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| Achewood - June 23, 2006 - Badass Games finale | {{Mouseover: "The monogrammed hankies ploy is calculated to get Cornelius over in a hurry"}} / CONGRATULATIONS CORNELIUS BEAR / [[Shot of Cornelius in evening wear with martini glass standing next to bus with "THE OLD SCHOOL" printed in a gothic font face, gothic arch windows, gargoyles, oil lamp headlights,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06232006 |
| Achewood - June 23, 2006 - Badass Games finale | {{Mouseover: "The monogrammed hankies ploy is calculated to get Cornelius over in a hurry"}} / CONGRATULATIONS CORNELIUS BEAR / [[Shot of Cornelius in evening wear with martini glass standing next to bus with "THE OLD SCHOOL" printed in a gothic font face, gothic arch windows, gargoyles, oil lamp headlights,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06232006 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06232009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06232009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - June 24, 2002 | [[Interior of Pat's rocket ship. Roast Beef, wearing a helmet, stands in the cockpit talking on Pat's cellphone. Motion lines indicate that he is shaking.]]
/ Roast Beef: Pat how do I land this thing
/ Can you tell me pretty quick / [[The chair and console in the cockpit are now shaking as well]]
/ Pat... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06242002 |
| Beef Smokes Weed | [[Roast Beef takes a hit from the joint.]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06242003 |
| Beef Smokes Weed | [[Roast Beef takes a hit from the joint.]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06242003 |
| Achewood - June 24, 2004 | [[Exterior, daytime - Ray and Cornelius Bear are hanging out and having drinks at Ray's place.]]
/ Ray: Whatchu' drinkin' there, Cornelius! You know I get my Sad on when folks bring they own bev!
/ Cornelius: Pimm's, old top. Try a snoot. / [[Ray tries a sip of Cornelius's beverage.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06242004 |
| Achewood - June 24, 2004 | [[Exterior, daytime - Ray and Cornelius Bear are hanging out and having drinks at Ray's place.]]
/ Ray: Whatchu' drinkin' there, Cornelius! You know I get my Sad on when folks bring they own bev!
/ Cornelius: Pimm's, old top. Try a snoot. / [[Ray tries a sip of Cornelius's beverage.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06242004 |
| Achewood - June 24, 2005 | [[Newspaper header]] The Philippe Times. Back Page: No Girls Allowed! Vol 7 No. 5
/ Friday Facts!
/ by Philippe, editor-in-chief! [[Picture of Philippe]]
/ ***MEDICAL FACTS***
/ ASK most doctors what type of surgery they hate to do the most, and they will say "to cut a person;'s head off."
/ The symbol for... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06242005 |
| Achewood - June 24, 2008 | Roast Beef: Alright T-dogg let's uh let's see that big magnum opus wedding menu you been geniusin' on for so many days
/ Teodor: Et voila! I have a copy for myself so we can compare notes. / [[Excerpt from a fancy menu with the following meal plan]]
/ Amuse Guele
/ Shaved Tsukiji Market Hamachi "Ravioli"... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06242008 |
| Achewood - June 25, 2002 | [[Wide, panoramic shot of the surface of the moon, its curvature visible at the horizon. At far left Roast Beef stands, the expanse of near-blankness before him. He is wearing a helmet but is otherwise unprotected from the lack of atmosphere. He seems to be doing fine.]]
/ Roast Beef: dang / Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06252002 |
| Achewood - June 25, 2007 | Ray: Hey Téodor! You got the juice to make me a baseball card? / Téodor: What would you put on it? You don't play baseball. / Ray: Right. Just make me a card, but like of life. My stats and stuff. I'll pay you a hundo. See you in an hour?
/ Téodor: Okay, you're on. / Caption: SOON.
/ [[Shot of card... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06252007 |
| Achewood - June 25, 2007 | Ray: Hey Téodor! You got the juice to make me a baseball card? / Téodor: What would you put on it? You don't play baseball. / Ray: Right. Just make me a card, but like of life. My stats and stuff. I'll pay you a hundo. See you in an hour?
/ Téodor: Okay, you're on. / Caption: SOON.
/ [[Shot of card... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06252007 |
| Achewood - June 25, 2008 | Molly: So you just fired our caterer, photographer, deejay, and maid of honor? / Roast Beef: He was also gonna help out with place cards and table decorations
/ Molly: BEEF! It's ten days 'til the wedding! You have to go apologize to him! / Roast Beef: Man I can take care of all of that stuff myself... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06252008 |
| Achewood - June 26, 2002 | [[This strip takes place in an unspecified location in Achewood. Pat is on the phone with Roast Beef, who is on the moon, while Ray acts as Greek chorus.]]
/ Pat: Well what's THAT supposed to mean?
/ I do so like The Cure "for real"!
/ Ray: You like The Cure, Pat? / Pat: Oh, he's all high and mighty now... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06262002 |
| Achewood - June 26, 2002 | [[This strip takes place in an unspecified location in Achewood. Pat is on the phone with Roast Beef, who is on the moon, while Ray acts as Greek chorus.]]
/ Pat: Well what's THAT supposed to mean?
/ I do so like The Cure "for real"!
/ Ray: You like The Cure, Pat? / Pat: Oh, he's all high and mighty now... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06262002 |
| Achewood - June 26, 2003 | [[ Ray Smuckles squats next to Roast Beef, who is lying on the ground, eyes closed. ]]
/ Ray: Hey BEEF! You threw up! How come? / [[ Nightlife looks cool holding his joint. ]]
/ Nightlife: Let's leave this cat alone. He is obviously in no state to participate. / [[ Silhouettes of Ray and Nightlife talk... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06262003 |
| Achewood - June 26, 2006 | [[THE SMUCKLES ESTATE]]
/ Ray (on phone): Yeah, Achewood police? This is Ray Smuckles, 11 Via Vera. / Well, it's my damn neighbor. He's been sellin' car parts outta his driveway for the last six weekends straight. / What's the problem? Let me illustrate this for you. Ahem. Listen. / You know who buys... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06262006 |
| Achewood - June 26, 2007 | Ray: ...you ask me, they should be sharp as HELL... / Lyle: What did you just say?!
/ Ray: I said helicopter blades should have razor-sharp edges! / Lyle: DUDE! You want the edges to be blunt, so if it hits your head it makes it explode!
/ Ray: No. Listen. Who's gonna look slicker in the casket---Johnny... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06262007 |
| Achewood - June 26, 2007 | Ray: ...you ask me, they should be sharp as HELL... / Lyle: What did you just say?!
/ Ray: I said helicopter blades should have razor-sharp edges! / Lyle: DUDE! You want the edges to be blunt, so if it hits your head it makes it explode!
/ Ray: No. Listen. Who's gonna look slicker in the casket---Johnny... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06262007 |
| Achewood § June 26, 2008 | Ray: Hey folks! It's...
/ the HOME STRETCH / Your goal is to survive the week up to and through the wedding reception, get into the limousine with your new spouse, and leave. / Roll die to advance. One roll per turn. (Die not included) / RULES: Only those with a positive score can advance into the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06262008 |
| Achewood - June 27, 2002 | [[This strip takes place over six panels empty of anything but the head and shoulders of Ray, at lower left. He is equipped with a martini glass. The tone is reflective and melancholy.]]
/ Ray: You know, before he left, Roast Beef and I always said that we were gonna start a rap company someday... / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06272002 |
| Achewood - June 27, 2003 | Roast Beef: Okay it looks like I'm drivin' a golf cart / Roast Beef: I understand this information
/ Roast Beef: That's cool that's cool / Roast Beef: If I do not mess up I can probably park the cart somewhere logical and sneak off / Roast Beef: I could go home and hide beneath the sink with a yellow... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06272003 |
| Achewood - June 27, 2005 | Teodor; Who put all these soda bottles in the middle of the hallway? I can't get past! / Lyle; Shaddup, you! I'm bowlin'! / Teodor; Then where's your bowling ball? / Lyle; Hold on. / Lyle; HEY PHILLIPE! There's some weird sign at the end of this hallway, says "Platform Nine and Three-Quarters"! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06272005 |
| Achewood - June 28, 2002 | [[An unidentified room, probably in the Onstad house. Ray and Phillippe are wearing cowboy hats at jaunty angles.]]
/ Ray: I'm sorry Phillippe. Dressing up like cowboys just isn't... just isn't cheering me up at all.
/ Phillippe: But Ray! Cowboys! / [[Philippe looks upset.]]
/ Ray: It... It's not your... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282002 |
| Achewood - June 28, 2002 | [[An unidentified room, probably in the Onstad house. Ray and Phillippe are wearing cowboy hats at jaunty angles.]]
/ Ray: I'm sorry Phillippe.
/ Ray: Dressing up like cowboys just isn't... just isn't cheering me up at all.
/ Philippe: But Ray!
/ Philippe: Cowboys! / [[Philippe looks upset]]
/ Ray: It...... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282002 |
| Achewood - June 28, 2004 | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in comfortable chairs.]]
/ Ray: ...So like it ain't bad enough that Little Nephew got himself the Stone Cold F Grade in History this quarter...
/ but now he's fallin' in with that damn Goth crowd! / Roast Beef: Goths man huh like dang old Arachnea Gehenna from high school times
/ All... http://achewood.com/?date=06282004 |
| Achewood - June 28, 2004 | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in comfortable chairs.]]
/ Ray: ...So like it ain't bad enough that Little Nephew got himself the Stone Cold F Grade in History this quarter...
/ but now he's fallin' in with that damn Goth crowd! / Roast Beef: Goths man huh like dang old Arachnea Gehenna from high school times
/ All... http://achewood.com/?date=06282004 |
| Little Nephew and the Goths | [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting in matching recliners]] / Ray: ...So like it ain't bad enough that Little Nephew got himself the Stone Cold F Grade in History this quarter...But now he's fallin' in with that damn Goth crowd! / Roast Beef: Goths man huh like dang old Arachnea Gehenna from high school... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282004 |
| Little Nephew and the Goths | [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting in matching recliners]]
/ Ray: ...So like it ain't bad enough that Little Nephew got himself the Stone Cold F Grade in History this quarter...But now he's fallin' in with that damn Goth crowd! / Roast Beef: Goths man huh like dang old Arachnea Gehenna from high school... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282004 |
| Ray's Drawing Therapy | [[Ray sits drawing. Téodor looks on.]]
/ Téodor: What are you drawing, Ray?
/ Ray: A violin, dude. Hold on. / [[Ray holds up piece of paper]]
/ Ray: ...there. Done. / [[Teodor examines drawing]]
/ Téodor: Pretty good. What's the ideas?
/ Ray: It's my new therapy I been goin' to. Every time I feel insecure... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282006 |
| Achewood - June 28, 2007 - New Bidet | [Philippe is walking down the hallway joyfully.]
/ Philippe: They put a drinking fountain for dogs in the bathroom! What a neat decision!! / [Philippe encounters Lyle.]
/ Lyle: No they didn't. That's the new bidet.
/ Philippe: Huh? What's a bidet? / [Close up of Lyle, who is speaking with VIGOR]
/ Lyle:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282007 |
| Achewood - June 28, 2007 - New Bidet | [Philippe is walking down the hallway joyfully.]
/ Philippe: They put a drinking fountain for dogs in the bathroom! What a neat decision!! / [Philippe encounters Lyle.]
/ Lyle: No they didn't. That's the new bidet.
/ Philippe: Huh? What's a bidet? / [Close up of Lyle, who is speaking with VIGOR]
/ Lyle:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=06282009">http://achewood.com/?date=06282009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06282010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - June 29, 2004 | [[Ray is knocking on Little Nephew's door, from which music blares.]]
/ Ray: This is Uncle Ray knockin' at the door of One Cuddleplace Lane! Who wants dinner! / [[Little Nephew responds from inside the room. The door is still shut.]]
/ Little Nephew: We have not called this room that since I was TWO!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06292004 |
| Achewood - June 29, 2005 | [[Roast Beef and Ray are in the back yard - Beef is holding a clipboard ]]
/ Roast Beef: Yeah uh Ray uh I was goin' around the property today and figurin' on ways to save you some expenses / [[The two are walking]]
/ Ray: Aw, you know i ain't care about that stuff. But thanks though. / [[They walk past... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06292005 |
| Achewood - June 29, 2007 - Molly's father | [[A ghost, Molly's father, is in an old-fashioned room with a big fireplace.]]
/ Molly's father: Mr. Kazenzakis. I'll be wantin' to speak with you then. / [[Roast Beef is lying in bed, dreaming.]]
/ Molly's father: So, how's it you come by your wages, son? / [[Zoom out to Roast Beef's bedroom, where... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06292007 |
| Achewood - June 30, 2003 | [In Heaven, Roast Beef rings the buzzer at Molly Sanders' door] / [Molly opens the door]
/ Molly: Roast Beef! Oh my gosh! I'm so glad you're back!
/ Beef: Oh uh why hello Molly / Beef: Guess who stopped at the Duty Free and picked up his 'n' hers copies of the new Wired! / Molly: Oh cool! You're so... http://achewood.com/?date=06302003 |
| Achewood - June 30, 2003 | [In Heaven, Roast Beef rings the buzzer at Molly Sanders' door] / [Molly opens the door]
/ Molly: Roast Beef! Oh my gosh! I'm so glad you're back!
/ Beef: Oh uh why hello Molly / Beef: Guess who stopped at the Duty Free and picked up his 'n' hers copies of the new Wired! / Molly: Oh cool! You're so... http://achewood.com/?date=06302003 |
| Achewood - June 30, 2003 | {{HEAVEN}}
/ [[Roast Beef is Buzzing a doorbel. The door has a small nameplate with "Molly Sanders" inscribed.]] / [[Molly opens the door]]
/ Molly: Roast Beef! Oh my gosh! I'm so glad that you're back!
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh why hello Molly / Roast Beef: Guess who stopped by the Duty Free and picked up... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302003 |
| Achewood - June 30, 2003 | {{HEAVEN}}
/ [[Roast Beef is Buzzing a doorbell. The door has a small nameplate with "Molly Sanders" inscribed.]] / [[Molly opens the door]]
/ Molly: Roast Beef! Oh my gosh! I'm so glad that you're back!
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh why hello Molly / Roast Beef: Guess who stopped by the Duty Free and picked up... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302003 |
| Achewood - June 30, 2003 | {{HEAVEN}}
/ [[Roast Beef is Buzzing a doorbell. The door has a small nameplate with "Molly Sanders" inscribed.]] / [[Molly opens the door]]
/ Molly: Roast Beef! Oh my gosh! I'm so glad that you're back!
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh why hello Molly / Roast Beef: Guess who stopped by the Duty Free and picked up... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302003 |
| Achewood - June 30, 2003 | {{HEAVEN}}
/ [[Roast Beef is Buzzing a doorbell. The door has a small nameplate with "Molly Sanders" inscribed.]] / [[Molly opens the door]]
/ Molly: Roast Beef! Oh my gosh! I'm so glad that you're back!
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh why hello Molly / Roast Beef: Guess who stopped by the Duty Free and picked up... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302003 |
| Achewood - June 30, 2004 | [[Ray is yelling at Little Nephew, who is walking away from him in absurd Goth garb.]]
/ Ray: Listen here now, little mister! You ain't gettin' NO pizza so long as you walkin' around lookin' like Gay KISS! / Little Nephew: ... a homo says what three times, dear Uncle? / Ray: What? What? WHAT?
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302004 |
| Achewood - June 30, 2004 | [[Ray is yelling at Little Nephew, who is walking away from him in absurd Goth garb.]]
/ Ray: Listen here now, little mister! You ain't gettin' NO pizza so long as you walkin' around lookin' like Gay KISS! / Little Nephew: ... a homo says what three times, dear Uncle? / Ray: What? What? WHAT?
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302004 |
| Roast Beefs Father | [[In the past, a young Roast Beef and Ray look at a lingerie catalog]]
/ Roast Beef: Hee hee man oh unbelievable! This one comes in up to a D-cup. Man that is so big! / Ray: I've seen bigger! My cousin knew this girl in Canada who had J-cups!
/ Roast Beef: Oh my god unbelievable! / [[A series of loud... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302005 |
| Roast Beefs Father | [[In the past, a young Roast Beef and Ray look at a lingerie catalog]]
/ Roast Beef: Hee hee man oh unbelievable! This one comes in up to a D-cup. Man that is so big! / Ray: I've seen bigger! My cousin knew this girl in Canada who had J-cups!
/ Roast Beef: Oh my god unbelievable! / [[A series of loud... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302005 |
| Roast Beefs Father | [[In the past, a young Roast Beef and Ray look at a lingerie catalog]]
/ Roast Beef: Hee hee man oh unbelievable! This one comes in up to a D-cup. Man that is so big! / Ray: I've seen bigger! My cousin knew this girl in Canada who had J-cups!
/ Roast Beef: Oh my god unbelievable! / [[A series of loud... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302005 |
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