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| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 06 / 2009 | [[Outside - Rocks (After dark)]] / SHELDON: Star light! Star bright! First star I see tonight! / / [[Outside - Rocks (After dark)]] / SHELDON: I wish I may! I wish I might... / / [[Outside - Rocks (After dark)]] / SHELDON: ...have realized quicker you're a SATELLITE. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090506.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 07 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: How to shrink a newspaper... / / Newspaper: / Arrows: / NARRATOR: 1. First, reduce the on-staff journalists and original reporting. This will shrink your overall page count. / / Newspaper: / Arrows: / NARRATOR:
/ 2. That, in turn, will drive away readers (and paying ads),forcing you to shrink your page size.
/ / / Newspaper: / NARRATOR: 3. Then, stages #1 and #2 will keep repeating in a vicious cycle, until...
/ / / iPhone: [sound effect] ring ring / NARRATOR: 4. ...Voilà! You've shrunk a newspaper! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090507.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 08 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / costumes: / Mr Jacobs: How now, Mr. Wiggles! What be this? / Mr Wiggles:
/ 'Tis my new venture, Mr. Jacobs! I call it "the newspaper". It brings tidings of new events and happenings. Hence, "NEWs" / / Mr Jacobs: I see the cleverness of the term, Mr Wiggles! And these "news" you print: did they occur JUST NOW?
/ / Mr Wiggles: Oh! Um, no, Mr. Jacobs! It takes a day to print and distribute the page... So this is, um, yesterday's news. / / Mr Jacobs: Daaaang, Wiggles. To heck with that noise. I'm just gonna read TODAY's news on my laptop.
/ / Mr Wiggles: [thinks] Aw crud. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090508.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 09 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / GRAMP: You can have a falsehood, but you can't have a truthhood. And you can have a falsity, but you can't have a truesity.
/ / ARTHUR: / / GRAMP: And you can falsify documents but you can't truthify documents.
/ / ARTHUR: / / ARTHUR: You, my friend, are a truthsayer.
/ / GRAMP: I GOTTA BE! ...AIN'T POSSIBLE TO BE A "FALSESAYER." http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090509.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 10 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: In the great green room / There was a telephone / And a red balloon / And a picture of-- / / [[Bedroom (drawn in the style of Clement Hurd)]] / Bed: / Rabbit: Stop STOP STOP / / Rabbit: Who picked the colors for this room? It's like the color scheme from a 1973 Mexican cantina! It's... It's like trying to fall asleep INSIDE a lava lamp! / / Rug: / Slippers: / Rabbit: And the perspective lines! What's goin' on down there?? I'm gettin' dizzy! / / Mouse: / Rabbit: And seriously? No one's gonna do anything about this mouse here? Just gonna let him run around my room? That's our course of action?!? Great. Awesome. / / Rabbit: mother: hushhhhh... / Rabbit: Hushin' ain't doin' the trick, lady! No way I'm sayin' "Goodnight Moon" with a dang mouse under my bed! / / [[nonspecific (white background) (Narration Panel)]] / Dave Kellett: With apologies to Margaret Wise Brown & Clement Hurd. The genius of your book deserves better from a pipsqueek new dad like me. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090510.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 11 / 2009 | [[Outdoors]] / wading pool: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Yes. YES. This is wisdom. You've set up a pool. A pool for kings! / / wading pool: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: We shall recline, my friend! Recline like the gods of Olympus! And all who pass by shall see our magnificence! And they shall line up to bring us gifts and beverages and various sponge cakes. / / wading pool: / ARTHUR: You there! Do you come to bring us sponge cake?
/ / Postal worker: Just the mail. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090511.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 12 / 2009 | [[Outdoors]] / wading pool: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: There is POWER in owning a pool in hot weather, son. And you must learn to wield that power. Wield it! / / DANTE: Oooo... A pool! Can I swim, too? / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Perhaps! ...What great gifts do you bring us in exchange? / / DANTE: Um, think I might still have half a Snickers bar, here. / ARTHUR: THIS! THIS IS HOW EMPIRES ARE BORN! / FLACO: http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090512.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 13 / 2009 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / DANTE: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / DANTE: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / DANTE: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / FLACO: / DANTE: Man, this was NOT worth my Snickers. / ARTHUR: AWL TWADES FINAW. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090513.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 14 / 2009 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / snorkel: / SHELDON: I am NOT giving you a gift just so I can swim! / ARTHUR: Well then! Empty is the hand that brings no gift. Closed is the door that greets it. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / SHELDON: What?? / ARTHUR: ...if one wishes to take part in parting these waters, one must do THEIR part with a parting gift. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / FLACO: / SHELDON: Stop talking mumbo-jumbo. I just want to swim. / ARTHUR: If you'd just make a splash with a gift, the gift would let YOU make a splash. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / snorkel: / SHELDON: WHY DO I EVEN NEED TO BRING YOU A DANG GIFT? / ARTHUR: BECAUSE! In the land of the warm, the one-pooled duck is king. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090514.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 15 / 2009 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / ARTHUR: Jaques Cousteau! Zee dive eez about to bah-gin! Are you raddy? / FLACO: shkwee shkwe? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / ARTHUR: No, do not warry about zee aihre while you are diveeeng. Wahh have double-chacked zee equip-a-mont. / FLACO: shkwe / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Go, mah friend! Go, and mah the grace of god go wath you on your magg-nee-fi-cent adda-venture! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / ARTHUR: And now! To pump zee aihre! PHOOO... / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (lawn)]] / wading pool: / ARTHUR: Sacre bleu! Ziss outcome was un-for-see-a-bull! / FLACO: BOOMP http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090515.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 16 / 2009 | [[backyard]] / pool: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Monsieur Jacques Cousteau, I must apollo-gize for zee mee-steak. Ziss time, I 'ave zee zolution! / / [[backyard]] / Car: / ARTHUR: I 'ave hooked zee tube to ziss parked-car's aihre conditioneeng. and Now as I turn zee knob.. VOILA! you 'ave zee perfect amount of * / / [[backyard]] / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Mon Dieu! No wan could 'ave zeen ziss coming. Ziss is wizzout precedent! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090516.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 17 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: squi. / NARRATOR: Jacques Cousteau is the greatest underwater explorer of all time. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / FLACO: / NARRATOR: He will dive anywhere, take any risk, in the pursuit of science and adventure. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / FLACO: / NARRATOR: The sea is his home. Here, he knows no fear. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (underwater)]] / FLACO: / NARRATOR: Today, he is literally crawling on the ocean floor. Why CRAWLING, you ask? All the better to discover tiny sea life, of course! / / [[backyard]] / pool: / FLACO: / NARRATOR: Also, if He stands up, He's four inches above water. / ARTHUR: Oh! 'ALLO! ...Qwa-sonnt? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090517.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 18 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / Stove: / Pan: / spatula: / ARTHUR: Hey! My eggs ready yet? / GRAMP: For the 19th time: NOT YET. / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / spatula: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: I'm sorry man. I...I'm so sorry. I feel bad....feel like I'm walking on eggshells. / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / spatula: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: I wasn't trying to egg you on. / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / ARTHUR: ? / / [[THE HOUSE (Kitchen)]] / spatula: / ARTHUR: ha Ha! NICE. You took it to the eggstreme.
/ no, no, no. stop. reverse.
/ ...took it too far. / GRAMP: Oh, life is just one big yolk to you, isn't it? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090518.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 19 / 2009 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: / rock: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: I've realized what it takes to be a successful fantasy novelist: Totally pompous n' ridiculous names. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / ARTHUR: Here's what you do: You take the name of an ivy league law school dean... and you add in a gazillion unnecessary initials. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / ARTHUR: And there you have it! J.R.R. Tolkien...George R.R. Martin... it's easy! / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / Book: / ARTHUR: "Pick up the new book by Arthur R.R.R. Ducklington!" called "Nerds be lovin books about elves." / SHELDON: hrm. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090519.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 20 / 2009 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: / SHELDON: Just because authors like J.R.R. Tolkien use their initials doesn't mean it's pompous. / ARTHUR: Are you kidding? It's totally pompous. It's intentionally pompous. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: C.S. Lewis, A.A. Mile, H.G. Wells, W.E.B. DuBois... / It's like they're trying to literally say, "I live a life of letters"...but it's totally pompous. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Book: / ARTHUR: You don't see plumbers advertising with extra initials. / "Call Jimmy J.R.R. Dunkle what for all youse plumbin' needs." / SHELDON: however..."Dunkle"? Great name for a plumber. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090520.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 21 / 2009 | ARTHUR: HOUSTON, I'VE STEPPED OUT OF THE SHUTTLE TO BEGIN MY SPACEWALK. / / ARTHUR: AND...THE VIEW! NO...NO WORDS. NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE IT. THEY...SHOULD'VE SENT...A POET. SNIF. / / ARTHUR: WAIT! WE DID SEND A POET! EMILY DICKINSON, GET OUT HERE AND DESCRIBE THE VIEW! / / Box: / SHELDON: I'VE WALKED THE ROAD TO DEATH'S EMBRACE SINCE MY UNLUCKY BIRTH THRU' WASTE AND WOE AND WEARY TOIL... and oh yeah, there's the earth. / ARTHUR: Should've sent... a different... poet. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090521.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 22 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Box: / Rope: / ARTHUR: Houston, we are "go" to rendezvous with the hubble and begin repairs / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Box: / Rope: / cardboard tube: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: We'll begin delicately maneuvering it into the - / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Box: / Rope: / cardboard tube: / ARTHUR: Dangit, man! No makin' Blue Whale Sounds with Hubble. / FLACO: MAROOOOOOOOO / ARTHUR: Training! Remember your training! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090522.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 23 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / headphones: / ARTHUR: There is a silence, in space. A Majestic, humbling sience. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / headphones: / ARTHUR: It forces the mind inward. Forces the mind to confront deep truths and long-held assumptions. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / headphones: / ARTHUR: For the first time in their life, the astronaut is removed from all responsibilities, all pressures... Even the noises of daily life. Truly aone, truy at peace, they are given the gift of true contemplation. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / headphones: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: Ska - Weeee / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / headphones: / ARTHUR: Of course, each astronaut uses that gift in their own way. / FLACO: eeeee http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090523.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 24 / 2009 | [[Gramp in a Circle]] / NARRATOR: WHICH RESTAURANTS HAVE THE TASTIEST DESSERTS?
/ TASTE--->
/ EXPENSE---> / NARRATOR: Fast food joint. Where "Apple Pie" is some apple-derived paste injected into a scalding tube of cardboard. / NARRATOR: Sit-down chain where everything is salt, fat and carbs. But they do it right: warm brownie with ice-cream and fudge. / NARRATOR: Mom-and-Pop place. It's out in the middle of nowhere, it hasn't been painted since 1973, but there's a line of folks out the door. / NARRATOR: Any restaurant that uses the word "fusion" and is straight up serious about it. Here, you get a creme brulee made from Mongolian yak's milk. / NARRATOR: Any restaurant that puts the name of the chef on the menu (as if you'd know it from the bus boy's name). Here, you get one mint leaf, sprinkled with caramelized, 100-year, French sea salt. / NARRATOR: Any restaurant that lists the chef's name, and it's just one weird word, like "Fandango". Here, you get just the mint leaf. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090524.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 25 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / wig: / ARTHUR: he'p! he'p! Won't someone help me? / DANTE: ...Young Stevie-Steve Stephenson is nothing more than a normal boy. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: ...But when he utters the magic word given to him by an old magician, he becomes STICKBOY, Defender of All! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / stick: / DANTE: BAARRRK! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / wig: / stick: / ARTHUR: whoa whoa whoa..."BARK" is Stickboy's magic word? / DANTE: ...Too much of a thinkpiece? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090525.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 26 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Oh, will no one save this damsel in distress?
/ / / ARTHUR: I will, ma'am! For I am THE DUCK. ...Sworn defender of all sorts of stuff.
/ / / ARTHUR: Oh, Mr. The Duck! You have saved me! How can I repay you?? / / ARTHUR:
/ No need, ma'am. For justice is its own reward. The Duck... AWAY! / / DANTE:
/ You don't even need me to play with you, do you? / ARTHUR:
/ Who WAS that masked duck? As mayor of this town, I wish to honor him! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090526.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 27 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: You don't get to be all the characters when we're playing superheroes. / ARTHUR: No time to chat, Stickboy! The commissioner needs our help! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: I do indeed, lads. Only you can defeat the supervillain known as the Evil Eye. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: a hehh hehh hehh / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Not to worry commissioner: The Duck is here. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: And I'll help, too! For I am Stickboy! / DANTE: Dude, I'm right here. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090527.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 28 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: There's a new villain in town, heroes. My name is Temptressa, and no man can match my hypno-gaze! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: The joke's on you, Temptressa! Buried in my mask is a hypno-mirror. Your powers will bounce right back at you. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: NO! You... You been workin' out? So... Handsome. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Rrrgh... Can't... resist. Must... not... give in. Must... not... kiss her. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: ::Mmm::
/ ::Smak::
/ ::Kiss::
/ ::Peck:: / DANTE: Why does this always end with you smoochin' yourself? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090528.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 29 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / OSO: / ARTHUR: Stand back, Stickboy! It's that diabolical villain, The Piddler! / DANTE: Really? "The Piddler"? THIS is who we're fighting? / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / OSO: / ARTHUR: Don't underestimate him: The Piddler is a dangerous foe! / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / OSO: / ARTHUR: First, he runs around in circles to confuse you ... / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / ARTHUR: And then, when you've dropped your guard, The Piddler strikes! / DANTE: Specifically, against that couch. / GRAMP: Hey! No! Bad dog! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090529.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 30 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: / ARTHUR: The villains are following us! Quick, to the duck-cave! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: We'll take the Duck-Mobile back to the Duck-Mansion, where we can swap it for the Duct-Boat or the Duck-Jet. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Duck-Duck: / ARTHUR: And to throw them off our trail, I'll leave an inflatable dummy that I keep in my Duck-Belt. / (SOUND FX): Foomp! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Duck-Duck: / DANTE: What's that called? The "Duck-Duck"? / ARTHUR: Indeed. I also brought the Duck-Duck-Goose. / (SOUND FX): Foomp! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090530.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 31 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: There's a company developing a washing machine that cleans clothes without soap and water. / GRAMP: …how? / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: It uses soundwaves to knock dirt, stains and doors off the fabric. / GRAMP: That's brilliant! There won't be dryers anymore / / [[THE HOUSE]] / SHELDON: Yeah. But if it's all based on soundwaves, what are the new wash cycles gonna be? / / [[THE HOUSE (Laundry)]] / NARRATOR: Bam! Flash-forward! / SHELDON: Gramp? Do I set this on "Zepplin"? / GRAMP: No no no! I have delicates in there. Set it to "James Taylor" "Lionel Richie", tops. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090531.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 01 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: Classic Sayings... Applied to life with a pug / NARRATOR: "Don't walk in front of me, as I may not follow. Don't walk behind me as I may not lead. Go utterly limp and be my pug" / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / GRAMP: / SHELDON: He thinks He's People. / OSO: Z / SHELDON: Really Old, Retired people. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090601.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 02 / 2009 | [[THE POND]] / Water: / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: AMID ALL THIS BAD NEWS ABOUT GENERAL MOTORS, I'VE LEARNED AN UNSETTLING FACT: / THE MAN WHO FIRST RAN G.M. WAS NAMED "WILLIAM CRAPO DURANT." / / [[THE POND]] / Water: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: / / [[THE POND]] / Water: / SHELDON: ...apparently, he preferred to go by "William C. Durant" / ARTHUR: GOOD LORD YES http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090602.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 03 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: Looks like it's true: "Crapo" is a real last name. There's been a senator, a state governor and more… all named "Crapo". / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Man, if I was that family, I would've changed names the moment I immigrated to the U.S. … would called all the cousins in, sat 'em down and said "Look… / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: This name is crapo. ... we have got to ditch this crapo name. / SHELDON: ... But they'd lose their crapo family spirit! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090603.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from June / 04 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / SHELDON: Ha! And if he was an athlete, and another team wanted to snap him up in a trade, his coach could get mad and say "I won't give a Crapo" / ARTHUR: aha haha / GRAMP: HEY! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: I won't have that kind of language in this house! / SHELDON: GRAMP! but...but...It's a real name, honest! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / GRAMP: No buts, mister! You go to your room and think about it! / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / ARTHUR: Well, at least we can be thankful it's not a popular name, or the phone book would be full of Crapo. / GRAMP: YOU TOO. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090604.html |
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