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| A Baby Ham | [[A ghostly and grey-haired Lincon plays the part of the King. Also: he has a mustache]]
/ Narrator: THE THINKIN' LINCOLN PLAYERS PROUDLY PRESENT: VAGUELY ACCURATE HAMLET
/ King Lincoln: Hey son, Claudius totally killed me. Poured poison right in my dang ear when I was catchin' Zs. What a douche, amirite? / [[Lincoln plays the part of Hamlet – dude looks kinda angry]]
/ Lincoln: Oh man I am gonna kill Claudius so hard. / [[Less angry Lincoln as Hamlet]]
/ Lincoln: Anyways, to be or not to be that is the question! I don't know where this comes in the play but I better get it out of the way now. / [[Lincoln as Hamlet featuring an amount of anger approximately equal to the previous panel]]
/ Lincoln: Aw man! Some stuff happened and now my girlfriend went and killed herself. / [[Lincoln as Hamlet, who is maybe a little peeved]]
/ Lincoln: Well fine! I'll just hang out in this GRAVEYARD then! / [[Lincoln as Hamlet holds up Skeleton Shakespeare playing the part of Yorick's skull]]
/ Lincoln: Hey look! It's the skull of my old favorite jester from when I was a kid Yorick. Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio! / [[A sad-looking Skeleton Shakespeare implores Lincoln to put him down]]
/ Skeleton Shakespeare: Um, do you think you could maybe put me down. A-and also maybe not do none of my plays no more. / {{You know how you get to be a dad? You grow a mustache. Take note, dudes who are trying to be a dad.}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=569 |
| Hammy Acting | Abe: Skeleton Shakespeare! Sorry I am really bad at doin' your play, dude! / Abe: I just... I'm just no good at all that creative stuff like you. / Skeleton Shakespeare: Well, uh, I... I mean you're good at like speeches and stuff... I mean, I mean, I ain't no great guy compared to you! J-just maybe you are about the third worst from the bottom of all the actors I ever heard of. / Skeleton Shakespeare: But that just means maybe you shouldn't do plays! you can still write some real like puissant speeches if, um, if you want! / Abe: I don't know what "pweesint" is but I bet I couldn't even do a speech for a baby anymore. I'm utterly devoid of creative talent! / < http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=570 |
| Spooky the Skeleton 2.0 | Spooky: I'm a SKELETON dangit! / Spooky: Why doesn't anybody seem to get this? / Spooky: You'd think my skeletal physique would give it away. / Spooky: You wait rabbit. You'll learn to fear me. Oh yes. / {{Spooky the skeleton is a skeleton.}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=571 |
| Environmental Activism | [[Lincoln is holding an aqua-colored flyer]]
/ Lincoln: Excuse me, sir! Please, take a flyer! / [[Otto von Bismarck is holding a selfsame flyer]]
/ *no dialogue* / [[Picture of flyer]]
/ Flyer: EXCUSE ME SIR
/ THANK YOU FOR
/ TAKING THIS FLYER
/ ARE YOU AWARE
/ THAT WE ARE BASI-
/ CALLY RUNNING
/ OUT OF WHALES? IT
/ IS PRETTY BAD.
/ THANK YOU FOR
/ READING THIS FLYER / [[Otto flips over flyer and writes something with a marker]]
/ <<*flip*>>
/ *no dialogue* / [[Close up of what Otto wrote]]
/ Flyer: PAVE THE WHALES / [[Lincoln getting hit in head with wadded up flyer]]
/ *no dialogue* / {{Whales are a problem in the environment}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=572 |
| Teatime | Queen Elizabeth: Oh, Mr. Taft, I am just delighted you could join me for tea today! / Taft: I'm way honored, your majesty! / Queen Elizabeth: *sssssip* / Taft: *sssssip* / Taft: So... it seems rather... civil in here today. There's no one, like, being all belligerent and yelling about space or stuff.
/ Queen Elizabeth: Quite so. / Abraham Lincoln: Let me in dammit! I'm Abe Lincoln! I'm FROM SPACE!
/ Guard: I'm sorry, sir, but you're, er, not on the list.
/ Clipboard: QUEEN'S ORDER
/ Abraham Lincoln
/ DO NOT let him in
/ note: TOTAL WANKER http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=573 |
| Worst Case Scenario | Lincoln: All right Abe, you gotta just man up and do this.
/ [[Looking in the mirror]] Lincoln: It's just a phone call! What's the big deal? Just call her!
/ Lincoln: Gosh, I'm being an idiot. The worst that can happen is that she says no, right?
/ [[In thought bubbles, Lincoln on a green phone]]
/ Lincoln: Hey, Young Martha? It's Abe. I was wondering if you wanted to go to the zoo with me! I heard they have penguins and--
/ Young Martha [[over the phone]]: No, Abraham Lincoln, I won't go! I hate penguins and I hate you and I hate your ugly beard!
/ Young Martha [[over the phone]]: I'm casting a voodoo curse on you! Over the phone! Now you're going to have really bad dandruff forever and you're going to always think people's names are a different name and it will be so embarrassing! And when you die you're going to turn into a zombie with bad gas. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=574 |
| Phone-a-phobic | [[phone]] / [[phone and a shocked looking Abraham Lincoln. D:<]] / [[phone and Abe Lincoln fleeing]] / [[angry looking Lincoln peering from behind a closet door]] / [[darkness]]< http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=575 |
| First Contact | [[Lincoln is on the phone]]
/ Lincoln: Oh man oh man oh man ...
/ < http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=576 |
| The Case of Jocks v. Nerds | Washington: I hope you like swirlies, NERD!
/ Edison: NERD! / Edison: DORK!
/ Washington: Nice wedgie, Charles DORKwin! / Washington: Think fast, GEEK!
/ Edison: GEEK! / Lincoln: We nerds, dorks, and geeks have to end our petty squabbles over whether anime is cooler than math or if Picard is smarter than George Lucas and band together! Only then can we hope to combat the jock menace and end their cruel tyranny forever!! / NOSEBLEED ALLIANCE
/ BOOGERS & BLOOD http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=577 |
| The Gift of Science | Charles Darwin [[in a Santa Claus hat]], to Abe Lincoln: HO HO HO! Here you are, young man. This year, you get the gift... of science!
/ [[Darwin holds a present box with a green bow]] / [[Closeup of the package contents]]
/ [[Note card:]] SANTA IS IMPOSSIBLE
/ -- Science http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=578 |
| You Say You Got a Resolution | [[Queen Elizabeth is reading a small notebook]]
/ Queen Elizabeth: Hmm... / [[a parchment shows a list of Queen Elizabeth's new years resolutions, with ticks on each one, written in a fancy cursive script]]
/ 2007 Resolutions
/ Declare several more teatimes throughout
/ the day but only for me
/ More naps. [[underlined]] The Queen should have more naps.
/ Declare a new law that Royal
/ Butlers must not wear pants under
/ their trousers
/ Get rid of that awful git Tony Blair / [[George Washington is reading a small notebook]]
/ George Washington: Lookin good, George, lookin' good. / [[a parchment shows a list of George Washington's new years resolution, ticked off, written in a running writing font]]
/ 2007 Resolutions
/ 3 chicks at once!
/ Damn! [[in a different font, twice underlined]] / [[Abe Lincoln is reading a small notebook]]
/ Abe: Sigh... / [[a parchment shows a list of Abe Lincoln's new years resolution, with only one tick]]
/ 2007 Resolutions
/ capture a unicorn
/ go on a sweet adventure
/ buy a new watch [[ticked]]
/ get talller
/ get handsomer
/ get people to like me http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=579 |
| Ardor in the Court | Washington: Will the defense please make its closing arguments. / Lincoln: Thank you, your honor. I'd like to take this opportunity to make my closing arguments in the form of interpretive dance if if pleases the court.
/ Washington: Uh... / [[Lincoln does a silly dance]] / Lincoln: The defense... rests! / Rasputin: We the jury find everybody super guilty. http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=580 |
| Commented Out | [[Abe Lincoln is at his laptop, which has a red tomato logo on it]]
/ Abe Lincoln: Cripes! Why do I ever look at the comments on YouTube! Can't we outlaw these things already? / [[comments are displayed as though from YouTube]]
/ Comments & Responses
/ ddude93 (two days ago) Reply | Spam
/ lol y would u even post a video abuot abe licon no
/ body caers dont u hav better things 2 do then post
/ gay vids
/ XpandoraX (3 days ago) Reply | Spam
/ LINCOLN WAS AN EVIL TYRANT MAY HE ROT IN
/ THE WORST PART OF HELL (NEAR SATAN)
/ QUID PRO QUO (LATIN)
/ boogieboo (4 days ago) Reply | Spam
/ did u guys know that lincoln used to have spiky hair
/ sirQuacksalot (4 days ago) Reply | Spam
/ Abe Lincoln dyed his hair to keep it black in color [[ text is partly obscured]] / [[Abe Lincoln is looking at his laptop, with gritted teeth and an angry expression]] / Comments & Responses
/ ALinc0ln1865 (4 seconds ago)
/ why are youtube comments the worst thing
/ in the world
/ ddude93 (two days ago)
/ lol y would u even post a video abuout abe
/ body caers dont u hav better things 2 do th
/ gay vids
/ XpandoraX (3 days ago)
/ LINCOLN WAS AN EVIL TYRANT MAY H
/ THE WORST PART OF HELL (NEAR SAT
/ QUID PRO QUO (LATIN)
/ boogieboo (4 days ago) / Comments & Responses
/ ALinc0ln1865 (2 seconds ago)
/ why are youtube comments the worst thing
/ ALinc0ln1865 (11 seconds ago)
/ why are youtube comments the worst thing
/ in the world
/ ddude93 (two days ago)
/ lol y would u even post a video abuout abe
/ body caers dont u hav better things 2 do the
/ gay vids
/ XpandoraX (3 days ago)
/ LINCOLN WAS AN EVIL TYRANT MAY H / Comments & Responses
/ ALinc0ln1865 (2 seconds ago)
/ why are youtube comments the worst thing
/ in the world
/ ALinc0ln1865 14 seconds ago)
/ why are youtube comments the worst thing
/ in the world
/ ALinc0ln1865 (23 seconds ago)
/ why are youtube comments the worst thing
/ in the world
/ ALinc0ln1865 (28 seconds ago)
/ why are youtube comments the worst thing
/ in the world / {{alt text: I made the mistake of looking at YouTube comments again. This is almost as bad as that time I pooped my pants.}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=581 |
| Bat-Rights | [[Vampire Charles Dickens is writing on a legal pad.]] / Abe: Vampire Dickens! What are you doing here?! / Dickens: Here? In my own office...? / Dickens: Well, if you must know, I'm trying to write a killer sweet novel about bats. Problem is, DC Comics already owns like every idea connected with bats. / Abe: Not every one, actually. A while back, I managed to secure rights to a certain bat-property those DC jerks would love to get their hands on. / [[A photo of Abe wearing aviator sunglasses and a mustache shaped like a bat.]]
/ Abe: The Bat-stache. / {{Batman, created by Bob Kane, is TM and (C) DC Comics, a Warner Bros. entertainment company. They have kind of a lot of money.}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=582 |
| A Little Help from my Friends | Lincoln: George help! I need to get this jar of olives off the top shelf but I can't reach! / Washington: How am I supposed to help? You're an inch or two taller than I ever was, according to historical records. / Lincoln: Man, I wish I was friends with, like, a giraffe... / Giraffe: Right, like I got nothing better to do than get crap down from shelves all day.
/ Dip wad. / Lincoln: ...or maybe like, a ladder... / Ladder: I, uh, already ate the olives. / {{If he were a dinosaur he'd be a Dipwadicus}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=583 |
| Linux on Wii | [[Amelia is at her computer.]]
/ Amelia: Haha, what the hell? The big headline today on nerdnews.com is "New Hack Could Allow Linux on Wii!" That is the most boring news story I think I've ever heard of, and I'm interested in all this nerd crap! / Abe: Don't worry, Amelia, I'm on it.
/ Amelia: You're on it? On what? / [[SOON:]]
/ [[Abe is on the phone.]]
/ Phone: Hello, you've reached Linus Torvalds. I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message!
/ Phone: BEEP! / Abe: Torvalds? Abe Lincoln. Lemme tell you something: you make me sicker than a low-down dog, you ugly son of a church! Do you even realize what a slimy turd of a jerk you are? Nerds all over the world install YOUR lame operating system on anything with wires and then they talk about it endlessly like it's even a real thing.
/ Abe: Hang on, I'm adding Shigeru Miyamoto to the call. / Answering Machine: Hello, Mr. Torvalds, this is Mr. Miyamoto's translator. Mr. Miyamoto says that as one software designer to another, he wishes to extend you a warm greeting of comraderie and good health. / Answering Machine: However, he says, he is regrettably unable to do so because you are a disgrace to you ancestors and community. He says... ah... that he very humbly spits on the grave of your fathers.
/ Answering Machine: Now he is making a gesture that borders on extreme rudeness in Japan. / {{I guess that model of answering machine is really popular}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=584 |
| Vice Cop Squad | George Washington [[donning a mustache, holding a wallet with a badge and I.D.]]: All right folks, show's over. Vice Squad's here. / Washington: Well, well. What do we have here.
/ Abraham Lincoln [[in Miami Vice Rayban aviator sunglasses]]: Looks like drugs I bet.
/ [[Both examine a white sandwich bag full of cocaine]] / [[Abe licks the white powder]] / Washington: What the hell are you doing!? Are you tasting the freaking bag of drugs. OH MY GOURD YOU ARE. / Washington: Listen, you monumental moron! That bag is evidence! You can't just mess with evidence like that! And even if you don't care about silly things like the law, it's ridiculously freaking dangerous to just taste unknown chemicals! Cripes! Do you even know what different drugs taste like in the first place? / Abe [[mouth outlined in white powder, speaking all in italics]]: I thought it would taste like Pixie Stix but it does not taste like Pixie Stix / {{Alt/Title text: Don Johnson eat your heart out}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=585 |
| Universal Intent | Abe: Charles, I think the universe hates me! / Charles Darwin: Aw, why? What happened? / Abe: I was outside, and it was raining, and it was also sunny, but there wasn't any rainbows anywhere! / Charles Darwin: Oh, um, well you're not always going to get a rainbow when it's sunny and raining. I mean I don't think the universe was like, playing a joke on you by hiding the rainbow. The universe doesn't have an actual will, and if it did I don't think it would care enough about Abe Lincoln to play tricks on you. / Abe: I... I guess you're right. / Abe: AHHH SCREW YOU UNIVERSE!!! / {{better than what I usually find in my toilet}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=586 |
| No Talent for Puns | [[Skeleton Shakespeare, Zombie Mark Twain, Edgar Allen Poe, and Vampire Charles Dickens are scene here (pun! get it?)]]
/ Dickens: I think we make a left up here, guys. The Undead & Affiliated Writers Conference should be up a few more blocks.
/ Twain: Nice exposition, VCD. / Poe: Guys, you know, I've been doing some serious soul-searching, and I've come to the realization that I just don't have any talent for puns. / Twain: Nah dude! Don't say that! I bet you're fine at puns. Every writer always thinks down on himself at points. / Shakespeare: I'm uh, I'm actually pretty good at puns. It's like one of a couple items I believe about myself. I c-can't let you have some though, uh, because, well I don't mean to be rude but I gotta look out for my, for myself on this one. / Shakespeare: Oh William you better get in your bucket, I mean where do you get off bragging about your punmanship like you are some kind of Liberace of puns. I can't believe you want to tell Eddie Poe that you're a better dude than him when you don't even have any skin on your face and-
/ [[Shakespeare is shown dunking his head into a bucket of water]] / Poe: Skeleton Shakespeare! WATER you doing!
/ from the side: Dang he wasn't kidding about being awful at this.
/ from the other side: Where does he keep that bucket? / {{Almost all the writers in my comic are undead. I mean Poe almost counts right? But then, just as you think you see a pattern, BAM you realize that Rudyard Kipling is apparently alive and well.}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=587 |
| Wednesdays | Wednesdays / are the / worst! http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=588 |
| A Pretty Decent Proposal | [[Abe answers his phone.]]
/ Lincoln: Yellow.
/ Young Martha: Abe? It's YM. / Lincoln: Oh! Um, hey Young Martha --
/ Young Martha: Listen, I've given you a bunch of chances now, and you've consistently botched this up. / Young Martha: I'm afraid you leave me no choice. Abraham Lincoln, would you care to go on a date with me to eat food at a local restaurant and then attend a screening of whatever sappy date movie is playing right now? / Lincoln: Well I uh, I uh ... well -- / Young Martha: Splutter once for no, twice for yes. / Lincoln: Spleuh ... spluh? http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=589 |
| Imperfections | George Washington: So. Abe. I heard you and Young Martha are going to go ona date. You're dating now. / Abe Lincoln: Uh, yup! We have a date tentatively scheduled for uh some time in the future! / Washington: So I guess that means you don't know. / Lincoln: Don't Know what. What don't I know. / Washington: Don't you realize, man? Martha's got a terrible secret! What you don't know is that she has a hideous blemish... / Washington: ... on the back of her ear!!! / [[ soon. Lincoln looking through a sea telescope ]] / Lincoln: All right, there she is. / [[ Three views through the telescope, one of her full head, one of her hair, one right behind her ear. under her ear it says "sup". ]] http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=590 |
| Introductory Awful | Ichlor: Oh great, that guy's here.
/ Lincoln: Who is he? / Ichlor: Every God got to have opposite evil version to fight. He Ichlor's. / El Tiburablo: Ichlor, what's up. Who's your friend? / Ichlor: Oh, uh hey. This Abe Lincoln. Abe, this... / EL ¡TIBURABLO! / Lincoln: Whoa! How come you don't have a cool intro graphic like that?
/ Ichlor: Um because Ichlor have modicum of good taste? / {{Title: I'm pretty proud of myself for coming up with a portmanteau in Spanish.}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=591 |
| Temptation | Abraham Lincoln: Wait, so Ichlor, this El Tiburablo guy is like your Satan, right? / Ichlor: Yah basically. 'Cept he Mexican for some reason. / Abraham Lincoln: So shouldn't he be like, trying to tempt mortals all the time and stuff?
/ Ichlor: He tempt you, you probably just not notice he doing it. / [[A translucent El Tiburablo peers out from behind an oblivious Abraham Lincoln]]
/ Narrator: EARLIER:
/ El Tiburablo: psst hey Lincoln / El Tiburablo: check it out there's a piece of candy on the ground / El Tiburablo: I bet nobody probably even puked on it or anything http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=592 |
| Paddle-pated | Abraham Lincoln: Man, Punxsutawney Phil! Have you ever noticed that "pdoing" is like exactly the sound one of these things makes? It's like the perfect onomatopoeia!
/ < http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=593 |
| Newton's Third Law | Newton: Well Abe Lincoln! Son of a hoot! Long time no see, long time no see! / Abe: Son of a hoot? Are you saying my parents are an owl?? / Newton: Boy, I will say what I like about your heritage, which I might add is dubious in the best of circumstances! / Abe: Oh, well in that case YOUR parents are like FIVE owls. / Newton: Sir! Sir! Do you realize the consequences of your unseemly actions! Sir! I am Isaac Newton! For your sheer impudence in addressin' your betters, I demand satisfaction! I challenge you to a duel! You may choose the time and manner of your death. / [[SOON:]]
/ [[One hot air balloon is attacking another hot air balloon.]] / {{Anybody who calls my mom and owl gets a hot air balloon to the face.}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=594 |
| The Comeback Kid | Abraham Lincoln: Speaking of which, does it ever happen to you where you'll like see a handsome dude and you'll like, want to be his friend? Like, you're attracted to the dude in a totally platonic way? / George Washington: What are you, gay? / [[angry]]Abraham Lincoln: What am I gay? What are YOU gay! / [[George washington with raised eyebrow]] / Abraham Lincoln: *ahem* / Abraham Lincoln: I stand by my previous statement. / {{alt text: I can write whatever I want here and you can't stop me.}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=595 |
| Oliver Twist Ending | Lincoln: I gotta hand it to you, dude, you are one industrious undead blood-sucking Victorian-era novelist. What are you working on today? / Vampire Dickens [[at typewriter]]: Sequel to Oliver Twist.
/ < http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=596 |
| She Sells Shoe Size by the Sea Shore | [[Abe is asleep]]
/ Abe Lincoln: zzzzzzzzz / Mr. Shackleton: All right, Annabelle, rise and shine. I got a thing I'm making you do. / Abe Lincoln: Huh! What! Wh-? Mr. Shackleton? What are you doing in my bedroom? / Mr. Shackleton: This ain't yer bedroom, and I ain't done nothin' in there I wouldn't tell my mother about. You were sleeping on the floor under your desk. Now shut up and stop talking. I got a project for you. / [[Shackleton and Abe stand in front of a line graph, with the x axis labeled "HIPNESS" and the y axis labeled "SHOE SIZE". The graph shows an upwards slope.]]
/ Shackleton: OK, here's the deal. We got a client makes shoes. Problem is, they need to sell more medium-sizers on account of apparently the kids are buying only big shoes these days. I don't know, Marty in R&D says it's the hip thing to have big feet or some kinda horse crap. Anyway I want you to fix it with marketing. Hop to.
/ Abe: Yes sir! / Narrator: SOON:
/ [[Abe stands in front of a gigantic yellow poster with a TV on it]]
/ Poster: Hey kids sometimes in ads they say stuff like "LARGER THAN LIFE" but have you ever considered that it might be good for things to be THE SAME SIZE AS LIFE OR SMALLER? Buy regular size shoes OK? If you buy big shoes for fashion that is demeaning to people with big feet and also the Sasquatch. / {{Alt Text: You know what they say about guys with big shoes. They say, 'hey man can I borrow your shoes I gotta walk to the store but I forgot my shoes somehow'}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=597 |
| Airplanes vs. The Internet | [[Darwin is on a laptop]]
/ Darwin: Ugh! What the hell! / Abe Lincoln: Yikes! Darwin on a rampage! / Darwin: I'm just so mad at the internet right now! Myth Busters just proved that thing about a plane taking off from a conveyor belt. Duh! The plane could take off! A plane's wheels have nothing to do with its propulsion - they're just its interface with the ground. This should be obvious if you think about it for thirty seconds, but it's been this big "debate" on the internet! / [[Darwin swings the laptop to face away from him]]
/ Darwin: No, shut up! I don't want to talk to you! / [[Darwin swings the laptop back to face him]]
/ Darwin: Oh, you want to apologize? / [[Darwin again swings the laptop to face away from him]]
/ Darwin: No! I don't care! / {{Alt Text: CHARLES HAS GONE MAD WITH RAGE WATCH OUT!}} http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=598 |
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