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Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 01 / 2010 [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: / SHELDON: / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: / SHELDON: / / [[THE HOUSE]] / GRAMP: / SHELDON: / / [[THE POND]] / rock: / GRAMP: / SHELDON: / DANTE:
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100401.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 02 / 2010 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: There are feathers everywhere in here. / ARTHUR: Oh wow, yeah. I guess Spring has sprung. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: What is my one rule about your feathers? / ARTHUR: . . . phoo! I dunno. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: My one rule. I've told you this. What is my one rule when you start shedding? / ARTHUR: I honestly don't know. I can't even remember my passwords half the time. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / GRAMP: I have told you this 10,000 times. What is my one rule? / ARTHUR: "Avoid the noid"? . . . Genuinely got no clue.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100402.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 03 / 2010 [[La Invincible]] / Emperor Cruz: I will let you in on a secret. / / [[La Invincible]] / Captain Taneel: / Emperor Cruz: Every ship in our fleet - and in The Continuum fleet - has a governor on its speed. / We fly slower than the drive would allow, because no pilot, no computer, can react fast enough to oncoming debris in pinched space. / / [[La Invincible]] / Emperor Cruz: But a fleet piloted by your rat-thing could take the Drive to its theoretical limits! / ...and The Continuum would have no way to fight it! / / [[Outer Space]] / La Invencible: / Machito: / Emperor Cruz: So here is what you will do: you will find his people. You will find his planet. And you will get them all flying for me. / ...By any means necessary. / / [[La Invincible]] / Emperor Cruz: And to accomplish that, you'll have your pick of the finest crew in the fleet! / ...A chance to pick THE BEST OF THE BEST! / / [[Denny's]] / Milkshakes: / Nosh: MMF? MMF. MMF! / Denny's waitress: Sir? We're closing. / ...And we're out of shakes.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100403.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 04 / 2010 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: 1. Take a ten-year old boy / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: 2. Put him in a pastel suit / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: 3. ...on the first warm day in months. / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: 4. Then hand him chocolate / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / SHELDON: / NARRATOR: 5. Aaaand... / / ARTHUR: Wow. WHO could have seen this coming? / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / NARRATOR: COME ON, PEOPLE. WE CAN DO BETTER.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100404.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 05 / 2010 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Bird: PEEP? peep peep peep? / / ARTHUR: No thanks. I'm happy with my current life insurance. / / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Bird: PEEP? peep peep peep? / / ARTHUR: Ain't foolin' anyone, peaches.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100405.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 06 / 2010 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / FLACO: / ARTHUR: Let me teach you how to do it, Pumpkin Patch. First, show me your NORMAL sales pitch on Flaco. / / Bird: PEEP? peep peep peep? / / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / FLACO: / ARTHUR: See? Didn't work! Now give him the pitch I taught you. / / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / ARTHUR: / FLACO: / Bird: peep peep peep PEEP? / / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / Wallet: / Bird: / FLACO: / ARTHUR: SEE? I told you it would wo -- OH JEEZ...put the wallet away Flaco. MAN. Where do you keep that thing, anyway??
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100406.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 07 / 2010 [[bathtub]] / ARTHUR: / / [[bathtub]] / ARTHUR: / one-eyed sea monster: / / [[bathtub]] / ARTHUR: / one-eyed sea monster: / / [[bathtub]] / one-eyed sea monster: / ARTHUR: That is the FREAKIEST bath toy I've ever seen. / SHELDON: Threpio! Shut down all the garbage-smashers on the detention level!!!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100407.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 08 / 2010 [[bathtub]] / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: I've always wondered about that garbage-smasher scene in "Star Wars." ...Why would the Death Star even NEED to smash its garbage? / / [[bathtub]] / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / SHELDON: The trash is just going to be ejected into space, right? In which case, who cares if it's compacted into a slightly smaller footprint? / / [[bathtub]] / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / SHELDON: Or...maybe...the Death Star CAN'T eject it into space? Maybe it has it's own gravity...? And...any waste would just...fall back on it? / / [[bathtub]] / [[THE HOUSE (Bathroom)]] / SHELDON: DANG. There is SO MUCH I wish I could ask the Death Star engineers. / ARTHUR: Oh, would that they hadn't blown it up...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100408.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 09 / 2010 [[bathtub]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: In all this talk about trash on the Death Star, you're missing the bigger picture. / / [[bathtub]] / ARTHUR: Everyone in the Empire had specific tasks, right? Stormtroopers, Snowtroopers, Scout troopers... / / [[bathtub]] / ARTHUR: But with trash on the Death Star, that means they had to hire troopers / SHELDON: …specifically to handle waste disposal! / / [[Death Star]] / Trash Can: / Stormtrooper: / Trooper: Eeyy! I'm walkin' 'ere!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100409.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 10 / 2010 [[La Invencible]] / Emperor Cruz: I should note you'll be keeping the Machito as your ship of ooperations. / Captain Taneel: WHAT / / [[La Invencible]] / Emperor Cruz: I can't give you back your battleship. This is a mission of secrecy, not firepower. / Captain Taneel: The Machito's a dry-dock wreck! It's 17 years old! / / [[La Invencible]] / Machito: / Emperor Cruz: I have 200 engineers giving it a complete overhaul. It'll be a masterful little ship. / Captain Taneel: They....already have a new ring instaled? Wow. / / [[La Invencible]] / Orla O'Malley: / Emperor Cruz: And joining your crew will be Orla O'Malley: my junior adjutant imperial xenobiologist. / Captain Taneel: No. NO. nononono No. / / [[La Invencible]] / Orla O'Malley: / Emperor Cruz: But you'll NEED a xenobiologist if you're going / Captain Taneel: ...I don't accept new crew unless their title has AT LEAST SIX ridiculous words in it.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100410.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 12 / 2010 [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: You ever read about that impossibly difficult ballgame the Mayans played? / / ARTHUR: No. / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: It was a bit like soccer: Couldn't use your hands to do anything. / / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: And to score, you had to put the ball through this tiny, sideways hoop, mounted way up a wall. / / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: And the dang ball could weigh up to 20 pounds...which is like trying to play with a car tire. / / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: And the worst part? At the end of the game, the leader of the losing side would sometimes be sacrificed to the gods. / / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: In Mayan, the game was called "Pitz", which means / / ARTHUR: "WE HAVE INVENTED THE WORST GAME EVER"
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100412.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 13 / 2010 [[THE POND]] / rock: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: I just looked up that Mayan ballgame you were talking about. / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / ARTHUR: It wasn't the LOSERS who where sacroficed to the gods: it was the WINNERS of the game / SHELDON: Daaaaang that is so hard-core!..imagine the pep talk before the game. / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / a Mayan: / a group of 3 Mayans: / group of 3 Mayans: / Mayan: OK fellas, here's the plan: Yum-KAAX you lay perfectly still the whole game. KUKULKAN you go out for sandwiches and don't come back...and I'll just run in tiny little circles. / Gentleman, we can DO this! Let's lose this thang!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100413.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 14 / 2010 [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: Behold! I am KING of the Rock! None dare challenge my power! / / DANTE: ....But I challenge you! / / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: / DANTE: / NARRATOR: wap wap wap wap wap / / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: / DANTE: / NARRATOR: Splash! / / [[THE POND]] / DANTE: / SHELDON: Wow. That was sort of a grand metaphor for the futility of warfare / / ARTHUR: ...BEHOLD! I AM KING OF THE ROCK!
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100414.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 15 / 2010 [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Behold! I am the mightiest King of the Rock! None dare approach...for fear of my mighty wing-slappin's! / / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: / FLACO: thwap! / / [[THE POND]] / SHELDON: / FLACO:
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100415.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 16 / 2010 [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / Pencil: / Sheet of paper: / ARTHUR: / DANTE: The Renaissance painter Giotto was once asked to submit a sample paining for review, ...something that would show he was a TRUE artist. / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / Pencil: / Sheet of paper: / ARTHUR: / DANTE: So Giotto picked up a brush, dipped it in red ink, and then painted a PERFECT CIRCLE...totally freehand. And THAT'S the painting he sent to prove he was a true artist. / ...isn't that awesome? / / [[OUTSIDE (Generic: forest, trees, etc.)]] / rock: / Pencil: / Sheet of paper: / DANTE: / ARTHUR: Pfft...too much effort. If Giotto wanted to prove he was a true artist, just send along a stack of unpaid bills.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100416.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 17 / 2010 [[Space (Outside view of the Machito)]] / Spaceship: / Pilot: Daaaaaaang. / ...They spruced this ship UP. / / [[The Machito]] / Chair: / Pilot: That's real cowhide you're sitting on, Captain... / Not cheap pleather. / Captain Taneel: Yet still... The pleather is all mine. / / [[The Machito]] / Pilot's chair: / Pilot: And check out my new pilot's chair! It can go anywhere on the ship... And still let me drive. / Orla O'Malley: Ooo, let's test that out. I have to take you to the medical bay, anyway. / / [[The Machito]] / Pilot's chair: / Pilot: Whoa. Hey. Slow down there, killjoy. / ...What for? / Orla O'Malley: Emperor's orders. I'm supposed to use any down time to research how your mohawk works. / / [[The Machito]] / Pilot's chair: / Pilot: I can tell you how it works: I don't let people take scalpels to it... And it works just fine. / Orla O'Malley: Oh relax. I'm not gonna take scalpels to it. / / [[The Machito]] / Pilot's chair: / Pilot: Oh. So... You're just gonna... / Orla O'Malley: Plaster it with with the full E-M spectrum. / ...a little.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100417.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 19 / 2010 [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / Newspaper: / Lamp: / ARTHUR: Any scientist ever do a study on how scorpions look like lobsters? They're basically LAND LOBSTERS. / GRAMP: oh boy. here we go. / / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / Newspaper: / Lamp: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: They both got them hard shells...both got them weird back legs...both got them bog ol' claws. / ...IT'S A LAND LOBSTER / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / Newspaper: / Lamp: / ARTHUR: / GRAMP: / / [[THE HOUSE]] / Chair: / Newspaper: / Lamp: / ARTHUR: BUT..."Landlobster" sorta sounds like a nice Wisconsin family if you say it fast enough: "I'm Gene Landlobster, this here's my wife, Tootie Landlobster, and these rugrats are the little Landlobsters" / GRAMP: Honest to God: Talking to you is like talking to a Salvador Dali painting.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100419.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 20 / 2010 [[Drive Thru]] / GRAMP: / Speakers: OK...with a burger and fries, your order comes to $4.25. Please pull forward. / / [[Drive Thru]] / Car: Vroom! / / [[Drive Thru]] / Drive Thru Speaker System: choo choo choo / / [[Drive Thru]] / NARRATOR: Even among Transformers, there are massively huge nerds. / robot: hadurt durt durt...
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100420.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 21 / 2010 [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Chair: / ARTHUR: Chair chair sittin' there: Ya try to move butcha go nowhere. / Chair chair it's not fair: Got the legs butcha still sit here. / / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Chair: / ARTHUR: Chair chair it's a bear...ya made a' wood so ya ain't no mare. / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / ARTHUR: um... / / [[THE HOUSE (generic room)]] / Chair: / ARTHUR: Chair chair ya got no hair which is good 'cause ya save on nair. / SHELDON: Oh, Brav-O. / *slow clap*
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100421.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 22 / 2010 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Chew Toy: / ARTHUR: / OSO: snurf hargg thnifft / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Chew Toy: / OSO: marrrro snurft harggg / ARTHUR: Hot plate a' gravy, man. / I know you're just gnawin' on your chew toy...but it sounds like you're GIVIN' BIRTH to the dang thing. / / / [[nonspecific (white background) (Narration Panel)]] / NARRATOR: PUGS: Everything they do sounds like they're giving birth.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100422.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 23 / 2010 [[THE POND (in pond)]] / ARTHUR: I've developed my own form of "counting coup". / SHELDON: Counting WHAT? / / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / ARTHUR: You know: Counting coup. Native Americans would show bravery by riding AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE to their opponents...so close they could TOUCH them. / / / [[THE POND (in pond)]] / SHELDON: OK, so what's YOUR version? / / ARTHUR: Well, I fly so close to your grandfather that it's possible to... / / / [[Kitchen]] / Stove: / apron: / spatula: / GRAMP: / ARTHUR: / NARRATOR: *butt touch*
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100423.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 24 / 2010 [[The Machito]] / Captain: / Pilot: Captain? I've been flyin' around in a big ol' circle, waitin' for orders. Do we, UH, have a destination? / / [[The Machito]] / Captain: Well, let' see. / We're searching for the home-world of your species, which no one's ever seen before. You don't know your name or remember your past... And the one jail that had ANY scrap of data on you was destroyed. / / [[The Machito]] / Pilot: / Captain: Soooo... / Let's set a course for... / / [[The Machito]] / Captain: myeaaah... / Pilot: ...setting a course for "myeaaah".
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100424.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 26 / 2010 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laptop: / SHELDON: Whatcha doin? / / ARTHUR: Signing up for Match-Harmony.com. Gonna try a little dating. *type type* / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laptop: / SHELDON: Internet dating? Really? Won't that be...tricky? Once ladies...see...your...actual...photo? / / ARTHUR: No. Yeah. You don't gotta say it. I hear ya. / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Laptop: / ARTHUR: I already photoshopped the wart off my foot. / / SHELDON: ...notwhatimeantbutok
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100426.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 27 / 2010 [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / Laptop: / Coffee cups: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Phwew. I've been answering questions on this dating site for TWO HOURS. What's my favorite color? My thoughts on vegetarianism? On North Korea? / / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / Laptop: / Coffee cups: / SHELDON: Wow. Really? That many questions? / / ARTHUR: I have no idea how some of these questions test compatibility. / / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / Laptop: / Coffee cups: / ARTHUR: "Did Han shoot first?" COME ON. / / SHELDON: Oooo...put down "no". See of they match you with a moron.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100427.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 28 / 2010 [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / Laptop: / Coffee cups: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: This dating website learns as it goes. It's asking me compatibility questions based on my answers to EARLIER questions. / / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / Laptop: / Coffee cups: / SHELDON: Makes sense. They're trying to get to the real you. / / ARTHUR: But they're getting a little too close to the real me. Read this question. / / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / Laptop: / Coffee cups: / SHELDON: "....Are you basically looking to date a tub of ice cream? Like, and ACTUAL tub?" / / ARTHUR: they're on to me.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100428.html
 
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 29 / 2010 [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / Laptop: / Coffee cups: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: I can't believe it! Match-harmony.com says they found a "Strong possible match" for me. / / / [[THE HOUSE (at the table)]] / Laptop: / Coffee cups: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: Imagine! Out of all those people, a "Strong possible match" for me! ...ME! I wonder what qualities we share? / / / [[Restaurant]] / Table: / Chair: / Wine glasses: / ARTHUR: Oh COME ON / / Chicken: bok bok bok bok bok bok
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100429.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from April / 30 / 2010 [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Cell Phone: / Chicken: / Match-Harmony Customer Service: Match-Harmony Customer Service, ...How can I help you? / / ARTHUR: Yeah, we gotta talk about your dating services. ...You set me up with a dang CHICKEN. / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Cell Phone: / ARTHUR: What, you thought because I have wings and SHE has wings, and we're both birds, we'd get along? / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Cell Phone: / ARTHUR: Dude, ducks and chickens HATE each other. We got nuthin' in common! / / Chicken: buhKAWK! / / / [[nonspecific (white background)]] / Cell Phone: / ARTHUR: Ooo...Hold the phone. We stumbled on some bread crumbs, here. I gotta get in on this. / / Chicken: bok bok bok bok
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100430.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 01 / 2010 [[The Machito]] / Door: / Lock: / Pilot: Daaaaaang. / What's with you, 'Nando? / You get locked in the freezer? / Fernando: N-n-nnn-no. / I w-wwas just in the r-r-r-ring, check-kk-k-ing out the new s-sss-systems. / / [[Space]] / Pilot: What the heck goes on in there? You're an icecube. / Fernando: C-c-can't tell you. Only f-f-familia can know about it. / / [[The Machito]] / Pilot: C'mon, man. Don't I need to know how the ship WORKS if I'm gonna pilot it? / Fernando: You d-d-don't need to knowww how a c-c-car works to drive it. / / [[The Machito]] / Pilot: But it's not the same thing! / What happens if the ring breaks, a continuum ship pops out of nowhere, and YOU'RE not around to fix it? / What do we do THEN?? / / [[The Machito]] / Fernando: Y-y-yy-you prolly diii-i-i-ie. / Pilot: Aaaaaaand thank you, freezing stutter, for making that sound extra freak-factor-5,000.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100501.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 03 / 2010 [[THE POND]] / Ball: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: I had a vivid, waking dream, today, of a life not led. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: I saw myself, having made different choices, having walked different paths, having met different people, and having pursued different drams. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: It was wonderful, and terrifying, and exhilarating, and sad. I saw an Arthur that could’ve been, and an Arthur that was never meant to be. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: It was me, and yet not me, living a whole different life. / / [[THE POND]] / Ball: / ARTHUR: / SHELDON: / / [[THE POND]] / Ball: / SHELDON: Wow, that’s really... / ARTHUR: - thankfully, I was still sexy as all get out.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100503.html
Sheldon Comics comic strip from May / 04 / 2010 [[THE POND]] / Ball: / DANTE: / SHELDON: / ARTHUR: It's a weird thing, to think about the paths in life we DIDN'T take. Even if we're sure we chose the best possible path . . . Every mind eventually turns to the roads we didn't walk down. / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: Could I have been an astronaut? An actor? An academic? / Could I have lived a care-free life on the beaches of Sayulita? Could I have run for political office? / / [[THE POND]] / ARTHUR: These lives that were once SO REAL in our future . . . now echo like impossible dreams from a past we can't revisit. / And we mourn the choosing. We mourn the choices and chances and changes that are closed off to us now. / / [[THE POND]] / Ball: / ARTHUR: Deep down, it's not those other lives that we mourn. We're actually mourning YOUTH ITSELF, where all those lives stretched out before us in some bright, waiting future. / DANTE: oh for goodness sake / YOU'RE A 3-YEAR OLD DUCK.
http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/100504.html
 

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