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| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 12 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: You know what's a cool phrase?
/ "Hauntingly Beautiful." / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: ...Something so beautiful it HAUNTS you. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: I would imagine that's how the world sees me. / SHELDON: "Hauntingly," anyway. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050912.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 13 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Calm down, Gramp. Tell me what's wrong. / GRAMP: It's the city! They're gonna take our house! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Take our house? How can they do that? / GRAMP: Using "eminent domain" laws. They're kicking us out to build a bowling alley! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Um... can we go back to doing mime jokes? / GRAMP: YES! PLEASE! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050913.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 14 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Don't worry, Gramp. There's no way I'm gonna let the city take our house. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: This morning, I hired 48 lawyers to win our case. ...Say "hello" boys. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Lawyers: "Hello boys". / SHELDON: Aw man, I knew I shouldn't have hired Yale grads. / GRAMP: Hey! Don't eat that! That's wax fruit! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050914.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 15 / 2005 | [[Courthouse]] / SHELDON: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this case is about more than just "eminent domain". / / [[Courthouse]] / SHELDON: It's about home ownership. It's about the American dream. It's about America. And to remind us what America is all about, I'd like to call my first witness... / / [[Courthouse]] / SHELDON: Yakov Smirnoff. / Yakov Smirnoff: In Soviet Russia, car drives you! / ARTHUR: Heh heh heh... Yakov, you ol' seadog. ...you still got it. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050915.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 16 / 2005 | [[Courthouse]] / SHELDON: Yakov Smirnoff, would you care to summarize for the jury your thoughts on "eminent domain"? / Yakov Smirnoff: Is no good! Why take liddle boy's house to build bowling alley! Is no fair... boy needs house to live in. / / [[Courthouse]] / SHELDON: Thank you, sir... you can return to your seat n - / Yakov Smirnoff: And why is Yakov's tv and movie career completely falling apart?? / / [[Courthouse]] / SHELDON: Um, you're veering off-topic a little bit there, Yakov. / Yakov Smirnoff: Am working at Dairy Queen in Des Moines! Is no good! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050916.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 17 / 2005 | [[Courthouse]] / Judge: The witness may return to his seat. / Yakov Smirnoff: Wait! Your honor! I make mistake in my testimony! / / [[Courthouse]] / Yakov Smirnoff: Yesterday I yell and scream that "My career! ...Is no good!" But according to quick internet search, I have whole "Yakov Smirnoff stage show" in Branson, Missouri! WHO KNEW?! / / [[Courthouse]] / Judge: Wait... YOU didn't know what YOU'VE been up to? / Yakov Smirnoff: I can't stress this enough: I've really fallen off the radar. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050917.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 18 / 2005 | [[The Home for Forgotten 80's TV Stars]] / Employee: Here at "The Home for Forgotten 80's TV Stars", we do everything we can to get these fallen heroes back on their feet. / / [[The Home for Forgotten 80's TV Stars]] / Employee: We give them three square meals and a warm bed. / Yakov Smirnoff: In Soviet Russia, bed sleeps on you! / Employee 2: Must you say that every time you go to bed? / / [[The Home for Forgotten 80's TV Stars]] / Employee: We help them with the after-effects of fame. / Employee 2: And how do you feel when someone calls you "Bronson Pinchot... tv's Balky". / Bronson Pinchot: It makes me feel like never coming out of my studio apartment. / / [[The Home for Forgotten 80's TV Stars]] / Employee: We train them for the only job opportunities they can get, as with Randy "Macho Man" Savage, here. / Randy "Macho Man" Savage: YER GOIN' DOWN, HOGAN! OoooOoooo YEAH! / Employee 2: No, no, no... repeat after me. "Would you like fries with that?" / / [[The Home for Forgotten 80's TV Stars]] / Employee: And we help break them of humiliating addictions. / Gary Coleman: Wait! Wait! Let me do just one more late-night infomercial! I get to dress like a chicken and they throw pies at me! / Employee 2: You're 48 Gary Coleman! Have some pride! / / [[The Home for Forgotten 80's TV Stars]] / Employee: "The Home for Forgotten 80's TV Stars". They may have left our tv screens, but they haven't left our hearts. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050918.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 19 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: The city's not gonna take our house?! / SHELDON: Nope! I used my billions to just buy out the redevelopment company. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: And when I got them to leave us alone, I sold the company off at a profit! ... So I took that cash and invested it in some stocks! Unfortunately, I lost it all in minutes. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: ... But I had 79 cents left, so I got us some "Twizzlers" on the way home. / GRAMP: Thanks. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050919.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 20 / 2005 | [[THE POND]] / DANTE: Stop being so scared about jumping into this quarry pond. You're not gonna die. / / [[THE POND]] / DANTE: But I'll tell you what: if you DON'T jump, if you let your fear win...
/ ...then you'll die a little bit inside. / / [[THE POND]] / DANTE: And wouldn't that be worse? / SHELDON: ...Than being dead? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050920.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 21 / 2005 | [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: I don't wanna jump. / DANTE: I guarantee you there's 20 feet of water in this quarry. Water scientists have done, like, water studies on it. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: Wait... what? "Water scientists"? / DANTE: Yeah. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: And they've "done, like, studies"? / DANTE: Yes. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: You're gonna need a tad more evidence than that. / DANTE: Look, Steve's cousin's friend's brother jumped when he was visiting. It's fine. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050921.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 22 / 2005 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: Arthur, am I a chicken for not jumping into this quarry pond? / ARTHUR: A chicken? No, my friend, you're not a chicken. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Chickens are loathsome, hateful creatures. Bent on spreading plague, war and destruction. They are the single greatest evil ever visited upon this earth. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: Wait, you are talking about chickens, right? / ARTHUR: ...The 1929 stock market crash? CHICKENS. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050922.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 23 / 2005 | [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: I'm gonna jump into this quarry pond. I'm not gonna let fear stop me! / ARTHUR: Well, fear's not all bad. It's good to fear some things. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: Is it? / ARTHUR: Sure. Fear is nature's way of saying "be careful". / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: So you're saying I shouldn't jump? / ARTHUR: Jump? I'm trying to warn you about malicious chickens. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: WILL YOU STOP WITH THE *§*!! CHICKEN STUFF?!! / ARTHUR: ...War of 1812? Chicken-instigated. ...Little known fact. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050923.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 24 / 2005 | [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: If it will help you overcome your fear of jumping, I'll do it with you. / SHELDON: Um, ok. / / [[THE POND]] / / [[THE POND]] / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: I said I'd JUMP with you, I didn't say I'd LAND with you. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050924.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 25 / 2005 | [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: If I ask you a serious question, will you give me a serious answer? / ARTHUR: Of course. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: At its core... what is fear? Is it just a biological, fight-or-flight response? Or does it serve some grander purpose in the crafting and shaping of one's morality? / ARTHUR: Hmmm... / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: Hmm. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: Hmm. / / [[THE POND]] / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: You better not have fallen asleep with your eyes open again! / ARTHUR: Z http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050925.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 26 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Great googly moogly! That voice! 'Tis like the angels! / GRAMP: That's Mel Torme / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: I've... never heard of him. But his voice!! It's like sugar! Sugar dipped in sugar!! / GRAMP: Yep. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: He existed in a time before MTV... when a singer just needed to sing beautifully. / ARTHUR: Why do you say it like that? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Here's his picture on the cd cover. / ARTHUR: OOOooo... still, how 'bout that voice? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050926.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 27 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: HEY! Get your tongue off my oreos! ...Why would you do that?! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Did you think I'd be so grossed out that I'd just GIVE 'em to you? Well tough luck, chuck!! Yer not gettin' them! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Gramp? Want some oreos? / GRAMP: Ooo! Sure! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050927.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 28 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: This is such a bummer. All the flowers I planted in spring are dead. / ARTHUR: Circle of life, I guess. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: You spend 150 bucks on plants. In spring, they bloom. In summer, they start to dry up. And by fall, they're dead and gone. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: As is my 150 bucks. / ARTHUR: As is your 150 bucks. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050928.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 29 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: What are you...? Aigh! Are you spreading jelly ON the peanut butter??!? / SHELDON: Yes. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Aigh! No! You have to spread the jelly on one slice, and the peanut butter on the other! / SHELDON: Why? I'm just gonna put the two togeth - / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: AIGH! Stop! Just stop! I can't even talk to you right now! You're like some Martian speaking English! Aigh! / / [[THE HOUSE]] http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050929.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 30 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Have you seen my reading glasses? / ARTHUR: Um, they're on your head. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Whoops! Heh heh heh... it stinks getting old sometimes. / ARTHUR: No worries / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: ...And have you seen my car keys? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/050930.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 01 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Oh man... the milk is five days past its expiration date. / ARTHUR: Oooo... that's pushing it. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Smells ok / ARTHUR: You gotta taste it. It's the only way to tell. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Arrow: The slow tilt of the milk carton / Arrow: The worst five seconds of human existence. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051001.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 02 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: I live for my Sundays, and my big breakfast treat... where I sit with my funnies. ...and all the "Kix" I can eat. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: But the date's a bit off on this milk that I hold. ...It seems to be saying that it's 3 DAYS OLD. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: The smell seems all right... There's no mold or grime. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: So maybe this fear is all in my mind. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: I'm sure this milk's fine, and a cinch to digest... so I'll try out a spoonful and hope for the best. / ARTHUR: NYAAAH! Aim away from the duck! Away from the duck! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051002.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 03 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / ARTHUR: But look! Sir Duckington drives the evil troll back into his pillow fortress! / SHELDON: Rar! / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / ARTHUR: Sir Duckington is a hero -- and the townspeople praise him with great praise! / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / ARTHUR: And what's this? Why, it's the prettiest maiden in town... and she's bringing Sir Duckington a gift! / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / ARTHUR: Wait! That's no gift! It's a court summons! She's suing Sir Duckington for missing paternity payments! / SHELDON: ...Can Sir Duckington stop taking this game in weird directions? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051003.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 04 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Luke rides his taun taun across the ice planet of Hoth... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: He's on patrol, looking for signs of - AIGH! He's fallen off again! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Luke's been hittin' the sauce lately... / SHELDON: If you found out you had kissed your sister, wouldn't you? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051004.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 05 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: What are you doing with those army men? / ARTHUR: Nothing! Just standing! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Are you pretending to be some gigantic mutant duck or something? / ARTHUR: NO! SHEESH! I'M NOT LAME... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: ...Is it the elephant thing from "Lord of the Rings"? / ARTHUR: Maybe. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051005.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 06 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / NARRATOR: I always wake up late for stuff, so I decided to set my alarm 17 minutes fast. / / [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / NARRATOR: But even unconscious, my darn brain was too good at doing the math... / SHELDON: 8:52 minus 17... 8:35. Keep sleepingMMMF. / / [[THE HOUSE (SHELDON'S Bedroom)]] / NARRATOR: So I reprogrammed my clock to make the math a little harder / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: But that seems to have done the job TOO well. / GRAMP: You're two hours late for school. / SHELDON: Quick man! What's the square root of TTr2... of the sun?? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051006.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 07 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Sheldon, there are two guys on the phone from "Gaggle". / SHELDON: You mean "Google"? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Oh... maybe that's what they said. "Google". They're named Larry and Sergey. / SHELDON: Yeah. Google is their company. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Hmph. I don't know how I feel about you hanging out with other super rich guys. Sounds like a recipe for trouble. / SHELDON: Not to worry, Gramp. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Phone: SHELDON! We're buying AOL and turning it into a chain of ribshacks! You in? / SHELDON: ...Now's not a good time, guys... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051007.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 08 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Sheldon talks to Larry Page and Sergey Brin of Google / SHELDON: Hey guys! What a nice surprise to hear from you! ...How in the world did you find my home number!? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Oh. Wait. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Phone: Awkward. / SHELDON: ...You run Google. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051008.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 09 / 2005 | [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: You're going to Google headquarters again? You were just there yesterday. / SHELDON: Oh man, Gramp... it's so fun to hang out with other software billionaires like Larry and Sergey. / / [[Google]] / sign: Google: Don't be evil / sign: Sheldonsoft: Try not to suck / NARRATOR: We compare our corporate mottos... / / [[Google]] / NARRATOR: ...Then we share threatening e-mails we've received from Microsoft's Steve Ballmer... / Sergey Brin: Ha! In this one he calls me a "half-wit two-bit, chicken*#@!!" / Larry Page: I got "ugly *@#* troll!" / SHELDON: The only word on this one that's not a cuss word is "horsewhip." / / [[Google]] / NARRATOR: Then we brag about the employees we lured away from each other's companies / Larry Page: We hired two of your top programmers this week. / SHELDON: I stole your lobby furniture. / / [[Google]] / NARRATOR: Then we take a break to do quadratic equations... / / [[Google]] / NARRATOR: Then we make prank calls to AOL / Larry Page: You've got mail / Sergey Brin: - pattern baldness! / SHELDON: Ha ha ha ha let's do Yahoo next! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051009.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 10 / 2005 | [[Google]] / SHELDON: Thanks for the tour of Google, guys. Your employees are amazingly smart. / / [[Google]] / SHELDON: But for all their brilliance and brainpower, why do I see so few wedding rings as I look around the office? / / [[Google]] / Larry Page: It's... it's the DATING! Our best minds can't figure it out! / SHELDON: Curse of the programmer, Larry. Curse of the programmer. / Sergey Brin: ...We're beta-testing "pleasant small-talk" in Google labs, though! / Employee: ...And in the meantime, we keep season two of "Deep Space Nine" around the office. For the lonely nights. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051010.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 11 / 2005 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: It must be pretty fun to run Google. So much information at your fingertips! So much power! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: You ever feel tempted to rig the system? ...So that every search for "cool" brings up your name? / Sergey Brin: No way. That would just be dumb. But if you type in "Omg! Sexiest dude evar!", my photo pops up. / Larry Page: "Sheer, godlike physique" brings up me. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/051011.html |
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