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Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 06 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Master Shakespeare! The theatres on the south banks bring only harlotry and plague: I am closing you down. / SHELDON: ...but your grace! I was going to stage my new play "Hamlet"! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Nay, good sir. / SHELDON: But I was also to serve TACOS at the play. Delicious, delicious tacos! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Pray, what be a "tacos"? / SHELDON: A snack, my liege. The tastiest from the new world. Here, try one with chipotle sauce. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Hey nonny NONNY.. you shall stage you "Hamlet". / SHELDON: Hooray! I shall stage "Hamlet"! / NARRATOR: (...and he did, by the way.)
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090106.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 07 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background) (Diner)]] / Menu: / Coffee Cup: / Waitress: / GRAMP: What is fruit in the cup? / / [[nonspecific (white background) (Diner)]] / Menu: / Coffee Cup: / GRAMP: / Waitress: / / [[nonspecific (white background) (Diner)]] / Menu: / Coffee Cup: / GRAMP: / Waitress: / / [[nonspecific (white background) (Diner)]] / Menu: / Coffee Cup: / Waitress: / GRAMP: Which always results in: 1 grape, half a strawberry, and 48 billion chunks of melon. OOOH! A pineapp... Nope. Melon.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090107.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 08 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom Hallway)]] / GRAMP: C'mon, duck! I'm runnin' late! / ARTHUR: I said OCCUPIED. I'm taking a bath. / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom Hallway)]] / GRAMP: I just need to shave and brush my teeth. / ARTHUR: No! I'm all naked up in here. / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom Hallway)]] / GRAMP: * / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: Uncool, man. UNCOOL.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090108.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 09 / 2009 [[Bathroom (In the Bath)]] / Bath water: / ARTHUR: / (SOUND FX): Sklooor / / [[Bathroom (In the Bath)]] / Bath water: / ARTHUR: / (SOUND FX): Skluuur / / [[Bathroom (In the Bath)]] / Bath water: / ARTHUR: MAN. There is no sadder act than stayin' in the tub as the water drains out / (SOUND FX): sqwarggl garggl squaw / ARTHUR: ...my butt-fat gets all saggy again
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090109.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 10 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Book: / ARTHUR: Can't touch this. / SHELDON: What? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: STOP. Hamma time. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Ohhhhhh oh-oh-oh ohhhhh oh ohhh oh / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Can't touch this.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090110.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 11 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / FLACO: / GRAMP: Why did you leave your spinach for last? Eat it first, and be done with it. / ARTHUR: What?? You crazy. …Does a condemned man save his last meal for after the execution? No!! You save the worst for last. / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / GRAMP: Oh, good lord. You act like spinach is the worst thing in the world. / ARTHUR: It is! I hate it! / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / FLACO: / GRAMP: Hey! In this house we don't hate things. We dislike things. / ARTHUR: Look, we may be family, but we ain't blood. ..and I hates me some spinach. / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / FLACO: / GRAMP: Dislike. / ARTHUR: Fine. I "dislike" me some spinach. ...Dislike it with the burning-hot intensity of biker shorts on a fat guy. / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / GRAMP: Try swallowing it without noticing the taste. / FLACO: hurk / ARTHUR: Without noticing? It tastes like a chair in the U.N. General Assembly! Sixty years of international rumps! / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / GRAMP: Heh-heh. That's pretty witty actually. / ARTHUR: Witty enough to get me out of eating the spinach? / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / GRAMP: Not that witty, no. / ARTHUR: Wait... so that is an option? Um...um... "A priest, a rabbi and some spinach walk into a bar..." ...and...um... Oh man. This is not a joke that writes itself.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090111.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 12 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: You look at some veggies and it's so clear that THIS is the part of the plant we were supposed to eat / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: A carrot, for example. It's so clear that THAT's the good part of the plant. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Planter: / ARTHUR: Then you look at something like kale, and you realized we're eating straight up TREE BITS. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: ...a tree grown with soil, water and despair. / ARTHUR: This is not food. This is a roofing material.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090112.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 13 / 2009 [[office cubicle ((Top) The Three Stages of a Product Recall)]] / office cubicle: 1. The uncomfortable moment IMMEDIATELY AFTER the engineer discovers the problem / Engineer: Soooo, uh, Susan? Just out of curiosity, how much would it cost to recall every unit we shipped last year? / Woman (Generic): HA! Good one, Larry! / / [[nonspecific (white background) ((Top) The clear, upfront, way the company announces the recall.)]] / sign: EVERY. THING'S FINE! / PERFECTLY FINE! GREAT! / But we may, infact, be recalling product #29ec4 / Engineer: / / [[nonspecific (white background) ((Top) The easy, two-step process)]] / Letter: 1. you call us 2. we ship you a box 3. you ship that box back 4. we send you a new item in another box 5. our advertising tries to pretend this never happened 6 you super double-dog-dare agree not to sue us / GRAMP:
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090113.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 14 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / spoon: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: Hoooooooooooo! Unexpected yogurt cannonball! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / spoon: / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: / / [[THE HOUSE]] / spoon: / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: / / [[THE HOUSE]] / spoon: / ARTHUR: I am so sorry. I thought it was bigger. / GRAMP: And that'd be better how??
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090114.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 15 / 2009 Coffee Cup: / ARTHUR: Still in your PJs at 11 AM, eh? What a proud start to the day. / GRAMP: Quiet, you. / Besides, I kinda think the world would be a better place if we all wore PJs more. / / Coffee Cup: / GRAMP: There'd be less war for sure. / Ain't nobody runnin' into battle when your pants are all loosey-goosey, if you know what I mean. / / Coffee Cup: / ARTHUR: Maybe... But if everyone's wearin' PJs all the time, our economic output would plummet! / ...we're already in a recession! / GRAMP: But if you had PJs on IT WOULDN'T BUG YOU AS MUCH. / ...This is what I'm saying.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090115.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 16 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / Book: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: All I know is...if we go into the castle and the map isn't there, I'm gonna be SO mad at you. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Book: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: squee squee squee squee squee squee squee squee squee squee squee / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Book: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: "Take the rowboat"?? THAT's your plan?? Lord--that dang boat has been your solution to EVERY problem! ...But it doesn't get us any closer to the MAP! / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Book: / FLACO: squee SQUEE squee squee SQUEE squee / ARTHUR: Guuuuuh!! So frustrated! SO frustrated! / NARRATOR: Why you can't team-read a "choose your own adventure"
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090116.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 17 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Coffee Cup: / ARTHUR: / Man (Generic): / Woman (Generic): Look, Reginald! / A cute little duck drinking a Latte! / ... he thinks he's people! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: "thinks he's people"? / Do you realize how insulting that is? / I'm a duck! The highest life form on the planet. I can wal, swim underwater, and fly! What can humans do? / You can get suckered into ruining the global economy with mortgage-backed securities! That's what YOU do! / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: But I AM cute, yes. / Man (Generic): Daaaaaaang... / Woman (Generic): Daaaaaaang...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090117.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 18 / 2009 SHELDON: Sit, Oso! Sit! / OSO: Okay brain: We've heard the word "sit." Do we know what that means? / / OSO: But do we know how to "sit"? / But to be fair we're still confused about where and when we're allowed to poop, as well. / But listen: Life cursed us with bug eyes... So we ain't doin' nuthin' for nobody. / Good! But hold on: Do we need to eat, first? / No... we filled up on socks, remember? / Let's just continue standing here like a moron, then, and hoep no one calls us on it. / / OSO: Dang. / SHELDON: Seriously? This is what we're doing?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090118.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 19 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Check it out: Flaco and I have been practicing this a a gift to you. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Ka-Pow! ... a Romulan warbird. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Fah-Tang! ... a Klingon Bird of Prey. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Banana-Rama! ...The Bird of Prey landing on Vulcan in the "Search for Spock." / SHELDON: eeeeeee
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090119.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 20 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: We've got another Star Trek ship we want to do for you. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Takes us a minute, though. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / ARTHUR: It's not... the most... natural... of shapes. Ok, let's do this. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Ooof... My back. / SHELDON: Hey HEY A Borg Cube!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090120.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 21 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: We got one last Star Trek imitation for you. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: It's our coup de grace! ... Our grand finale! ... Our arc de triomphe! Our... uh... omelette du fromage! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / ARTHUR: And-a-one, and-a-two, and-a-one, two, three ahuuup. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: And BAM: ... Shatner's wig ... Had more conquests than the entire Klingon Empire.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090121.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 22 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / ARTHUR: I've figured it out. Physical proof of the existence of God. / GRAMP: ... What is it? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: BANANAS. Ain't no way you can look at a banana and not conclude there's a central, organizing force in the universe. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Think about it: A banana is this compact perfectly designed Vessel of food. Take it with you! Throw it across a room! Present it's a phone! ... Then peel it and eat it. / / ARTHUR: Also: Perfect in sundaes. Bam. God exists. / GRAMP: Bam.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090122.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 23 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background) ((top) PUNCTUATION MARKS THAT NEVER CAUGHT ON)]] / Yahtzee set: / SHELDON: Booyah! That's my third yahtzee win! / GRAMP: Congrats! *wierd punctuation mark* / Descriptive text box: *wierd punctuation mark* = There's the door, champ. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (grass)]] / SHELDON: Hey - what year did the Roman empire end? / ARTHUR: Ooh! Good question *another wierd punctuation mark* / Descriptive text box: *another wierd punctuation mark* = Why are you asking ME?? Take two flippin' seconds and look it up on Google / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laptop: Thank you SO much for sending me this chain email *another wierd punctuation mark* / SHELDON: / Descriptive text box: *another wierd punctuation mark* = I wish you would wash out to sea.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090123.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 24 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: / GRAMP: The ol' body's starting to go on me, duck. I just found my first grey chest hair. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: Guh. It's not even grey! It's albino-white! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: And now that there's one, you know more are gonna pop up. Once the body starts fallin' apart, ain't nuthin' stopping it. / ARTHUR: But there are already lots more on the underside of your belly. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: But I suppose that's like the unseen, dark side of the moon to you, isn't it? / GRAMP: Not helping.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090124.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 25 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laundry basket: / Laptop: / GRAMP: What the...? Are you talking Arthur through the computer?! / SHELDON: YEP! / ARTHUR: See, the tilt of a baseball cap is so key... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laptop: / GRAMP: So that's him talking...live? / SHELDON: Yep. We're using V.O.I.P. ..."Voice Over Internet Protocol" / ARTHUR: ...Too far forward, and you look like a backup dancer in a Vanilla Ice video. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: It compresses the data rate of my voice, then sends that data in packets, using——. . / GRAMP: Whoooa. You're talking dark magic or something. I'll never understand how that juju works / ARTHUR: Too far back, and you end up looking like Goymer Pyle. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: Yeah, but let's be honest: do you understand how a Traditional phone works? / SHELDON: Two phones! A long wire! ...What's to figure out?? / ARTHUR: Well GAWWWLEEE
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090125.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 26 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (Rocks)]] / group of baby birds: cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep / ARTHUR: UGH! ...Can you guys take this useless chit-chat somewhere else?? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (Rocks)]] / ARTHUR: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (Rocks)]] / ARTHUR: / group of baby birds: tak tak tak tak / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (Rocks)]] / group of baby birds: tak tak / ARTHUR: ...updating facebook pages.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090126.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 27 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (Rocks)]] / rock: / Computer: / Bird: Cheep cheep cheep? / ARTHUR: You want me as your Facebook friend? ...But we just met. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (Rocks)]] / rock: / Computer: / Bird: Cheep! Cheep cheep cheep! / ARTHUR: OK, but you better not invite me to any lame Facebook groups..."Gossip Girl" Shoe Fan Club...Aqauman For Prez...None of that, OK? None. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / Computer: / Bird: / ARTHUR: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / Computer: / Computer: Ding! / ARTHUR: C'MON MAN! ...That was five seconds!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090127.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 28 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laptop: / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: To prove how lame those facebook requests are, I've written a program to generate them automatically. / It combines random verbs, adjectives and nouns... Then sends it out to your friends. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laptop: * "Tim has flung a ticklish hippo at you. (Do you accept?)" / * "Susan has purchased a holdiay sweater-vest for you. (Will you wear it?) / * "Greg has transferred a binding power-of-attorney to you. (Will you modify his will?)" / ARTHUR: HA! These are awesome! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laptop: / SHELDON: Um, I haven't turned on the program yet. / Those are all real facebook requests / ARTHUR: "Arthur has aimed a flatulent cat at you." / Oh riiiight I DID send that to you....
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090128.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 29 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (at the computer)]] / Computer: / Table: / ARTHUR: HAHA! "Flaco has thrown a sock at your onion skin. Do you accept?" / GRAMP: ...I genuinely don't understand that Facebook stuff ...None of it! / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: The idea that I upload all this super-personal stuff--photos, info, and updates--and in return all I get is people inviting me to groups like "pirates vs. ninjas vs. dental hygienists"? / ARTHUR: yes. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: jeeez...what's the payoff? / ARTHUR: ...you get to do battle with dental hygienists, I suppose.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090129.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 30 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Whatcha readin'? / SHELDON: T. S. Eliot's "Four Quartets." ...It's impenetrably wonderful / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: And what does THAT mean? / SHELDON: It means there are layers and layers of impenetrable beauty and meaning within it… And I find it wonderful. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: …I still don’t understand. / SHELDON: It’s like a beautiful flower sitting before you. …You know you’ll never understand EVERYTHING about how it grows or roots or smells… But you take in what beauty you can from it. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Nope. Still don’t get it. / SHELDON: Poem make hulk angry. Pretty words hard to know…
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090130.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from January / 31 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / Book: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Peach, peach I love me some peach there-is-so-much-that-fruit-can-teach / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Peach, peach at the beach I-wish-I-had-one-in-my-reach / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Peach, peach I love 'em each no-legislative=body-could-impeach. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / Book: / ARTHUR: Now THAT'S good poetry / Stick THAT in your T.S. Eliot and smoke it. / SHELDON: What?? I'm not even sure what that insult means. / ...Nor ANY part of the preceding poem, for that matter.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090131.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from February / 01 / 2009 [[THE POND]] / rock: / SHELDON: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: I don't understand the word "behead" / It sound like you're ADDING a head instead of losing one. / / [[THE POND]] / rock: / SHELDON: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: If I "befriend" you I have added a friend / / [[THE POND]] / fishing pole: / rock: / SHELDON: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: If I'm "bedecked" in jewels I've added bling / / [[THE POND]] / Stars: / rock: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: So if I'm "behaeded" haven't I ADDED a head? / Wouldn't it be more accurate to say I'm "deheaded"? / / [[THE POND]] / rock: / FLACO: / SHELDON: Look: / The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dues and a German dictionary. / It's the "rock soup" of languages / ARTHUR: I'm going with "dehead" / Then it's easier dehead them off at depass
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090201.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from February / 02 / 2009 ARTHUR: Ever notice how songs about love always mention the words "sky above"?? ...ONLY BECAUSE THEY RHYME?? / GRAMP: / / ARTHUR: That's a ridiculous reason to include it in a song about love. ...What if there was a word that RHYMED with love, but meant "sock lint that you discover between your toes ... but which is NOT the color of the socks you're currently wearing." / / GRAMP: That would seriously alter the Celine Dion catalog, for one thing. / ARTHUR: ...could it be "shplove"? Could "shplove" be that word?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090202.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from February / 02 / 2009 ARTHUR: Ever notice how songs about love always mention the words "sky above"?? ...ONLY BECAUSE THEY RHYME?? / GRAMP: / / ARTHUR: That's a ridiculous reason to include it in a song about love. ...What if there was a word that RHYMED with love, but meant "sock lint that you discover between your toes ... but which is NOT the color of the socks you're currently wearing." / / GRAMP: That would seriously alter the Celine Dion catalog, for one thing. / ARTHUR: ...could it be "shplove"? Could "shplove" be that word?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090202.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from February / 03 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background) ((At top) Trying your own home repairs? Where do you fall on the HOMEOWNER'S MACHO SCALE? (at bottom) Not that macho)]] / Wrench: / GRAMP: I... think I could fix that valve. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Wrench: / GRAMP: I know I could fix that valve. / / [[nonspecific (white background) ((at bottom) Able to purchase macho)]] / Wrench: / GRAMP: I know for a fact someone else can fix it for 80$.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090203.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from February / 04 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: / Man (Bald): Maaaah! / A duck! / Oh god oh god oh god / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Man (Bald): I always tell my shrink / that my crippling fear of / ducks would be my undoing / ...and he always says "Phil, / your orinthophobia is / NEVER gonna be a prob- / lem: you live in a city! / WHEN ARE / YOU / GONNA / SEE A / DUCK??" / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: / Man (Bald): And now it's / happening! / I'm RIGHT NEXT / to a duck. / Gnnnnggn. / / [[Elevator]] / Man (Bald): ...IT'S / INCHING / CLOSER! / gggnng... / ARTHUR: Man, did / I get on / the right / elevator!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090204.html
 

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