENITALS!
/ Abe: You're going to smell my genitals?! / [[AT A ROCKOUT PARTY:]]
/ Shakespeare: HEY LADIES. GENITALS.
/ Ladies: Ooooh! *swoon* http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=447 |
| Free Cupcakes | Abe: Hey Liz! Word on the street is you've been giving out free cupcakes to all! Think your old pal Abe could get one maybe? / Elizabeth: Aw, Abe, I'm sorry! I've only got a couple left, and I was going to give them to some orphans. Will you be crushed? / Abe: We will all be crushed when the robots come. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=448 |
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