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Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 10 / 2007 [[THE POND]] / Innertube: / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: Dontcha love days where ya got nuthin' to do? ...No place ya gotta be? ...No responsibilities? / / [[THE POND]] / Innertube: / SHELDON: / / [[THE POND]] / Innertube: / SHELDON: ♫♪ / / [[City]] / Sheldonsoft Building: / / [[THE POND]] / Innertube: / SHELDON:
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 11 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: Sheldon, I'm disappointed in you. What are the THREE SIMPLE CHORES I've always asked of you? / SHELDON: Well... to always do my homework. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: And? / SHELDON: To keep my room clean. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: Aaand? / SHELDON: And to... Um... uh... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR GLOBAL, MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR SOFTWARE COMPANY! / SHELDON: Oh, right! RIGHT! Right! / ARTHUR: It's always the small things, isn't it?
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 12 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: It's like Batman! We've been summoned like Batman! We must spring into action and head for Sheldonsoft! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: Let's hop in the Sheldon-Mobile and RIDE!! Ride to justice! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Quick, Arthur! To the SHELDON-MOBILE! / / [[Bus Stop]] / sign: / ARTHUR: You know, you DO have billions... maybe you should actually GET a dang Sheldon-Mobile. / SHELDON: Do we take the 42? Or the 8?
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 13 / 2007 [[Sheldonsoft (meeting room)]] / Podium: / Microphone: / NARRATOR: The employee pep talk goes off track... / SHELDON: Employees of Sheldonsoft! I know you're disappointed by our recent stock dip.... But I'm here to tell you — WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. / / [[Sheldonsoft (meeting room)]] / Podium: / SHELDON: 'Cause we're a team, right? Workin' side by side! Like a collective! Like... um... the Borg collective! One big mashup of people and machines! Workin' together! In our cubes! Like the Borg! ...Right? / / [[Sheldonsoft (meeting room)]] / employees: / / [[Sheldonsoft (meeting room)]] / Podium: / Microphone: / SHELDON: Awesome, right? The Borg!
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 14 / 2007 [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / Chair: / Desk: / papers: / ARTHUR: Good work, comparing your employees to the Borg. / SHELDON: Ugggh. I'm so bad at this, sometimes. / / [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / Chair: / Desk: / papers: / SHELDON: How do other CEO's do it? How do they talk to their employees? / ARTHUR: Glittering generalities, man! Corporations are built on doofy, fake catch phrases. / / [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / ARTHUR: If you wanna succeed in corporate management, you gotta summon your inner cheeseball. / / [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / Chair: / Desk: / papers: / SHELDON: "This company's number one asset is people. People like YOU." / ARTHUR: YES. Then go in for the reaffirming shoulder punch!
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 15 / 2007 [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / ARTHUR: Whoa! What's all this? / SHELDON: Paperwork. I'm catching up. The company needs my signature on lots of stuff. / / [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / SHELDON: ....stuff like our 2005 and 2006 tax filings, our Sarbanes-Oxley filings, aaaaand 14 months of back pay for employees. / / [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / SHELDON: I reeeally gotta come in to the office more often / / [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / SHELDON: / / [[Sheldonsoft (Sheldon's Office)]] / ARTHUR: Wait...WHAT? How do you still HAVE employees if they haven't been paid in 14 months??? / SHELDON: We maintain a pretty awesome petty-cash drawer.
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 16 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / sofa: / remote control: / OSO: HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE / GRAMP: What? Wassamatter? … You think this is FOOD? It's not food. / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / sofa: / remote control: / OSO: HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! / GRAMP: Look, just because it's in my hands doesn't mean it's food. It's a T.V. REMOTE / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / sofa: / remote control: / OSO: HYPE HYPE HYPE HYPE HY-* / GRAMP: OK fine! Ya got me. Clearly I can't fool you Sherlock. IT'S FOOD. So here ya go… Go to town. / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / sofa: / remote control: / OSO: / GRAMP: / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / sofa: / remote control: / OSO: / NARRATOR: A proud moment in dog ownership / GRAMP: Hey… HEY!
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 17 / 2007 [[Sheldonsoft (meeting room)]] / Sheldonsoft employee #2: / Sheldonsoft Employee #3: / SHELDON: Good work today, everyone. We got a lot done! / Sheldonsoft employee: Thank you, sir. / / [[Sheldonsoft]] / SHELDON: Let’s call it a night, and tackle the rest in the mornin’, okay? / Sheldonsoft employee: Sounds good! / Sheldonsoft employee #2: G’night sir! / Sheldonsoft Employee #3: Good night, sir! / / [[Sheldonsoft]] / Sheldonsoft employee: / Sheldonsoft employee #2: / / [[Sheldonsoft (meeting room)]] / Sheldonsoft employee: We won't see him again for a year, will we? / Sheldonsoft employee #2: Sure won't.
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 18 / 2007 [[Bus Stop (City)]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: I'm a changed man, Arthur! I'm gonna pay attention to my company from here on out! / / [[Bus Stop (City)]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: No longer will Forbes magazine be able to rank me as the CEO with the "fewest days worked" / / [[Bus Stop (City)]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: Starting tomorrow I'm workin' every day! / / [[Bus Stop (City)]] / ARTHUR: Um... you do realized "Halo 3" is comin' out next week, right? / SHELDON: Starting in December, I'm workin every day!
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 19 / 2007 SHELDON: Yesterday, SOME third parties got the idea that I was gonna play "Halo 3" / / ARTHUR: Don't pin this on me! You specifically said you were! / / SHELDON: Then, that same thrid party repeated the lie to my grandpa. / / ARTHUR: I Didn't! I didn't! He and I talked about sports! I swear! / / SHELDON: So now, my grandpa is under the false impression that I want to play a super-popular shoot-em-up video game... Even thought it's not meant for 10-year olds. / / SHELDON: And wow... Seriously. That couldn't be farther from the truth. / / GRAMP: Dang well better be.
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 20 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background) (Narration Panel, no borders)]] / NARRATOR: The five stages of a U.S.B. flash drive's life / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / USB flash drive: / NARRATOR: 1. Brand new / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / USB flash drive: / NARRATOR: 2. You immediately lose the little cap / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / USB flash drive: / NARRATOR: 3. With every new pull, the plastic casing gets as loose as a clown's pants / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / USB flash drive: / NARRATOR: 4. The outer casing eventually seeks its own path in life / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / USB flash drive: / NARRATOR: Stage 5: Now, all you have left is the fading dream of a well-built flash drive / ARTHUR: Sometimes God calls his angels home early. / SHELDON: ...but I paid 89 bucks for this dang thing!!
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 21 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Magazine: / NARRATOR: Hey America! Caught the fever yet? / GRAMP: ...what fever? / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Magazine: / NARRATOR: For "Major League Soccer"! It's the best season EVER! / GRAMP: Oh. Hadn't noticed. / Text: The housing market: 9 ways you're boned / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Magazine: / NARRATOR: But we brought in David Beckham! Paid him bags of cash! THAT got you excited, right?? / GRAMP: Not really. / Text: North Korea: good luck solvin' that one / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Magazine: / NARRATOR: C'mon! David Beckham! We brought him to America! To play soccer! Pow! / GRAMP: Ohhh wait... was that the dude who blew out his knee for the season? / Text: Cartoonists ...the sexiest? Polls say yes / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Magazine: / NARRATOR: um... the doctors aren't sure if -- / GRAMP: Isn't he married to one of the "Jackson Five" or something? / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Magazine: / NARRATOR: C'MON, MAN... throw us a bone, here. / GRAMP: What do you want from me? I'm American! I'm as familiar with soccer as I am Indian elephant polo.
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 22 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / ARTHUR: English is a Germanic language, right? / GRAMP: Yeah. / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / ARTHUR: So how come English can't do what German does? ... Mash up words to make whole new concepts? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: Why can't WE create words like "kindergarten" or "schadenfreude" or "doppelganger"? Why can't we join concepts like "joyhug" or "shoepause"? / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: BECAUSE. When you say stuff like that in English, you end up sounding like Japanese toy packaging. / SHELDON: "...Megabot fights crime using superjusticefist punch"
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 23 / 2007 [[Car]] / ARTHUR: Man. That is DISTURBING / GRAMP: What?...That window decal? / / [[Car]] / SUV: / / [[Car]] / GRAMP: I think those decals are cute! It's a family sayin' "Here we are!" / ARTHUR: Dude, look CLOSER / / Window decal: Our family... Tim Susan Jimmy Becky Spot Glornak the Destroyer / / [[Car]] / ARTHUR: / GRAMP:
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 24 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: It was covered with feathers! FEATHERS! / ARTHUR: What was? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: The velociraptor! They just found fossil evidence proving it was covered with feathers. / ARTHUR: Really? ...that's lame. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: It's totally lame! And it ruins my image of velociraptors! Now they look like big doofuses in my mind! / ARTHUR: Oh MAN... And it means Spielberg's gonna have to re-do "Jurassic Park" / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Original / Velociraptor from "Jurassic Park": Grrrrr... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: New "director's cut" / Feathered dinosaur, buck teeth, googly eyes: bah-KAWK!
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 25 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: But if the velociraptor had feathers, does that mean ALL dinosaurs had feathers? / ARTHUR: I dunno... maybe! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: Imagine what a triceratops would look like with feathers! ...or an apatosaurus! Or a T-REX! Good Lord, man! What would a T-rex look like with feathers! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Big-Bird:
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 26 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: Anytime I think of dinosaurs, I always imagine a T-Rex and a triceratops fighting. ...It's the classic dino fight scene! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: But NOW what do I imagine? If dinosaurs have feathers, it ruins the whole tough-guy image! / / [[Jurassic Scenery (Volcano, trees)]] / Big-Bird: Sunnnny day, chasin' the cloooouds away... / triceratops: Stop it, man! You're ruining everything. Stop! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR_: Today's fight brought to you by the letter "D", and the number "3" ...thanks to a generous grant from the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 27 / 2007 SHELDON: / ARTHUR: SO WHAT if dinosaurs had feathers? That doesn't mean they weren't tough! Lots of birds are tough! / / ARTHUR: Eagles are tough. Hawks are tough. I'm hella tough. It's easy to imagine a big, mean dino that ... looks ... like ... like... / / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: / / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: Hey ... HEY ... Ground control to major Tom ... ?
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 28 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Vending Machine: / NARRATOR: You're an ANGRY customer. You just put money in a vending machine, but the dang candy DIDN'T FALL. / GRAMP: Hey! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Vending Machine: / NARRATOR: You shook the machine, you whacked it on the side, but the dang thing wouldn't fall. / GRAMP: / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Vending Machine: / NARRATOR: There's only one solution: you have to buy ANOTHER candy to get them both to fall. / GRAMP: / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Vending Machine: / Wallet: / NARRATOR: You're immensely, immensely angry about this. / GRAMP:
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 29 / 2007 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (field)]] / OSO: HYPE HYPE HYPE / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (field)]] / OSO: HYPE HYPE HYPE / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (field, tree)]] / OSO: HY- KLONK / / SHELDON: Don't worry, folks! He's fine! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: Because pugs, like cars, employ "crumple-zone" technology! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Photo: / Void Space Scale: / SHELDON: Yessir! Just as cars are designed with a void-space that crumples in an accident... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Photo: / Void Space Scale: / SHELDON: ...pugs are also designed with a void-space
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from September / 30 / 2007 donuts in box: / refrigerator: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Wassamatter? / SHELDON: Gramp said I was "goin' to town" on the doughnuts, so he put 'em out of reach on the fridge. / / donuts in box: / refrigerator: / SHELDON: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Unreachable, you say? / / donuts in box: / refrigerator: / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: / FLACO: / / donuts in box: / refrigerator: / SHELDON: / FLACO: / / donuts in box: / refrigerator: / SHELDON: / FLACO: thwip! / / donuts in box: / refrigerator: / SHELDON: / FLACO: sqlorch / / donuts in box: / refrigerator: / ARTHUR: Man! Flaco! Would you say this jelly-filled is MORE delicious or LESS delicious because we're eating it in our unreachable sky fortress of awesomeness? / FLACO: squee! / ARTHUR: Yeah. / SHELDON: you guys are lame.
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 01 / 2007 [[Starbucks]] / [[Coffee Shop]] / Counter: / coffee: / Barista: Here's your Venti latte, sir. Can I get you anything else? / GRAMP: Yes! An apostrophe, please. / / [[Starbucks]] / Venti Latte: / Counter: / Barista: ... An apostrophe? / GRAMP: In your name. ... "Starbucks." Don't you need an apostrophe? / / [[Starbucks]] / [[Coffee Shop]] / GRAMP: You're named after the "Moby Dick" character Starbuck ... so a shop of his coffees, or of coffees pertaining to him, should be "Starbuck's." / / [[Starbucks]] / [[Coffee Shop]] / GRAMP: It's not some group of guys names Starbuck ... or some abstract ajectival usage, right? So it needs an apostrophe ... right?? / / [[Starbucks]] / [[Coffee Shop]] / Barista: / GRAMP: / / [[Starbucks]] / [[Coffee Shop]] / Venti Latte: / Counter: / Barista: Maaaaaaybe we'll give this latte to somebody else. / GRAMP: No ... NO!! It's fine! Write it however you want!!
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 02 / 2007 [[Starbucks]] / Coffee cups: / Barista: We're cutting you off, pal. no more coffee for you. / GRAMP: Why? Because I said you misspelled "Starbucks"? / / [[Starbucks]] / Barista: YES. No one may question us! WE are in control! / ... Our 10,000 convenient locations give us the control! / / [[Starbucks]] / GRAMP: You ... you can't do this! / Barista: Oh yes we can. / / [[Starbucks]] / Barista: "HE WHO CONTROLS THE SPICE, CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE!" / GRAMP: ... the who-with-the-WHAT, now?
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 04 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: One last coffee / Dune Joke! We promise! / / [[nonspecific (white background) (Narration Panel)]] / Coffee Cup: / Mentat: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: How is a coffee drinker like a "Mentat"? / NARRATOR: Mentat .......... Coffee Drinker / NARRATOR: Stained lips .......... Stained teeth. / NARRATOR: Mind like a computer .......... Mind can't even operate a computer without coffee. / NARRATOR: Murderous abilities .......... Murderous abilities .... if you offer him decaf. / NARRATOR: "It is by coffee alone that I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of java that thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by coffee alone I set my mind in motion."
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 05 / 2007 [[Park]] / Leaves: / SHELDON: / SHELDON: / SHELDON: / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: 5-inch long crunchy leaves: the natural anti-depressant
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 06 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / Grocery bag: / GRAMP: And I got us some fish, some waffles, and a 5-pack of toothbrushes. / SHELDON: Gramp, no! / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / Grocery bag: / 5-pack ofToothbrushes : / GRAMP: ... What? / SHELDON: The last 3 times you went to Costco, you got toothbrushes! There's a ton of 'em under the bathroom sink. / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / 5-pack ofToothbrushes : / sink: / GRAMP: Oh Lord ... he's right. Well, I've just gotta make a firm mental note to - ... / / [[Store]] / Grocery Cart: / 5-pack ofToothbrushes : / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Not Two Weeks Later
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 07 / 2007 [[Car]] / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: It's the weirdest moment in driving... / / [[Car]] / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Four cars pull up to an intersection, and all four get a red light / / [[road (signal light)]] / NARRATOR: only after two minutes of waiting do you realize... the light system is broken / / [[Car]] / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: So you sit there. Like chumps. Staring at each other. / / [[Car]] / Driver: / NARRATOR: If all four drivers are law abiding, you'll wait and wait for someone to run the light... Like some weird form of Russian Roulette / / [[Car]] / Driver: / NARRATOR: Russian Roulette... Without a bullet / / [[Car]] / Driver: / NARRATOR: ... Or even a gun / / [[Car]] / NARRATOR: ... Or even a clue / GRAMP: For the love of croissants! Will somebody GO!
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 08 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (the front doorway)]] / Hat: / jacket: / Hat rack: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: You've lived a life of honor and sacrifice: / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Hat: / leash: / jacket: / GRAMP: / OSO: / NARRATOR: You served 10 years in the army / / [[front yard]] / Hat: / leash: / jacket: / GRAMP: / OSO: / NARRATOR: You married your high school sweetheart / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Hat: / leash: / jacket: / GRAMP: / OSO: / NARRATOR: You raised a beautiful daughter together / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / leash: / fire hydrant: / OSO: / NARRATOR: You put in an honest day's work for 35 years / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (tree)]] / leash: / Hat: / jacket: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Heck, you even saved a man's life once. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / leash: / Hat: / jacket: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: And now, here you are, picking up droppings from a 16"-tall dog, using an uncomfortably thin plastic bag. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / leash: / Hat: / jacket: / uncomfortably thin plastic bag: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Life: it's awesome
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 08 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (the front doorway)]] / Hat: / jacket: / Hat rack: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: You've lived a life of honor and sacrifice: / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Hat: / leash: / jacket: / GRAMP: / OSO: / NARRATOR: You served 10 years in the army / / [[front yard]] / Hat: / leash: / jacket: / GRAMP: / OSO: / NARRATOR: You married your high school sweetheart / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Hat: / leash: / jacket: / GRAMP: / OSO: / NARRATOR: You raised a beautiful daughter together / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / leash: / fire hydrant: / OSO: / NARRATOR: You put in an honest day's work for 35 years / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (tree)]] / leash: / Hat: / jacket: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Heck, you even saved a man's life once. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / leash: / Hat: / jacket: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: And now, here you are, picking up droppings from a 16"-tall dog, using an uncomfortably thin plastic bag. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / leash: / Hat: / jacket: / uncomfortably thin plastic bag: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Life: it's awesome
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 09 / 2007 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Hat: / Arrow: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: The human brain is the most complicated biological system on the planet / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Hat: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: It's capable of billions of calculations per second ... simultaneously working on perception, imagination, memories, language and pattern recognition. It is, simply put, amazingly powerful. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Hat: / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: ... and the proudest moment for any brain? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (tree)]] / Hat: / leash: / NARRATOR: Waiting around for a dog to pee / GRAMP: C'monnnnn. While we're young. GO WIDDLES. / OSO: snif snif snif snif snif snif snif snif snif snif snif snif snif
Sheldon Comics comic strip from October / 10 / 2007 [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / Newspaper: / Glasses: / NARRATOR: Americans! Are you frustrated with the U.S. healthcare system? / GRAMP: Sure am! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Glasses: / NARRATOR: Well guess who's coming to the rescue? The good folks at MICROSOFT! / GRAMP: Oh c**p. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Sidekick: / Boy (Generic): / NARRATOR: That's right! Microsoft has developed "Healthvault," a new, web-based system to track all your medical records. And because it's Microsoft, you KNOW your data will be super, super secure! / Boy (Generic): We hackzord it in under 25 minutes! / NARRATOR: Two randomly selected 13-year olds / NARRATOR: ... using a "Sidekick" / / [[Hospital]] / Computer: / Defibrillator: / Patient: / NARRATOR: And like all Microsoft products, you know it'll work well with all 3rd party hospital systems. / Nurse: It keeps saying "keyboard not found" / Doctor: You're kidding. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Glasses: / NARRATOR: That's right! Everything you loved about Microsoft Vista, or "Clippy," or even getting your USB camera to synch up ... NOW COMBINED WITH THE U.S. HEALTHCARE SYSTEM! / GRAMP: Ohh NO no no no No no / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: MICROSOFT ... There's no system so messed up that we can't make it worse.
 

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