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| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 16 / 2005 | [[Inside (non-specific)]] / SHELDON: Just imagine it, Arthur! I've created a working teleporter! / ARTHUR: It's dangerous, If you ask me. / / [[Inside (non-specific)]] / ARTHUR: History shows that even well-intentioned inventions can be corrupted. / / [[Inside (non-specific)]] / ARTHUR: Nobel's TNT was intended for use in construction, but was turned into bombs. / Atomic research was intended for energy, but was turned into bombs. / / [[Inside (non-specific)]] / SHELDON: But... My teleporter can't be turned into a bomb. / ARTHUR: True... True... But as soon as you leave that puppy unattended, I'm going to Disneyland for free... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050316.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 17 / 2005 | SHELDON: My new invention isn't proving to be much of a teleporter. / / SHELDON: I type in Moscow, and I end up in Taiwan.
/ I type in new York, and I end up in Chicago.
/ It doesn't work at all. / / SHELDON: But strangely, I think it will work pretty well as a TIME MACHINE. / / ARTHUR: Why in the world would you think that? / Future SHELDON: I told him. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050317.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 18 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: So you're me ...from the future?? / SHELDON: Yep. I'm from next week. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Wow! So what cool things are gonna happen in the future? / SHELDON: Well, I'm from next week, so there's not much to report. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: The next episode of "Lost" is pretty awesome. / SHELDON: Ooo! Ooo! Does it turn out that they're in purgatory?! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050318.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 19 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: How do I know you’re really me from the future? / SHELDON: Ask me something only you would know. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / (SOUND FX): whisper whisper whisper / SHELDON: Oh, that's easy! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: …Hanging out with Yoda and playing “Tetris.” / ARTHUR: Oh you have GOT to be kidding me… If the question for that was “what’s your ideal day,” I I think I’ll lose it. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050319.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 20 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Sheldon, did you invent some sort of TIME MACHINE? / SHELDON: No! Yes! Maybe! ...Why do you ask? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Because I just bumped into a barefoot George Washington in the den. / George Washington: I can not tell a lie... I love how plush your carpet is... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: And I notice Christopher Columbus has crashed in our living room... / Christopher Columbus: I claim this couch for Spain! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: And Henry the Eighth keeps running from room to room... / Henry VIII: Quick!! Where can I find the throne? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: And then there's the small matter of the triceratops in the kitchen! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Uh-oh... and he found the milk again. / triceratops: ERMF? / SHELDON: NO! You've already had enough "Cap'n Crunch"! Ten bowls in one day is your limit! / GRAMP: For the last time, young man - we do not break the laws of physics in this house! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050320.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 21 / 2005 | SHELDON: YOU want to use my time machine? Seriously?? / GRAMP: Yeah. I want to go back to my teen years for a few minutes. / / GRAMP: I want to feel like I did when I was 18 and life stretched ahead of me. / / GRAMP: Even if it's just for a second, I want to recapture the joy, the hope and the sheer wonderment of youth. / / SHELDON: Wow! Gramp! That's almost beautifu- / GRAMP: And I want my hair back, dang it!! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050321.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 22 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: No! You can't go back in time to your childhood days. Every scifi show I've ever seen tells me that's a bad idea. / GRAMP: Why? What can go wrong? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: You know... stuff. Horrible, history-changing stuff. / GRAMP: Like what? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Like... I don't know... you might accidentally bump Teddy Roosevelt into the Grand Canyon or something. / GRAMP: Teddy Roosevelt?? Jeez Louise... how old do you think I am? / ARTHUR: I'd be more curious to know why you're hanging out at the Grand Canyon, personally. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050322.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 23 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: Well, I'm gonna use Sheldon's time machine.
/ I'll see you in a few days. / ARTHUR: "A few days"? Why not come back at the exact moment you left? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: I can do that? / ARTHUR: It's basic time-travel. You can spend years and years in the past... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: ...And come back the exact second you left. To me, you won't have been gone at all. / GRAMP: But I kinda wanted to see my Chia pet grow while I was gone. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Stop calling it a "Chia pet"!!
/ It's an avocado you bought last fall! / GRAMP: Well the real Chia pets cost like 20 bucks. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050323.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 24 / 2005 | [[The past]] / GRAMP: Look, duck! There I am at age 18! / / [[The past]] / GRAMP: I was so different then. So much youthful potential! / / [[The past]] / GRAMP: All life's wonders lay ahead of me... Just waiting for me to SEIZE THEM! / / [[The past]] / ARTHUR: ...Looks like you seized a "fudge pop". / GRAMP: You fool! The empty calories! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050324.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 25 / 2005 | [[The past]] / Young Gramp: I don't believe it. You're ME from the future? / GRAMP: Yep. 47 years in the future. / / [[The past]] / GRAMP: And I've travelled all this way to tell you the secret of life: / / [[The past]] / GRAMP: Believe in yourself. Chase your dreams. Work every single day toward your goals. / / [[The past]] / GRAMP: ...And buy Microsoft stock early. / Young Gramp: But your duck said to buy stock in something called the "Commodore 64". ...Said it would be HUGE. / ARTHUR: Ssh! That was our secret! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050325.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 26 / 2005 | Young Gramp: If you’re really me from the future, then I have to ask… Do I ever get to kiss Susie Dinkle from history class? / / / Young Gramp: I’ll just take that as a “no.” / GRAMP: If it’s any consolation, 47 years from now, you won’t even remember a girl named ‘Susie.’ / ARTHUR: …You also won’t remember to put your pants on most days, but don’t dwell on that. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050326.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 27 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / GRAMP: Well, we should be time-travelling back to the future now... / Young Gramp: The future! I still can't believe it! It all sounds so amazing! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Young Gramp: I can't imagine a world where tv's have remote control! Or where the Soviet Empire is gone! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Young Gramp: Or the U.S.-Canadian war of 1986! / GRAMP: ...The WHAT now? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Young Gramp: ...Or the ground-breaking philosophical works of Dr. Milli Vanilli... / GRAMP: Hold on, hold on... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Young Gramp: ...Or the visionary music of Ross Perot's all-star jug band... / GRAMP: The WHAT? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / GRAMP: Have you been lying about the future to my younger self?? / ARTHUR: You would be AMAZED at how dumb you were at age 18. / Young Gramp: ...Or when President Star Jones fought back against the alien attack from Planet Metamucil!! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050327.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 28 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Leonard: Hey Shel-dumb!
/ C'mere! / SHELDON: What do you want, Leonard? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Leonard: I hear you're some sort of billionaire. How 'bout coughing up some of that dough? / SHELDON: I... I can't. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Leonard: Oh... a wise guy, eh? / SHELDON: No, really!
/ I can't! My accountants have set up a trust fund system that rotates my investments using- / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Leonard has no understanding of international finance. / ARTHUR: ...Are those your tighty-whities? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050328.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 29 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Look, here's the secret you need to know about that bully at school... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Deep down, he's just a scared little kid, terrified by the world. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: But I'M a scared little kid, terrified by the world! Who comes out the winner here??? / ARTHUR: Both of your psychiatrists, twenty years from now... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050329.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 30 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Television: Are you being bullied at school? / SHELDON: Yep. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Television: Are you too scared to stand up for yourself? / SHELDON: Sure am. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Television: ...Then why not try our new home-learning system, "Bully Be Gone," and rid yourself of bullies forever? / SHELDON: Ha! Not likely! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Television: LOOK - I'M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS ONE TIME, PUNK. YOU GO OVER TO THE PHONE AND YOU BUY IT RIGHT NOW... OR YOUR @## IS GRASS!! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: But.. but... the commercial didn't say anything about having to buy multiple copies... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050330.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from March / 31 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Leonard, before you even ask, I'm giving you my lunch money for today. ...and my chocolate milk. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Aaaaand... here's a dodgeball. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / (SOUND FX): POW! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: What are you doing??? / SHELDON: Bringing Japanese-style efficiency to being bullied. 29 seconds today, Leonard! We can do better! / ARTHUR: He's over there. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050331.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 01 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: Are you being bullied by Leonard? / SHELDON: Yeah... sorta... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: Well that's gotta stop, and I'm just the one to do it. It's time he met: DANTE'S INFERNO!! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: Pow! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: ...Um, do you even know what that's in reference to? / DANTE: No idea. But I sound like one bad mamma-jamma when I say it. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050401.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 02 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Leonard: Hey Shel-dumb, you're a little nerd, you know that? / DANTE: HEY! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / DANTE: NO ONE CALLS MY FRIEND A NERD! / Leonard: Ok ok sheesh! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / DANTE: ...Only I get to call my friend a nerd! / SHELDON: Ooo... one sentence too many. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050402.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 03 / 2005 | [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: MRF? / SHELDON: Oh, not AGAIN... / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: You have to stop trying to swallow these fish whole. I know you get excited, but your throat is, like, two inches wide. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: And don't give me the "Mr. Innocent" look. You did this to yourself. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: Here... let's get it out. / (SOUND FX): POP! / ARTHUR: Whew!! Thanks! / / [[THE POND]] / (SOUND FX): Bloop. / / [[THE POND]] / / [[THE POND]] http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050403.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 04 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / (SOUND FX): GURGLE / ARTHUR: What the heck is wrong with your stomach? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: It senses a disturbance in The Force. / ARTHUR: A what in the who? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: A disturbance... in The Force... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Girl Scout Cookies are here! / (SOUND FX): GURGLE / GRAMP: Yes... The Force is strong with this one. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050404.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 05 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: A correction: / SHELDON: In yesterday's toon, my grandfather made it seem like he knows a lot about Star Wars. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: In reality, he doesn't even know what a WOOKIE is... / GRAMP: I do too. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: "Wookie" is another way of saying "hanky-panky" or "pitching woo". / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Confusing "Wookie" with "nookie". Thus is my grandfather. / GRAMP: What? No good? / ARTHUR: Pitching woo?? Who says that? Is it suddenly 1929 in here?? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050405.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 06 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / sign: COOKIES! / NARRATOR: You know you're in trouble when you hear THIS from a girl scout... / girl (generic): Sorry Mister, but we're cuttin' you off. / GRAMP: But... but... this won't even last me through summer! / girl (generic): Look... you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050406.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 07 / 2005 | [[The House]] / NARRATOR: Girl Scout Cookies come out once a year / / [[The House]] / NARRATOR: ...And you woof 'em all down with a cookie-stuffed cheer. / / [[The House]] / NARRATOR: But each year you wonder why they're not sold year-round... / / [[The House]] / NARRATOR: 'Til you wake up from a sugar coma, flat on the ground. / GRAMP: Head...spinning yet...must...eat more...Thin Mints... / / Arthur: Easy Señor Porko, easy. / ARTHUR: Easy, Senor Porko, easy. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050407.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 08 / 2005 | [[The House]] / NARRATOR: You eat the box of "Thin Mints", and wisely put away the "Samoas" and "Shortbreads". / / [[The House]] / NARRATOR: But after dinner you decide to treat yourself to some "Do-Si-Dos". / / [[The House]] / NARRATOR: Which leads to just A FEW MORE "Tagalongs". / / [[The House]] / NARRATOR: Which leads to your family finding you passed out the next morning, surrounded by 63 empty boxes. / ARTHUR: Oh that's pretty. / NARRATOR: ...and THAT'S why the girl scouts only sell once a year. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050408.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 09 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Well duck, I ate the last of the girl scout cookies. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: After 67 boxes of pure cookie goodness, they’re all gone. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: That’s probably for the best. I’ve never seem a swingset work harder. / GRAMP: I’d get up, but I’m sorta wedged in here… / (SOUND FX): CREEEEAK http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050409.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 10 / 2005 | [[Baseball Field]] / ARTHUR: They put you out in right field, eh? You must really stink at this game. / SHELDON: Yeah, but it's ok. / / [[Baseball Field]] / SHELDON: Team sports aren't supposed to be about the individual. It's all about the team. / / [[Baseball Field]] / SHELDON: So it doesn't matter if I stink at baseball. The only thing that matters is that THE TEAM wins the ga - / / [[Baseball Field]] / / [[Baseball Field]] / SHELDON: Um, how long has this been sitting here? / ARTHUR: Long enough for your point to have lost all validity... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050410.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 11 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: You know, Gramp, as far as grandfathers go, I think you're just about the best there is. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: ...And da widdle ducky wuvs you, too... / GRAMP: Couldn't just let it be, could ya? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050411.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 12 / 2005 | [[Table]] / SHELDON: What marketing genius came up with the name "fishstick"? Those two words should never be combined. / / [[Table]] / SHELDON: "Do you enjoy fish, but wish it had more of the down-home flavor of a stick?" / ARTHUR: "Are you pining for more pine in your seafood?" / / [[Table]] / SHELDON: "Why not branch out and try our new, treemendously tasty fish sticks!" / ARTHUR: Go on, give it a try - just for the halibut!! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050412.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 13 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Oh no... are you at it again? Every spring you plant all sorts of stuff, and every year you're disappointed. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Birds eat your seeds, you overwater, and your gardens always turn out horrible. Why do you do this to yourself? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / GRAMP: Hope springs eternal, I guess. / ARTHUR: Yeah, but your plants don't. That's what I'm trying to tell you. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050413.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 14 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / GRAMP: To plant a flower, you have to gently remove it from the pot. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / GRAMP: Loosen its roots... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / GRAMP: Mix 50% mulch and 50% dirt. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / GRAMP: ...And lightly pack the earth around it... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / (SOUND FX): CRUNCH / ARTHUR: ...Then step on the one you planted 2 minutes ago. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050414.html |
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