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Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 11 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Seriously... who USES a font like you? / Font: Look, each font ith a mood. Thum fonth are therious, and thum are thilly. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Font: And me? I'm a thimple font. A thweet font. A non-thweatening font. So loth of folkth like me. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: LIKE WHO? / Font: ...Mothtly dorkth.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070511.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 12 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Font: I tells ya... it's a conspiracy is what it is. Some peoples just wanna keep us good fonts down. / Font: Theriously. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Font: Lookit me. I am DRIPPING with curly Q's. I'm hella whimsical. / Font: Theriously. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Font: I just thank God Microsoft includes us as standard. / Font: I sez that to my kids every day. I sez "You thank God Microsoft Word exists, cause Daddy's got work." / Font: Theriously.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070512.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 13 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Ent: HAROOOOM um um HAROO - um um HA - um / Ent #2: C'mon. C'MON. ... I'm gonna miss my stylist appointment. / NARRATOR: It's bad enough talking to an Ent. But talking to an Ent with a stutter takes FOREVER
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070513.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 14 / 2007 OSO: hype, hype, hype, hype / ARTHUR: You ever hear the theory that when a dog barks at "nothing", they're really barking at ghosts? / GRAMP: No. . . that's hogwash. / / OSO: hype, hype, hype, hype, hype, hype / / OSO: hype, hype, hype / GRAMP: But GOOD LORD. Thanks for freaking me out now. . . / ARTHUR: Right?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070514.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 15 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Hey, Dr. Z... I heard the bad news that Mercedes had to sell Chrysler. / Dr. Z (Dieter Zietsche, Daimler Chrysler CEO): Ya. Vee bought it for 37 billion dollars nine years ago...and vee had to sell it for just 7 billion. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Dr. Z (Dieter Zietsche, Daimler Chrysler CEO): I...don't understand it. How is that even possible? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Dr. Z (Dieter Zietsche, Daimler Chrysler CEO): ...How could something lose so much value so quickly? / ARTHUR: You've clearly never owned a Chrysler.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070515.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 16 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: I still don't get it, Dr. Z. Why did Mercedes buy Chrysler in the first place? / Dr. Z (Dieter Zietsche, Daimler Chrysler CEO): GERMANY! Vee were in merger-mania! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Dr. Z (Dieter Zietsche, Daimler Chrysler CEO): Vee had just merged East and West Germany! ...Two whole countries! Who could've guessed that a merger between Mercedes and Chrysler would fail?? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Um... ANY first-year business student? / Dr. Z (Dieter Zietsche, Daimler Chrysler CEO): Next, we were going to genetically merge this chicken with a delicious, delicious strudel...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070516.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 17 / 2007 SHELDON: ICE CREAM MAN! / / ARTHUR: ICE CREAM MAN! / DANTE: ICE CREAM MAN! / / / GRAMP: Man... some people sure go nuts for the / FLACO: SQUEE - squee squee!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070517.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 18 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Arrow: Joy upon joy / NARRATOR: Average reaction of kids when they hear the ice cream man / SHELDON: ICE CREAM MAN! / ARTHUR: ICE CREAM MAN! / DANTE: ICE CREAM MAN! / / [[Ice Cream Stand]] / Arrow: Sixteen pounds of surliness / NARRATOR: Average reaction of the ice cream man himself / Ice Cream Man: Wa ya wan?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070518.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 19 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / NARRATOR: The male mind is an interesting thing / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / NARRATOR: Any dude, fresh from the shower, thinks he's the sexiest guy alive... / GRAMP: Why HELLO, Lord Sexington / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / NARRATOR: Doesn't matter if he's got an extra fifty on him: fresh out of the shower, he's George Clooney / GRAMP: Bam! Bam! / / [[Inside (non-specific)]] / NARRATOR: This is the same male mind that thinks comb-overs work / Man (Generic): Foolin' the world... livin' the dream... / NARRATOR: Tomorrow: the female mind is also an interesting thing / Woman (Generic): ...Why am I so fat?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070519.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 20 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Ham. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Ham ham ham / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Weird word, isn't it? ..."Ham"? / SHELDON: Ham? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: H-AM / SHELDON: HAAAM / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Ham Ham ham Ham-us Alabamus / SHELDON: Hammity ham / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Haaaaam. / SHELDON: Ham ham ham / / [[Store]] / GRAMP: Damn you, Pavlov.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070520.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 21 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: Attraction / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: Interaction / (SOUND FX): SNIIIIIIIFFF / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: Reaction / (SOUND FX): FWACHOOOO!! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / NARRATOR: Stupefaction / ARTHUR: Lordy.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070521.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 22 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: THE THREE STAGES of PUG TRAINING / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: Stage 1: You repeat a trick until your pug actually does it. / SHELDON: Sit. Sit. SIT. SIT. SIT. ...Good dog. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: Stage 2: You attempt to repeat the trick / SHELDON: Sit. Sit. Sit. C'mon man. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: Stage 3: Your pug walks off and never does the trick again... because he has a wet sock for a brain. / SHELDON: SIT! SIT!
/ Um...
/ Walk away! ...Good dog.
/ ...Start licking the couch for no apparent reason! ...Good dog.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070522.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 23 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / DANTE: My mom just told me that pickle is actually a cucumber / SHELDON: No... that can't be true. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: Pickles are pure awesomeness. And cucumbers are toejam in veggie form. / DANTE: She made me look it up. IT'S TRUE. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: If pickles are vegetables, what else is a vegetable? Is ice cream actually cauliflower? Are cookies actually asparagus?? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / DANTE: AAH! It says relish is also made from cucumber! / SHELDON: BLAST! ...I've been eating a well-balanced diet all along... like a chump!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070523.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 24 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: Have you ever been walking on a quiet street, late at night? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: ...And there's a stranger walking 10 steps ahead of you? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: ...And because they hear your footsteps, they're clearly freaked out? And keep glancing back nervously? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: THIS is not the best way to handle it / GRAMP: Sir?? I am NOT a freak! Sir?? Wait up... I'll prove it to you! Sir? I'm normal!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070524.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 25 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: Let's review: it's dark out, and you're accidentally freaking out a stranger by walking behind him / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: You can't STOP walking, or step behind a bush, 'cause that will freak them out even more. / Man (Old): OhGodohGod where'd he go?? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: And you can't speed up and try to pass, 'cause those close-up steps are terrifying for them / Man (Old): ...I shall strike him with this olive loaf / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (night)]] / NARRATOR: The best thing you could do is maybe try to sing a pleasant, friendly tune. / GRAMP: Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for- / Man (Old): GAAAH!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070525.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 26 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Arrr, matey... be we goin' to see "Pirates of the Carribean"? 'Tis a tale of ad-venture 'n villainy. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Sure! ...I'll go. / ARTHUR: Ye WILL? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Sure! Sounds like fun! / ARTHUR: Well slap my face and call me a manatee... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Why are you so surprised? / ARTHUR: 'Tis the butt-barnacles that've formed on that chair... ye be a landlubber that prefers the sleepin' arts. Aye... the sleepin' arts. Aye...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070526.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 27 / 2007 NARRATOR: Clip 'n save! / / [[movie theater]] / sign: Planning on seeing "Pirates of the Carribean 3"? Be sure to take this visual representation of the plot! / Arrow: Credits roll: You're excited! / Arrow: 5 minutes in: You're immediately confused / Arrow: 25 minutes in: Hurray! You've figured out what's going on! / Arrow: Nope... nope... you've lost it again / Arrow: A solid 50 minutes where you kinda don't care / Arrow: 75 minutes on: You're fairly sure six drunk script doctors cobbled this plot together using old "Gilligan" scripts / Arrow: Guy next to you is so bored, he's texting / Arrow: 120 minutes in: Wow, cool cgi! ...That goes on for 48 minutes, thereby becoming BORING cgi / Arrow: 168 minutes in: You're absolutely convinced you have no idea what this movie is about / Arrow: Film ends: Is it possible to be bored, angry, tired AND confused? This movie answers... / SHELDON: YES / ARTHUR: YES
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070527.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 28 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Arrr... the first "Pirates of the Carribean" 'twas such a good film! Why were these sequels so horrible?? ...I feel like I be kicked in the cannon-shot. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: 'Tis now an albatross around my neck! This film shall haunt me all me days! ...Like that moldy lasagna I ate last month. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Arr... but which is worse, I wonder...? All of the movie's poorly ended plotlines? Or... or... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / SHELDON: ...Or the fact that Disney's gonna make a ton of cash off this puppy? / ARTHUR: Aye!! That be it, laddie. It sticks to me craw like a peanut butter made of hate.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070528.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 29 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: "Jean-Luc Picard" is a French name, isn't it? / SHELDON: Yeah, Captain Picard was born in France. He's French. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: But he speaks with an English accent. / SHELDON: Well, YEAH. It's the future. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: That makes no sense / SHELDON: In the future, England unexpectedly conquers France. And all the English start, um, moving to France and, um, taking French names. / (SOUND FX): BAM! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: ...You've worked this out all by yourself, have you? / SHELDON: ...But they still do English stuff, like drink Earl Grey tea. It TOTALLY makes 100% sense.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070529.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 30 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: Wake up, America! The exciting moment is here! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: That's right! It's MAJOR LEAGUE SOCCER time! ...And the new season is going to blow you away! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: We've got all new stadiums; a new, national tv contract; AND David Beckham in July! It's all the hard-charging soccer action Americans crave! Catch the fever! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / NARRATOR: Um, we said catch the - / GRAMP: Meh.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070530.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 31 / 2007 [[Gym]] / Trainer: So, to start off your workout today... / GRAMP: Oh no no no no... / I can't lift today. My muscles are still screaming from the LAST workout. / / [[Gym]] / Trainer: That's perfectly normal, sir. That's just tiny, microscopic tears in your muscles / GRAMP: "Tiny, microscopic tears"? I feel like I'm one big tear! Like I'm a creature consisting of nothing BUT tears! / / [[Gym]] / Trainer: Sir, that's not physically possib- / GRAMP: IT'S CALLED BEING 65!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070531.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 01 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Science Explains: / HOW YOUR PUG WORKS / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: - Nostrils: Not actually capable of passing air, forcing pugs to breath through their ears / - Eyes: 40% of a pug's weight / - Extra folds of skin: just poor planning. Every pug assumed he'd get bigger / - Brain: see "stomach" / - Communication: pugs communicate using a highly evolved language... that sounds like a fat guy getting hit by a mule / - Legs: work on two settings; 1.) run madly in a circle, 2.) run madly in a circle / - Stomach: see "black hole" / / NARRATOR: FAST FACTS: / - Daily diet: 6x what you're eating / - Daily sleep: 24.5 hours per day / - Natural enemies in the wild: peace / quiet
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070601.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 02 / 2007 NARRATOR: Science explains: HOW A TEN-YEAR OLD WORKS / / NARRATOR: - comes with 3 settings: 1.) sleeping 2.) whacking things with a stick 3.) video games --> subset: asking for more video games - calories burned per day: 4 to 5 billion - will instantly befriend another 10-year old boy if the other boy has: a dog, a ball, a dog with a ball, some type of bug in a jar, an extra wii controller - alternatively not afraid of anything, and then afraid of everything / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: FAST FACTS! - daily diet: mainly chocolate, if given a choice - daily sleep: go go gogo collapse - natural enemy: aging
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070602.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 03 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / (SOUND FX): FLIP! / FLACO: SQUEE! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Oh! Uh... were you reading that? / FLACO: -Squee! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Oh... um... okay. I'll go back / (SOUND FX): FLIP! / FLACO: Squee-squee. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / FLACO: "Squee squee, squee squee squee squee..." / GRAMP: NO READING OUT LOUD
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070603.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 04 / 2007 NARRATOR: Science explains: HOW A 65-YEAR OLD DUDE WORKS / / NARRATOR: - brain: like all men's brains, believes it's still 18 - reading glasses: on face 10% of time. In crack of couch 90% of time - gut: says "I've done a lot of livin' in this body... and surprisingly little of it at the gym" - bald head: disperses the heat generated by watching cable news all day - mustache: says "sorry ladies - I've given up" - Still kinda fascinated by legos / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: FAST FACTS! / - daily diet: mainly low-fat, low-carb, low-sodium... but then blows it all and orders a double bacon cheeseburger / - daily sleep: sometimes even during conversations / - natural enemies: colonoscopies
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070604.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 05 / 2007 [[Store]] / GRAMP: There's a magazine here called "Weekly Handyman". A... a whole magazine dedicated to weekly handyman... ing. / ARTHUR: Even worse! Down here there's a "Weekly handyman: deck's edition" / / [[Store]] / GRAMP: Good Lord. It has subscription cards inside!! Who needs 52 issues of this? / ARTHUR: And when did magazines become so task-specific? / Man (Generic): Honey, honey! ...For the 84 decks I was planning on building this year! / Woman (Generic): Ooo! And the new issue of "Shoe-closet reorganizer quarterly" is out! ...With all the fall reorganizations!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070605.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 06 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Everyone always thinks THEIR country will last forever. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: That’s true. I’ve always thought the USA will la--.. / ARTHUR: But it won’t! 1,000 years from now it’ll be gone! GONE! …And this town will be part of Canadia! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: "Canadia?" / ARTHUR: Mighty Canadia!... Where the emperor Melvin sits high on his jade throne! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: You always couch a good point in twelve pounds of craziness, you know that? / ARTHUR: Melvin! … Conqueror of East New Hampshire! … Sworn enemy of the Iowan Empire!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070606.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 07 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Think about it. London was once a tiny, far-away outpost of the Roman Empire. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: It was on the outskirts of everything! It was nuthin'! And the locals were morons! Romans HATED to be assigned there! / But 1600 years later, London was the capital of a worldwide empire! It owned a quarter of the planet! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: So what you're saying is... / ARTHUR: We should fear the coming reign of the IDAHO GLOBAL DOMINION.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070607.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 08 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Things change, is all I'm sayin'. Borders move... kingdoms come and go... empires rise and fall... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: 1,000 years from now, this country could be a poor, backwater nation... OR the head of a worldwide empire. No one knows! It could go either way! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: THE FUTURE: History's drunk, unpredictable cousin... / ARTHUR: Pretty much.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070608.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 09 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE]] / OSO: Z / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]] / / [[THE HOUSE]]
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/070609.html
 

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