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| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 30 / 2011 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Tree: / Book: / SHELDON: "Some say the world will end in fire,
/ some say in ice.
/ From what I've tasted of desire,
/ I hold with those who favor fire.
/ But if I had to perish twice,
/ I think I know enough of hate
/ to say that for destruction ice
/ is also great and would suffice." / ARTHUR: From his runaway bestseller... "THINKIN' POSITIVE WITH ROBERT FROST" http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110330.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 31 / 2011 | [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: ...YOU SWIM LIKE MY NIGHTMARES / FLACO: squee! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110331.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 01 / 2011 | [[Store]] / cash register: / Cashier: and since you're a VALUED CUSTOMER, here's a bonus coupon. / GRAMP: wait, this is for the thing i just bought. / / [[Store]] / cash register: / Cashier: Yep. we save you money as a VALUED CUSTOMER. / GRAMP: But... Can't I use it now... On the thing i just bought? / / [[Store]] / cash register: / Cashier: No. It's for your next VALUED CUSTOMER purchase. / GRAMP: Ah. Well. I'd like to return this and buy it again, then. / / [[Store]] / cash register: / Cashier: You're... Not a valued customer anymore. / GRAMP: I suspect i never was. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110401.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 04 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee maker: / GRAMP: Time for my mornin' ode. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee maker: / GRAMP: I sing now of my coffee the bright start of my day. Far tastier than toffee: my hot-brewed, sweet, cafe. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee maker: / GRAMP: It elevates and alleviates, and soothes with just a sip. A drink that sits among the greats, so close, now, to my lip. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee maker: / GRAMP: A drink love by the kings & queens and by the common folk, a drink that brings a / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee maker: / ARTHUR: ...Just once can I hear the end of that dang poem?? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110404.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 05 / 2011 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / Balloons: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / Balloons: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / Balloons: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / Balloons: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: That is oddly disconcerting. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110405.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 06 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / baseball: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: When a dog wants to play ball, all it takes is...
/ A dangling hand / OSO: hrrrr hrrr hrrr / / [[THE HOUSE]] / baseball: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: A passing crotch / OSO: hrrr hrrr / / [[THE HOUSE]] / baseball: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: A bathroom door slightly ajar / OSO: hrrr hrrr http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110406.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 07 / 2011 | [[Tron Grid]] / Old Man: / / [[Tron Grid]] / Old Man: / / [[Tron Grid]] / Old Man: / / [[Tron Grid]] / Old Man: / Old Lady: bahhh! get off the grid! / NARRATOR: ...Tron: Legacy-Computing http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110407.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 08 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE (the front doorway)]] / Garden Gnome: / Crystal Ball: / bird feeder: / wind chimes: / NARRATOR: What Your Lawn Ornaments Say to The World / NARRATOR: Garden Gnomes: "Well I am chock full of whimsy up in here." / NARRATOR: The Empty Birdfeeder: "Two summers ago? When I bought this? ...was super commited to keepin' it full." / NARRATOR: The Crystal Ball Thing: "Saruman is soooper mad I took this." / NARRATOR: The Wind-Chime Pipes: "The sanity of my neighbors holds little currency for me." http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110408.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 11 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / Table: / Food: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Today! Punctuation marks that never caught on! / ARTHUR: mm... yeah. That's good. Real... creamy *music note* / NARRATOR: *music note* = Hear that? The lilt in my voice? I am straight-up lying, brother. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Goin' to the movies, eh+ That's always fun+ Going to see 'em+ sittin' in those... ...chairs+ / NARRATOR: + = inviiiiite meeeee / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Whadda we doin for dinner tonight *phone symbol* / SHELDON: Do we cook... a food *phone symbol* / GRAMP: Is that an option we're all excited about *phone symbol* / NARRATOR: *phone symbol* = For the love of all that's holy, can someone just say "Order a pizza"?? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110411.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 12 / 2011 | [[Store]] / GRAMP: Check it out: They're selling "Easter Candy Corn" / ARTHUR: Whaaat. Candy corn is Halloween. / / [[Store]] / GRAMP: Exactly! It makes no sense. Corn's not even a spring vegetable. / ARTHUR: How lame do they think we are?? / / [[Store]] / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Easter Candy Corn! Who are you kidding You'll eat any candy we put in front of you Look at your thighs for god sakes / / [[Store]] / GRAMP: One package. / ARTHUR: Purely for science. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110412.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 13 / 2011 | [[sidewalk]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Snap-a-doo: It is windy today. / / [[sidewalk]] / ARTHUR: Ooo, hey: wanna see a cool trick? / SHELDON: Sure. / / [[sidewalk]] / ARTHUR: If you angle... your wings... just... right... / / [[sidewalk]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Scrumptious duck butt... AWAAAAY! / NARRATOR: foop http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110413.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 14 / 2011 | [[Lake]] / Ball: / SHELDON: Did you hear they're trying to re-brand "high-fructose corn syrup."? / ARTHUR: Yeah, it's having a public relations nightmare, so they want people to start callin' it "corn sugar." / / [[Lake]] / Ball: / SHELDON: I wonder if you could do that with ANY product? Re-spin it in a happy-go-lucky way... to make it less threatening? / ARTHUR: oh heck yeah... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Arsenic: / NARRATOR: Arsenic! Nature's li'l stinker. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110414.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 15 / 2011 | [[Lake]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: If they really want to re-brand high-fructose corn syrup as "corn sugar" ...it's going to take more than a new name. / / [[Lake]] / ARTHUR: They gotta go whole-hog. Reframe it as Classic Americana. ...Play up "corn sugar" as the patriotic, down-home choice. / / [[old-timey southern mansion]] / Fan: / Young Southern Lady: LAwdy, Colonel! This wahm weatha done givin' me the vapors. / Old Southern Man: Saints alive, Miss Lily. Y'all need a cup of noo-tritious kawn shugga. / NARRATOR: (corn syrup) blorp. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110415.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 18 / 2011 | [[Kitchen]] / GRAMP: Are you still yapping about the "high-fructose corn syrup" name change?!? / ARTHUR: I am! It takes such a brass set to change it to "corn sugar!" / / [[Kitchen]] / ARTHUR: We should do that for ALL terrible foods. "cholesterol" From now on, the emarketing name is "Butter Squeezin's" / / [[Kitchen]] / ARTHUR: "Saturated fats"? Nope. Now they're called "heart ticklers." / / [[Kitchen]] / ARTHUR: Food dyes? "Pure Rainbow Droppings" http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110418.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 19 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: oh - Hey! How was the pond today? / ARTHUR: MMF. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: You, uh, Go fishin'? / ARTHUR: MMF. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: ...Any... regrets? / ARTHUR: FMMF. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110419.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 20 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Sandwich: / jar of jelly: / ARTHUR: Aww MAN. Someone left traces of peanut butter in the jelly. bleagh / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: In food terms, that's like finding a strangers wet hairs on the shower walls. It's SEEMINGLY innocuous - it's just a human head-hair that got wet - but somehow it's super gross. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Sandwich: / jar of jelly: / Laundry basket: / ARTHUR: This jelly is dead to me. Dead / GRAMP: Ease up on the drama, there, Aeschylus. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110420.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 21 / 2011 | [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: How come you haven't invested in gold, yet? That price is sky-high. / SHELDON: Because I refuse to invest in a shiny rock- as I don't live in the 13th century / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: What, are we medieval alchemists that gold is still our most precious item?? / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: If so, let's bring all the medieval favorites into the stock exchange. / / Stock Boy: Do I hear $10 for a pound of humours? $10? / Egg-Shaped Guy: Fire Elements! $20! / Stock Girl: Black bile! I'll trade a philosopher's stone for black bile! / Gandalf: I have a rare toad that's a curative for Malocchio! Rare toad,, here! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110421.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 22 / 2011 | [[Kitchen]] / Dishwasher: / NARRATOR: THE ARGUMENT IS THE SAME IN EVERY HOUSE: / SHELDON: No! Knives gotta go DOWN in the dishwasher. That way no one gets stabbed accidentally. / GRAMP: No! They gotta go blade UP or they don't get properly cleaned! / / [[Kitchen]] / NARRATOR: HERE'S HOW YOU SHUT THEM BOTH UP: / ARTHUR: God forbid we take two seconds and HAND-WASH the dang knives. / GRAMP: OH. YES. LETS JUST MOVE BACK TO THE 1920'S, SHALL WE?? / SHELDON: ...what is this, work? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110422.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 25 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Lamp: / Chair: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: 1. First, read the harrowing, Pulitzer-prize winning tale of a father trying to protect his son in an ashen, post-apocalyptic world. / / [[THE HOUSE (The chair)]] / Chair: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: 2. Finish it, and lay it gently on your lap for five seconds. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: No. No no no no no no no no no no no no. / NARRATOR: 3. Then, never stop hugging your children. EverEVERever. / SHELDON: um, can I go to school, now? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110425.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 26 / 2011 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Bike Helmet: / Bicycle: / Dave Kellett: / NARRATOR: Today: Autobiographical Comics! BIKE MOVES DAVE HAS TRIED / NARRATOR: Sure. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Bicycle: / Bike Helmet: / Dave Kellett: / NARRATOR: Had to. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Bicycle: / Bike Helmet: / Dave Kellett: / NARRATOR: Felt right. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Bicycle: / Bike Helmet: / Dave Kellett: / NARRATOR: super fun. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Bicycle: / Bike Helmet: / Dave Kellett: / NARRATOR: Yes. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Bicycle: / Bike Helmet: / Dave Kellett: / NARRATOR: Oh my lord I have never bit it harder http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110426.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 27 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Computer: / NARRATOR: the HISTORY of computer interface design
/ ... is basically a dawning realization that we're all lazy slobs. / GRAMP: I gotta TYPE my commands in?? There's gotta be a better way! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Computer: / GRAMP: I gotta MOVE this mouse? Ugggh. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / iPad: / GRAMP: I gotta PINCH and SWIPE at this screen? Not in this lifetime, sister. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / Laptop: / NARRATOR: People, this is where it's heading / GRAMP: mehmmm / NARRATOR: Understood. Sandwich preparation commencing, sir. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110427.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 28 / 2011 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: I've figured out a whole new duck posture. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: There's the "Old Traditional." / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: ... The "foxes are nearby" move. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: ... the "bug hunt." / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: And here's my new one... "The Burger Stand" / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: / SHELDON: What's different about that one? / ARTHUR: In this one, you go get me a burger at the burger stand. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: / SHELDON: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: / SHELDON: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: / SHELDON: ...ALL of that was lead-up?? / ARTHUR: BERRR
/ GERRRR http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110428.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 29 / 2011 | [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: What is the deal with dudes? / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / ARTHUR: Why must they take already tricky modes of transport and make them more complicated? / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / ARTHUR: Skateboarding? Apparently it's not inherently dangerous enough. so lets add a tiny motor underneath. / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / ARTHUR: A surfboard? Apparently not hard enough to master. So let's add a dang sail to it why not. / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / ARTHUR: Must they add danger to every ride??? And where does it end? / / [[Sky]] / vespa: / some dude: WOOOOOO / ARTHUR: morons. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110429.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 02 / 2011 | [[Gas Station]] / TV: / Car: / Gas Pump: / NARRATOR: Hi! Thanks for pumping at Exxon-Mobil! / GRAMP: Oh c'monnnn. A tv HERE?? This was my last introspective place. / / [[Gas Station]] / TV: / Car: / Gas Pump: / NARRATOR: We thought we'd tell you about all the great snacks we have inside. / GRAMP: Lorrd. / / [[Gas Station]] / TV: / Car: / Gas Pump: / NARRATOR: We've got all your favorite $15 candy bars! / GRAMP: STOPP. / / [[Gas Station]] / TV: / Car: / Gas Pump: / NARRATOR: Do ya like candy bars, sport? / GRAMP: YOU KNOW I DO AND THAT IS WHY YOU'RE ASKING and fine I'm coming in. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110502.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 03 / 2011 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: HOW TO THROW OUT A BACK IN ONE EASY STEP / NARRATOR: Take a human being... / GRAMP: Hi / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Calendar: / NARRATOR: Let them get just a bit older... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Aaaand BAM: Back thrown out! / GRAMP: Ah, hello ceiling. ...Let us stare at one another for a few minutes http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110503.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 04 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / NARRATOR: Is it when they stop trying to get up off the floor? / GRAMP: This is fine. I'm fine. I'll just stay down here. It's fine. / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Pillow: / Blanket: / NARRATOR: Is it when pillows and blankets are brought out? / GRAMP: Thank you. / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Pillow: / Blanket: / toaster oven: / NARRATOR: Or is it when the small appliances are set up? / GRAMP: Guys? I can't reach the toaster oven.
/ ... Guyyyys?? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110504.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 05 / 2011 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Table: / ARTHUR: Hey! You're up! / GRAMP: ...I am. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: You're... kinda movin' like a tree sloth, though. / GRAMP: Yeah. I have to walk all Hunchy McHuncherton. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: What happens if you try to stand totally upright? / GRAMP: The heat of a billion suns ignite at the base of my spine. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: ...and that's not good. / GRAMP: It's not the best. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110505.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 06 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: If you drink coffee ONLY with milk or cream, you have faced this moment / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: You open your fridge and realize you're completely out. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: And as your eyes desperately scan the fridge, a question arises.... Would yogurt work??? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: DO NOT LIE.... You've been here. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110506.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 09 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: WE ARE OUT OF MILK. / ARTHUR: What are you doing? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: And I very much need a substitute for my coffee. Very much / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: But nothing works, I've tried butter, I've tried yogurt, I've tried / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: That name is a nest of lies! / ARTHUR: Milk of Magnesia? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110509.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 10 / 2011 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee Cup: / ARTHUR: Don't make this a big deal. If we don't have milk for coffee, just drink it black / GRAMP: But... that could ruin a life long relationship / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee Cup: / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: For decades, I've turned to coffee to put a spring in my step. I've come to rely on it like an old friend. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee Cup: / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: But if I drink it once without milk, I might... might... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Coffee Cup: / ARTHUR: Realize that coffee tastes like wet moose lip? / GRAMP: Yes. Yes. Exactly http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/110510.html |
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