You're browsing the archives of Sheldon.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 05 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Transformer: / Chair: / Newspaper: / GRAMP: / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: There's a certain dread when someone asks you to fix something for them. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Transformer: / Chair: / Newspaper: / GRAMP: / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: Because nine times out of ten, it means you have to go to a hardware store to buy some random tool SOLELY FOR THIS JOB. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Transformer: / Chair: / NARRATOR: But once or twice in a lifetime, you have a magical moment. A magical REALIZATION... / GRAMP: Could it be... / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Transformer: / Chair: / Newspaper: / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: You ALREADY OWN the exact, obscure tool you need. / GRAMP: sweet russet potatoes... I OWN A JEWELER'S HEX WRENCH! / NARRATOR: This is the greatest moment in a dude's life. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090705.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 06 / 2009 | [[pond]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: Getting INTO the pond is easy. You just cannon ball in. / / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: And the swimming isn't the problem, either. The swimming's great. / / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: It's the GETTING OUT that's a problem. You gotta walk through the super gross pond mud. And it's all slimy and nasty and has old leaves and algae and squishes up through your toes. / / SHELDON: Maaaaaaah
/ GROSS...GROSS...GROSS. / ARTHUR: Quick! Don't imagine how much of that consists of fish poop! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090706.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 07 / 2009 | [[THE POND (in pond)]] / Ball: / ARTHUR: It's weird that you can only say "Pomp and circumstance" Together you never hear anyone say "Pomp" by itself. / SHELDON: 'Cause if you try to say pomp by itself it becomes pompous. / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / ARTHUR: / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / Ball: / ARTHUR: Ah. Yes.YES. I see what you did there very clever. / SHELDON: ZIS EEZ WHAT I DO http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090707.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 08 / 2009 | [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: You know what else is weird? You never use vim and vigor by themselves. You always have to use them together. / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: And if you say it's because using vigor alone becomes vigorous I WILL BE ALL UP IN YOUR BUSINESS. / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: Using vigor alone becomes - / ARTHUR: QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090708.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 09 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: I'm so excited: city hall is having an art contest for kids! / ARTHUR: An art CONTEST? What do you mean by "contest"? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / DANTE: Like, you know, a contest-contest. You submit art, other kids submit art...and judges pick the winner. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: So, you're taking INHERENTLY SUBJECTIVE pieces of art, each of which is seeking it's own unique goal, and via totally disparate means, and then trying to quantify their respective worth by using third-party judges...who themselves bring subjective opinions to choose an objective "winner"? / DANTE: Yep! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: Sounds great. / DANTE: AAAAND there's ten bucks in it! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090709.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 10 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Plate: / ARTHUR: What kind of are are you submitting for the contest? / DANTE: Well, since it's a KIDS art contest, I thought I'd make a statement about the poor state of arts education in the country. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Plate: / DANTE: BEHOLD! It is a single macaroni, hot-glued to a paper plate, and spray-painted gold! / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Plate: / DANTE: I call it "Did little Susie fail the arts, or did the arts fail little Susie?" / ARTHUR: Well, if you're askin', I'd say little Susie's doing the failin! Pretty weak-sauce work there, Sooz. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090710.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 11 / 2009 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: / DANTE: I'm not happy with my art submission. I gotta try making something else. But WHAT?
/ What what what? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / DANTE: Painting? Drawing? Textiles? Sculpture? / ARTHUR: Whatever it is you better hurry. The deadline is in three days. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / DANTE: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Pencil: / chisel: / paintbrush: / yarn: / Knitting Needles: / NARRATOR_: DEADLINES: The only reason new art is created at all. / DANTE: maaaaaAAaaah... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090711.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 12 / 2009 | Clay: Strip title: Types of Sculpture (as demonstrated by a first-time sculptor)
/ Panel label: Pre-historic sculpture / DANTE: Phoo!How old is this clay?? / (SOUND FX): knead knead kne ea kn / / Clay: Panel label: Religious sculpture / DANTE: Lordy Lord sculpting is tricky / / Clay: Panel label: Roman Sculpture
/ (Dante stands in four different places) / DANTE: hmm
/ hmm
/ hm
/ hmm... / / Clay: Panel label: Bust / ARTHUR: / DANTE: GO. / / Clay: Panel label: Equestrian sculpture / OSO: / DANTE: / / Clay: Panel label: Sound sculpture / DANTE: AAARGG / / Clay: Label: Modernist sculpture
/ Sound effect: WAM / DANTE: GGH / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / DANTE: meh. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090712.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 13 / 2009 | [[City Hall]] / DANTE: Ma'am? I'm here to submit a painting for the art contest. / Old Lady: Oh! Are you submitting for your little brother or sister? / / [[City Hall]] / DANTE: Ma'am? I don't think I understand. / Old Lady: You do know this is an art contest for 5- to 6-year olds, right? / / [[City Hall]] / DANTE: / Old Lady: / / [[THE POND]] / DANTE: And that's when I said "Yes it's for my little brother" / ARTHUR: Oof. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090713.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 14 / 2009 | [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: You've got to take your art out of the contest, dude. It's not fair to have you competing against five-year olds. / DANTE: I...I can't. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: It's not too late. Just go back and ask for it. / DANTE: I CAN'T...don't you see? / / [[THE POND]] / DANTE: FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I'VE ENTERED AN ART CONTEST I CAN WIN. / ARTHUR: Don't grab me like I have a dang shirt on... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090714.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 15 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background) (shadow)]] / DANTE: Ma'am, I'm here to confess: I'm a 10-year old who entered the 5-year old's art contest. / Old Lady: Oh my. / / [[nonspecific (white background) (no borders)]] / DANTE: Yes.Yes. It's not something I'm proud of. And yet, I hope the truth will bring some redemption. And the truth, Ma'am, is that I'm just too strong an artist to compete against 5-year olds. / / [[nonspecific (white background) (shadow)]] / DANTE: And so, with all due apologies, I'd like to ask for my art back. / / [[nonspecific (white background) (shadow)]] / drawing: / Old Lady: Is it this one? / DANTE: NO IT'S NOT THAT ONE. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090715.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 16 / 2009 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (grass, Rocks, tree)]] / DANTE: It's silly. I shouldn't need an art contest to tell me if I'm any good or not. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (grass, Rocks, tree)]] / DANTE: What I need to do is find value in my own self-worth. I need to give MYSELF an award.
/ ...”The Dante Award” / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (grass, Rocks, tree)]] / DANTE: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (grass, Rocks)]] / ARTHUR: Laaaaaame... / DANTE: AWAY http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090716.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 17 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / [[Living Room]] / Chair: / Newspaper: / Glasses: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: Let's say I'm writing a sentence inside parentheses. BUT I want to end my point with a smiley face. How do I write that? / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / [[Living Room (In Gramp's chair)]] / Chair: / Newspaper: / Glasses: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: Do I go :)) / ARTHUR: ...Or do I close the parenthetical first, and go ):) / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / [[Living Room (In Gramp's chair)]] / Chair: / Newspaper: / Glasses: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: / / [[THE HOUSE (Living room)]] / [[Living Room (In Gramp's chair)]] / Chair: / Newspaper: / Glasses: / GRAMP: Yeah, um, the English language called? It wants you to stop using it entirely. / ARTHUR: I ain't dun nuthin' to English ain't been dun before http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090717.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 18 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Salesperson: Friends, do you enjoy the look, feel and taste of mud? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Salesperson: Does the idea of wet earth sloshing around your gums sound just delightful? Mmm mmm / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Salesperson: Do you find yourself constantly asking "How can I quickly get that soil-like taste that I crave so badly??" / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Coffee Cup: / Salesperson: Well friends, look no further... / NARRATOR: Turkish coffee, if it was a new product on the market. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090718.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 19 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE (Hot Day)]] / Fan: / SHELDON: / (SOUND FX): Wrrr / / [[THE HOUSE (Hot Day)]] / Fan: / SHELDON: / (SOUND FX): Rrrr / / [[THE HOUSE (Hot Day)]] / Fan: / SHELDON: Woo! / / [[THE HOUSE (Hot Day)]] / Fan: / SHELDON: / (SOUND FX): Wrrr / / [[THE HOUSE (Hot Day)]] / Fan: / SHELDON: / (SOUND FX): Wrrr / / [[THE HOUSE (Hot Day)]] / Fan: / SHELDON: Woo! / NARRATOR: The threshold for excitement drops dramatically on hot days http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090719.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 20 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: Z / GRAMP: z / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: z / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: zzz / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: Z* / / [[THE HOUSE]] / ARTHUR: ...This has gone awry. / GRAMP: YES... THIS HAS. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090720.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 21 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE (front door)]] / GRAMP: Well I'm off for my physical. / ARTHUR: Didn't you JUST get one? / / [[THE HOUSE (front door)]] / GRAMP: 12 months ago. But I'm 65... and the medical industry recommends that a 65-year old get a physical every 29 minutes.
/ And every time, they want to check some NEW, TOTALLY UNHEARD-OF body part. / / [[THE HOUSE (front door)]] / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: Sigh. I'll be back in two hours. / / [[THE HOUSE (front door)]] / ARTHUR: GOOD LUCK GETTING YOUR GA-ZOINK-A-ZOO CHECKED! / GRAMP: Not help-ing http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090721.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 22 / 2009 | [[Doctor's Office]] / treadmill: / Doctor: This treadmill stress-test is designed to evaluate how your body handles light activity. / GRAMP: maugh! / / GRAMP: maugh maugh maugh / / GRAMP: Phooo! / / Doctor: You let me know when I can turn the treadmill on. / GRAMP: Sorry. Had...trouble...gettin'...shirt off... http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090722.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 23 / 2009 | [[Doctor's Office]] / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Things you don't want to hear from your doctor... / Doctor: Wow, I've never encountered this ailment before. Let's look it up online. / / [[Doctor's Office]] / GRAMP: / NARRATOR: Things you REALLY don't want to hear from your doctor... / Doctor: Hey, whaddya know: it's a Googlewhack! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090723.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 24 / 2009 | GRAMP: Doc? About these blood tests you've ordered? There's a ba-jillion things checked off. / Doctor: Yeah...I'm sorry about that. / / GRAMP: It's like you went into a Denny's, opened the menu, and said "Yes." / Doctor: Oh come on, now. / / GRAMP: There are tests on here I've NEVER heard of! How many weirdo body parts can you test? / / Doctor: A-ha-ha-ha. Well, we've gotta make sure you've got a functioning ga-zoink-a-zoo. / GRAMP: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP USING THAT WORD?
/ ...is that a real thing? http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090724.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 25 / 2009 | [[Doctor's Office]] / GRAMP: You draw blood often? / Nurse: ...been a nurse 23 years. / / [[Hospital]] / GRAMP: Seems like a tricky thing to do. Drawing blood. Like this. / Nurse: Not really. No. / / [[Hospital]] / GRAMP: But it's dangerous, yes? A dangerous task? Drawing blood? / Nurse: Not really. / / [[Hospital]] / GRAMP: Ever have a nervous patient? 'bout needles? / Nurse: Never. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090725.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 26 / 2009 | [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: At every meeting I've ever attended, there's always one jerk who uses the "we can send a man to the moon" line. / ARTHUR: the what? / / [[Boardroom]] / Woman (Old): / man (generic) 2: / Man (Generic): I don't get it. We can send a man to the moon, but we can't get this product to market?!? / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: That dumb expression is used in every office in every company in the world. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: But it's a lie. WE CAN'T send a man to the moon. If we wanted to do it, it'd take ten years of political wrangling, a bunch of rocket redesigns, crew training, and launch prep. / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: The honest-to-God truth is we can't send a man to the moon. Not right now, and not for 10 years, at least. / ARTHUR: You can't SAY that, though. You'll lose the rhetorical flourish. / / [[Boardroom]] / Man (Generic): I don't get it. We can send a man to the moon...in ten years...but we can't get this product to market? / man (generic) 2: ...we could if we had ten years. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090726.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 27 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Goose: / ARTHUR: Quack? Quack Quack Quack? / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / ARTHUR: / Goose: HONK. Honk honk honk / / [[THE POND]] / Ball: / ARTHUR: He says no, you can't have your ball back. / Goose: honk honk honk honk / SHELDON: C'MON. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090727.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 28 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / OSO: / SHELDON: When I got my pug, I was told that "they only shed twice a year." / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / OSO: / SHELDON: I now realize this is true. They DO shed only twice a year: once throughout the first six months, and again throughout the second six months. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / OSO: / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: This joke brought to you by VAUDEVILLE. ...Proud sponsor of lame jokes since 1882. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090728.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 29 / 2009 | [[nonspecific (white background)]] / OSO: / SHELDON: A-Hoop
/ Hoop / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / OSO: / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: A-Hoop
/ Hoop
/ Hoop / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / OSO: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / SHELDON: A-Hoop
/ Hoop
/ Hoop / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / OSO: / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: A-Hoop
/ Hoop
/ Hoop / FLACO: squee / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: This "amazing" feat brought to you by...
/ VAUDEVILLE
/ ...and now you know why they invented t.v.
/ A-Hoop
/ Hoop
/ Hoop http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090729.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 30 / 2009 | [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: / Pug: / ARTHUR: Two dudes: one rich, one poor. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: One goes to a restaurant and orders to his heart's content without glancing at prices. The other ...always orders the soup. / / [[THE POND]] / Pug: / ARTHUR: One gets in a fender-bender, and writes a check to fix his car right away. The other is on the phone to his insurance for two months. / SHELDON: Where you goin' with this? / / [[THE POND]] / Pug: / ARTHUR: Mo'money, mo'not-problems. / SHELDON: Oh well yeah, obviously. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090730.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from July / 31 / 2009 | [[Grocery Store]] / Wallet: / cash register: bipp bipp bipp / Cashier: 89 CENTS FOR THE GUM. / GRAMP: uh-oh. ALL I HAVE IS A 50-DOLLAR BILL. / / [[Grocery Store]] / cash register: / money: / Cashier: YIKES. I ONLY HAVE ONES TO MAKE CHANGE WITH. / GRAMP: no No NO. ...I CAN'T FIT ALL THOSE BILLS IN MY WALLET. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Wallet: / GRAMP: sheesh. MO' MONEY, MO' PROBLEMS. / NARRATOR: THE ONE TIME IN LIFE THIS IS TRUE. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090731.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 01 / 2009 | [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.) (grass, Rocks, shrubbery, tree)]] / Trees: / rock: / Bush: / FLACO: / inchworm: / ARTHUR: It's really only when you miss... ...That I appreciate how TRULY nasty your tongue is. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090801.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 02 / 2009 | [[Outside - Rocks]] / ARTHUR: Pop quiz! You know that crusty gunk that forms at the edge of your eye every morning? / SHELDON: yeah, sure. / / [[Outside - Rocks]] / ARTHUR: Ok, so, over the course of your life, how much of that stuff do you think you produce? / SHELDON: C'mon, man. Why would you even ask that?? That's gross. / / [[Outside - Rocks]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: / / [[Outside - Rocks]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: / / [[Outside - Rocks]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: / / [[Outside - Rocks]] / SHELDON: ... a tea spoon? / ARTHUR: ...may-be! http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090802.html |
| Sheldon Comics comic strip from August / 03 / 2009 | [[THE HOUSE]] / Bed: / ARTHUR: Wanna go to the pond later today? / SHELDON: It's 3 AM. get out of my room. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Bed: / ARTHUR: Yeah, but can we go to the pond? / SHELDON: Room. Out. Go. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Bed: / ARTHUR: Yeah, but- / SHELDON: No. Stop. 3 AM. Private Room. Not welcome. / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Bed: / ARTHUR: But. Sheesh, okay. Cap'n obscure reference. / SHELDON: All these worlds are yours except Europa. Attempt no landing there. http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090803.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 >>