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Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 06 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: It starts innocently enough / GRAMP: Hey Oso! Wanna go walkies?? / OSO: HYPE! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: So you enjoy the moment / GRAMP: WALKIES! Walkies walkies walkies / OSO: hype hype hype / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: And then you realize... / GRAMP: Walkies walkies wa--* OH CRUD. Where's the leash??? / OSO: hype hype HYPE / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Then you spend the next 40 minutes searching amid THIS / OSO: hyyyype hyyyyype hyYYYYYYYYYYPE... / GRAMP: GUH.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090406.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 07 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I don't think that's my reflection looking back at me. I think it's an alternate-universe Arthur looking back at me. / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / Mirror: / ARTHUR: And when I walk away from the mirror to eat my breakfast... he walks to HIS breakfast in HIS alternate universe. / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / Mirror: / ARTHUR: But all the while, he knows. / SHELDON: ...Knows what? / / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / Mirror: / ARTHUR: I'm WAAAAY hotter. [quietly, to self] Sure, he's smiling... but he knows. He knows.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090407.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 08 / 2009 [[Outdoors (pouring rain)]] / ARTHUR: Raaain, rain, go away: come again some other day. / / [[Outdoors (pouring rain)]] / ARTHUR: A-HEM. / ARTHUR: Raaain, rain, go away: come again some other day. / / [[Outdoors (pouring rain)]] / ARTHUR: Don't you MAKE me sing that again in a Bjork voice. ...'cause I'll do it. / / [[Outdoors (pouring rain)]] / ARTHUR: / / [[Outdoors (rain stopped)]] / ARTHUR: 's what I THOUGHT. Rain.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090408.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 09 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Summer is almost upon us, Flaco! Nuthin' about summer not to like. / FLACO: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: Except, of course, having to see dudes in sandals. BUH. Ain't nobody wantin' to see dudes' bare feet. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: A dude's feet look like the south side of a north-facing mule. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: ...and it's a mule with a nasty case of eczema and an odd, all-over dandruff that is yes OK I'm stopping. / FLACO: / ARTHUR:
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090409.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 10 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / Chair: / GRAMP: It's a tough call. I actually love that super-cheap shampoo I use. It works great. / ARTHUR: / / GRAMP: But I've fallen in love with the pump bottle on that expensive shampoo I bought by accident. If I go back to the cheap stuff, I'll miss the cool pump. / ARTHUR: / / ARTHUR: Dude-dude-dude... Just buy the cheap stuff and pour it in the expensive bottle. / GRAMP: Oh. / / NARRATOR: Life: don't make it tricky. / GRAMP: OHHHH... / ARTHUR: ...How long you been worryin' about this?
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090410.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 11 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / Chair: / Magazine: / ARTHUR: Hey, waaait a minute. It just occurred to me: why are YOU using shampoo? / GRAMP: Because. After 65 years on this earth, and a long and fruitful life... / / GRAMP: I've developed a bit of a scalp condition that I can't seem to shake. / ARTHUR: / / GRAMP: I believe the Latin scientific term for it is "I gots me a duck-butt on my head." / ARTHUR: HEY MAN. Don't blame me. I'M not the one with the warm-n-comfy scalp.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090411.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 12 / 2009 [[Park]] / SHELDON: / DANTE: / Girl: / ARTHUR: [to Flaco] Lookit these kids runnin' around like chumps in the Easter egg hunt... workin' up a sweat in their Easter finest. / FLACO: / / ARTHUR: Well, this year you and I are gonna win this egg hunt... but we ain't runnin'. I got a plan. / FLACO: / / ARTHUR: hey, um, you using all those? / Duck (Not Arthur): quack? Quack QUACK QUACK QUACK / / [[Park]] / ARTHUR: Well, runnin' ain't the worst thing. How many we find so far? / FLACO: squee
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090412.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 13 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (the front doorway)]] / GRAMP: [kicks off right shoe...] KLONK [...and wrestles with knotted tie] / / GRAMP: [peels off tie...] FWIP! [...and kicks off left shoe] / / GRAMP: [rips open shirt and suit jacket] FOOMP! / / GRAMP: [rustle rustle rustle] / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / Chair: / electric fan: / SHELDON: WOW. He went from Easter finest to Hanes ad in under 20 seconds. / ARTHUR: Dude, if you're gonna own one suit, IT CANNOT BE WOOL. / GRAMP: MUHH.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090413.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 14 / 2009 [[Middle Earth (Alpine forest, Autumn)]] / Microphone: / Tree: Fir: / NARRATOR: They say timing is everything in humor / Ent: / / [[Middle Earth (Alpine forest, Winter)]] / Microphone: / Tree: Fir: / Ent: / / [[Middle Earth (Alpine forest, Spring)]] / Microphone: / Tree: Fir: / Ent: / / [[Middle Earth (Alpine forest, Summer)]] / Microphone: / NARRATOR: This is especially true for ents. / Ent: ...and the goose sez: "THAT ain't my hat." / Bush: Ma-HA! / Tree: Fir: aha ha ha
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090414.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 15 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (by a door)]] / Box: / GRAMP: Was that you makin' race car sounds? / ARTHUR: No. / / GRAMP: There's no one else at home. It must've been you. / ARTHUR: nope. just... sittin'. / / GRAMP: ...in a shoe box. / ARTHUR: in a box, yes. ...possibly shoe. / / GRAMP: ...makin' race car noises. / ARTHUR: Dang, man. JUST LET ME HAVE THIS.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090415.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 16 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Computer: / GRAMP: [singsong] Sheldonnnnn? My computer's acting up. / / SHELDON: What's it doing? / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Book: / GRAMP: The thing. The thing with the blinky and the red flashy. / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: The blinky and the red flashy? / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / ARTHUR: Man! Now I'M curious to go, just to see what he's talking about. / / SHELDON: Half of tech support is linguistic archaeology.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090416.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 17 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / Computer: / GRAMP: Why isn't this mail-merge working on my computer? / SHELDON: / There's a slight field-mismatch between the original database and-- No... You know what? It's like this: / / SHELDON: ...all the programs on your computer are at a cocktail party. And as the shrimp is comin' around, most of the programs are like "Oh, I'll just take one." ...But one prgram is SHOVELLING shrimp into his untucked flannel shirt. HE'S TAKIN' ALL OF IT. / / SHELDON: Explaining software to him does no good, so I just personify it. / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: / Give back the dang shrimp, Excel!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090417.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 18 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: New rule for tech support: if someone asks you for help with THEIR computer, they gotta bring it to YOU. No more "Hey can you c'mere for a second" stuff. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Laptop: / SHELDON: Think about it: if folks have to physically stand up and walk to the room you're in... BAM. Cuts requests for help in half. / ARTHUR: Sheldonnn? How do I make Microsoft Word not auto-suggest every--* / / ARTHUR: Oh. Wait. I gotta go to him, now. / / ARTHUR: NEVER MIND! I'm sure Word has no good solution, anyway. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Computer: / SHELDON: This new technique will especially cut down on folks with towers. / GRAMP: Oof.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090418.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 19 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / ARTHUR: It took us 23 failed attempts. But now... we've got it down. / SHELDON: / / Bowl: / ARTHUR: First, we figured out it has to be a HEAVY-DUTY salad bowl. ...Can't be a lightweight. / / Cans: / ARTHUR: And you gotta use a TON of non-stick cooking spray on the bowl. A TON. / / refrigerator: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: And then, when Flaco dives off the fridge, he HAS to arch his back. That part is key. / SHELDON: / / refrigerator: / FLACO: / / refrigerator: / Bowl: / FLACO: [plunges head-first into salad bowl...] FOOOP [...and shoots gracefully upwards again] / / refrigerator: / ARTHUR: And blam-o! Boy's back up on the fridge. / / SHELDON: [singsong] Daaaaaang.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090419.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 20 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / ARTHUR: Why do bagels and doughnuts and stuff have holes in them? / / GRAMP: The hole ensures that the dough cooks evenly throughout. / / ARTHUR: Wow! Really?? How did you know that? / / GRAMP: The path of EVERY life is a slow but steady gathering of facts. / / cup: / ARTHUR: ...And then slowly forgetting them... and asking where you left your tea. / / GRAMP: Oh! Found it, by the way. Hall closet, of all places.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090420.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 21 / 2009 [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: What's up with Greek last names? They're all fantastically convoluted. / / SHELDON: I have a theory about that. / / SHELDON: Early Greek culture was one of the first flowerings of language as an artform, right? They designed philosophy and democracy and theater with this gorgeous playground of WORDS. / / ARTHUR: So?? / / SHELDON: So! That means they valued creativity and inventiveness in language! ...That must've extended to naming. / / [[Ancient Greece]] / Greek: Hi! I'm Nick Jones. / / Greek 2: C'mon man, we're Greek. You can do better than THAT. / / Greek: Um... "Nick... Papahartofylakakopoulos"?* / / Greek 2: Nice. / NARRATOR: * Real name!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090421.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 22 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: We thought yesterday was a loving jab at the inventiveness of Greek names. / / SHELDON: But we heard from a few peeved members of the Greek community, who said there were LOTS of Greek surnames that are short and to the point. / / ARTHUR: ...But they were all Greek to us! / / SHELDON: Stop it, you. / / SHELDON: So today, we've invited a kind representative of the Greek-American community to offer up a different view of Greek last names. / / ARTHUR: Without further ado, allow me to introduce Mister Jim De--? Demo...? Demonakos? / SHELDON: NOT helping. / Man (Generic):
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090422.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 23 / 2009 [[THE POND]] / Ball: / ARTHUR: Thor is a Marvel superhero, right? / / SHELDON: Yep. / / ARTHUR: But Thor isn't an invented character like Wolverine. He was a god in the Norse belief system. How do they handle that? / / SHELDON: Mostly he just wails on dudes with his hammer. / / ARTHUR: So they pretty much sidestep all that, and make him into a street-fightin' brawler? / / SHELDON: Pretty much. / / ARTHUR: "Marvel Comics: if we can turn it into a superhero, we'll take whatever ya got layin' around." / SHELDON: Yup. / / ARTHUR: Car parts, old couches, Norse gods...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090423.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 24 / 2009 [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: The ONLY REASON Thor works as a fictional superhero is because most readers aren't familiar with him as an historical Norse god. / SHELDON: / / ARTHUR: Had they put a well-known Roman or Greek god in superhero tights, it would be so much easier to spot how ridiculous the idea is... / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Voice: Wolverine: you attack them from the right! Spidey: you go up the middle! ...And ZEUS: you attack from the left. / / Wolverine: / Spiderman: / Zeus: Awww yeah. Let's DO this crazy dance. BOLT ON! / (SOUND FX): [fwang!]
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090424.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 25 / 2009 [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: It just makes me uncomfortable: Marvel plundering real-world belief systems for superheroes like Thor. / / SHELDON: I suppose you're right. It's dangerous ground, mixing religion and superheroes. Sooner or later, you know they're gonna cross a line with some faith. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Thief 1: Curses! It's that darn superhero The Laughing Buddha. / / Thief 2: / Buddha: I AIN'T LAUGHIN' NOW. ...Crime rubs my belly the wrong way.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090425.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 26 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / telephone: / GRAMP: Hello? / Voice: / Hi! This is your bank! We're calling to let you know we're sending you a NEW credit card. / / GRAMP: No no no. I have a card. I don't want another one. / / Voice: It's not another one. It's a _replacement_. Your card info was stolen from our database... along with four million other cardholders'. So we're sending out all new cards. / / GRAMP: But... my data's safe now, right? / / Voice: Sir, I can 100% assure you that that's a great question. / / GRAMP: / / GRAMP: C'mon. You're killin' me here. / / Voice: Look, I got four million more calls to make. What do you want to hear? "We care"? sheesh. WE CARE.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090426.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 27 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Art pad: / ARTHUR: Heeey, that's a great drawing, Dante. / DANTE: / Thanks! I'm trying to get better by copying the great masters. ...This is a 17th century crowd scene by Caravaggio. / / ARTHUR: Well it's good! You got the faces right. You got the perspective right. You got the chiaroscuro right. You got th--* / / ARTHUR: You, uh, got a little Megatron in your background, there. / / DANTE: ...Got bored with the chiaroscuro.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090427.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 28 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Art pad: / ARTHUR: There's a futility in drawing, isn't there? In trying to express a 3-D world with a 2-D line? / DANTE: / / ARTHUR: It's an echo of an echo of an echo. It's like trying to capture the fullness of love in a song! Or faith in a poem! Or history in a book! / DANTE: / / ARTHUR: Or... gosh! A life in a biography! Or math in mere symbols! Or -- / / DANTE: I GET IT! HUMAN ENDEAVORS SUCK. Jeez Louise.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090428.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 29 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Art pad: / ARTHUR: I'm not denigrating art, but you gotta admit that art doesn't create. It copies. / DANTE: Wha...? / / ARTHUR: All art is basically a revision or recontextualization of the world around us. It COPIES the natural world. / / DANTE: WHAT?? No way. You can't look at a Picasso face and say "THAT face copies the real world" / / ARTHUR: / DANTE: / / ARTHUR: I dunno... it COULDA been a copy. ...I've seen some daaaaang ugly people in my time. / DANTE:
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090429.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 30 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / Television: / GRAMP: What is that nonsense? / / ARTHUR: This? This is "America's Next Top Model". Flaco loves this show. / FLACO: / / GRAMP: What's the concept? / ARTHUR: It's a bunch of girls being catty to each other, and DESPERATELY trying to win the affection of a slightly prettier girl. / / GRAMP: So..... It's "high school", basically. / / ARTHUR: Basically.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090430.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 01 / 2009 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (field)]] / ARTHUR: No, it's true! There's a moment where flight can go wrong for a bird. / FLACO: / / ARTHUR: It's right at take off: if your wings don't create enough lift at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT, it's a big ol' face plant. / FLACO: / / Bird: [sound effect] BAM. / ARTHUR: Ha! Larry! You nerd! / FLACO:
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090501.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 02 / 2009 [[Outdoors]] / coffee: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: God bless America! ...Are you tucking into another coffee? ANOTHER ONE?? / / ARTHUR: Dude, how many coffees have you HAD today? / GRAMP: Yes. / / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: / / GRAMP: "Yes" / ARTHUR: YES is not an answer!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090502.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 03 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background) (no borders)]] / NARRATOR: Today: Useless advances in toothbrush technology! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Toothbrush: / NARRATOR: 1. Ol' Reliable / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Toothbrush: / NARRATOR: 2. The weird, oddly terrifying pointy thing added to the end. / NARRATOR: Be honest: has anyone ever used this thing? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Toothbrush: / NARRATOR: 3. The differently-sized bristles. / NARRATOR: Known in marketing jargon as "Now We Can Charge More" / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Toothbrush: / NARRATOR: 4. The tilted head. / NARRATOR: Doing what your wrist apparently couldn't do before? Bend 10°? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Toothbrush: / NARRATOR: 5. The battery-powered spinning head / NARRATOR: Because nothing says "Awesome" like mixing water, electricity, and your mouth. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Toothbrush: / NARRATOR: AND COMING SOON: / NARRATOR: When a tiny, embedded seismometer senses tooth decay... / NARRATOR: ...the built in ipod warns you by playing "Kool & The Gang"
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090503.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 04 / 2009 [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / ARTHUR: I am so proud of myself. This morning I polished off two "Pounder" bags of M&M's / GRAMP: / / ARTHUR: Within seconds, my heart was racing, I was sweating, my stomach was churning... / / ARTHUR: It was like I was runnin' a marathon: so much GLORY! ...So much vomiting, but so much glory! / GRAMP: ...Lovely.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090504.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 05 / 2009 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Dog treat: / Stool: / SHELDON: Sit. / OSO: / / Stool: / Dog treat: / SHELDON: SIT. / OSO: / / Stool: / Dog treat: / SHELDON: Sit SIT sit sit SIT sit sit SIT sit sit / OSO: / / Stool: / Dog treat: / SHELDON: SIT. / OSO: / / Dog treat: / Stool: / SHELDON: SIT * ...Aw dang it. / OSO: / / NARRATOR: We often fail to realize that they've TRAINED US.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090505.html
 

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