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Penny and Aggie Hey... You go to Penny's Pretty Parties, right? You must've gotten hit on SOMETIME. / I don't like... FORWARD guys. / HAH? Ask ANYBODY, Red... I'm so far from forward I'm almost BACK. / Brandi said you were... gifted. / She WHAT? / Um, Not that I really can compare... / Best...Rumor...EVER!
Penny and Aggie Karen: Well, you liked that. / Marshall: I don't... "Liked" is... I... / Karen: Sweetie, don't be ashamed! This isn't wrong! It's part of a healthy lifestyle. It doesn't make you her. / Marshall: I need to go. / Karen: As long as you come back. / Karen: Good god... the power.
Penny and Aggie Meg + Leroy / Brandi + Brock / Rich (Present-day) + Whatserface / Stan + Michelle
Penny and Aggie Hey, Mar. Anything interesting happen? / I don't want to talk about it. / Mkay. Dinner's on soon. / Mom, you ever worry about sex? I mean, the long-term consequences? / Not since getting my tubes tied.
Penny and Aggie Katy-Ann: Michelle? / Michelle: Heyyy, Pink. Hey, Saralacious. / Sara: Hi... Michelle. / Michelle: We on for homeroom? / Sara: Assuming we'll recognize you by then. / Michelle: Ha! Kewl. Speak then! Laters! / Sara: It was the same with Rich. Just wait it out. / Katy-Ann: Why do you get to be "Lacious...
 
Penny and Aggie Stan: I just wish Red had told me she was a newb. / Jack: You gotta pick these things up from context, Stan. Listening skil- / Stan: Yeah, I gotta get me some of those! / Stan: Or... / Jack: Let me guess: you just got a brainstorm and need my help. / Stan: You got all that from "or?" Where do you pick...
Penny and Aggie Brandi: Michelle called me up later that night. She was almost in tears. / Penny: Tears? / Brandi: Good tears. / Penny: I don't see the appeal! That grin, he looks like an oversized gerbil! / Brandi: Stan has... game. / Brandi: And he makes everyone feel like the most valuable player on the court. / Stan:...
Penny and Aggie [[School hallway. Stan and Brandi clasp hands playfully, surrounded by Jack and Penny.]] / Stan: Girl, you've done so much already! But would you honor me with another shirt modeling gig for your resume? / Brandi: Well-ll... you deserve SOMEthing for restoring Michelle's faith in men. / Penny: Modeling?...
Penny and Aggie Penny: Our relationship isn't built on trust, Stan. But you've directed me before. In your most downloadded video ever. You know I'm damn good. / Stan: So's Brandi. / Brandi: Room for both of us. / Penny: You gonna look at my chest, then back in my eyes and tell me I can't display your merchandise? / Stan:...
Penny and Aggie [Jack wears a tee-shirt that says "evil", with the i dotted with a heart] / [A hot blonde guy poses in a Charlie Brown style shirt] / [A punky girl scowls in a tee shirt with a superman logo] / [A perky pigtailed girl poses in a tee shirt that says, "DIE!"] / [A chubby boy in glasses wears a tee...
 
Penny and Aggie Stan: Try Stan 'n' Jack's Self-Marketees! / [Brandi in a T-shirt saying "I need coaxing out of my shell"] / [Penny in a T-shirt saying "Taken and smug about it"] / Available in unironic white and black for easy legibility.
Penny and Aggie [[Close-up on Stan's tee shirt, which reads "I'M MOVING ON."]] / Stan comments: For men and ladies! / Stan thinks: Good God, Stan, you are so sexAY! / [[Close-up on Stan's tee shirt, which reads "SPECIAL! ONE NIGHT ONLY!" inside an advertisement-style cartoon explosion]] / Stan comments slyly: Send your...
Penny and Aggie Off-screen: What's wrong with my face?? / Stan: Wow. So many lines, so little time... / [[Penny is showing th shot from the commercial with her face outside the picture.]] / Stan: Y'know, "Paris," I thought someone said you wouldn't like this job. / Stan: I know it was someone... / Penny: Gig hig hig / Penny:...
Penny and Aggie [[Michelle is buying a "Taken and smug about it" t-shirt.]] / Stan: Wow, she found a boyfriend that fast? I was better for her than I thought! / [[Jack throws Stan a look.]] / Stan: Wait. No. You're not saying... you don't mean... / Stan: Crap. / Jack: On the up side, your listening skills are im...
Penny and Aggie [Aggie, Lisa, Daphne, Helen, and Fred sit in a movie theater, apparently watching "An Inconvenient Truth". Fred wears a shirt that says "Fur Belongs on Animals"] / The Movie: You can't make somebody understand something if their salary depends on them not understanding it. / Aggie, wide-eyed: Would you...
 
Penny and Aggie Lisa: You want the unattainable guys. The more hopeless it is, the sappier you pine. / Helen: ... / Aggie: Whereas you and Tobey Maguire are practically engaged. / Lisa: Hey, he's emo! It could work! / Aggie: Right. Lisa, that is such dr. Laura GURLK! / [[Aggie hides in the bushes as Karen and Marshall...
Penny and Aggie Helen: Lisa, um, Karen and Marshall... / Lisa: Pleasure to bask in your radiance. / Helen: Whadja think? / Marshall: I think it's time we took some blasted /responsibility/. / Karen: It's always someone else's fault. / Helen: I /mean/, was it good? / Marshall: I...didn't think of it that way. It makes...
Penny and Aggie [[Lisa and Helen pull Aggie out of the bushes, where she had been hiding from Marshall]] / Lisa: Dude, this is one seriously abusive non-relationship. Did the brambles feel like a kiss? / Helen: Why'd you-- / Lisa: Because she's in wuuuuv! / Aggie: Shut up! / Lisa: I shoulda told him. He could trade up....
Penny and Aggie 1. Aggie looks uncomfortable, not just at Marshall, but at memories of the brief time she called Karen a friend. / Aggie: It’s not just M, M... Marshall. / Aggie: Karen’s a user. / Lisa: Crank? / Aggie: She uses people. / 2. Helen looks uncertain, and Aggie forgets her own upset to give Helen motherly...
Penny and Aggie Omigod, you like Timberlake? I'm sorry. / Lots of people like him! / People are dumb. / Do you think that blue really goes with that green? / Mudbaths are okay for the face, but you really need to use the ancient volcanic ash. / So whadja think about ANTM? / Pop! / I don't want to admit I like it... But...
 
Penny and Aggie [[Tharqa sits alone on the beach, talking on the phone]] / Tharqa: Hav'n't seen you at lunch in forever. / Helen, through the phone: That's tanGENtially related to Charlotte being a rampaging fundie hag. / [[Helen lies in bed in her room]] / Helen thinks: OOH, that felt good! / Tharqa, through the phone:...
Penny and Aggie [[Clothing shop with bikinis and spring fashion]] / Helen: Wow, are you stalking me? / Helen: Ohmuguh, I'm sorry, I... / Woman: What? It was funny. / Woman: No, we're just two people hatin' spring and tryin' to make a pre-emptive strike. I am NOT ready for bared midriffs outside the gym again. / Helen:...
Penny and Aggie Eh, might as well get this. Least it won't get sweaty. / Igottago. Lemme know if you wanna do movie night. / Um, okay... / Bwoy, scared her off, dinn't we? / What do you mean- / C'mahn, you dinn't see that stuck-up pucker-face? / Li'l B can't handle someone comfortable in 'er skin. We oughta slip 'er...
Penny and Aggie [[Helen and Tharqa walk out of the mall, carrying shopping bags]] / Helen thinks: Tharqa. // You've been my friend since I was ten. / [[Flashback of young Helen and Tharqa on the schoolbus. Helen is crying, and Tharqa is consoling her]] / Helen thinks: You're a listener. And you've always had a ready...
Penny and Aggie [[Helen and Karen sit on the couch watching TV, surrounded by four of Karen's chatting friends]] / Helen thinks: This was a mistake. / Friend 1: Friend me! / Friend 2: Wake up and smell the wikiality! / Helen thinks: Karen's keeping me close by (nice of her) but I have nothing in common with these pretty...
 
Penny and Aggie [[karen and helen stand together, karen holding helen's glasses]] / karen: I'll say this for penny--if not for her, I'd still need these. / helen: she got you surgery? / karen: nah...but she elbowed me into it, like she does. you know. / [[helen looks downcast while karen looks devious, 3 silhouettes in...
Penny and Aggie [[Blonde girl in ponytail slams down the phone receiver, biting her nails.]] / Caption: 1967: Calling, then hanging up after three seconds. / [[Aggie on the computer.]] / Caption: 2007: Finding his MySpace page and writing a comment, but not posting. / [[Girl in glasses appears behind guy, holding...
Penny and Aggie [[Nick's pants are rolled down, and Charisma has her legs wrapped around his waist]] / Nick or Charisma: >Huh< >Huh< >Huh< >Huh< >Hokay< / [[Charisma has her arms around Nick's head. They are both sweating]] / Nick: Now can we talk about our kids? / Charisma: Way to kill the afterglow. / Nick: Well...
Penny and Aggie [[Nick is sternly holding Charisma's wrist.]] / Nick: Our kids are going to find this out. Teens are much smarter than we like to believe, and as you've reminded me, they occasionally think about sex. / [[Nick strokes Charisma's hair]] / Nick: Yeah, this is fun. This is hot. / [[Old woman outside the...
Penny and Aggie [[Young Charisma and her mother sit in a hospital waiting room. Charisma is well into pregnancy.]] / Caption: Seventeen years ago. / Charisma's Mom: Did I not warn you? Give them an inch, anh? Well, party time's over now. I hope you understand what this means for your life. / Charisma: My life isn't...
 

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