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Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 11 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Goodbye, Mr. George Lucas! / George Lucas: Goodbye, children! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: "Children"? ...It's just me. / George Lucas: Yeah, but I might cgi thousands more creatures into the scene later. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: I... I don't know how to respond to that. / George Lucas: My actors always say the same thing. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Actor: Hey, speaking of which, am I UNDER WATER in this scene, or FIGHTING A RANCOR? / George Lucas: Acting's not important in Star Wars.... so.... just make random faces in front of a green screen.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070411.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 12 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: See? If I fold the dollar... like... THIS... / George Washington becomes a mushroom... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Or, like THIS... a tree. Or... a house... or, the Eiffel tower. / DANTE: Neat. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / DANTE: ...Um, can I have my buck back? / ARTHUR: ..Dang.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070412.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 13 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: THE 3 KEY STAGES OF AGING: / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / NARRATOR: Stage One: You start making yourself chamomile tea... and not on a dare. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: Stage Two: You start falling asleep waiting for the tea to cool... forcing you to reheat it in the microwave later on / GRAMP: Z / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / NARRATOR: Stage Three: You start forgetting you left tea in the microwave from the last time you did this / GRAMP: Wait... ...is today Tuesday?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070413.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 14 / 2007 [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: Lemme ask you... if God exists, why would he design us with all these physical flaws? I mean, just look at ME. Look how hard it is for me to get my butt underwater. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: Can't do it. My butt wants to float. It's totally unfair. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: Although... waitaminute... maybe that's actually an argument FOR God. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: Maybe God wants my fabulous butt to be SEEN at all times... / SHELDON: Yes. exactly. Sure....Thanks for the religious insights, Saint Augustine.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070414.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 15 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: You're always going on and on about coffee... let me try a sip. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / (SOUND FX): Siiiiiiiiiiip / / [[nonspecific (colored background) (blue with yellow dots)]] / (SOUND FX): THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF AQUARIUS / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / (SOUND FX): THE AGE OF AQUARIUS! / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / (SOUND FX): AAAAAQUARIUS! / / [[Space]] / (SOUND FX): AQUAAAARIUS! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / (SOUND FX): blink blink blink / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: ...It tastes like a bitter, boiled phone book / GRAMP: You get over that after 1300 cups or so...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070415.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 16 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: True Life Tales From Owning A Pug: #47 /
/ The average pug stands 16" tall... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: They can run at a top speed of 30 MPH... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: And they can leap up to two times their height / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: All of which makes coming home a living joy... since this is a creature designed to nail you in the crotch / (SOUND FX): BAM! / GRAMP: Biscuits and gravy...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070416.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 17 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Arrow: totally normal / NARRATOR: Once upon a time, vacuums were designed with dark, plastic outer shells / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Arrow: post-modern hipness, no doubt / NARRATOR: But all of a sudden, new vacuums have these clear, see-through containers / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Which is a terrible design choice. You should never have to SEE the unspeakable horrors you vacuum from your floor / ARTHUR: We must burn all our carpets. It is the only way to be sure. / GRAMP: AGREED.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070417.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 18 / 2007 [[Store]] / GRAMP: Did you put your little seatbelt on? / ARTHUR: No. SHEESH! Are you ever gonna let that go? / / [[Store]] / ARTHUR: I fall out of the cart ONE TIME...and you bring it up constantly. It wasn't even that big of a deal. / / [[Store]] / / [[Store]] / ARTHUR: Because... SERIOUSLY... not to rehash old arguments... but why would a grocery store even HAVE a serve-yourself soup bar? / GRAMP: ...just put on the seatbelt.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070418.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 19 / 2007 [[Store]] / ARTHUR: Oo! Oooo! Can we get some "Cookie Crisp" cereal? / GRAMP: Are you kidding?? NO! / / [[Store]] / GRAMP: Those things are just... little cookies! They're marketing little cookies for breakfast! Cookies! / / [[Store]] / GRAMP: ..."Why not try new 'veggie cakes'! They're shaped like veggies, but they're made from cake." / ARTHUR: ...For reals?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070419.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 20 / 2007 [[Public Bathroom]] / sign: Men / NARRATOR: Do you hate the idea of using a public bathroom? Of course you do. Everyone does. / / [[Public Bathroom]] / NARRATOR: Even when the bathroom is sparkling clean, your germ-a-phobic "spidey senses" start tingling / / [[Public Bathroom]] / NARRATOR: But there's a solution! Delicately drape the cheap, single-ply toilet paper over the seat / / [[Public Bathroom]] / NARRATOR: IT'S THE SINGLE GREATEST GERM PROTECTION EVER INVENTED ...you hope. / GRAMP: This is always so dodgy.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070420.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 21 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Birds: Peeping / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Birds: Peeping / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Birds: Peeping / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Birds: Peeping / ARTHUR: MAN... / Some people will NOT shut up about their band
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070421.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 22 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Apparently Ikea is going to start building houses in England / ARTHUR: Ha! Yeah! I heard about that. There are three floorplans to choose from: the Fürdibür, the Skōōgle, and the Loornst. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Each house comes flat-packed, and weighs only 20 pounds. Plus, 13 critical screws are missing, and none of the doors ever close quite right. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: …Are you finished now, Mr. Jokey-Pants? / ARTHUR: Hold on… Hold on… Um… Lemme think of one about meatballs. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Um… They also… come with meatballs. / GRAMP: Bravo.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070422.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 23 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Why is Scotch tape called "Scotch tape"? / GRAMP: Because. The Scots have a 2300-year history of giving delicately wrapped birthday gifts. And they're widely credited with creating the perfect tape to wrap those gifts / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / (SOUND FX): SIGH... / GRAMP: I don't know why it's called "Scotch" tape. / ARTHUR: I thought the traditional Scottish birthday gift was loathing, wrapped up in grudging tolerance?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070423.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 24 / 2007 [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: It just makes no sense. They took two totally different movies and just ..... MASHED ‘em together. “Alien”.... “Predator”.... They were completely separate stories. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: What if they just mashed up all sci-fi like that? “Star Trek vs. Star Wars” … How lame would THAT be? / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: Don’t mention your 300-page fan script. Don’t mention your 300-page fan script... / SHELDON: SOOOPER lame…
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070424.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 25 / 2007 [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: Look at the goofy expression he gets on his face when he doggy-paddles.
/ ...It's a mixture of panic, excitement, and dopeyness. / / [[THE POND]] / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: But I guess that's pretty much the face he makes all the time. / ARTHUR: Dogs: Nature's Little Doofuses.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070425.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 26 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Some group of geologists claim to have found "Kryptonite" in Serbia. / SHELDON: ...Except that it's TOTALLY NOT KRYPTONITE. It's not green, it doesn't glow, and it doesn't hurt the Man of Steel. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Should I tell him that the last one is a given? / SHELDON: AND DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT LAST ONE IS A GIVEN
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070426.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 27 / 2007 SHELDON: I'll tell you what really happened. Some geologist found his funding was running out... and he decided to go for some easy P.R. They didn't REALLY find kryptonite in Serbia. Who's dumb enough to believe that? / / [[Denny's]] / NARRATOR: Meanwhile, at a Denny's outside of Chicago... / Zod: I'm sorry folks - I've, uh, gotta scoot. Here's your "Moons Over My Hammy". / / [[Denny's]] / / [[Denny's]] / Zod: Kneel before Zod.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070427.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 28 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Zod: The plan is off. I just realized that we can't use kryptonite against Superman because... um... we're... also... from... Krypton... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Zod: I'm SO sorry about this. You guys are always there when I need you - ready to fight the Son of Jor-El . and I let you down. I can only imagine what you must think of me. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Zod: "He is a terrible leader" / Ursa (General Zod's minion): He is a terrible leader. / Non (General Zod's minion): I have an innie. Boop!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070428.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 29 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (at night)]] / ARTHUR: From the darkness he comes... / / [[THE HOUSE (at night)]] / ARTHUR: ...THE DUCK! / / [[THE HOUSE (at night)]] / ARTHUR: While his fair city sleeps, THE DUCK hunts down criminals. And tonight is no different! / / [[THE HOUSE (at night)]] / ARTHUR: He spots them in their well-lit lair. Caught off guard, they just sit there ...pretending to look all sweet and innocent. / / [[THE HOUSE (at night)]] / ARTHUR: He descends on them! ...With a hunger for JUSTICE! / / [[THE HOUSE (at morning, Kitchen)]] / GRAMP: ...The heck? ...Pudding cups?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070429.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 30 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: I have you in my sights, superhero. / ARTHUR: ¡El Staplero! The greatest villain to ever wield a stapler!! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: It is I. And my presence can only mean one thing: YOUR DOOM. / (SOUND FX): Chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chu / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Dude, you have GOT to come up with a better character. / SHELDON: Taste my fury! ...As I arc slightly higher!!! / (SOUND FX): unk chunk chunk chunk
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070430.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 01 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Villain! I will not allow your vile, villainous villainy to succeed! / SHELDON: There is no way you can stop me, hero! I am the invincible STAPLERO! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / (SOUND FX): Chunk chunk chunk ch- / SHELDON: OW! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Ow ow ow I've ever-so-slightly stapled my own finger! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Allow me to repeat: this is possibly the worst character you've ever created. / SHELDON: Argh! I've been hoisted! / ...Hoisted by my own petard!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070501.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 02 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: ¡El Staplero! Your evil ends here... at the hands of my sidekick! / SHELDON: HA!! You don't mean "Stickboy", do you? / ...Cause Dante's at the dentist. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: No, not Stickboy. A NEW sidekick. / FLACO: SQUEE-E-E-E-E EEEE / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Behold! "Jungle Lad"! THE BEAST TAMER! / SHELDON: ...Did he just swing in on his own tongue?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070502.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 03 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: You can't stop me, heroes. I am El Staplero - the fastest stapler in all of Mexico!* / NARRATOR: *Except for that one dude in the state of Oaxaca - Editor / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Talk all you want, Staplero... your day of reckoning has arrived. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Ask not for whom the bell tolls... it tolls for- / FLACO: SQUEE
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070503.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 04 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / (SOUND FX): Click click click click / ARTHUR: Ha-HA! El Staplero is out of staples! Now is our time to strike! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Curses... I am defenseless! I must reload at my super secret, hidden arctic lair of mystery and mayhem! / / [[Office Supply Depot]] / sign: All toner half off! Exciting!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070504.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 05 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Wait. Stop. Something's not right. Somethingss missing. I need theme music for my character. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Something that represents the finest superhero ideals of justice, honor and truth. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Stereo: Mah humps, mah humps, mah humps, mah hum my lovely / ARTHUR: Oh Lord...wait... no. NO. Wrong cd. NO. / (SOUND FX): Click! click! click click
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070505.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 06 / 2007 NARRATOR: HOW TO BE A SUPERHERO IN FIVE EASY STEPS / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / NARRATOR: 1.) Develop the most mild-mannered alter-ego possible / ARTHUR: My name is Bobby McHugstable ... and I sell goosedown pillows to puppies / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / NARRATOR: 2.) Pick a costume that looks cool in a drawn comic book, but will look foolish in the eventual live-action movie / ARTHUR: FLAME! / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / NARRATOR: 3.) Pick a name that is unnecessarily clever / ARTHUR: Behold! I am THE FIRE MARSHAL! ...Or maybe the FOUR-ALARM FIRE! ..Or THE LIVING KINDLING! / SHELDON: "...The Living Kindling"? / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / NARRATOR: 4.) Use ten minutes of exposition before you throw one punch / ARTHUR: And we shall fight them o the beaches and in the streets, and we e shall never surrender / / [[nonspecific (colored background)]] / NARRATOR: 5.) Die in every 30th issue, in a desperate attempt to get people to buy superhero comics again / ARTHUR: ALAS! I AM DEAD! ...Or am I? See issue # 31 of "The Living Kindling" to find out...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070506.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 07 / 2007 NARRATOR: HOW TO WRITE A SUPERHERO'S ORIGIN STORY... / / [[Countryside]] / NARRATOR: 1.) Give them a countryside childhood, where they scamper around like the first five minutes of "Bambi". Also, you gotta use the word "simple" a lot. / ARTHUR: ...Ah'm just a simple cowpoke. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: 2.) Make their transformation sound immensely cool, and ignore the total lack of science or plausibility. / ARTHUR: AARGH! I was bitten by a radioactive clam while seeking a cure for halitosis! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: 3.) Give your superhero a unique catchphrase (that will help in the trademarking process) / ARTHUR: Magnanimous! Magnanimous barfly hopscotch!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070507.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 08 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Summoning a superhero is critical... but the methods evolve. For example, Batman didn't start out with the "bat signal" / / [[Street]] / Batman: Flyer...? Take a flyer. Flyer? Call me anytime ...flyer? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: The phone hotline was big for a while, but now most superheroes use instant messaging... / / [[office]] / Computer: thachief: ohnoes! will u help? / aquaman: invu4uraqt. / thachief: no! Im serious! wills u help? / aquaman: ooo... no can do. 4got costume @ drycleaners. sooper sorry! ;)
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070508.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 09 / 2007 NARRATOR: HOW TOLL ROADS WORK / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Step 1: your local gov't can't afford a new road, so they propose covering costs with tolls / Man (Generic): ...But we'll only collect tolls for 10 years. / / [[Car]] / NARRATOR: Step 2: for the next 10 years, you desperately search for 75¢ every time you see a toll booth / GRAMP: Button... breath mint... nickel... another button... GAAH! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Step 3: 10 years pass, and your local gov't lifts the toll as promised! / Man (Generic): Hey everyone - fun news! We're keeping the toll for a smidge longer! Say, 25 years. / GRAMP: GAAH!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070509.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 10 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: It's the 50th anniversary of the font "Helvetica" / ARTHUR: ...So what? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: So what?? SO WHAT?? Helvetica is THE most awesome font of the 20th century. She's sleek, efficient and beautiful. ...And we're gonna throw her a party! / ARTHUR: A party? Why? Who cares? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: I CARE! If we didn't have fonts like Helvetica, we'd only have lame fonts like "Comic Sans" ...He's the geeky, zit-faced, fat kid of the font world. / Comic Sans: THTOP IT! I'M JUTHT AS GOD MADE ME, MITHTER!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070510.html
 

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